\ 


WOMANHOOD 

AND 

MARRIAGE 


BY 

BERNARR  MACFADDEN 

\\ 

AUTHOR   OF    "MACFADDEN'S   ENCYCLOPEDIA   OF   PHYSICAL   CUL- 
TURE,"     "MANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE,"     "VITALITY     SUPREME/' 

••MAKING  OLD  BODIES  YOUNG/'   "How  TO  DEVELOP  MUSCU- 
LAR POWER  AND  BEAUTY,"  AXD  OTHER  WORKS  ON  HEALTH 
AND  SEX 


NEW  YORK  CITY 

PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION 
119  WEST  FORTIETH  STREET 


COPYRIGHT  1918  BY 

PHYSICAL    CULTURE    PUBLISHING    COMPANY 
NEW  YORK  CITY 


TO  THE  MEMORY  OF  MY  MOTHER 
WHOSE        TENDER        AFFECTIONS 
WERE  ALLOWED  TO  GUIDE  ONLY 
MY  CHILDISH  FOOTSTEPS  AND 
WHO  PASSED   AWAY   PREMA- 
TURELY BY  AT  LEAST  FIFTY 
YEARS      IN      THE      DARK 
SHADOWS       OF      IGNOR- 
ANCE   AND    PRUDERY, 
THIS  BOOK  IS  REFER- 
ENT LY  DEDICATED. 


"O  woman,  great  is  thy  faith:  be  it  unto  ihee 
even  as  thou  wilt" 

Matt.  15:28. 

TO  THE  FUTURE  MOTHERS  OF  THE 
RACE 

TO  THOSE  WHO  ARE  STRUGGLING 
IN    THE    THROES    OF    PHYSICAL 
DARKNESS  AND  TO  THOSE  WHOSE 
FEET  ARE  FALTERING  ON  THE 
ABYSS    OF   PAIN,   SORROW,   DE- 
CREPITUDE,     THROUGH     MIS- 
TAKES   DUE    TO    INNOCENCE, 
(IGNORANCE),      THIS     BOOK, 
WITH  ITS  BRILLIANT  RAYS 
OF   LIGHT   ON   THE   PATH- 
WAY   OF    PHYSIOLOGICAL 
LIFE,    IS    ALSO    REFER- 
ENTLY  DEDICATED. 


PREFACE 

glory  of  woman  is  her  strength. 
Strength  means  beauty;  it  means  fitness  . 
for  motherhood. 

No  vital,  enduring  people  can  be  mothered  by 
weak  women. 

The  Nation  cries  out  for  vigorous  motherhood. 

The  voice  of  war  has  awakened  us. 

Every  atom  of  power  is  needed,  and  the 
strength  and  vitality  of  men  and  women  is  power 
beyond  computation. 

This  is  an  age  in  which  force  counts  as  never 
before,  and  a  weak  woman  is  in  the  way.  She  is 
human  wastage. 

The  author  of  this  course  believes  that  every 
woman  can  be  a  strong,  splendid  specimen  of  her 
kind.  That  the  frailty,  sickness  and  suffering  so 
long  associated  with  the  feminine  state  can  be 
avoided.  That  the  weak  can  be  made  strong. 
That  health  of  a  high  degree  awaits  very  woman 
who  is  willing  to  strive  for  this  glorious  reward. 

It  is  the  duty  of  every  woman  to  struggle  for 
life  in  its  truest  sense.  She  should  exult  in  the 
force  that  comes  with  a  splendid  physique. 

The  records  of  our  health  boards,  hospitals, 
sanitariums,  insane  asylums  reveal  facts  that  are 
appalling.  The  physicians  in  charge  of  these 
great  institutions  admit,  practically  with  one 


PREFACE 


voice,  that  all  the  soul-torturing  misery  endured 
by  the  inmates  might  have  been  avoided. 

This  course  has  been  prepared  to  point  the  way 
to  health  of  a  high  degree.  To  those  who  need 
the  information  contained  herein,  its  value  can- 
not be  estimated.  To  those  who  are  merely  cu- 
rious, it  is  worth  nothing.  Prudery  has  shrouded 
the  truths  of  sex  in  a  vulgar  mystery.  It  has 
even  made  a  jest  of  the  sacred  mysteries  of 
motherhood.  It  is  pruriency  of  this  sort  that 
this  book  attempts  to  eliminate. 

The  truth  is  mighty.  Armed  with  the  facts 
contained  within  these  pages,  a  woman  can  pro- 
tect herself  against  many  of  life's  greatest  dan- 
gers. Guiding  her  steps  by  the  light  of  knowl- 
edge she  can  avoid  the  evils  which  have  blasted 
the  lives  of  so  many  of  her  sisters. 

We  know  that  our  efforts  may  be  misunder- 
stood. The  truths  that  we  present  may  be  mis- 
construed. As  Senator  Chamberlain,  referring 
to  the  prudery  that  has  tainted  this  generation, 
says,  "it  is  practically  impossible  to  get  publicity 
for  the  truth,  because  of  the  squeamish  attitude 
of  the  people,  who  imagine  that  the  subject 
ought  to  be  ignored."  Though  the  Senator  re- 
ferred specifically  to  the  appalling  records  of 
venereal  disease  among  the  men  accepted  for 
the  Army,  his  statement  might  have  been  made 
with  equal  truth  of  every  phase  of  the  subject 
of  sex. 

We  fully  realize  the  condition.  We  know  that 
some  persons  can  even  distort  that  great  book, 


PREFACE 


the  Bible,  and  make  its  meaning  salacious  and 
erotic.  But  we  believe  there  are  enough  people 
who  desire  to  know  the  truth  about  sex  to  justify 
the  presentation  of  this  course.  Those  who  are 
looking  for  the  salacious  will  be  keenly  disap- 
pointed in  it. 

There  is  no  veneer  on  the  important  facts  pre- 
sented herein.  The  subject  demands  plain  talk. 
And  yet,  the  reader  wifl  find  the  work  so  care- 
fully written  that  it  will  give  no  cause  for  offense 
to  the  most  fastidious. 

In  the  preparation  of  this  course,  various  ex- 
perts, medical  and  other,  have  assisted.  To  those 
who  have  rendered  this  valuable  aid,  the  author 
desires  to  extend  his  sincere  thanks. 

May  the  thoughts  contained  herein  carry  a 
message  to  all  suffering  women.  May  they  guide 
the  footsteps  of  the  immature  into  the  fullness 
of  womanhood.  May  the  weak  find  in  these 
pages  the  knowledge  that  will  lead  them  to 
strength  and  health,  and  may  those  who  al- 
ready enjoy  superlative  vigor  find  information 
that  will  enable  them  to  retain  this  priceless  pos- 
session to  life's  last  days.  Such  is  the  hope  of 
the  author. 


xi 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  PAGE 

PREFACE ix 

I    IDEAL  WOMANHOOD 1 

II     THE  MEANING  OP  SEX 5 

VIII  THE  MENTAL  AND  SPIRITUAL   SIGNIFICATION 

OF  SEX 10 

IV    AM  I  A  COMPLETE  WOMAN? 15 

V    THE  OLD  MAID .19 

^VI    CHOOSING  A  HUSBAND 24 

VII    JUDGING  A  MAN'S  FITNESS 30 

VIII  MARRIAGE  AND  THE  DRINK  QUESTION    ...  39 

IX  PERSONAL  HABITS  IN  RELATION  TO  MARRIAGE  .  44 

X  WHY  THINK  ABOUT  MARRIAGE1?     ....  47 

XI  MARRIAGE  AND  ITS  ALTERNATIVES    ....  51 

^11    WHEN  TO  MARRY 57 

XIII  SHOULD  A   GIRL  MARRY   FROM  A   SENSE   OF 

DUTY? 64 

XIV  LOVE  MAKING  AND  ITS  DANGERS     ....    69 
XV     THE  GIRL  WHO  HAS  MADE  A  MISTAKE       .     .    74 

XVI  TRUE  LOVE  AND  ITS  EXPRESSION      ....    80 

*-XVII  DANCING  AND  DRESS 89 

\  XVIII  THE  ESSENTIALS  OF  A  HAPPY  MARRIAGE     .     .  101 

XIX  WEDDING  PREPARATIONS '  .  106 

XX  THE  PHYSICAL  RELATIONSHIP  OF  MARRIAGE  .  109 

XXI  THE  BASIS  OF  MARITAL  HAPPINESS       .     .     .  113 

XXII  REGULATING  THE  RELATION  OF  HUSBAND  AND 

WIFE 119 

XXIII  MAKING  LOVE  LIFELONG  . 129 

XXIV  MISTAKES  AND  EXCESSES  THAT  DESTROY  LOVE  134 
XXV  THE  CRIME  OF  ABORTION 138 

xiii 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTEB  PAGE 

XXVI  THE  PROS  AND  CONS  OP  BIBTH  CONTROL     .     .  146 

XXVII  HEREDITY  AND  PRENATAL  INFLUENCE     .     .     .  152 

XXVIII  THE  REQUIREMENTS  OF  PREGNANCY      .     .     .  160 

XXIX  WHY  CHILDREN  ARE  NECESSARY  TO  HAPPINESS  168 

XXX    THE  QUESTION  OF  MONEY 171 

XXXI  THE  SNARE  OF  THE  BOARDING  HOUSE     .     .     .  178 

XXXII    THE  QUESTION  OF  FRIENDS 181 

XXXIII     THE  IN-LAWS '.    .     .     .     .189 

XXXTV    QUARRELING  AND  MAKING  UP 193 

XXXV  JEALOUSY— THE    GREEN-EYED    GUARDIAN    OF 

HONOR        202 

XXXVI  WHEN  "THE  OTHER  WOMAN"  APPEARS    .     .  207 

XXXVII    THE  ERRING  HUSBAND 212 

XXXVIII    WHEN  LOVE  SEEMS  DEAD 219 

XXXIX    THE  DIVORCE  PROBLEM 223 

XL  THE  UNSATISFACTORY  HUSBAND     ....  230 

XLI    THE  FRIGID  WIFE 242 

XLII    MASTURBATION 246 

XLIII     STERILITY 266 

XLIV    MENSTRUAL  DISORDERS 273 

XLV    SPECIAL  DISEASES  OF  WOMEN 284 

XL VI  DISPLACEMENTS  AND  THEIR  CORRECTION   .     .  302 

XLVII    TUMORS 323 

XLVIII    WOMANLY  PERIODICITY 332 

XLIX     DETERMINING   SEX 348 

L  THE  MENOPAUSE,  OR  THE  CHANGE  OF  LIFE      .  354 

LI  How  TO  BUILD  VIGOROUS  WOMANHOOD     .     .  361 

LII  IMPROVING  AND  BEAUTIFYING  THE  BUST     .     .  370 

LIII  EXERCISE  FOR  WOMANLY  STRENGTH     .     .     .  381 


xiv 


Womanhood  and  Marriage 


T 


CHAPTER  I 

Ideal  Womanhood 

HE  perfect  woman  has  never  been  re- 
vealed. For  this  reason,  perfection  in 
womanhood  must  ever  remain  a  theme  of  absorb- 
ing interest. 

Perfection  does  not  necessarily  mean  complete- 
ness. With  the  continued  development  of  the 
human  spirit,  there  must  come  increasing  power 
to  perceive  beauties  of  mind  and  heart,  and  these 
will  be  expressed  through  a  body  of  greater 
beauty.  Perfection,  then,  should  be  looked  upon 
as  being  rather  a  matter  of  proportion.  The 
woman  who  is  well  developed  on  all  sides  of  her 
nature — physically,  mentally  and  spiritually— 
may  be  looked  upon  as  having  attained  to  a  de- 
gree of  perfection.  From  this  point  she  may  ad- 
vance to  greater  realization  of  that  ultimate 
beauty  which  all  women  were  intended  to  em- 
body. 

To  form  for  ourselves,  however,  an  idea  of 
womanhood  we  must  have  some  understanding 
of  the  place  which  woman  is  intended  to  fill  in 
the  universe.  The  meaning  of  womanhood,  the 
wonderful  capacities  that  lie  hidden  within  it, 
form  an  inspiring  subject  of  study  for  every 
woman,  young  or  old. 

i 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

Woman  holds  a  distinct  place  in  the  uni versa' 
life.    She  is  not  meant  to  be  merely  an  ^chb  of 
man.    She  is  meant  to  be  herself,  a  distinctive 
being,  with  her  own  place  to  fill  and  her  own 
work  to  accomplish.    Neither  is  she  ne<   warily 
what  man  has  pictured  her  as  being.   Mr1  ?  poets, 
painters,  sculptors,  novelists,  all  have  endeavored 
to  portray  the  ideal  woman  as  she  appired  to 
them,  or  as  it  seemed  to  them  she  should  be.  \ 
it  would  hardly  be  safe  for  her  to  model  h- 
upon  these  portrayals ;  she  must  discover  fc~ 
self  the  ideal  she  was  intended  to  realize. 

We  have  heard  many  discussions  in  the  p£. 
to  whether  woman  is  inferior  or  superiov 
Discussions  on  this  theme  are  futile.     ^bf-'!J 
can  never  be  compared,  because  they    re  . 
lutely  distinct.     The  only  question          hav 
right  to  ask  is  whether  the  destiny  of  ^ach 
been  successfully  fulfilled. 

The  study  of  self  is  indeed  a  fascinating  one. 
The  endeavor  to  discover  just  what  she  was  sent 
into  this  world  for,  what  are  the  characteristics 
that  belong  most  distinctively  to  her,  and  just 
what  attributes  she  is  best  fitted  to  express  in  the 
highest  degree,  must  be  of  interest  to  every 
thoughful  woman. 

When  we  look  about  us  for  the  form  of  self 
expression  which  belongs  distinctively  to  woma?i, 
we  find  that  it  is  motherhood  which  belongs  to 
her  alone.  She  is  the  mother  of  the  race,  and  in 
this  function  we  shall  find  embodied  her  supreme 
power. 

2 


IDEAL  WOMANHOOD 

*This  does  not  mean  that  every  woman  was 
necessarily  intended  to  be  a  physical  mother.  It 
does  mean,  however,  that  through  a  study  of 
mothr  hood  we  can  come  to  an  understanding  of 
womar?2  distinctive  capacities  and  powers. 

The  n -other  nourishes  the  life  of  her  offspring. 
Woman,  therefore,  is  the  nourisher  of  the  race. 
*™  *   moans  that  she  not  alone  provides  the  health 
^he  strength  of  those  dependent  upon  her  in 
.jsical  sense,  but  that  she  is  also  a  source  of 
ation  to  them  mentally.    She  gives  encour- 
*  lent   to    those    struggling  to    express    the 
that  are  born  within  them;  many  times 
^cr  presence  she  inspires  to  greater  mental 
,y.   The  great  personalities  of  the  past  have 
me  w^ess  to  the  inspiration  they  have  de- 

«  1  fr^m  the  women  with  whom  they  have 

.  d  i  * 

r>me  in  jontact. 

,U^is  not  only  her  own  children  whose  better 
\  .Dulses  are  nourished  by  the  sunshine  of  her 
smile ;  all  who  come  near  her  feel  the  heartening 
effect  of  her  personality,  and  are  better  because 
they  have  come  within  the  sphere  of  her  influ- 
ence. 

This  is  the  ideal  of  womanhood  which  springs 
from  a  study  of  her  individual  place  in  the  plan 

J  life.  But  fully  to  realize  this  wonderful  ideal, 
tne  woman  must  first  of  all  find  herself.  She 
must  take  time  to  think  about  herself  and  what 
s!ie  was  intended  to  be.  She  must  find  out  her 
shortcomings  and  set  herself  resolutely  to  work 
to  master  her  weaknesses.  She  cannot  afford  to 


2 — N.20 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

be  weak,  because  she  must  be  the  source  of 
strength  for  others. 

She  must  do  more,  however,  than  find  herself. 
She  must  learn  to  glory  in  her  womanly  nature, 
and  through  this  to  make  the  most  of  what  has 
lain  deeply  hidden  within  her.  It  is  only  by 
making  the  most  of  herself  that  she  can  give  the 
most  to  the  world,  and  this  must  ever  be  her  aim. 

In  these  times  of  deep  trouble  woman  is  being 
revealed  to  herself.  Now,  as  never  before,  the 
obligation  rests  upon  her  to  arouse  herself,  and 
in  the  full  consciousness  of  her  strength  and  of 
the  responsibilities  which  are  hers,  to  rise  to 
heights  of  world  service  such  as  she  has  never 
known  before. 


CHAPTER  II 
The  Meaning  of  Sex 

SEX  is  a  subject  women  have  been  very  reluc- 
tant to  discuss  or  even  to  read  about.  For 
generations  they  have  been  made  to  feel  that  sex 
was  something  of  which  they  should  know  noth- 
ing. While  they  were  forced  to  admit  that  their 
womanhood  was  an  expression  of  sex,  they  put 
it  out  of  their  thoughts  as  much  as  possible. 
They  seemed  to  prefer  to  think  of  themselves  as 
sexless  beings.  They  felt  apologetic  for  being 
women,  and  in  this  unnatural  attitude  of  sup- 
pression and  denial  of  their  sex,  they  lived  and 
died  without  ever  realizing  the  glorious  possi- 
bilities of  their  distinctive  natures. 

Sex  is  not  something  which  is  localized  in  the 
human  body,  pertaining  only  to  a  certain  set  of 
organs.  Sex  is  a  universal  principle  which  ex- 
presses itself  in  all  but  the  very  lowest  forms 
of  life.  It  permeates  every  atom  of  the  physical 
structure,  so  that  each  tiny  cell  expresses  either 
masculinity  or  femininity. 

It  is  as  though  Mother  Nature  had  divided  the 
living  material  in  the  universe  into  two  portions, 
and  bidden  one-half  to  specialize  in  certain  char- 
acteristics, the  other  half  to  specialize  in  other 
characteristics,  and  this  work  of  specialization 
has  gone  on  progressively  with  the  evolution  of 
high  forms  of  life  and  will  continue  to  do  so  as 
long  as  the  world  lasts. 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

It  is  to  this  division  of  the  life-force  into  two 
expressions  that  we  owe  the  greatest  blessings 
of  our  existence.  All  of  the  sweetest  and  most 
beautiful  relationships  of  life  spring  from  this 
division  of  the  human  race  into  halves,  which 
come  together  again  to  make  a  perfect  whole. 
The  relation  of  husband  and  wife,  parents  and 
children,  brothers  and  sisters  and  relatives  of 
all  degree,  of  friend  with  friend,  all  find  their 
root  in  this  universal  principle  of  sex.  Not  only 
beauty  of  soul,  but  much  of  the  beauty  of  the 
universe  springs  from  this  same  great  principle. 
The  blossoms  of  flower  and  shrub  and  tree  are 
the  expressions  of  sex  in  plant  life.  The  coloring 
of  the  wings  of  the  bird  and  the.  song  that  he 
sings  are  expressions  of  the  same  great  force. 
The  effort  of  the  lower  forms  of  life  to  provide 
nourishment  for  their  offspring  furnishes  us  with 
the  greater  part  of  our  food — our  grains,  tubers 
and  bulbs,  our  milk  and  eggs.  Sex,  we  must 
understand,  is  but  the  means  chosen  whereby 
life  may  be  continued  upon  the  earth.  Through 
the  mating  of  male  and  female  all  the  great  vari- 
eties of  life  have  been  made  possible. 

When  we  comprehend  the  universal  nature  of 
sex  and  the  immeasurable  blessings  which  it 
brings  us,  we  perceive  at  once  how  absurd  it  is 
that  any  one  should  be  reluctant  to  consider  so 
vital  a  subject.  Sex  in  itself  is  pure,  and  a  proper 
understanding  of  it  is  ennobling.  Those  who 
shrink  from  it  show  by  so  doing  that  they  have 
not  yet  gained  a  true  conception  of  the  nature 

6 


THE  MEANING  OF   SEX 

of  sex  and  its  place  in  life.  Without  doubt  the 
ignorance  which  has  been  fostered  by  this  dis- 
inclination to  discuss  the  subject  has  resulted  in 
more  human  suffering,  wrong-doing  and  tragedy 
than  could  ever  be  measured. 

Fortunately  for  us,  the  day  of  prudery  is 
passed.  There  are  not  many  today  who  feel  it 
necessary  to  make  known  their  disapproval  of 
anything  connected  with  sex,  still  less  to  parade 
their  ignorance,  in  order  to  prove  their  own  su- 
perior state  of  morals.  Today  we  dare  to  look 
the  facts  of  life  in  the  face  and  to  show  our  inter- 
est in  everything  that  pertains  to  the  human  race, 
realizing  that  knowledge  is  always  freedom  and 
power. 

The  sacredness  of  the  function  of  reproduction 
must  be  realized  by  all,  for  from  it  springs  human 
life.  Everything  connected  with  the  bestowal 
of  life  ought  to  be  pure  and  uplifting.  What- 
ever is  connected  with  the  subject  that  is  impure 
must  spring  from  the  misuse  or  misconception, 
of  the  divine  creative  powers  which  have  been 
bestowed  upon  us. 

The  instinct  to  see  one's  life  reproduced  in 
other  human  lives  must  always  be  in  its  essence 
ennobling.  This  instinct  to  continue  the  life  of 
the  race  runs  directly  contrary  to  the  instinct 
for  self-preservation.  The  bestowal  of  life  means 
giving  up  a  part  of  the  life  of  the  individual. 
It  is,  therefore,  essentially  an  expression  of  the 
desire  for  self-sacrifice  and  it  entails,  in  the  ma- 
jority of  instances,  a  continuance  in  the  giving 

7 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

of  self  through  the  greater  part  of  life. 

The  study  of  the  life-giving  function  of  the 
body,  therefore,  if  undertaken  with  the  desire  to 
learn  that  which  will  enable  one  to  render  greater 
service  to  the  world  than  would  otherwise  be 
possible,  must  always  be  an  uplifting  one.  That 
it  calls  for  the  contemplation  of  physical  details 
should  not  distress  us,  because  the  body  has  been 
truly  called  "the  Temple  of  God."  It  is  the  in- 
strument by  which  we,  as  spiritual  beings,  are 
able  to  express  ourselves  upon  this  physical 
plane.  To  be  truly  successful  in  our  lives  here, 
we  need  to  come  into  an  understanding  of  the 
laws  governing  this  body,  in  order  that  we  may 
make  it  our  efficient  instrument  of  expression. 

Every  part  of  the  body  is  pure  and  clean,  .and 
worthy  of  all  reverence.  That  we  have  not 
always  realized  this  has  been  due  in  large  part 
to  the  misuse  of  the  bodily  functions.  Indecency 
is  a  question  of  behavior,  and  does  not  pertain 
to  the  body  itself.  Impurity  belongs,  not  to  sex, 
but  to  the  mind  of  the  individual.  It  has  been 
well  said  that  "to  the  pure  all  things  are  pure.'* 
Even  in  contemplating  wrong-doing,  we  can 
realize  that  it  is  but  the  misuse  of  that  which  in 
its  normal  use  is  right  and  beautiful.  It  is  only 
of  the  abuse  of  a  function  of  which  anyone  need 
feel  ashamed. 

The  feeling  of  shame  once  so  commonly  asso- 
ciated with  the  subject  of  sex  has  been  due  almost 
entirely  to  ignorance.  With  no  understanding 
of  sex  in  the  normal,  and  seeing  only  the  terrible 


consequences  of  this  power  when  directed  solely 
to  selfish  gratification,  it  is  no  wonder  that  the 
average  individual  has  come  to  look  upon  the 
whole  subject  with  a  feeling  of  disgust.  It  is 
not  surprising  that  parents  have  been  horrified 
at  the  suggestion  that  they  should  talk  with  their 
children  upon  the  subject  of  sex,  because  to  them 
that  meant  discussing  certain  sins  of  the  human 
race  with  their  terrible  consequences.  The  dis- 
tinction between  the  use  and  misuse  of  these 
powers,  however,  is  now  so  clearly  understood 
that  today  it  is  possible  to  suggest  that  one  should 
study  the  subject  of  sex  without  immediately 
arousing  an  attitude  of  mental  resistance  and 
condemnation  upon  the  part  of  one's  hearers. 


CHAPTER  III 
Mental  and  Spiritual  Significance  of  Sex 

MEN  have  always  taken  pride  in  their  virile 
powers.  To  be  virile  means  to  be  strongly 
sexed,  and  that  does  not  mean  simply  to  have 
well-developed  sex  organs.  It  means  that  every 
particle  of  the  body  feels  strongly  the  impulse 
of  masculinity.  Women  should  learn  to  rejoice 
also  in  being  strongly  sexed,  which  means  that 
every  particle  of  their  bodies  feels  the  character- 
istic impulse  of  femininity. 

The  masculine  impulse  is  positive,  active,  de- 
structive. The  feminine  impulse  is  passive,  neg- 
ative and  constructive.  These  two,  therefore, 
supplement  each  other,  and  both  are  essential  to 
a  fully  developed,  well  balanced  racial  life.  Here 
is  found  the  strongest  possible  reason  for  joint 
responsibilities  between  man  and  woman  in  the 
government  of  a  community  or  a  nation.  Neither 
one  of  these  two  beings  can  fill  the  place  of  the 
other,  and  both  are  equally  essential  to  a  well- 
rounded,  perfectly  balanced  national  life. 

Thus  we  see  that  sex  holds  a  more  important 
place  in  life  than  has  been  imagined.  We  know 
today,  also,  that  the  sex  organs  fulfill  a  much 
more  important  function  in  the  life  of  the  indi- 
vidual than  has  hitherto  been  supposed.  Indi- 
cations of  the  importance  of  these  organs  have 
not  been  lacking.  Take,  for  instance,  the  fact 
that  if  the  sex  organs  of  animals  are  removed  at 

10 


SPIRITUAL  SIGNIFICANCE  OF  SEX 

an  early  age,  the  animal  will  not  develop  the 
qualities  which  belong  distinctively  to  its  sex. 
The  patient  horse  lacks  the  fire  and  energy  of 
the  proud  stallion.  The  plodding  ox  forms  a 
marked  contrast  to  the  fiery  bull.  Similar  exam- 
ples have  not  been  lacking  in  human  life,  for  in 
earlier  ages  boys  were  sometimes  deprived  of 
these  organs  and  grew  up  into  effeminate  crea- 
tures, lacking  all  manly  qualities,  both  physical 
and  mental.  Elsewhere  I  have  described  the 
condition  of  such  an  unfortunate  individual  in 
the  following  words:  "His  high-pitched,  chil- 
ish  voice,  undeveloped  body,  physical  weakness, 
lack  of  vital  resistance  and  short  life,  all  indi- 
cate clearly  the  importance  of  the  glands  of  which 
he  has  been  deprived.  The  beard  does  not  grow, 
as  in  the  case  of  the  virile  man.  The  voice  does 
not  change.  The  muscles  lack  tenacity  and  firm- 
ness and  the  nerves  are  weak — all  of  these  condi- 
tions indicating  a  lack  of  general  constitutional 
vigor  due  to  the  loss  of  the  internal  secretion, 
the  substance  normally  supplied  to  the  living 
fabric  by  the  testicles.  And  what  is  perhaps  of 
even  greater  importance,  the  effect  upon  the 
mind  is  just  as  serious  as  upon  the  body.  He 
lacks  courage,  he  lacks  ambition,  he  lacks  every 
mental  quality  that  distinguishes  men  of  great 
virility." 

Without  any  doubt,  the  removal  of  the  sex 
organs  in  early  youth  would  have  a  correspond- 
ing effect  upon  the  development  of  the  young 
girl.  She  would  lack  those  qualities  which  are 

11 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

essentially  womanly,  and  would  therefore  lose 
that  which  makes  her  of  greatest  value  to  the 
community. 

The  importance  of  the  sex  organs  in  the  de- 
velopment of  the  individual  has  been  scientific- 
ally explained  only  within  comparatively  recent 
times.  It  is  now  known  that  as  early  as  at  ten 
years  of  age,  these  organs  begin  to  secrete  a 
fluid  which  is  taken  up  by  the  blood  and  carried 
to  every  part  of  the  organism.  This  wonderful 
internal  secretion  then  begins  its  marvelous  work 
of  making  over  the  entire  body.  Every  bone, 
muscle,  nerve  and  organ  feels  the  effect  of  the 
magical  fluid,  and  it  is  not  long  before  we  see 
the  external  manifestation  of  what  has  been  go- 
ing on  within  the  organism.  It  is  this  internal 
secretion  which  causes  the  young  girl  to  lose  all 
her  angularities  and  to  take  on  the  soft  and  gra- 
cious curves  of  womanhood.  It  is  this  which  gives 
an  added  lustre  to  her  hair,  a  clearer  color  to  her 
cheek,  and  a  brighter  light  to  her  eye.  Thus  we 
see  that  the  beauty  which  forms  so  large  a  part 
of  woman's  charm  is  directly  due  to  the  activity 
of  these  creative  organs  in  their  process  of  de- 
velopment, and  we  begin  to  realize  that  woman, 
as  an  individual,  owes  a  debt  of  gratitude  to 
these  racial  powers. 

With  the  development  of  the  body  comes  also 
an  unfoldment  of  the  mind.  New  emotions  be- 
gin to  make  themselves  felt,  and  impulses  toward 
self-sacrifice  in  the  service  of  others  may  be  ob- 
served. All  these  are  expressions  of  sex.  The 

12 


SPIRITUAL  SIGNIFICANCE  OF  SEX 

beautiful  maternal  instinct  which  causes  women 
to  mother  all  with  whom  they  come  in  contact 
gains  an  added  impetus  at  this  time.  Think  what 
it  would  mean  to  the  girl  and  to  others  if  she 
were  to  be  deprived  in  any  way  of  this  life-giving 
impulse. 

It  is  not  alone  through  the  physical  operation 
which  has  been  suggested  that  such  a  catastro- 
phe may  come  about.  There  are  wrong  habits 
which  a  girl  may  acquire  through  ignorance 
,  which  may  bring  about  a  somewhat  similar  con- 
dition. Any  abuse  of  the  sex  organs  will  tend 
to  impair  their  power.  It  is  in  order  to  prevent 
such  catastrophes  that  instruction  in  these  mat- 
ters should  be  given  to  girls  and  young  women. 
This  subject  of  abuses  will  be  considered  more 
fully  later  on. 

By  teaching  our  girls  to  be  ashamed  of  their 
womanliness  and  to  suppress  their  higher  sex 
impulses,  we  may  be  crushing  out  the  most  ad- 
mirable qualities  which  have  been  bestowed  upon 
them.  Rather  should  we  teach  them  the  true 
meaning  of  the  racial  impulse,  that  they  may  be 
awakened  to  equip  themselves  to  be  true  moth- 
ers of  the  race,  spiritually  as  well  as  physically. 

In  order  to  develop  to  the  highest  degree  the 
physical  and  mental  powers  it  is  necessary  to  live 
a  normal  life,  and  that  includes  the  sex  life.  This 
is  especially  important  in  youth,  for  it  is  in  this 
early  period  of  life  that  we  are  laying  the  foun- 
dation, not  only  of  our  own  future  life,  but  of  the 
lives  of  those  who  shall  come  after  us.  The  de- 
is 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

velopment  of  the  highest  qualities  of  soul,  mind 
and  body  depends  in  very  large  degree  upon  the 
normal  unfoldment  of  the  sex  powers. 

It  is  especially  important  that  young  women 
should  cast  aside  the  reluctance  which  they  may 
have  felt  for  a  study  of  this  subject,  and  come 
into  a  full  comprehension  of  what  sex  normally 
means  in  human  life.  They  have  gone  so  far, 
many  of  them,  in  their  dislike  for  everything 
connected  with  sex,  that  they  have  even  suc- 
ceeded in  suppressing  many  of  the  natural  in- 
stincts and  impulses  of  their  own  hearts.  They 
have  for  this  reason  cut  themselves  off  from 
much  that  would  give  them  happiness  and  pleas- 
ure throughout  their  whole  lives,  and  would  en- 
able them  to  be  of  infinitely  greater  service  to  the 
community  in  which  they  live. 

Women  must  learn  to  rejoice  in  their  woman- 
hood and  to  make  the  most  of  it,  in  order  that 
they  may  make  their  especial  contribution  to  the 
life  of  the  world.  If  they  do  not  bring  to  the  com- 
munity that  which  belongs  distinctively  to  them 
as  woman,  it  will  suffer  for  lack  of  that  which 
no  one  else  can  give. 


14 


CHAPTER  IV 
Am  I  a  Complete  Woman? 

IT  is  well  for  every  young  woman  to  sit  down 
and  frankly  face  the  question,  "Am  I  a  com- 
plete woman?"  We  are  too  apt  to  take  ourselves 
for  granted.  We  are  not  quite  willing  to  admit 
the  unpleasant  truth  of  our  own  shortcomings. 
Yet  the  process  need  not  be  so  disagreeable  a 
one  as  we  may  at  first  imagine ;  for,  having  dis- 
covered wherein  we  are  lacking,  we  can,  if  we 
have  the  requisite  will  power,  set  ourselves  defi- 
nitely to  work  at  making  good  that  lack.  With 
determination  and  persistency,  we  can  overcome 
almost  any  defect.  And  as  we  observe  our  own 
growth  and  development,  we  will  enjoy  that  tri- 
umphant exhilaration  which  comes  from  getting 
the  mastery  over  an  obstacle. 

Suppose  you  take  a  quiet  hour  to  sit  down  and 
look  yourself  over  critically.  Take  a  piece  of 
paper,  if  you  feel  so  inclined,  and  make  two  col- 
umns, one  headed  STRONG  POINTS,  the  other 
one  WEAK  POINTS.  Do  not  be  afraid  to  write 
down  the  truth  as  you  see  it.  Put  aside  false 
modesty,  and  say  all  the  good  things  you  can 
about  yourself.  But,  on  the  other  hand,  be 
equally  frank  to  admit  your  faults. 

It  may  be  that  you  are  one  who  has  abounding 
physical  vitality  and  who  follows  her  natural 
bent  in  that  direction  to  the  detriment  of  her 

15 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

mental  development.  You  are  physically  active, 
perhaps,  but  mentally  lazy.  The  physical  activ- 
ity is  commendable,  but  you  must  see  to  it  that 
you  direct  more  of  the  force  gained  through 
physical  exercise  into  mental  channels,  until  you 
bring  up  that  part  of  your  nature  to  the  same 
degree  of  development  as  the  other. 

It  is  more  likely,  however,  that  exactly  the  re- 
verse is  the  case.  Although  the  day  of  anemic 
heroines  has  passed  and  our  young  girls  no  longer 
feel  it  necessary  to  eat  chalk  and  other  detri- 
mental substances  in  order  to  give  their  com- 
plexions an  interesting  degree  of  pallor,  never- 
theless too  many  of  the  young  girls  of  the  day 
are  following  their  ambitions  in  the  mental  realm 
to  the  detriment  of  their  physical  development. 
The  girl  who  stands  high  in  her  classes  is  praised 
by  her  teachers  and  her  parents,  and  feels  herself 
to  be  occupying  an  eminence  of  achievement. 
Too  often,  however,  she  has  gained  this  position 
by  the  sacrifice  of  her  physical  activity.  She  is 
alive,  but  she  does  not  possess  overflowing  vital- 
ity, a  superabundance  of  energy  which  bubbles 
over  in  good  spirits  and  bright  cheer  that  is  a 
source  of  inspiration  to  all  about  her.  Health 
and  strength  and  good  spirits  are  essential  to 
successful  living,  and  for  the  sake  of  her  future 
happiness,  every  girl  should  conserve  these  price- 
less possessions.  Moreover,  these  are  the  foun- 
dations of  beauty  and  charm.  They  are,  there- 
fore, essential  to  the  completeness  of  every 
woman. 

16 


AM    I    A    COMPLETE    WOMAN 

So,  if  you  have  a  bad  complexion,  or  pimples, 
round  shoulders  and  a  hollow  chest,  a  lackadaisi- 
cal manner,  or  an  ungraceful  gait,  write  them  all 
down  in  the  column  of  your  defects  and  then  set 
to  work  to  find  out  how  to  overcome  them.  It 
only  requires  a  little  persistency,  for  almost  every 
defect  which  you  may  discover  can  be  overcome 
by  proper  methods  of  living  and  the  right  kind 
of  breathing  and  exercise.  And  who  would  not 
devote  herself  to  such  simple  efforts  each,  day 
for  the  sake  of  becoming  a  complete  woman? 

There  are  other  points  to  be  considered,  how- 
ever, in  this  study  of  yourself.  The  young  woman 
who  feels  that  she  does  not  want  to  marry,  be- 
cause of  the  work  which  that  may  entail  and  the 
self-sacrifice  which  may  be  involved,  is  not  a 
complete  woman.  She  is  lacking  in  the  very 
essentials  of  womanliness.  Responsibilities  are 
a  joy  to  one  who  has  the  courage  to  meet  them, 
and  the  greatest  pleasure  in  the  world  comes 
through  sacrificing  oneself  for  those  whom  one 
loves. 

So  far  does  this  fear  of  an  undue  amount  of 
labor  affect  some  women,  that  they  are  willing 
to  forego  the  greatest  blessing  of  all,  mother- 
hood, in  order  to  escape  the  additional  burdens 
which  it  may  bring  to  them.  Can  such  claim  to 
be  complete  women  ?  They  do  not  know  the  joys 
of  which  they  are  depriving  themselves.  Neither 
do  they  realize  how  unnatural  is  their  state  of 
mind  and  heart.  There  are  no  exercises  of  the 
body  to  be  prescribed  for  those  who  have  reached 

17 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

this  supreme  state  of  selfishness.  They  may 
serve  as  a  warning,  however,  to  the  younger 
women  who  may  be  in  danger  of  placing  their 
own  personal  ease  above  the  normal  joys  of 
life.  If,  as  you  closely  scan  your  own  thoughts 
and  feelings,  you  find  deep  hidden  within  your- 
self an  impulse,  or  even  the  beginning  of  an 
impulse,  in  this  direction,  root  it  out  with  a  ruth- 
less hand,  knowing  that  that  way  lies  the  ultimate 
destruction  of  the  very  highest  and  best  of  your 
womanly  nature. 

The  normal  woman  is  not  afraid  of  responsi- 
bilities. Work  is  to  her  a  joy,  because  she  has 
the  strength  and  vigor  to  accomplish  with  ease 
whatever  lies  before  her.  Her  family  cares  have, 
from  the  beginning  of  time,  been  the  means  of 
woman's  unfoldment,  and  of  the  development 
of  the  human  race.  The  girl  who  finds  herself 
disinclined  to  fulfill  her  daily  duties  should  begin 
at  once  a  course  of  vigorous  exercise  to  build  up 
her  physical  health.  Once  she  has  overflowing 
vitality,  she  will  find  pleasure  in  everything  that 
she  has  to  do.  With  deep  breathing  and  outdoor 
exercising,  she  will  find  the  normal  instincts  of 
womanhood  return  to  her.  Life  with  its  mani- 
fold opportunities  will  beckon  to  her.  She  will 
follow  gladly,  rejoicing  in  the  knowledge  of  her 
own  completeness,  and  ready  for  the  duties  that 
may  come  to  her  through  the  fulfillment  of  her 
womanly  functions. 


18 


CHAPTER  V 
The  Old  Maid 

TD  ROBABLY  a  good  many  of  my  readers, 
when  the  above  heading  catches  their  eye, 
will  feel  inclined  to  say,  as  did  the  old  farmer 
looking  at  a  circus  poster  of  a  two-headed  calf, 
"There  ain't  no  such  critter."  True  it  is  that  to- 
day we  hear  almost  solely  about  single  women, 
and  even  the  term  "spinster"  carries  with  it  no 
such  suggestion  of  contempt  as  that  embodied  in 
the  two  words,  "old  maid." 

Some  few  years  ago  the  phrase,  "bachelor 
girl,"  was  a  popular  one,  and  we  still  have  her 
with  us,  though  the  name  is  less  used.  The  bache- 
lor girl  is  an  unmarried  woman,  of  almost  any 
age,  who  has  gone  out  into  the  world  of  business 
and  is  leading  her  own  independent,  and  gener- 
ally very  efficient,  life.  She  carries  with  her  no 
suggestion  of  failure.  No  one  could  ever  think 
of  her  as  a  remnant  on  life's  bargain  counter. 
She  has  remained  unmarried  because  no  man 
came  into  her  circle  of  friends  who  possessed 
enough  attractions  to  woo  her  from  a  life  of 
"single  blessedness."  It  would  sometimes  seem 
to  be  something  of  a  reflection  upon  the  men  of 
the  present  time,  when  one  looks  over  the  women 
who  would  have  made  such  splendid  mothers, 
but  who  have  persistently  remained  outside  of 
the  bonds  of  matrimony.  The  bachelor  girl  has 
managed  to  escape  the  narrow  life  and  weazened 

19 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

existence  of  the  traditional  old  maid ;  but  has  she 
after  all  nothing  to  regret? 

There  are  many  allurements  in  the  single  life. 
There  is,  for  example,  the  greater  freedom  which 
comes  to  one  who  has  no  one's  needs  or  desires  to 
consider  but  her  own.  She  can  live  her  own  life, 
which  is  what  so  many  of  us  clamor  for  in  the 
early  years  of  adolescence.  She  is  free  to  let  her 
ambitions  have  full  sway,  and  she  may,  there- 
fore, achieve  success — in  some  instances  a  note- 
worthy one.  Yet  we  may  ask  ourselves,  Is  she 
always  satisfied? 

While  she  is  young  and  everything  comes  her 
way,  she  is  too  busy  climbing  from  one  point  to 
the  next  on  life's  ladder  to  ask  herself  this  ques- 
tion. When  she  reaches  middle  life  and  finds 
that  she  has  achieved  all  that  she  dreamed  of, 
and  possible  more,  there  is  little  room  for  this 
question.  But  as  the  shadows  of  life  begin  to 
gather  around  her,  and  she  finds  herself  left  more 
and  more  alone  because  those  of  her  own  genera- 
tion are  silently  departing  to  other  shores,  more 
and  more  frequently  must  the  question  return  to 
her,  "Is  this  all?  Has  it  been  worth  while?" 

She  sees  no  young  lives  ready  to  take  up  her 
work  where  she  must  drop  it,  and  carry  it  on  to  a 
still  fuller  fruition.  She  discovers  that  she  grows 
old  faster  in  these  later  years  than  do  her  married 
friends,  because  their  life  is  renewed  in  their 
children.  They  live  in  a  constant  atmosphere  of 
healthful  good  spirits  and  activity,  which  keeps 
the  blood  circulating  faster,  and  continually  stim- 

20 


THE    OLD    MAID 


ulates  them  to  greater  physical  efforts,  which  re- 
sult in  stemming  the  rising  tide  of  old  age.  Life 
has  brought  to  the  bachelor  maid  many  compen- 
sations, but  it  has  not  brought  these  most  lasting 
ones.  While  she  felt,  in  her  earlier  years,  that 
she  was  more  fortunate  to  be  able  to  carry  out 
her  ambitions  than  those  whose  responsibilities 
interfered  with  them,  now  she  finds  that  she  has 
nothing  to  look  forward  to,  and  that  the  fulfill- 
ment of  her  early  ambitions  fails  to  satisfy  her. 
Her  life  will  end  when  she  dies.  There  is  no  one 
to  carry  it  on. 

The  single  life  is  freer,  it  may  be,  from  respon- 
sibilities, from  obligations,  from  burdens,  from 
the  need  for  self-sacrifice;  but  it  is  also  lacking 
in  the  richer  joys  which  come  through  the  service 
of  others  and  in  the  love  that  springs  from  the 
closest  human  relationships.  The  nature  of  the 
woman  is  not  developed  to  its  fullest  extent  if 
she  has  spent  her  lifetime  alone;  and  the  very 
burdens  which  seemed  to  her  to  weigh  down  her 
married  friends  prove  to  be  the  blessings  which 
brought  into  fullest  expression  the  rich  treasures 
that  lay  hidden  within  their  natures. 

There  are  many  young  women,  it  is  true,  who 
are  compelled  to  stay  outside  the  estate  of  matri- 
mony. There  will  be  many  more,  because  of  the 
hundreds  and  thousands  of  young  men  whose 
lives  have  been  consumed  by  war.  What  com- 
pensation is  there  for  them  ? 

Although  they  may  never  know  the  intimate 
joys  of  marriage,  there  is  no  reason  why  they 

21 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

should  be  deprived  of  the  deep  and  lasting  hap- 
piness of  motherhood.  Without  any  doubt,  the 
greatest,  the  most  lasting,  most  satisfying  happi- 
ness that  comes  to  woman,  comes  through  the 
gratification  of  her  maternal  instinct,  and  it  need 
not  necessarily  be  her  own  children  who  bring 
to  her  this  satisfaction.  There  are  today  thou- 
sands of  little  children  left  orphans  because  of 
war,  and  no  woman  need  ever  be  without  little 
children  in  her  home. 

Neither  should  she  be  afraid  to  face  the  possible 
consequences  of  an  heredity  with  which  she  is 
unfamiliar.  We  must  remember  that  through 
the  workings  of  this  law,  good  is  handed  on  just 
as  inevitably  as  is  the  bad,  and  in  a  much  greater 
degree.  The  abnormal  tends  always  to  its  own 
destruction.  It  is  only  the  normal  which  can  be 
handed  on  down  an  indefinite  line  of  generations. 

We  have  allowed  this  thought  of  heredity  to 
become  too  great  a  bugaboo,  and  too  often  have 
allowed  the  richest  blessing  to  slip  from  our 
grasp,  just  because  we  were  afraid  of  what  might 
develop  within  the  life.  Read  the  stories  of  those 
who  have  dared  to  adopt  unknown  little  ones  and 
see  what  wonderful  things  have  been  accom- 
plished by  them.  It  may  call  for  wisdom,  tact, 
patience,  unfailing  love,  to  overcome  the  nature 
that  is  born  a  little  twisted  in  one  way  or  another, 
but  it  is  those  very  things  which  develop  in  the 
mother  the  very  richest  part  of  her  own  nature. 
Adopt  a  child  while  it  is  still  an  infant  in  arms, 
and  in  six  weeks'  time  you  will  be  unaware  that 

22 


THE   OLD   MAID 


the  child  is  not  your  own,  and  will  probably  re- 
sent any  remark  which  brings  the  fact  to  your 
mind. 

There  can  be  no  narrowing  of  the  life  into  sel- 
fish channels  when  the  responsibility  for  another 
human  being  has  been  gladly  undertaken.  There 
will  be  no  drying  up  of  the  fountain  of  life  as 
the  years  go  by,  but  rather  will  it  grow  richer 
and  fuller  from  year  to  year.  Thus  may  the 
bachelor  girl  insure  herself  against  the  dreaded 
fate  of  ever  becoming  that  pitiful  creature,  the 
traditional  old  maid. 


23 


CHAPTER  VI 
Choosing  a  Husband 

A  HUSBAND  should  not  be  an  accidental 
•*••  acquisition ;  he  should  be  the  result  of  a  de- 
liberate choice. 

No  woman  buys  the  first  gown  she  sees  when 
she  steps  into  a  shop  to  escape  a  shower.  She 
first  makes  up  her  mind  that  she  wants  a  dress 
for  certain  uses.  She  decides  what  will  probably 
be  the  material,  and  has,  in  general,  a  pretty  good 
idea  of  what  will  be  in  accordance  with  her  tastes 
and  needs. 

Should  she  not  exercise  at  least  as  much  care 
in  making  the  choice  of  a  life  companion?  He 
will  be  a  much  more  important  factor  in  her  life's 
happiness  than  a  mere  bit  of  apparel,  and  he  can- 
not be  so  easily  discarded.  Upon  the  success  of 
her  choice  in  this  particular  will  depend,  very 
largely,  the  success  or  failure  of  her  life. 

That  the  young  woman  is  supposed  to  be 
chosen,  not  to  choose,  I  realize  very  well.  But 
anyone  who  is  acquainted  with  the  real  facts  in 
the  case  knows  that,  in  reality,  it  is  the  young 
woman  who  exercises  the  power  of  choice.  She 
it  is  who  attracts  and  draws  to  her  the  individual 
who  is  most  pleasing  to  her  tastes.  Her  methods 
are  not  apparent  to  the  superficial  observer.  She 
may  even  be  more  or  less  unconscious  of  them 

24 


CHOOSING    A   HUSBAND 

herself,  but  they  are  none  the  less  real  and  effec- 
tive. 

She  must  have,  therefore,  some  standard  of 
choice.  She  must  realize  what  it  is  she  is  selecting 
this  man  for. 

In  the  romantic  days  of  her  early  adolescence, 
she  thinks  only  of  that  which  may  contribute  to 
her  individual  pleasure.  The  man  who  is  hand- 
some to  look  upon  and  can  stir  in  her  a  thrill  of 
physical  admiration,  seems  to  her  the  most  de- 
sirable individual  in  the  world.  In  reality,  how- 
ever, she  is  not  considering  in  the  least  his  true 
place  in  her  life.  This  is  one  more  reason,  a 
most  important  one,  why  it  is  advisable  for 
young  girls  to  wait  a  little  before  making  a  defi- 
nite choice  of  a  husband.  They  should  wait  until 
their  own  real  purposes  and  ambitions  in  life 
have  more  fully  developed,  so  that  the  choice  can 
be  made  more  in  accord  with  what  will  be  their 
lifelong  desires. 

The  real  vital  function  of  the  man  of  her  choice 
is  to  be  the  father  of  her  children.  If  parents  were 
willing  and  able  to  answer  the  early  questions  of 
their  children  as  to  their  own  origin,  and  to  con- 
tinue talking  sensibly  and  seriously  with  them 
upon  the  subjects  related  thereto  whenever  their 
inquiries  indicated  a  desire  for  further  enlighten- 
ment, young  men  and  young  women  would  grow 
up  with  a  thorough  understanding  of  the  import* 
ance  of  the  parental  function.  It  sometimes  even 
shocks  a  young  girl  to  suggest  to  her  that  she 
should  consider  the  welfare  of  her  possible  chil- 

25 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

dren  when  she  is  thinking  of  accepting  some 
young  man's  proposal.  It  should  not  be  a  shock- 
ing suggestion  to  her,  however,  and  would  not, 
if  she  had  been  brought  up  to  think  rightly  upon 
this  vitally  important  subject. 

Let  her  choose,  then,  first  of  all  a  MAN  in 
every  sense  of  the  word.  Not  a  mere  appendage 
to  a  cigarette ;  not  a  lounge  lizard ;  not  a  peram- 
bulating stock- ticker ;  not  an  animated  booze  re- 
ceptacle; not  a  whited  sepulchre  of  disease  and 
corruption ;  but  a  man  who  is  physically  strong, 
mentally  alert,  morally  pure  and  clean  and  up- 
right. Without  these  essentials  of  physical 
health,  mental  capacity  and  moral  integrity^  a 
man  is  not  fitted  to  make  a  successful  husband 
and  father. 

If  a  young  woman  follows  her  own  intuitions 
and  cultivates  her  own  keen  critical  faculties,  she 
will  be  able  to  judge  pretty  well  for  herself  in 
all  of  these  matters.  She  can  tell  by  a  young 
man's  clear  eye,  upright  carriage  and  springy 
step  that  he  is  in  a  condition  of  abounding  health 
and  vitality. 

Bleared  eyes  tell  the  tale  of  alcoholic  intoxica- 
tion and  nicotine-yellowed  fingers  betray  the 
weak-willed,  self-indulgent,  inveterate  smoker. 

The  man  who  is  completely  absorbed  in  busi- 
ness generally  lacks  the  time  and  interest  to  pay 
any  continuous  attention  to  the  gentler  side  of 
life,  and  as  soon  as  the  first  flush  of  ardent  devo- 
tion has  passed  he  will,  in  all  probabilitv,  be  neg- 
lectful of  his  wife,  and  later  of  his  children. 

26 


CHOOSING  A   HUSBAND 

As  for  the  man  who  is  morally  corrupt,  a 
woman's  intuition  will  generally  warn  her,  if 
she  will  but  listen  and  follow  its  indications.  Un- 
fortunately, too  many  women  are  in  the  habit  of 
silencing  this  inward  monitor,  and  so  lessen  the 
protection  which  it  is  intended  to  afford  them. 
These  men  have  learned  through  their  association 
with  women  of  another  type  just  how  to  stir  the 
sex  nature  of  a  woman,  and  through  their  pow- 
ers of  fascination  they  stimulate  that  side  of  a 
woman's  nature  which  causes  her  to  refuse  to 
listen  to  hints  of  danger  and  insist  upon  follow- 
ing her  own  desires. 

It  is  in  some  such  way  as  this  that  many  a  good 
girl  is  lured  to  her  ruin.  She  has  not  learned  to 
distinguish  between  her  own  higher  and  lower 
desires,  and  so  she  does  not  recognize  that  it  is 
the  better  part  of  herself  which  utters  this  per- 
sistent and  disturbing  warning,  and  that  it  is  the 
lower  part  of  herself  which  endeavors  to  stifle 
all  restraining  suggestions.  The  girl  who  is  hon- 
est with  herself  will  be  able,  through  their  differ- 
ent effect  upon  her  own  emotions,  to  distinguish 
between  the  glance  of  frank  admiration  from  a 
pure-minded  man,  and  the  look  of  sensuous  en- 
joyment from  one  of  the  dangerous  type  referred 
to.  From  a  man's  conversation,  also,  much  may 
be  learned  of  his  thoughts.  If  these  appear  to 
be  running  always  in  the  direction  of  sensuous 
pleasure,  if  not  of  sensuality,  the  young  girl 
would  do  well  to  govern  her  actions  with  discre- 
tion, and  to  turn  resolutely  away  from  any  inti- 

27 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

macy  with  a  man  of  such  calibre.  Even  though 
he  should  eventually  marry  her,  she  will  prob- 
ably find  as  the  years  go  by  that  the  better  and 
more  enduring  part  of  her  nature  is  left  unsatis- 
fied, while  purely  physical  pleasures  have  not 
only  ceased  to  exert  their  former  sway  over  her, 
but  have  become  an  almost  unendurable  degrada- 
tion. 

Physical  vigor  is  apt  to  bring  with  it  abundant 
good  spirits  and  cheerful  optimism,  and  these  at- 
tributes are  most  essential  to  a  successful  mar- 
ried life.  The  man  or  woman  who  always  has  a 
grouch,  cannot  claim  to  add  very  much  to  the 
happiness  of  his  or  her  family.  Girls  would  do 
well  to  remember  this,  for,  unfortunately,  their 
pity  is  often  touched  by  a  young  man  who  always 
appears  to  be  having  a  hard  time. 

Pity  in  women  is  a  very  dangerous  feeling,  for 
many  of  them  mistake  it  for  the  more  vital  and 
lasting  emotion  of  love.  Pity  indicates  a  nega- 
tive attitude  of  mind,  and  is  generally  called 
forth  by  a  negative  mental  state  in  its  recipient. 
You  pity  the  man  who  is  down  and  out,  as  he 
sits  in  a  dejected  attitude  with  his  head  hanging 
low,  and  his  hands  dropping  limply  at  his  sides. 
You  say,  "Poor  fellow!"  and  shake  your  head, 
and  enter  into  a  corresponding  weak  and  flabby 
mental  attitude. 

If  you  had  true  sympathy  for  him  you'd  clap 
him  on  the  shoulder  and  say,  "Cheer  up,  old  fel- 
low. The  battle  is  not  lost  yet.  Get  up  and  go 
to  it." 

28 


CHOOSING   A   HUSBAND 

Of  course,  this  latter  attitude  does  not  allow 
of  so  much  sentimental  petting  as  the  former, 
and  so  does  not  often  lead  to  romantic  attach- 
ments ;  but  it  is  for  this  very  reason,  much  safer 
for  all  concerned.  Let  the  girl  who  is  tempted  to 
marry  a  man  because  she  "feels  so  sorry  for  him" 
remember  that  there  will  be  many  occasions  in 
her  life  when  she  will  need  a  strong  arm  to  learn 
upon,  and  a  courageous  spirit  to  uphold  her  in 
her  time  of  trial. 

There  can  be  no  question  but  that  love  is  the 
essential  foundation  of  all  true  marriage,  and  yet 
love,  as  that  word  is  commonly  used,  is  not 
enough. 

There  must  be  a  strong  physical  attraction  in 
order  that  there  may  be  a  harmonious  and  life- 
giving  physical  relationship. 

There  must  be  mental  companionship  in  order 
that,  as  the  years  go  by,  the  two  may  grow  more 
and  more  intimately  into  each  other's  lives. 

There  must  also  be  a  spiritual  union.  They 
must  have  common  aims,  ideals,  and  a  common 
attitude  toward  life  and  its  great  purposes.  It  is 
only  in  this  highest  realm  of  the  spiritual,  as  we 
call  it,  that  an  enduirng  union  can  exist,  and 
without  this,  the  coming  together  of  the  two  indi- 
viduals may  prove  to  be  only  temporary. 


29 


CHAPTER  VII 
Judging  a  Man's  Fitness 

THE  question  of  personal  purity  in  the  man 
whom  she  marries  is  of  supreme  import- 
ance, not  only  to  the  young  woman  herself 
but  even  more  to  her  possible  children.  If  in 
all  other  matters  a  man  has  proven  himself  thor- 
oughly desirable,  but  there  is  doubt  about  his 
habits  of  life  in  this  particular,  no  step  should 
be  taken  by  the  young  woman  until  she  is  assured 
he  is  wholly  acceptable  in  this  matter  also. 

From  the  standpoint  of  fairness,  it  would  seem 
that  a  woman  had  every  right  to  expect  the  same 
purity  of  life  in  the  man  whom  she  marries  that 
he  demands  of  her.  For  generations,  however, 
this  has  not  been  the  attitude  of  the  world.  Acts 
that  cast  her  into  the  outer  realm  of  social  degra- 
dation were  looked  upon  as  negligible  factors  in 
his  life. 

It  was  almost  universally  conceded  that  a 
young  man  must  sow  his  wild  oats,  and  no 
thought  was  given  to  the  girl  who  might  be 
ruined  because  of  his  habits  of  life,  nor  to  the 
harvest  of  wild  oats  which  might  result  from 
that  sowing.  Indeed,  the  majority  of  parents  ac- 
cepted the  saying  that  a  reformed  rake  made  the 
best  husband.  '  The  idea  was,  I  suppose,  that, 
having  had  his  fling,  he  was  now  ready  to  settle 
down  and  devote  himself  exclusively  to  one 

30 


JUDGING  A  MAN'S  FITNESS 

woman.  Through  his  multifarious  experiences 
with  many  women,  he  was  supposed  to  have  be- 
come a  past  master  in  the  art  of  charming  the 
feminine  heart,  and  so  the  woman  to  whom  he 
brought  his  final  and,  supposedly,  lasting  devo- 
tion, was  looked  upon  as  a  fortunate  creature. 

Today  we  are  not  able  to  take  this  point  of 
view.  The  knowledge  science  has  gained  of  the 
physical  consequences  which  come  as  a  result  of 
this  form  of  moral  transgression  has  made  us 
thoroughly  aware  that  the  woman  who  marries  a 
reformed  rake  is  running  a  terrible  risk. 

The  young  girl  of  yesterday  was  not  supposed 
to  know  anything  about  the  details  of  the  life  of 
a  man  during  his  years  of  freedom  from  restraint. 
She  could  not  be  expected,  therefore,  to  know 
anything  about  the  consequences  of  that  life.  In 
beautiful,  trustful  ignorance,  she  was  handed 
over  to  this  man,  who  had  sated  his  soul  with 
life's  excesses  and  now  turned  to  this  young, 
fresh,  beautiful  creature  as  the  one  who  could 
most  nearly  restore  to  him  the  joy  of  living 
which  he  had  deliberately  thrown  away. 

Upon  that  altar  were  sacrificed  her  youth  and 
beauty,  her  health  and  vigor.  It  was  not  uncom- 
mon to  see  the  young  bride  droop  and  wither 
and  quickly  become  a  faded  flower— sinking,  it 
may  be,  into  lifelong  invalidism.  The  mysterious 
dispensation  of  an  inscrutable  Providence !  The 
children  that  she  brought  into  the  world  were 
puny  little  creatures,  ailing  from  their  birth, 

lived  only  a  few  hours,  it  may  be,  or  were  still- 
si 


born.  She  knew  all  of  the  sorrows  of  motherhood 
and  none  of  its  joys,  and  throughout  her  life,  per- 
haps, remained  ignorant  of  the  real  source  of  her 
tragic  experience. 

We  know  today  that  the  sufferings  of  the  bride 
and  the  tragedy  of  her  children  were  not  the 
workings  of  an  inscrutable  Providence,  but  were 
the  direct,  unescapable  consequences  of  the  sow- 
ing of  wild  oats  which  had  taken  place  in  her  hus- 
band's youth.  We  can  no  longer  shut  our  eyes 
to  these  facts.  The  researches  of  science  have 
proven  them  to  us,  and  the.  experience  of  the  hu- 
man race  constantly  emphasizes  the  observations 
of  the  laboratory. 

It  is  for  this  reason  that  young  women  have  so 
vital  an  interest  in  the  habits  of  young  men. 

If  the  latter  have  a  right  to  demand  absolute 
chastity  of  life  and  purity  of  thought  in  the  bride 
whom  they  lead  to  the  altar,  so  has  she  an  equal 
right  to  demand  exactly  the  same  thing  from 
them.  She  must  demand  it,  not  only  for  her  own 
sake,  but  also  because  she  is  choosing  half  of  the 
inheritance  of  her  children.  She  dare  not  accept 
that  which  threatens  to  blight  these  helpless  little 
lives,  to  send  them  into  the  world  blinded,  it  may 
be,  idiotic,  epileptic,  or  burdened  with  other 
physical  handicaps  from  which  they  can  never 
hope  to  escape. 

The  subject  is  so  vital  that  every  girl  must 
have  the  courage  to  face  it  and  know  for  herself 
just  what  are  the  physical  consequences  of  this 
form  of  moral  transgression.  When  we  deal  in 

32 


JUDGING  A  MAN'S  FITNESS 

general  phrases,  it  is  always  possible  to  think  that 
we  are  exaggerating.  Therefore  it  is  necessary 
to  tell  the  young  girl  something  of  just  what 
these  diseases  are,  and  just  what  they  mean  to 
the  individual  who  becomes  infected  with  them. 

The  diseases  which  come  as  the  result  of  sexual 
immorality  are  called  the  venereal  diseases. 
They  are  three  in  number:  syphilis,  gonorrhea, 
and  chanchroid. 

The  last  named  is  a  local  infection,  the  least 
serious  and  the  least  frequent  of  the  three  com- 
mon venereal  diseases. 

The  other  diseases  are  two  of  the  most  serious 
from  which  the  human  race  suffers.  While  gon- 
orrhea was  at  one  time  considered  but  little  worse 
than  a  cold,  today  it  is  known  that  its  conse- 
quences are  of  so  lasting  a  nature  that  it  must  be 
looked  upon  as  of  equally  tragic  importance  with 
syphilis. 

Both  of  these  diseases  are  due  to  micro-organ- 
isms which,  once  established  in  the  blood,  are  al- 
most ineradicable.  Indeed,  until  the  last  few 
years,  syphilis  has  been  considered  absolutely  in- 
curable ;  and  while  today  scientists  claim  to  have 
discovered  a  remedy  which  will  eventually  bring 
about  a  cure,  gonorrhea  still  remains  a  baffling 
problem. 

If  the  transgressor  was  the  only  sufferer  from 
this  disease,  we  might  not  be  so  deeply  concerned. 
Too  often,  however,  it  is  the  innocent  wife  and 
helpless  children  who  must  carry  the  heaviest 
part  of  the  burden  of  retribution. 

33 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

Although  the  wife  is  most  frequently  the  suf- 
ferer from  the  husband's  diseased  condition,  it  is 
not  only  in  the  married  relation  that  this  infec- 
tion may  be  conveyed.  If  the  virulent  discharge 
can  find  any  least  break  in  the  skin  through  which 
the  micro-organisms  can  enter  the  system,  infec- 
tion takes  place. 

It  is  for  this  reason  that  the  disease  of  syphilis 
is  such  a  serious  menace  to  society.  The  mother, 
or  sister,  or  friend,  of  the  diseased  individual  may 
become  infected  through  using  the  same  drink- 
ing cup,  the  same  towel,  the  same  napkin,  or 
through  a  kiss. 

Whether  the  infection  is  innocently  received  or 
not,  the  course  of  the  disease  is  practically  the 
same.  From  two  to  eight  weeks  must  elapse  be- 
fore the  germs  make  enough  poison  to  cause  the 
first  sign  of  the  disease  to  appear.  At  that  time, 
a  small  red  spot  like  a  pimple  or  ulcer  may  be 
noticed.  This  is  hard  to  the  touch,  and  is  called 
a  chancre. 

This  is  the  best  time  for  treatment.  If  the  dis- 
ease is  taken  at  this  stage,  there  is  all  the  hope  in 
the  world  that  its  further  progress  may  be  com- 
pletely averted.  For  this  reason,  attention 
should  be  paid  at  once  to  any  small  sore,  hard  in 
character,  especially  if  it  appears  upon  the  sex 
organs. 

If  the  proper  treatment  is  not  given  at  this 
time,  the  poisonous  germs  develop  with  great 
rapidity,  and  starting  through  the  general  circu- 

34 


JUDGING  A  MAN'S  FITNESS 

lation,  grow  in  strength  and  number  from  day 
to  day. 

Within  from  six  weeks  to  three  months, 
enough  of  the  poison  will  be  developed  to  cause 
the  second  stage  of  the  disease.  This  second 
stage  may  make  itself  known  through  headaches, 
bone  pains,  fever  sores  in  the  mouth  and  throat, 
skin  rashes,  or  swelling  of  the  glands.  At  this 
time  treatment  is  imperative  and  must  be  fol- 
lowed persistently  and  unceasingly,  until  the  se- 
verest tests  prove  that  it  has  been  successful. 

If  the  second  stage  is  neglected,  or  the  treat- 
ment given  up  before  its  end  has  been  gained, 
then  inevitably  will  develop  the  third  stage.  This 
comes  very  slowly,  however,  sometimes  many 
years  after  the  patient  has  supposed  that  he  or 
she  was  completely  cured.  It  may  take  any- 
where from  one  to  twenty  years  for  this  third 
stage  to  make  its  presence  unmistakably  known. 
These  latest  consequences  are  naturally  the  most 
serious.  The  terrible  creeping  paralysis  known 
as  locomotor  ataxia,  general  paresis,  hardening 
of  the  arteries,  some  forms  of  insanity,  deformi- 
ties and  chronic  heart  disease  may  all  come  from 
this  cause. 

These  facts  should  be  known  by  every  woman. 
Before  marriage,  she  needs  this  knowledge  that 
she  may  understand  the  vital  importance  of  pro- 
tecting herself  from  marriage  with  a  man  suffer- 
ing from  this  disease.  After  marriage,  she  needs 
the  knowledge,  not  only  for  her  own  protection, 
but  also  in  order  to  insure  that  her  husband, 

85 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

should  he  become  infected,  will  take  the  neces- 
sary treatment  until  he  is  absolutely  cured.  The 
course  of  treatment  will  have  to  be  followed  for 
at  least  three  years. 

The  young  woman  needs  also  to  consider  what 
this  disease  means  to  her  children.  Eighty  per 
cent,  of  the  children  born  with  this  infection  die 
within  a  few  hours  after  birth,  and  for  this  death 
the  mother  has  cause  to  be  thankful.  Those  who 
survive  will  be  found  to  be  so  weakened,  either 
physically  or  mentally,  as  to  be  a  lifelong  bur- 
den to  themselves  and  to  those  about  them.  It  is 
not  necessary  to  go  into  the  horrible  details  of 
this  illness.  Suffice  it  to  say  that  epilepsy  is  one 
of  the  common  manifestations  of  this  inheri- 
tance, while  it  also  causes  a  predisposition  to 
tuberculosis  and  cancer. 

The  other  serious  venereal  disease,  gonorrhea, 
is,  from  some  points  of  view,  even  more  to  be 
dreaded  by  women  than  syphilis.  This  disease 
is  caused  by  micro-organisms  which  directly  at- 
tack the  generative  organs,  causing  an  inflama- 
tion  which  may  eventually  be  transmitted  to  the 
fallopian  tubes.  If  these  become  closed  through 
the  inflammation,  sterility  results,  and  this  is 
found  to  be  the  cause  of  more  than  fifty  per  cent, 
of  sterility  in  women. 

No  absolute  cure  for  gonorrhea,  when  once  it 
has  become  thoroughly  established  in  the  wo- 
man's system,  is  known.  It  is  important  there- 
fore, to  know  the  first  symptoms  of  this  infec- 
tion, as,  if  the  proper  treatment  is  given  at  the 

36 


JUDGING  A  MAN'S  FITNESS 

very  beginning  of  the  infection,  it  will  probably 
keep  the  disease  localized  and  prevent  damage  to 
other  organs. 

The  first  indications  of  gonorrhea  are  those  of 
an  ordinary  acute  local  infection  in  the  creative 
organs.  This  soon  makes  itself  evident  by  the 
appearances  of  a  thick  yellowish  discharge,  which 
is  highly  contagious  in  character.  It  takes  at 
least  four  weeks  to  effect  a  cure,  and  the  disease 
is  highly  communicable  at  all  stages.  Many  sur- 
gical operations  on  the  female  generative  organs, 
and  many  chronic  diseases  of  these  organs  and 
of  the  joints  and  bladder,  are  caused  by  this  in- 
fection. It  is  the  most  prevalent  of  all  diseases 
except  measles. 

Its  effect  upon  the  children  is  most  tragic. 
Eighty  per  cent  of  blindness  in  new-born  chil- 
dren is  directly  due  to  the  infection  received  from 
the  mother  at  the  time  of  birth.  It  is  assumed 
that  ten  per  cent,  of  all  the  blindnss  in  our  coun- 
try is  due  to  this  disease. 

The  young  woman  cannot  be  too  careful,  there- 
fore, to  choose  her  intimate  associates  from 
among  those  young  men  who,  she  has  reason 
to  believe,  are  chaste  in  act  and  pure  in  thought. 

When  the  time  comes  for  her  to  say  a  decisive, 
"Yes,"  she  should  call  upon  father  or  brother,  if 
she  is  so  fortunate  as  to  possess  these  masculine 
protectors,  to  learn  definitely  for  her  whether  or 
not  the  young  man  is  absolutely  free  from  all 
taint  of  communicable  disease.  If  she  has  no 
one  upon  whom  she  can  call  for  this  important  in- 

37 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

quiry,  she  should  not  hesitate  to  broach  the  sub- 
ject herself,  before  she  has  irrevocably  given  her 
word.  Any  honorable  young  man  will  be  only 
too  glad  to  assure  himself,  by  proper  physical 
examination,  that  he  will  be  in  no  least  way  en- 
dangering the  health  of  the  one  whom  he  loves 
by  entering  into  the  close  relationship  of  mar- 
riage with  her.  In  some  States  it  has  been  made 
a  legal  requirement  that,  before  a  license  is 
granted,  both  parties  must  establish,  under  oath, 
their  freedom  from  all  communicable  disease. 

If  upon  her  request  the  young  man  evinces  in- 
dignation and  refuses  to  submit  himself  to  such 
physical  test,  she  may  accept  his  attitude  as  con- 
vincing testimony  to  the  probabiltiy  of  his  being 
either  infected,  or  having  at  least,  run  the  risk  of 
infection.  Better  an  aching  heart  for  a  few 
months  at  this  time,  because  of  blighted  hopes, 
than  a  lifelong  period  of  regrets  for  her  own  lost 
health  and  the  sad  inheritance  of  her  children. 


38 


CHAPTER  VIII 
Marriage  and  the  Drink  Question 

THE  personal  habits  of  the  man  whom  she 
is  to  marry  are  a  matter  of  vital  import- 
ance to  every  young  woman.  Some 
people  think  it  an  evidence  of  unnecessary  med- 
dlesomeness on  the  part  of  the  girl  to  presume 
to  pass  judgment  upon  the  young  man's  use  of 
alcohol  or  tobacco.  If  it  was  only  her  own  per- 
sonal convenience  which  she  had  to  consider,  it 
might  be  looked  upon  as  an  act  of  gracious  self- 
abnegation  for  her  to  put  aside  any  personal 
prejudices  which  she  might  have  against  the 
man's  method  of  soothing  or  stimulating  his 
nerves.  It  is  not  a  matter  merely  of  personal 
preference,  however.  For  the  sake  of  her  pos- 
sible children  she  must  consider  this  question 
with  the  utmost  carefulness,  and  she  will  find, 
when  once  she  has  made  a  thorough  study  of  it, 
that  the  man's  welfare  is  equally  involved. 

The  question  of  the  use  of  alcohol  may  first 
come  to  her  as  a  personal  one.  When  she  begins 
going  out  into  society,  she  may  find  that,  upon 
occasion,  she  is  urged  to  take  a  social  glass  of 
wine;  and  the  fear  of  being  considered  a  crank 
or  a  kill-joy  may  overcome  her  own  scruples, 
largely  because  she  has  no  satisfactory  reason  to 
give  for  a  continued  refusal. 

The  reason  that  stimulants  are  so  popular  on 

39 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

social  occasions  furnishes  the  very  best  argument 
against  her  indulgence  in  them.  The  very  first 
effect  of  alcohol  upon  the  system  is  the  suppres- 
sion of  the  natural  inhibitions.  In  simple  phrase- 
ology, the  restraints  which  we  ordinarily  place 
upon  ourselves,  because  our  judgment  has  been 
trained  to  recognize  the  benefit  of  such  self-re- 
straint, disappear  as  a  result  of  the  clouding  of 
the  reasoning  faculties  and  the  paralyzing  of  the 
will,  which  is  the  primary  effect  of  alcohol. 
Young  men  who  are  out  for  what  they  term  a 
good  time  are  desirous  of  getting  the  young 
woman  to  partake  of  a  few  glasses  of  wine,  be- 
cause they  know  that  her  manners  will  become 
more  free  and  easy,  her  speech  less  discreet,  and 
she  will  be  more  ready  to  accept  suggestions 
which  her  own  sense  of  modesty  at  another  time 
would  cause  her  to  frown  upon. 

The  girl  does  not  know  that  her  moral  sense  is 
paralyzed.  She  is  only  aware  of  what  seems  to 
her  to  be  increased  brilliancy,  and  she  is  apt  to 
feel  that  she  is  shining  in  a  conversational  way, 
whereas  in  reality  she  may  be  making  a  silly  fool 
of  herself.  Being  thus  in  a  condition  where  she 
cannot  truly  distinguish  right  from  wrong,  she 
is  in  the  greatest  possible  danger  from  the  con- 
scienceless young  man,  who  will  take  advant- 
age of  her  irresponsible  condition  to  lead  her  into 
a  situation  from  which  she  will  find  it  almost  im- 
possible to  extricate  herself. 

Alcohol  is  looked  upon  by  many  as  a  sexual 
stimulant,  which  is  doubtless  another  reason  why 

40 


MARRIAGE  AND  DRINK  QUESTION 

it  is  used  so  universally  by  unscrupulous  men. 
They  figure  that,  if  they  can  arouse  the  sex  na- 
ture of  the  young  woman,  she  will  then  more 
readily  respond  to  their  immoral  advances ;  and, 
as  it  does  act  to  lessen  her  moral  sense  and  the 
restraint  which  .she  would  ordinarily  put  upon 
herself,  in  a  great  many  instances  it  accomplishes 
its  purpose. 

Alcohol  has,  of  course,  the  same  effect  upon  the 
young  man.  Its  continual  use  will  produce  a 
blunting  of  the  moral  sensibilities,  which  will 
make  it  impossible  for  him  properly  to  perceive 
moral  issues.  While  it  is  supposed  to  be  a  sex- 
ual stimulant,  in  the  long  run  it  becomes  de- 
structive of  reproductive  integrity.  Alcohol  ap- 
pears to  increase  the  sexual  appetite,  while  at  the 
same  time  diminishing  the  capacity  for  its  satis- 
faction. This  means,  of  course,  that  the  man  who 
is  in  the  habit  of  indulging  in  alcoholic  stimula- 
tion will  be  apt  to  come  under  the  sway  of  sexual 
desire  with  increasing  frequency,  so  that  his  wife 
is  very  apt  to  find  herself  meeting  a  constantly  in- 
creasing demand.  The  self-control  which  is  nec- 
essary to  a  well-regulated  marital  relation  will  be 
almost  entirely  lacking,  and  her  condition  of 
bodily  servitude,  as  we  might  call  it,  will  grow 
worse  instead  of  better  with  the  succeeding  years. 

In  this  connection,  also,  the  wife  owes  it  to  her 
possible  children  to  consider  what  their  heritage 
will  be,  if  they  are  conceived  while  the  father  is 
under  the  influence  of  alcohol. 

Says  the  eminent  Dr.  Willard  Parker:    "The 

41 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

hereditary  influence  of  alcohol  manifests  itself  in 
various  ways.  It  transmits  an  appetite  for  strong 
drink  to  children,  and  these  are  likely  to  have 
that  form  of  drunkenness  which  may  be  termed 
paroxysmal ;  that  is,  they  will  go  for  a  consider- 
able period  without  indulging,  placing  restraint 
upon  themselves,  but  at  last  all  the  barriers  of 
self-control  give  way,  they  yield  to  the  irresistible 
appetite,  and  then  their  indulgence  is  extreme. 
The  drunkard  by  inheritance  is  a  more  helpless 
slave  than  his  progenitor,  and  the  children  that 
he  begets  are  more  helpless  still,  unless  on  the 
mother's  side  there  is  engrafted  upon  them  un- 
tainted stock.  But  its  hereditary  influence  is  not 
confined  to  the  propagation  of  drunkards.  It 
produces  insanity,  idiocy,  epilepsy,  and  other  af- 
fections of  the  brain  and  nervous  system,  not 
only  in  the  transgressor  himself,  but  in  the  chil- 
dren, and  this  will  transmit  predisposition  to  any 
of  these  diseases." 

In  this  connection  we  must  also  consider  the 
question  of  the  advisability  of  the  nursing  mother 
using  some  alcoholic  drink  such  as  beer  or  wine, 
which  are  frequently  recommended  to  nursing 
mothers.  The  following  quotation  gives  a  very 
clear  picture  of  the  effect  of  such  a  procedure 
upon  the  child. 

"A  large  share  of  the  alcohol  finds  its  way 
out  of  the  system  into  the  milk,  and  in  this 
way  delicate  babies  are  kept  in  a  state  of 
semi-intoxication  from  birth  until  they  are 
weaned.  A  mother  finds  her  child  nervous  and 
fretful.  She  takes  a  glass  of  ale  an  hour  or  two 

42 


MARRIAGE  AND  DRINK  QUESTION 

before  nursing  the  infant,  and  is  pleased  to  find 
that  he  becomes  quiet.  She  little  dreams  that  his 
quietude  is  only  the  narcotism  of  alcoholic  poi- 
son ;  yet  such  is  the  truth.  Everyone  knows  that 
a  dose  of  castor  oil  given  to  a  nursing  mother 
will  affect  the  child  as  promptly  as  the  mother. 
The  same  is  true  of  alcohol ;  but  the  delicate  or- 
ganism of  the  infant  is  far  more  susceptible  to 
its  poisonous  influence  than  is  the  mother's  sys- 
tem. Beginning  life  under  such  a  regimen,  is  it 
any  wonder  that  so  large  a  number  of  young 
men,  and  young  women  also,  develop  into  drunk- 
ards ?  Such  a  result  is  only  the  fruit  of  the  seeds 
sown  in  earliest  infancy.  The  ancient  Romans 
were  so  well  aware  of  this  fact  that  the  use  of 
alcoholic  drinks  was  by  law  prohibited  to  a  Ro- 
man mother  while  an  infant  was  dependent  upon 
her  for  food." 


CHAPTER  IX 
Personal  Habits  in  Relation  to  Marriage 

WHILE  there  is  a  growing  willingness  in 
this  country  to  accept  the  conclusions 
of  science  to  the  harmfulness  of  alcoholic  stimu- 
lation, there  seems  to  be  growing  also  a  complete 
unwilingness  to  accept  the  same  judgment  in  re- 
gard to  th  euse  of  tobacco. 

It  is  not  strange  that,  with  woman's  increasing 
freedom,  there  should  come  a  greater  reluctance 
to  limit  her  actions  by  what  has  hitherto  been 
considered  "proper"  or  "improper"  for  her.  She 
feels  that  she  is  a  human  being  and,  if  it  is  right 
for  a  masculine  human  being  to  indulge  in  this 
habit,  it  is  equally  right  for  his  feminine  counter- 
part to  do  the  same.  In  this  position  she  is  funda- 
mentally correct.  If  it  were  right  for  man  to 
allow  himself  this  form  of  self-indulgence,  it 
would  be  equally  right  for  her. 

Viewed  from  the  standpoint  of  the  effect  of 
this  habit  upon  his  own  constitution  and  upon 
the  inheritance  of  his  children,  however,  it  is  not 
right  for  him.  Therefore,  it  cannot  be  consid- 
ered right  for  her.  Moreover,  she  is  responsible 
not  only  for  the  inheritance  of  her  children,  but 
for  the  conditions  under  which  they  pass  the  nine 
months  of  their  prenatal  life ;  also,  when  she  per- 
forms the  mother's  full  function,  she  is  respon- 
sible for  the  condition  of  the  food  received  by  the 

44 


PERSONAL  HABITS 


child  during  the  first  nine  months  of  its  separate 
existence.  Therefore,  as  her  responsibility  is 
greater,  so  is  her  duty  in  this  matter  greater. 

One  of  the  arguments  which  should  have  the 
greatest  weight  with  men  in  considering  this 
question  is  the  fact  that  tobacco-using  is  a  very 
common  cause  of  impotence.  The  effect  of  this 
poison  is  not  so  immediate  as  that  of  some  others, 
but,  in  the  long  run,  it  has  a  most  depressing 
effect  upon  the  procreative  function.  So  well  is 
this  understood  by  the  medical  profession  that  it 
is  used  definitely  for  the  purpose  of  allaying  the 
sexual  desire.  The  man  who  prizes  his  virility, 
therefore,  will  not  allow  himself  to  form  a  habit 
which  will  bring  to  his  system  the  inevitable  de- 
structive effect  of  this  alkaloid  poison. 

It  would  not  be  fair  for  us  to  consider  simply 
those  poisons  which  men  are  most  apt  to  take 
into  their  systems,  and  neglect  the  ones  which 
women  are  most  inclined  to  indulge  in. 

Tea  and  coffee  are  not  ordinarily  considered 
poisons,  yet  their  effect  is  unquestionably  poison- 
ous. It  is  only  recently  that  the  morbid  effects 
of  these  beverages  have  been  sufficiently  well 
studied  to  secure  the  recognition  of  the  fact  that 
they  produce  a  distinct  class  of  such  symptoms. 

Says  Dr.  B.  W.  Richardson:  "The  symptoms 
which  indicate  the  injurious  action  of  this  form 
of  drink  (tea)  are  sufficiently  characteristic. 
They  are  intensely  severe  headaches,  constipa- 
tion of  the  bowels  with  what  is  usually  consid- 
ered to  be  deficiency  of  bilious  secretion,  flatu- 

45 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

lency,  unsteadiness  and  feebleness  •  of  muscular 
power,  and  not  infrequently  a  lowness  of  spirit 
amounting  to  hypochondriacal  despondency.  In 
poverty-stricken  districts  amongst  the  women 
who  take  tea  at  every  meal,  this  extremely  ner- 
vous semi-hysterical  condition  from  the  action 
of  tea  is  universal.  The  flatulency  induced  by 
tea  taken  late  in  the  evening,  has  the  effect  of  in- 
terfering with  the  processes  of  sleep,  it  prevents 
or  disturbs  sleep  by  dreams  and  muscular  start- 
ings,  and  is  a  common  cause  of  that  peculiarly 
painful  symptom  known  as  nightmare.  Coffee, 
like  tea,  induces  dyspepsia,  and  perhaps  with 
even  more  activity  than  tea  it  keeps  the  brain 
awake  when  that  wearied  organ  ought,  accord- 
ing to  nature,  to  be  asleep." 

I  have  suggested  elsewhere  that  the  drinking 
of  tea  and  coffee  in  unlimited  quantities  on  the 
part  of  women  probably  has  a  great  deal  to  do 
with  the  prevalence  of  what  is  called  frigidity  in 
women,  due  to  the  health-destroying  effect  of 
theine  or  caffein,  either  of  which  must  Have  an 
effect  upon  the  reproductive  system,  as  have 
other  drugs. 

The  use  of  bromides  must  also  be  condemned. 
It  is  undisputed  that  they  are  sexually  depress- 
ing. They  paralyze  and  destroy  the  sex  function. 
The  safest  plan  is  not  only  to  avoid  the  more 
powerful  drugs  and  poisons,  but  to  steer  clear 
even  of  the  milder  stimulants  and  narcotics. 


46 


CHAPTER  X 
Why  Think  About  Marriage? 

A  DOLESCENCE  is  the  term  applied  to  that 
**•  period  of  life  which  extends  between  child- 
hood and  maturity.  It  might  very  well  be  called 
the  mating  period,  because  it  is  during  these 
years  that  the  interest  of  each  sex  in  the  other 
is  intensified,  and  they  are  drawn  together  until, 
in  the  majority  of  instances,  each  finds  his  or  her 
mate,  and  marriage  ensues.  Normally,  this  in- 
tensified interest  in  the  opposite  sex  should  not 
manifest  itself  to  any  degree  before  eighteen  or 
twenty  years  of  age.  But  so  unnatural  are  the 
conditions  under  which  the  majority  of  people 
are  living  at  the  present  time,  that  boys  and  girls 
in  their  early  teens  often  get  the  notion  that  they 
are  in  love  with  each  other. 

Without  doubt,  this  condition  of  affairs  has 
been  largely  brought  about  through  the  unwise 
suggestions  of  the  adults.  Even  in  childhood 
parents  will  suggest  that  the  little  boy  and  girl 

—perhaps  four  or  five  years  of  age — who  delight 
in  playing  together,  are  "lover"  and  "sweet- 
heart." And  so,  from  early  youth,  the  impres- 
sion is  made  upon  the  plastic  little  minds  that 
boys  and  girls  must  always  associate  upon  this 
basis  of  a  sentimental  relationship.  The  result 
is  most  unfortunate.  The  children  lose  the  bene- 

47 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

fit  of  a  healthful  comradeship  during  the  prac- 
tically sexless  years  of  childhood,  and  they  de- 
velop a  premature  sex  interest  in  each  other, 
which  may  have  very  serious  consequences.  If 
nothing  worse  happens,  the  boy  and  girl  at  four- 
teen or  fifteen  years  of  age  are  likely  to  think 
that  they  are  madly  in  love  with  each  other,  and 
so  we  have  these  startling  elopements  and  child 
marriages;  or,  if  the  course  of  love  fails  to  run 
smoothly,  the  tragedy  of  a  child  suicide  because 
of  unrequited  love ! 

There  is  no  doubt  that  the  greater  part  of  all 
this  unhappiness  could  be  avoided  if  adults  would 
cease  to  treat  love  and  marriage  as  a  subject  of 
jesting,  and  be  willing  to  speak  of  it  in  all  serious- 
ness whenever  the  children  indicate  a  desire  for 
information  upon  this  all-important  subject. 

The  little  children  take  it  for  granted  that  they 
are  to  reproduce  in  their  lives  the  lives  of  their 
parents.  The  little  girls  play  with  their  dolls 
and  talk  about  what  they  are  going  to  do  when 
they  have  children  of  their  own.  The  little  boys 
plan  also  for  the  future  and  talk  about  what  they 
are  going  to  do  for  their  little  boys.  The  way  is 
open,  in  the  very  earliest  years  of  life,  for  par- 
ents to  make  a  deep  impression  upon  the  minds 
of  their  little  ones  as  to  the  sacredness  of  mar- 
riag  and  the  responsibilities  which  it  entails.  Such 
instruction  given  in  the  early  years  would  safe- 
guard the  young  people  when  the  turbulent  pe- 
riod of  adolescence  has  been  reached. 

It  will  very  often  be  found  that  under  normal 

48 


WHY  THINK  ABOUT  MARRIAGE? 

conditions  the  girl  in  her  early  teens,  while  she 
perceives  the  question  of  marriage  arising  upon 
her  horizon,  will  nevertheless  feel  a  disinclina- 
tion for  the  marriage  state.  This  is  not  to  be 
wondered  at.  She  is  still  a  child,  with  the  child's 
love  of  freedom  from  responsibilities,  and  it  is 
just  as  well  to  encourage  in  her,  for  the  time 
being,  the  feeling  that  she  does  not  wish  to  assume 
any  added  burdens,  knowing  that  in  all  proba- 
bility this  attitude  of  mind  is  a  temporary  one, 
and  will  pass  away  with  the  passing  of  the  years. 

The  girl  at  sixteen  or  eighteen  years  of  age, 
however,  begins  to  come  more  definitely  under 
the  sway  of  romance.  She  dreams  of  a  possible 
lover,  but  her  mind  goes  no  further.  She  does 
not  care  as  yet  to  dwell  upon  the  possible  conse- 
quences of  his  actually  coming  into  her  life. 

The  girl  of  eighteen  or  twenty  should  normally 
be  ready  to  begin  to  think  seriously  and  definitely 
of  marriage,  with  all  that  it  may  mean.  Many 
girls,  however,  prefer  to  dwell  a  little  longer  in 
the  atmosphere  of  romance,  and  so  they  may  feel 
moved  to  ask  the  question,  "Why  think  about 
marriage?  Why  not  let  me  dream  a  little  longer? 
It  is  so  beautiful  here  in  the  land  of  romance,  and 
there  are  no  sharp  corners  or  ugly  details  to 
obtrude  themselves  upon  my  notice." 

Their  reluctance  to  leave  the  realm  of  the  ideal 
is  not  difficult  to  understand ;  they  are  incapable 
of  realizing  the  importance  of  having  a  clear 
vision  at  this  most  critical  period  of  their  life. 
But  their  eyes  must  be  freed  from  the  mists  of 

49 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

their  dreams  that  they  may  perceive  truly  what 
is  round  about  them. 

Many  a  young  girl,  still  living  in  the  land  of 
make-believe,  invests  some  young  man  whom 
she  meets  with  all  the  glamor  of  that  romantic 
realm,  and,  marrying  him  while  still  under  its 
spell,  awakens  finally  to  find  herself  in  the  grasp 
of  a  situation  from  which  she  cannot  escape  and 
which  promises  to  her  only  life-long  unhappiness 
and  possible  disaster.  What  would  she  not  give 
to  be  able  to  go  back  and,  with  clear  vision,  view 
the  question  of  marriage  in  its  true  light! 

Girls  must  be  willing  to  consider  thoughtfully 
the  subject  of  marriage  from  all  points  of  view, 
if  they  would  protect  themselves  from  lifelong 
regrets.  It  is  not  only  the  young  man  whom  they 
must  study  from  the  point  of  view  of  what  mar- 
riage really  means,  they  must  also  study  them- 
selves. What  will  marriage  mean  to  them?  What 
effect  will  it  have  upon  their  own  development? 
What  is  the  reason  for  marriage,  and  what  part 
does  it  play  in  human  life? 


50 


CHAPTER  XI 
Marriage  and  its  Alternatives 

WE  have  already  considered  the  meaning 
of  sex.  We  know  that  it  is  the  prin- 
ciple which  divides  humanity  into  two  halves  in 
order  that  each  may  specialize  along  a  certain 
line.  Marriage,  therefore,  is  the  means  whereby 
these  two  halves  are  conjoined  for  perfect  func- 
tioning. As  has  been  said,  sex  is  the  great  para- 
dox, for  it  divides  in  order  that  it  may  unite. 

One  great  purpose  of  this  union  is  the  continu- 
ance of  the  life  of  the  race  upon  the  earth.  There 
is  another  great  purpose,  however,  which  must 
not  be  overlooked,  and  that  is  the  true  complete- 
ness of  the  lives  of  the  two  individuals  concerned. 
It  is  from  both  of  these  points  of  view  that  we 
must  consider  marriage.  But  at  this  time  we 
will  confine  ourselves  to  the  consideration  of 
marriage  from  the  standpoint  of  the  contracting 
parties. 

One  of  the  greatest  needs  of  the  human  soul 
is  a  sympathetic  companionship.  The  human 
heart  longs  for  some  one  who  shall  truly  under- 
stand its  emotions  and  aspirations,  and  it  requires 
both  sympathetic  insight  and  intimate,  lifelong 
association  to  give  this  in  its  highest  degree. 

This  is  the  treasure  which  two  young  people 
set  out  to  find  when  they  enter  the  long  road  of 

5  51 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

matrimony,  and  it  is  well  worth  their  utmost  en- 
deavors. Moreover,  it  is  only  in  marriage  that 
human  beings  can  arrive  at  their  highest  develop- 
ment and  a  complete  unfoldment  of  their  powers. 
In  the  perfect  union  each  brings  to  the  other 
those  qualities  in  which  he  or  she  is  most  lacking, 
and,  bit  by  bit,  draws  out  from  the  other  the  best 
that  lies  hidden  within  him  or  her.  Many 
have  commented  upon  the  striking  resemblance 
that  has  often  developed  between  a  husband  and 
wife  who  have  spent  a  lifetime  in  close  associa- 
tion, ancf  this  assimilation  of  opposite  character- 
istics must  necessarily  mean  a  more  rounded  de- 
velopment of  the  individual.  The  bearing  of 
common  burdens,  the  surmounting  of  the  same 
obstacles,  the  working  toward  the  same  aims,  if 
made  in  the  same  spirit,  must  contribute  to  their 
united  development. 

Marriage  is  not  a  pastime.  It  is  a  great  under- 
taking, and  calls  for  the  exercise  of  the  highest 
qualities  the  individual  possesses  to  bring  it  to 
a  successful  completion.  For  this  reason,  it  is 
well  to  think  of  marriage  long  years  before  en- 
tering the  state,  in  order  that  one  may  prepare 
oneself  in  every  possible  way  for  success  in 
the  great  adventure.  The  young  woman  who 
studies  the  married  life  of  her  friends  and  ac- 
quaintances, in  an  effort  to  discover  what  makes 
each  a  success  or  failure,  will  be  in  the  way  to 
learn  many  valuable  lessons.  Even  though  she 
may  never  marry,  whatever  she  gains  that  would 
help  make  a  possible  marriage  more  successful, 

52 


ALTERNATIVES     OF    MARRIAGE 

will  also  contribute  to  the  rounding  out  of  her 
character. 

It  is  well  also  for  a  young  woman  to  bear  in 
mind  the  thought  of  the  possibility  of  marriage 
when  choosing  her  friends.  She  may  at  first  be 
inclined  to  think  that  it  doesn't  really  matter 
what  sort  of  young  men  she  goes  out  with  in 
search  of  a  good  time;  but  when  she  once  real- 
izes that  from  among  the  young  men  whom  she 
meets  every  day  will  come,  in  all^probability, 
the  one  whom  she  will  choose  to  marry,  she  can 
no  longer  look  upon  this  matter  of  friends  as  a 
negligible  factor  in  her  future  happiness.  If  she 
is  wise,  she  will  limit  her  circle  of  intimate  friends 
to  those  whom  she  feels  are  fit  to  make  good 
husbands  and  fathers. 

It  is  because  they  are  vitally  interested  in  the 
young  men  of  today  as  their  possible  husbands, 
and  the  fathers  of  their  children,  that  the  young 
women  of  today  have  so  deep  a  concern  in  mas- 
culine habits  and  ways  of  living.  Whatever  mili- 
tates against  the  physical,  mental  and  moral  in- 
tegrity of  the  young  manhood  of  the  nation 
should  receive  the  outspoken  condemnation  of 
the  young  womanhood  of  our  land.  It  is  in  the 
mating  period  that  the  young  men  are  most  easily 
influenced  by  those  whose  approval  they  are  so 
eager  to  win. 

The  girl  who  has  not  thought  seriously  on  the 
subject  of  marriage  for  herself  may  make  the 
foolish  mistake  of  allowing  her  time  and  atten- 
tion to  be  monopolized  by  some  young  man 

53 


WOMANHOOD  AND  MARRIAGE 

whom  she  would  never  think  of  marrying,  but 
who  is  able  to  give  her  "a  good  time."  She  does 
not  stop  to  realize  that  she  is  limiting  her  own 
powers  of  choice  by  thus  allowing  all  other  young 
men  to  be  kept  away ;  and  not  until  she  has  passed 
the  years  of  her  greatest  attractiveness,  it  may  be, 
does  she  wake  up  to  the  fact  that  her  best  oppor- 
tunity for  a  successful  marriage  has  passed. 

There  are  several  important  questions  to  be 
considered  in  connection  with  marriage.  The 
first  of  these  is  the  economic  question.  The  young 
man  who  is  physically  ready  to  marry,  has  not, 
in  the  majority  of  instances,  reached  that  point 
in  his  business  career  where  he  can  command  the 
income  which  the  young  woman's  father  has 
reached  at  the  end  of  his  years  of  struggle.  The 
girl  is  in  danger  of  thinking  that  she  should  start 
her  married  life  at  the  point  to  which  her  parents 
have  attained,  and  so  she  may  feel  it  necessary 
either  to  refuse  the  young  man  whom  she  really 
loves,  because  he  isn't  making  enough  money, 
or  else  to  urge  an  indefinite  postponement. 
These  are  both  serious  mistakes  for  her  to  make. 
She  may  flatter  herself  that  her  action  is  simply 
the  expression  of  a  commendable  prudence,  but 
closer  analysis  of  her  own  heart  will  show  her 
that  the  real  reason  is  cowardice  on  her  part. 
She  is  afraid  to  face  the  hard  realities  of  life,  as 
her  mother  probably  faced  them  before  her.  She 
wants  to  live  a  cushioned  existence.  She  is  not 
brave  enough  to  get  out  into  the  daily  struggle 
and  do  her  share  of  the  work  of  the  world.  In 

54 


ALTERNATIVES     OF    MARRIAGE 

modern  phraseology,  she  is  a  slacker,  and  as  such 
she  should  be  heartily  ashamed  of  herself.  What 
are  youth  and  health  for,  if  not  to  glory  in  the 
surmounting  of  obstacles?  The  harder  the  con- 
flict, the  greater  the  joy  of  victory.  She  will 
be  unworthy  of  the  army  of  women  who  have 
gone  before  her,  and  from  whose  primitive  ef- 
forts have  sprung  the  civilization  of  today,  if 
she  shirks  her  part  in  the  great  undertakings  of 
life. 

This  is  a  question  that  is  certain  to  come  very 
closely  home  to  the  girls  of  our  land  when  they 
realize  the  necessity  for  strong  enduring  bodies. 
For  years  following  the  world's  war  thousands 
of  young  men  will  be  in  a  more  or  less  crippled 
condition,  physically  or  economically.  Their  gen- 
eral health  will  be  good,  their  stamina  will  have 
been  strengthened  through  the  stress  and  strain 
of  war,  and  their  characters  purified  in  the  fur- 
nace of  the  great  conflict,  but  they  will  be  handi- 
capped in  the  struggle  for  daily  existence  either 
by  some  actual  disability,  or  because  they  have 
been  expending  their  young  energies  on  other 
struggles  than  that  of  "making  good"  in  the  busi- 
ness world.  The  crippled  may  feel  that,  being 
only  wrecks  of  humanity,  as  they  might  put  it, 
no  girl  would  consider  a  life  with  them  accept- 
able. This  will  be  the  opportunity  for  our  Amer- 
ican girls  to  show  the  stuff  of  which  they  are 
made.  It  will  be  their  privilege  to  help  carry  the 
burden  of  family  support,  and,  as  they  feel  their 
powers  develop  under  the  strain,  they  will  know 

55 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

the  joy  that  comes  from  exerting  oneself  to 
the  uttermost.  It  is  only  the  brave  who  deserve 
lifelong  happiness,  and  our  men  who  will  have 
suffered  so  much  must  not  be  counted  out%of  the 
running. 

Occasionally,  however,  young  women  have  to 
meet  another  type  of  man.  This  is  the  man  who 
urges  a  girl  to  enter  into  all  the  intimacies  of  the 
marriage  relation  with  him,  while  at  the  same 
time  he  excuses  himself  from  assuming  its  legal 
obligations.  In  this  instance,  it  is  the  man  who 
is  the  coward,  and  a  coward  of  the  most  despica- 
ble sort.  He  is  deliberately  planning  to  throw 
all  of  the  burdens  of  this  relationship  upon  the 
woman.  He  says  he  is  not  financially  able  to 
support  a  wife  and  possible  children.  What,  then, 
does  he  ask  of  her?  To  support  herself  while 
giving  him  her  love  and  companionship,  and, 
should  a  child  come  into  the  world  as  the  result 
of  their  union,  she  is  the  one  who  cannot  escape 
from  that  responsibility,  while  he  will  slink  away 
to  some  safe  spot  where  he  can  continue  to  make 
life  comfortable  for  himself!  The  pity  is  that 
women  are  ever  so  blinded  by  their  love  and  de- 
sire for  self-sacrifice  that  they  will  allow  them- 
selves to  be  thus  defrauded  of  the  care  and  pro- 
tection which  are  their  due.  If  they  saw  the  man 
in  his  true  light  of  unmitigated  selfishness,  they 
could  only  despise  him;  but,  being  blinded  by 
their  own  idealism,  they  may  allow  themselves 
to  be  led  into  this  unfair  relationship. 

56 


CHAPTER  XII 
When  to  Marry 

EARLY  marriages  are  generally  considered 
very   advantageous    for   the   young   man. 

It  might  be  well  for  us  to  consider 
whether  the  same  holds  true  as  regards  the  young 
woman. 

When  the  young  man  of  twenty-one  is  urged 
to  marry  and  settle  down,  it  is  incumbent  upon 
us  to  realize  that  in  all  probability  his  wife  will 
be  somewhere  in  the  neighborhood  of  eighteen 
years  of  age.  She  may  be  even  younger  than 
that.  Many  a  girl  of  sixteen  feels  that  the  young 
man  of  twenty-one  has  inspired  in  her  such  a 
love  that  she  cannot  live  without  him,  and  she 
may,  therefore,  seriously  consider  marriage  at 
this  early  age. 

Marriage  before  eighteen  years  of  age  in 
women  of  today  is  considered  premature,  and 
premature  marriages  are  not  advantageous, 
either  for  the  individual  or  for  the  race. 

It  must  never  be  lost  sight  of  that  this  question 
is  one  to  be  considered  from  the  standpoint  of 
possible  children.  This  is  one  of  the  most  vital 
considerations,  and  it  is  a  wonderful  resolvent 
of  perplexities ;  questions  which  might  otherwise 
remain  obscure  become  as  clear  as  day  when 
viewed  in  the  light  of  the  welfare  of  future  gen- 
erations. 

57 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

It  can  readily  be  understood  that  at  sixteen 
years  of  age  the  individual  is  not  mature  enough 
to  give  the  best  possible  endowment  to  the  chil- 
dren, physically,  mentally,  or  morally.  More- 
over, the  organism  is  not  developed  enough  to 
resist  well  the  strain  made  upon  the  system  by 
maternity.  Therefore,  as  a  rule,  those  who  marry 
so  early  in  life  are  liable  to  age  correspondingly 
early.  In  races  where  child-marriages  are  the 
rule,  women  of  thirty-six  are  grandmothers  and 
are  already  bent  and  withered — hence  the  lack 
of  vitality  which  is  found  in  such  races  as  the 
Hindoos  and  other  Asiatic  peoples. 

It  is  clear  that  maturity  in  the  individual  is  de- 
sirable before  the  burdens  of  parenthood  are  as- 
sumed. When  the  individual  may  be  considered 
fully  mature  becomes,  therefore,  an  important 
question. 

A  girl  is  considered  by  many  to  be  mature 
enough  for  the  responsibilities  of  married  life 
at  eighteen  years  of  age.  Others  again  assert 
that  this  desirable  condition  is  not  reached  until 
twenty  or  twenty-two  years  of  age.  There  prob- 
ably is  a  good  deal  of  variation  in  individuals,  and 
the  girl,  therefore,  must  decide  very  largely  for 
herself. 

It  is  not  only  a  question  of  physical  maturity. 
The  temperament  of  the  individual  must  be  taken 
into  account.  If  the  girl  of  eighteen  seems  but 
little  more  than  a  child  in  feeling,  given  up  to 
the  pastimes  of  that  period  of  life,  and  with  very 
little  thought  for  the  serious  side  of  mature  ex- 

58 


WHEN  TO  MARRY 


istence,  the  probability  is  she  will  be  happier  to 
postpone  her  marriage  for  a  few  years  longer. 
One's  sympathy  goes  out  to  those  girl-wives, 
forced  to  give  up  the  pleasures  of  girlhood  which 
attract  them  so  strongly  for  the  cares  and  self- 
sacrifice  entailed  by  motherhood.  They  regret 
the  pleasures  they  are  obliged  to  forego,  and 
hence  fail  to  find  the  joys  which  are  normally 
found  in  motherhood.  If  they  could  have  had 
their  freedom  a  little  longer,  until  their  natural 
taste  for  parties  and  dances  and  more  or  less 
frivolous  entertainment  was  satisfied,  they  would 
then  have  thrown  themselves  with  a  natural  zest 
into  the  life  of  a  wife  and  mother,  and  found 
therein  an  even  greater  satisfaction. 

For  the  majority  of  girls,  therefore,  I  would 
say  that  even  eighteen  years  of  age  is  a  little  early 
to  enter  matrimony.  If,  however,  at  that  time 
of  her  life,  a  girl  finds  her  thoughts  and  feelings 
all  turning  in  the  direction  of  the  care  of  her 
home,  and  devotion  to  a  husband  and  children, 
she  need  no  longer  hesitate  to  take  the  important 
step.  Without  doubt  she  is  ready  and  will  find 
her  greatest  satisfaction  in  that  life. 

Girls  who  have  been  out  in  the  business  world 
from  fourteen  years  of  age,  moreover,  will  prob- 
ably look  upon  the  care  of  a  home  and  children 
as  a  relief  from  the  monotonous  drudgery  of  their 
previous  existence,  and  for  them  marriage  may 
be  the  best  thing  possible. 

As  things  are  today,  however,  a  great  many 
girls  are  still  attending  school  at  eighteen  or  even 

59 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

twenty  years  of  age,  and  feel  that  they  have  not 
yet  completed  the  work  of  building  up  and  de- 
veloping their  own  individualities.  They  feel,  it 
may  be,  that  they  will  have  more  to  offer  hus- 
band and  children  if  they  are  allowed  time  to 
develop  themselves  more  fully,  and  in  this  they 
are  doubtless  correct. 

The  woman  who  marries  at,  say  twenty-two 
or  twenty-three  years  of  age,  can  more  under- 
standingly  enter  into  her  husband's  life  and  make 
of  herself  a  truer,  more  sympathetic  comrade 
than  if  she  is  an  undeveloped  girl,  with  no  under- 
standing of  life's  responsibilities.  Then,  too,  she 
has  had  a  little  time  in  which  to  long  for  a  home 
and  children,  and  she  will  in  all  probability,  more 
fully  appreciate  them  when  they  are  vouchsafed 
to  her.  She  will  also  have  the  judgment  requisite 
for  the  proper  care  of  herself  and  of  those  de- 
pendent upon  her,  and  the  self-control  neces- 
sary to  enable  her  to  make  her  home  a  success, 
and  her  children  properly  obedient. 

It  is  not  wise,  however,  for  a  girl  to  postpone 
marriage  too  long  merely  because  of  possible 
sacrifices  which  it  may  entail.  She  is  no  true 
woman  if  she  does  not  find  her  joy  in  going  with- 
out some  personal  gratification  for  the  happiness 
of  those  whom  she  loves,  and  she  will  lose  some 
of  the  sweetest  experiences  of  life  if  she  deter- 
mines selfishly  to  wait  until  her  husband  can  sur- 
round her  with  all  the  ease  and  luxury  which  her 
pleasure-loving  soul  may  demand. 

There  are  many  advantages  in  marrying  fairly 

60 


WHEN  TO  MARRY 


early  in  life.  The  superabundant  vitality  of 
youth  enables  one  to  meet  the  hard  knocks  of 
fate  with  a  laugh,  and  to  get  pleasure  of  some 
sort  out  of  the  most  tragic  situation.  Where  two 
can  laugh  together  they  can  defy  the  most  stren- 
uous circumstances. 

Young  parents  get  more  pleasure  from  laugh- 
ing and  playing  with  their  children,  and,  as  these 
fresh  young  lives  spring  up  around  them,  the 
parents  find  that  they  have  attained  to  eternal 
youth.  As  a  family,  they  work  and  play  an3 
laugh  and  love  together,  and  by  the  time  the 
parents  have  reached  middle  age,  the  children  are 
ready  to  assume  all  of  the  burdens.  Having 
played  through  their  childhood  and  youth  to- 
gether, parents  and  children  now  enjoy  the  com- 
radeship of  maturity,  and  thus  through  a  long 
period  of  life  enjoy  the  closest  companionship. 
With  the  prospect  of  such  compensations,  who 
would  fear  to  face  the  exigencies  of  life  in  the 
buoyant  period  of  youth? 

It  must  not  be  forgotten,  also,  that  childbirth 
is  easier  in  the  earlier  period  of  life  than  in  the 
later.  The  woman  whose  first  child  is  born  be- 
tween her  twentieth  and  twenty-fifth  year  will, 
in  all  probability  have  a  much  easier  time  than 
the  woman  whose  first  child  comes  between  her 
twenty-fifth  and  thirtieth  year.  Maternity 
before  the  age  of  eighteen  is  also  likely  to  be  dif- 
ficult. These  facts  would  seem  to  indicate  what 
is  the  best  period  for  woman  to  marry. 

It  may  not  be  amiss  for  us  to  consider  the  ques- 

61 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

tion  of  long  or  short  engagements  from  the 
woman's  point  of  view.  Too  brief  an  engage- 
ment does  not  allow  enough  opportunity  for 
mutual  acquaintanceship.  Upon  meeting  a  man, 
a  girl  may  know  that  he  is  fascinatingly  hand- 
some. She  may  also  discover  that  he  is  a  thrilling 
dancer.  She  may  think  that  life  with  him  would 
be  one  long  dream,  but  if  within  a  few  weeks 
she  marries  him,  she  may  discover  that  life  has 
become  a  hopelessly  long  nightmare.  She  might 
better  have  taken  a  little  time  to  discover  whether 
or  not  there  were  enduring  qualities  that  would 
stand  the  wear  and  tear  of  time. 

On  the  other  hand,  too  long  an  engagement  is 
not  desirable.  Young  people  sometimes  tie 
themselves  up  in  this  way  years  before  they  are 
able  to  take  up  the  responsibilities  of  marriage, 
and  in  the  end  discover  that  they  are  fairly  tired 
of  each  other.  Yet  they  have  cut  themselves  off  so 
completely  from  other  companionship,  that  there 
appears  to  be  nothing  else  in  life  for  them  but 
either  to  go  on  making  the  best  of  a  tiresome 
matter,  or  to  live  a  life  of  separate  deprivation. 
It  would  have  been  much  wiser  for  them  to  have 
remained  free  and  independent  until  they  were 
prepared  to  take  the  next  step  within  a  reason- 
ably short  period  of  time,  for  the  engaged  state 
makes  great  demands  upon  the  individual,  physi- 
cally, temperamentally  and  financially. 

If  two  young  people  are  interested  in  each 
other,  but  see  no  possibility  of  consummating 
their  union  within  a  reasonably  short  period  of 

62 


WHEN  TO  MARRY 


time,  let  them  remain  good  friends  but  retain 
their  freedom,  having  faith  that,  if  their  attach- 
ment is  a  real  and  lasting  one,  they  will  remain 
true  to  each  other  without  any  pledge  having 
been  made.  If  they  do  not  remain  true  under 
these  circumstances,  it  must  be  taken  as  evidence 
that  they  were  not  intended  for  each  other,  and 
are,  therefore,  better  apart. 


63 


CHAPTER  XIII 
Should  a  Girl  Marry  From  a  Sense  of  Duty? 

IN  the  days  when  women  were  looked  upon  as 
mere  chattels,  owned  outright,  first  by  father 
and  later  by  husband,  there  would  have  been 
but  one  answer  to  the  question  which  heads  this 
chapter.    A  sense  of  duty  was  looked  upon  as 
practically  her  only  reason  for  marrying.     She 
was  to  marry  the  one  whom  her  father  chose,  for 
whatever  reasons  seemed  sufficient  to  him;  she 
was  not  supposed  to  demur  at  his  choice  or  to 
bemoan  her  fate. 

As  the  idea  of  individual  liberty  has  taken  hold 
upon  people's  minds  it  has  caused  a  change  of 
attitude  toward  this  question  of  the  marriage  of 
women.  In  this  day  and  generation,  no  Ameri- 
can father  would  think  of  commanding  his 
daughter  to  marry  the  man  of  his  choice,  al- 
though without  doubt  there  are  instances  in 
which  fathers  have  besought  their  daughters  to 
marry  a  certain  man  because  it  would  be  of  assis- 
tance to  them.  Sometimes  the  girl  sees  for  her- 
self the  situation  in  which  her  parent  may  be 
placed,  and  how  her  acceptance  of  a  certain  suitor 
may  seem  to  promise  amelioration  of  an  unfortu- 
nate condition.  So  she  may  be  tempted,  out  of 
the  goodness  of  her  heart,  to  sacrifice  herself  and 
her  future  upon  the  altar  of  duty. 

There  is  a  certain  glamor  about  self-sacrifice 

64 


MARRY FROM  A  SENSE OF DUTY? 

which  often  makes  it  difficult  for  one  who  is  con- 
templating such  a  noble  course  of  action  to  see 
matters  in  their  true  light.  It  may  seem  heartless 
for  one  to  attempt  to  dispel  so  beautiful  a  dream, 
and  yet,  as  this  is  a  world  of  hard  fact,  we  attain 
our  true  end  and  aim  only  through  facing  and  ac- 
knowledging the  truth. 

Let  us  consider  this  question  for  a  woman  first, 
we  will  say,  from  the  standpoint  of  honesty.  We 
will  take  it  for  granted  that  the  man  who  has 
asked  for  the  young  woman's  hand  honestly  loves 
her.  He  is  seeking  her  happiness  in  his  wish  to 
marry  her,  and  he  is  taking  it  for  granted  that 
if  she  says  "Yes"  it  will  mean  a  corresponding 
feeling  upon  her  part.  Suppose  she  accepts  his 
proposal  from  a  sense  of  duty.  What  does  that 
mean?  It  means  that  she  has  started  out  upon 
the  pathway  of  deception.  If  she  does  not  tell 
him  in  so  many  words  that  she  loves  him,  she  at 
least  allows  him  to  think  so,  and,  in  the  thought 
of  what  her  sacrifice  is  going  to  mean  to  the  wel- 
fare of  others,  she  loses  sight  of  what  it  may 
mean  to  him. 

He  is  offering  her  all  that  he  has — his  love, 
his  name,  his  home,  his  future  and  all  that  it 
contains.  He  is  giving  it  whole-heartedly,  trust- 
ingly, holding  back  nothing.  What  is  she  doing? 
She  is  giving  him  an  acquiescence  that  is  forced, 
a  love  that  is  feigned,  a  body  without  a  soul.  She 
gives  him  everything  in  name  and  nothing  in  re- 
ality, and  by  s  odoing  she  will  gradually  stifle 
the  very  best  that  is  in  him.  He  gives  all  his  soul 

65 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

to  her  and  receives  nothing  of  any  value  in  re- 
turn. She  applauds  herself  for  her  noble  self- 
sacrifice,  never  seeing  that  she  is  nothing  but  a 
walking  lie. 

And  what  of  the  children  that  are  born  of  such 
a  union?  Defrauded  of  that  happy  harmony 
which  comes  from  the  union  of  two  souls  that  are 
truly  united  in  mutual  love  and  esteem,  they 
come  into  the  world  at  odds  with  themselves,  and 
with  everyone  about  them.  They  may  have 
everything  in  the  external  world  which  riches  can 
afford,  but  they  lack  the  very  essence  of  life  itself. 
There  may  be  no  quarreling  and  bickering  in 
such  a  home,  but  oh!  the  cold  heartlessness  of  it 
all. 

Think  of  the  supreme  selfishness  of  a  woman 
who  would  thus  sacrifice  a  man's  whole  life  for 
the  greater  eae,  or  comfort,  or  happiness,  of  those 
who  belong  to  her!  She  thinks  only  of  her  own 
share  in  the  transaction  and  never  of  his. 

Such  a  marriage  is  an  unholy  mockery,  and  the 
woman  who  is  responsible  for  it  should  hang  her 
head  in  shame. 

Here,  if  anywhere,  the  poet's  words  are  ever- 
lastingly true : 

"To  thine  own  self  be  true, 
And  it  must  follow,  as  the  night  the  day, 
Thou  canst  not  then  be  false  to  any  man." 

The  same  statements  apply  to  any  young 
woman  who  contemplates  marriage  for  financial 
advantages  alone.  In  both  instances,  the  young 
women  are  deliberately  selling  themselves  for 

* 


MARRY  FRO  MA  SENSE  OF  DUTY? 

what  they  can  get  in  return.  Such  a  transaction 
should  be  beneath  the  consideration  of  any  self- 
respecting  woman. 

Sometimes  a  young  woman,  in  the  early  ardor 
of  her  adolescent  years,  may  have  bound  herself 
in  an  engagement  to  a  young  man  whom  she 
finds  later  she  does  not  truly  love.  With  the  old 
ideas  of  honor,  she  may  think  it  incumbent  upon 
her  to  keep  her  promise,  no  matter  how  her  feel- 
ings may  have  changed.  Let  her  consider  for  a 
moment,  however,  just  what  her  actions  will 
mean.  To  fulfill  her  promise  now  that  her  heart 
has  changed,  or  has  outgrown  its  former  senti- 
mental leanings,  would  be  to  act  a  falsehood.  Let 
her  not  think  that  this  fact  will  remain  forever 
undisclosed.  Actions  speak  louder  than  words, 
and,  without  doubt,  the  time  of  revelation  will 
come  when  it  is  too  late.  Better  a  broken  heart 
for  a  few  months  in  one's  youth,  than  a  lifelong 
regret.  The  man  himself  will  have  cause  to  be 
grateful  to  her  if  she  has  the  courage  at  this  time 
to  speak  the  truth,  and  bid  him  to  seek  elsewhere 
for  one  who  can  love  him  as  he  deserves  to  be 
loved. 

It  is  no  real  kindness  to  marry  a  man  who  loves 
you  and  thinks  that  you  honestly  return  his  love, 
when  your  heart  is  already  cold  toward  him.  It 
is  simply  cheating  him,  giving  him  a  poor  imita- 
tion of  the  real  thing  which  he  proffers.  No  mat- 
ter what  her  motives,  the  woman  who  allows  her- 
self such  a  course  should  be  branded  as  a  cheat 
or  a  liar. 

6  67 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

These  are  strong  words,  but  when  such  priceless 
possessions  as  love  and  truth  and  honor  are  at 
stake,  one  cannot  afford  to  be  aught  but  out- 
spoken and  emphatic. 

There  is  another  point  which  must  be  taken 
into  consideration.  The  wife  who  does  not  love 
her  husband,  as  the  years  go  by,  and  the  loneli- 
ness of  her  true  heart  life  weighs  upon  her  more 
and  more,  stands  in  increasing  danger  of  meet- 
ing some  day  an  individual  who  may  touch  her 
slumbering  emotions  into  life.  Her  condition  is 
then  indeed  pitiable.  At  last  she  sees  that  she 
has  sold  her  birthright  for  a  mess  of  pottage. 
She  understands  now  for  the  first  time  what  this 
untrue  relationship  means.  She  may  begin  to 
perceive  how  cruelly  unkind  she  has  been  to  her 
husband  through  her  mistaken  idea  of  duty. 

What,  now,  can  she  do  ?  At  last  she  perceives 
that  she  is  living  a  lie,  and  yet  so  bound  is  she  by 
life's  responsibilities  that  she  dare  not  break 
away.  So  long  has  dishonor  clung  to  her  that 
whichever  course  she  chooses  must  seem  to  be 
tinged  by  it  now.  At  last  she  sees  that  the  time 
to  have  acted  was  when  the  choice  lay  in  her 
hands.  Had  she  then  chosen  to  be  true,  her  life 
might  have  been  built  upon  the  solid  foundation 
of  uprightness  and  sincerity. 

For  the  sake  of  the  man  whom  she  is  to  marry, 
and  the  children  who  may  be  born  of  the  union, 
no  woman  should  enter  the  marriage  state  save 
where  her  own  heart  points  out  the  way. 

68 


CHAPTER  XIV 
Love  Making  and  its  Dangers 

WE  have  already  considered  the  danger 
that  threatens  the  girl  who  allows  her 
men  friends  certain  little  liberties  when  they  have 
no  serious  intentions  toward  marriage.  But  there 
are  perils,  too,  in  another  sort  of  relation.  Many 
girls  seem  to  have  the  feeling  that,  if  a  young 
man  honestly  loves  a  girl  and  intends  to  marry 
her,  all  possibility  of  danger  is  passed.  This, 
however,  is  very  far  from  being  the  case,  and 
every  young  woman  should  understand  this  fact 
from  the  very  beginning. 

In  the  first  place,  we  must  remember  that  en- 
gagements are  not  unbreakable.  Too  many,  girls 
have  forgotten  that  important  consideration. 
They  think  because  a  man  has  placed  a  ring  upon 
their  engagement  finger  that,  therefore,  he  is  prac- 
tically bound  to  them  for  life,  and  they  may  allow 
themselves  to  go  to  lengths  which  they  will 
keenly  regret  when  he  has  proven  to  them  by  his 
failure  to  keep  his  promise,  the  frailty  of  the  tie 
between  them. 

It  would  be  well  if  every  young  woman  would 
look  upon  the  period  of  engagement  as  a  time  of 
testing.  It  is  her  opportunity  to  test  the  depth 
and  intensity  of  her  love  for  the  young  man,  and 
also  his  sincerity  and  trustworthiness.  The 

69 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

couple  are  making  an  experiment  together.  They 
are  going  to  advance  into  an  intimate  revelation 
of  their  innermost  thoughts  and  feelings  in  the 
hope  and  expectation  that  these  will  draw  them 
into  a  permanent  relationship. 

It  may  not  do  so,  however.  They  may  discover, 
as  they  become  better  acquainted  with  their  real 
selves,  that  they  are  not  so  well  suited  to  a  life- 
long companionship  as  they  had  imagined.  If 
such  a  discovery  results,  they  should  have  the 
courage  to  acknowledge  their  mistake  and  to 
withdraw  from  the  contract.  Well  for  the  girl, 
then,  if  she  has  not  memories  from  which  she 
shrinks. 

The  greatest  danger  in  the  engagement  period 
comes  from  the  intimacies  of  love-making.  Be- 
cause she  believes  this  young  man's  intentions 
toward  her  are  honorable,  and  that  she  can  trust 
him  absolutely,  the  girl  is  tempted  to  follow  her 
own  impulses  without  restraint. 

Every  girl  should  understand  that  her  natural 
instinct  would  lead  her  to  give  herself  completely 
where  her  deepest  feelings  of  love  have  been 
touched.  This  is  the  definite  impulse  implanted 
within  womankind,  to  make  them  willing  to  un- 
dergo the  pains  and  burdens  and  self-sacrifices 
entailed  by  motherhood.  Being  given  for  this 
altruistic  purpose,  however,  it  should  not  be  fol- 
lowed blindly  from  motives  of  selfish  gratifica- 
tion. 

Woman  has  no  right  to  give  herself  until  she 
has  insured  the  safety  and  well-being  of  those 

70 


DANGERS    OF    LOVE    MAKING 

human  souls  which  may  be  called  into  existence 
through  her  gift. 

It  is  not  mere  conventionality  which  says  that 
woman  should  maintain  a  certain  amount  of  re- 
serve in  her  associations  with  men,  even  with 
those  who  are  nearest  and  dearest  to  her.  It  is  a 
result  of  the  experience  of  the  race.  Whatever 
tends  to  deepen  man's  reverence  for  womanhood, 
strengthens  his  powers  of  self-control  and  self- 
restraint.  He  needs  every  bit  of  assistance  which 
can  come  to  him  from  woman's  moral  support, 
and  this  she  exercises  through  her  womanly  re- 
serve, her  purity,  her  delicacy  of  thought. 

As  upon  woman  has  been  placed  the  heavier 
physical  burden  in  caring  for  the  life  of  the  race, 
so  upon  her  shoulders  rests  the  heavier  moral 
burden.  She  it  is  in  whom  was  first  developed  the 
sense  of  racial  responsibility,  because  she  could 
not,  by  any  possibility,  escape  from  her  charge. 
She  was  bound  in  the  fetters  of  motherhood,  and 
she  perforce  learned  her  great  lesson  of  maternal 
care  through  the  experience  of  her  own  physical 
change.  From  all  of  this  man  was  able  to  escape, 
and,  as  a  result,  the  development  of  the  paternal 
instinct  has  been  very  much  slower. 

It  is  for  this  reason  that  the  moral  responsibil- 
ity in  these  matters  rests  so  heavily  upon  the 
woman.  She  it  is  who  must  always  consider  the 
welfare  of  her  possible  children,  and  must  make 
that  consideration  paramount.  She  has  no  right 
'to  think  only  of  her  own  wishes  and  desires. 

The  impulse  to  give  herself  is  an  expression  of 

71 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

the  highest  generosity.  In  reality,  however,  she 
has  no  right  to  think  only  of  her  own  wishes  and 
desires. 

The  dangers  of  love-making  are  generally 
greater  when  the  engagement  is  a  long  one. 
When  the  young  man  first  learns  that  his  love  is 
returned  and  is  accorded  the  lover's  privilege, 
he  finds  complete  satisfaction  in  the  new  wonder 
of  being  allowed  to  kiss  her  hands  and  her  lips. 
There  comes  a  time,  however,  when  these  privi- 
leges lose  the  glamour  of  their  newness,  if  the 
engagement  is  long  continued,  and  there  is  then 
the  temptation  to  attempt  to  revive  the  thrills  of 
the  first  weeks  of  courtship.  It  is  without  doubt, 
in  some  such  way  as  this  that  the  desire  for 
greater  intimacies  is  aroused ;  and  too  often,  car- 
ried away  by  the  wish  to  meet  every  demand  of 
her  lover,  the  girl  silences  the  inward  monitor 
which  would  keep  her  within  the  path  of  safety, 
and  ventures  into  the  danger  zone. 

It  is  a  strange  thing,  but  experience  has  repeat- 
edly proven  that  a  man's  regard  is  very  apt  to 
change  as  soon  as  he  feels  that  he  has  entire  pos- 
session of  the  one  whose  favor  he  has  so  eagerly 
sought.  Man  does  not  really  desire  an  easy  con- 
quest; and  too  often,  when  he  has  found  his 
power  supreme,  he  turns  away  to  pursue  another 
who  is,  as  yet,  beyond  his  grasp.  Thus,  through 
bitter  experience,  many  a  girl  learns  that  she  has 
made  a  fatal  mistake  by  being  too  yielding. 

The  period  of  courtship  is  the  time  when 
Avoman  has  her  opportunity  to  impress  upon  man 

72 


DANGERS    OF    LOVE    MAKING 

the  great  lesson  of  reverence  for  womanhood. 
She  should  respect  herself  and  her  potential  pow- 
ers of  motherhood  so  greatly  that  she  will  call 
forth  from  him  an  involuntary  reverence. 

The  true  relationship  between  men  and  women 
was  well  symbolized  in  the  age  of  chivalry  by  the 
devotion  which  the  knight  paid  to  his  lady.  Its 
form  of  expression  may  seem  to  us  sometimes 
exaggerated,  but  it  nevertheless  was  true  to  an 
eternal  reality.  It  is  only  as  woman  is  worthy 
of  this  regard,  however,  that  she  can  call  it  forth. 
If  she  allows  too  great  an  intimacy  with  her  lover 
before  she  has  safeguarded  the  welfare  of  her 
possible  children,  she  proves  herself  unworthy  of 
his  high  regard  for  her. 

It  is  not  meant  to  suggest  here  that  the  man  is, 
under  these  circumstances,  free  from  blame.  He 
proves  himself  a  dastard  if  he  leaves  the  girl  un- 
der such  circumstances.  He  has  shown  that  he 
loved  not  her  but  himself,  because  he  has  sought 
only  his  own  selfish  gratification  without  any  con- 
sideration of  what  the  consequences  would  be  to 
her  or  to  their  possible  offspring.  He  has  sacri- 
ficed her  good  name,  her  self-respect,  her  happi- 
ness and  the  welfare  of  his  own  children  to  his 
selfish  desires.  He  claimed  to  be  her  lover  and  her 
protector ;  he  has  proven  to  be  a  lover  of  himself, 
and  her  exploiter.  He  is  to  blame  for  her  undoing, 
and  if  he  does  not  stand  by  her  and  his  promise 
to  her,  he  is  unworthy  of  the  name  of  a  man,  for 
he  has  been  false  to  his  responsibility  as  father  of 
the  race. 

73 


CHAPTER  XV 
The  Girl  Who  Has  Made  a  Mistake 

WHATEVER  may  have  been  the  attitude 
of  society  in  the  past  toward  the  woman 
who  had  made  a  moral  misstep,  today  we  no 
longer  look  upon  her  as  totally  different  from  all 
other  human  beings.  Her  error  was  a  grievous 
one,  but  it  has  not  necessarily  ended  her  life  as 
an  individual.  It  is  not  necessary  for  her  to  feel 
that  she  has  no  right  to  a  husband  and  a  home  of 
her  own.  She  may  even  make  the  mistake  of  her 
youth  a  part  of  her  own  spiritual  unfoldment 
and  a  means  of  becoming  a  more  sympathetic, 
helpful  member  of  the  community.  With  the 
remembrance  of  her  own  weakness  in  the  back- 
ground of  her  consciousness,  she  is  able  to  enter 
into  the  temptations  of  others,  to  strengthen 
them  for  resistance  and  for  the  ultimate  mastery 
of  untoward  circumstances.  Thus  she  may  be- 
come a  real  source  of  moral  strength  in  the  com- 
munity. 

With  this  belief  in  the  power  of  human  nature 
to  rise  above  its  own  weaknesses  and  to  turn 
them  into  sources  of  strength,  we  do  not  con- 
sider it  amiss  to  speak  of  the  possibility  of  mar- 
riage for  one  who  has  learned  the  bitter  lesson 
of  the  unsatisfactoriness  of  wrong-doing. 

Many  times  the  very  qualities  which  render 
such  a  girl  attractive  to  the  man  who  brings 
about  her  ruin,  are  the  qualities  which  will  make 

74 


SHE  WHO  HAS  MADE  A  MISTAKE 

her  most  successful  as  a  wife.  She  is  loving, 
demonstrative,  clinging,  easily  influenced,  and 
so  she  falls  an  easy  victim  to  her  seducer.  Had 
she  fallen  into  the  hands  of  the  right  kind  of 
man,  she  would  have  made  him  a  docile,  respon- 
sive, thoughtful,  loving  wife.  Having  learned 
through  bitter  experience  the  necessity  of  guard- 
ing herself  from  the  approaches  of  the  con- 
scienceless man,  she  is  equipped  to  maintain  her 
own  moral  integrity,  while  she  is  just  as  fitted 
to  make  a  success  of  herself  in  the  home  as  she 
was  before  this  hard  lesson  came  to  her. 

The  girl  who  has  returned  to  the  life  of  moral 
rectitude  has  a  right  to  look  forward  to  the  ordi- 
nary joys  of  womanhood,  but  she  is,  of  course, 
face  to  face  with  the  question  as  to  whether  or 
not  it  is  fair  and  just  for  her  to  accept  a  proposal 
of  marriage  from  one  who  is  unaware  of  her  pre- 
vious sad  experience.  The  question  that  springs 
spontaneously  to  the  lips  of  the  young  girl  who 
is  trying  to  make  good,  and  who  finds  herself  the 
recipient  of  a  man's  honest  love,  is,  "Must  I  tell 
him  of  my  past  experience?" 

The  question  is,  indeed,  a  difficult  one,  and 
must  be  considered  carefully  from  both  sides. 
Then  each  individual  must  decide  her  own  course 
of  action  for  herself. 

In  the  first  place,  there  is,  of  course,  the  danger 
that  if  the  man  has  had  no  suspicion  of  the  girl's 
past  history  it  may  come  to  him  with  such  a  shock 
that  he  will  turn  from  her  and  desire  to  have 
nothing  more  to  do  with  her.  She  runs  that  risk, 

75 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

of  course,  in  confessing  to  him  her  past.  Should 
her  story  meet  with  this  sort  of  reception,  how- 
ever, she  may  console  herself  with  the  thought 
that  by  so  doing  he  has  proven  himself  not 
worthy  of  the  deepest  love  which  she  had  to  be- 
stow. It  has  not  been  considered  too  much  to  ask 
of  women  in  the  past  that  they  should  spread 
the  cloak  of  charity  over  the  misdoings  of  their 
lovers  in  the  wild  years  of  their  youth.  It  would 
seem  as  though  it  might  be  possible  for  men  to 
exercise  a  corresponding  generosity,  especially 
where,  as  in  the  majority  of  instances,  the  girl 
'has  been  very  largely  but  little  more  than  a  weak 
and  innocent  victim.  It  speaks  well  for  the  de- 
velopment of  the  human  race  that  there  is  an 
increasing  number  of  men  today  who  are  willing 
to  overlook  the  past,  feeling  confident  that  the 
bitter  lesson  has  been  learned,  and  resting  secure 
in  the  knowledge  that  their  love  and  strength 
will  bring  to  the  yearning  feminine  nature  the 
satisfaction  and  the  support  which  it  needs  to 
render  life  both  happy  and  secure.  Instead  of 
regarding  her  story  as  the  possible  cause  of  a 
great  disappointment  to  her,  she  should  look 
upon  it  as  a  great  test  of  the  sincerity  of  the 
man's  devotion,  and  so  she  will  not  be  afraid  to 
apply  it. 

Moreover,  if  her  lover  leaves  her  at  this  time, 
she  must  realize  that  he  has  but  left  the  way 
open  for  a  more  worthy  man  to  find  his  way  into 
her  heart,  and  so  she  need  not  give  way  to  de: 
spair. 

76 


SHE  WHO  HAS  MADE  A  MISTAKE 

A  much  more  serious  situation,  however,  devel- 
ops when  a  man  thinks  that  he  will  be  able  to 
overlook  the  past  actions  of  his  wife,  but  later 
on  finds  that  the  knowledge  of  them  has  poisoned 
his  mental  attitude  toward  her,  so  that  eventually 
he  may  descend  to  such  depths  as  to  "throw  her 
past  into  her  face,"  as  the  saying  goes.  This  is, 
indeed,  a  tragic  situation,  and  should  be  avoided 
in  every  possible  way.  If,  after  telling  her  story, 
the  young  woman  observes  the  slightest  reluc- 
tance on  the  part  of  the  man  to  renew  his  pro- 
posal of  marriage  to  her,  let  her  not  hesitate  to 
take  drastic  action  herself  at  once.  She  may  be 
tempted  to  endeavor  to  rekindle  his  ardor,  and 
she  may  succeed  temporarily  in  doing  so,  but  in 
this  she  has  made  a  great  mistake.  Unless  he  is 
ready,  whole-heartedly  and  with  reassuring 
warmth,  to  repeat  his  protestations  of  a  love 
which  persists  in  spite  of  all  that  she  has  told 
him,  let  her  not  hesitate  to  cut  off  at  once  all  con- 
nection between  them.  By  so  doing  she  will  save 
herself  much  possible  unhappiness  in  the  future. 

These  two  contingencies  she  may  avoid  by 
keeping  her  story  to  herself,  and  this  course  of 
action,  it  goes  without  saying,  is  open  to  her. 
There  is  one  important  thing  which  she  must 
take  into  account,  however,  if  she  decides  to  keep 
her  lips  sealed.  That  serious  consideration  is 
the  possibility,  one  might  almost  say  the  proba- 
bility, that  at  some  time  in  the  future  her  story 
may  come  to  her  husband's  ears  from  some  other 
source.  Its  importance,  then,  will  be  unduly  en- 

77 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

hanced  by  the  mere  circumstance  of  her  long- 
continued  silence.  The  very  fact  that  she  con- 
sidered it  necessary  to  keep  this  thing  secret  and 
away  from  his  knowledge  may  make  him  feel, 
in  the  first  place,  that  it  was  much  more  her  fault 
than  it  may  really  have  been,  or  in  the  second 
place,  that  she  does  not  love  him  as  she  has  pre- 
tended to  do. 

It  is  quite  true  that  "perfect  love  casteth  out 
fear."  If  she  had  felt,  at  the  very-beginning,  that 
her  love  for  him  was  so  great  that  she  could  not 
bear  to  deceive  him  in  any  particular,  and  had 
had  such  confidence  in  the  greatness  of  his  love 
that  she  could  trust  him  to  forgive,  she  would 
not  have  hesitated  to  disclose  to  him  all  of  the 
past.  This  it  is  which  he  will  feel  when  the  knowl- 
edge comes  to  him  from  some  other  source,  and 
this  will  be  the  greatest  factor  in  the  situation 
as  it  then  develops.  To  confess  all  to  a  lover 
in  the  ardent  period  of  courtship  is  to  appeal  to 
the  very  best  in  a  man's  nature,  by  thus  throw- 
ing oneself  upon  his  mercy,  and  he  will,  in  all 
probability,  rise  to  the  occasion  in  a  most  gen- 
erous and  gratifying  manner.  Having  agreed  to- 
gether to  put  all  of  the  past  behind  them,  there 
will  be  no  overshadowing  fear  to  threaten  its 
disrupting  effect  upon  their  united  love. 

In  concealment  there  is  the  danger,  also,  that 
the  knowledge  that  she  is  concealing  something 
from  her  husband  will  tend  to  act  as  a  continual 
barrier  between  the  two,  and  for  this  reason  it 
would  seem  wisest  for  the  girl  who  has  made  a 

78 


SHE  WHO  HAS  MADE  A  MISTAKE 

misstep  to  confess  it  at  the  very  beginning,  and 
thus  establish  their  united  life  upon  the  only  sure 
foundation,  that  of  mutual  confidence  and  mu- 
tual faith. 

The  man  who  would  take  advantage  of  such 
confidence  in  later  years  to  twit  his  wife  with 
her  previous  indiscretion  is  too  dastardly  an  in- 
dividual to  call  for  consideration.  It  is  only  nec- 
essary once  more  to  urge  the  girl  not  to  make  the 
mistake  of  accepting  a  reluctant  husband.  If  the 
young  woman  will  follow  her  own  instincts,  in 
the  majority  of  instances  she  will  know  which 
course  to  pursue.  It  is  certain  that  true  love  will 
wipe  out  all  remembrance  of  such  errors. 


79 


CHAPTER  XVI 
True  Love  and  its  Expression 

WE  use  the    word  love    to  indicate  various 
degrees  of  feeling.    Probably  we  would 
do  clearer  thinking  upon  some  subjects  if  we 
had  a  more  definite  idea  of  what  love  is,  in  con- 
tradistinction to  liking,  affection  and  passion. 

When  we  feel  the  first  faint  drawings  of  attrac- 
tion, we  may  well  say  that  we  like  a  person.  It 
seems  to  us  that  this  individual  is  going  to  prove 
agreeable  to  us.  This  liking  may  develop  into 
affection ;  it  may  develop  into  love. 

Affection  is  a  word  rather  difficult  to  define, 
although  the  majority  of  us  are  so  familiar  with 
it  that  it  is  easily  recognized  by  us.  We  have  an 
affection  for  those  who  belong  to  us,  those  whose 
personalities  have  grown  familiar  to  us  through 
long  years  of  association.  It  is  calm,  steady,  burn- 
ing with  a  clear  flame,  but  never  flaring  up  into 
a  sudden  intensity.  It  is  a  steadfast  feeling,  the 
product  of  time,  and,  therefore,  able  to  withstand 
the  assaults  of  time. 

When  passion  is  spoken  of,  we  are  apt  to  think 
of  it  as  an  overwhelming  physical  impulse,  losing 
sight,  it  may  be,  of  its  higher  forms  of  expression. 
Not  only  is  there  the  passion  of  a  man  for  a  maid ; 
there  is  also  the  passion  of  the  patriot  who  throws 
his  life  with  the  fervor  of  devotion  into  the  serv- 
ice of  his  country ;  and  the  passion  of  the  martyr 

80 


EXPRESSION  OF  TRUE  LOVE 

and  the  saint,  whose  consciousness  of  self  is 
burned  away  by  the  flame  of  his  devotion  to  a 
religious  ideal. 

The  essense  of  passion  would  seem  to  be  inten- 
sity of  feeling.  For  this  reason,  passion  cannot 
be  expected  to  be  enduring.  It  is  not  possible 
to  keep  the  human  soul  at  white  heat  all  of  the 
time.  Its  elements  may  be  present  at  all  times, 
but  only  on  rare  occasions  do  they  fuse  and  give 
forth  the  intensity  of  ardor  which  they  are  capa- 
ble of  producing. 

What  is  love?  It  combines  the  gentle  attrac- 
tion of  liking  and  the  steadfast  calmness  of  affec- 
tion, with  frequent  intensity  of  passion,  and 
raises  them  all  to  the  highest  plane  of  dedication 
to  another's  welfare  and  happiness. 

Much  that  is  called  love  is  not  worthy  of  that 
name.  True  love  is  essentially  unselfish,  and  it 
is  by  this  touchstone  that  we  may  test  and  dis- 
cover whether  or  not  that  which  is  offered  to  us 
is  genuine  or  spurious. 

With  this  differentiation  in  mind,  we  would  not 
call  the  attraction  which  children  feel  for  each 
other,  love ;  it  is  simply  liking,  or,  if  their  friend- 
ship endures,  it  becomes  affection. 

The  friendships  of  children  are  a  valuable  part 
of  their  life  training  and  should  be  encouraged, 
but  never  should  the  suggestion  be  made  to  these 
youthful  comrades  that  theirs  is  a  relationship 
which  bears  in  it  any  of  the  elements  of  sex| 
The  children  should  be  allowed  to  associate  to- 
gether in  all  of  the  self-unconsciousness  natural 

81 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

to  their  period  of  life.  It  is  very  advantageous 
for  boys  and  girls  to  play  together  freely,  and 
so  lay  the  foundation  for  a  thorough  understand- 
ing of  each  other  in  their  later  development. 

With  the  beginning  of  the  adolescent  period, 
there  comes  an  increasing  intensity  in  the  emo- 
tions which  may  cause  the  developing  boy  and 
girl  to  think  that  they  are  in  love  with  each  other. 
It  is  not  advisable  to  laugh  at  them  for  their  early 
sentimentality,  which  is  sometimes  called  "puppy 
love."  Rather  would  it  be  advisable  for  older 
friends  and  guardians  to  accept  the  expression 
of  extreme  admiration  in  a  very  matter-of-fact 
way,  admitting  that  the  individual  in  question  is 
most  attractive,  and  that  it  is  not  strange  that 
the  two  have  formed  a  very  agreeable  friendship. 
By  consistently  holding  up  the  ideal  of  friend- 
ship before  their  eyes,  one  may  be  able  to  pre- 
serve for  them  a  beautiful  relationship,  and  may 
thus  enable  them  to  avoid  some  of  the  pitfalls  of 
the  adolescent  period. 

It  is  quite  natural  for  young  people  who  feel 
these  new  emotions  stirring  within  them  to  give 
expression  to  them.  Especially  will  this  be  the 
case  if  they  have  received  no  instruction  which 
would  enable  them  to  understand  the  real  mean- 
ing of  this  novel  experience.  This,  I  verily  be- 
lieve, is  the  explanation  of  that  form  of  familiar- 
ity known  as  spooning,  which  takes  place  among 
so  many  adolescent  boys  and  girls. 

This  question  of  spooning  really  becomes  quite 
a  problem  in  the  lives  of  many  young  girls.  They 

82 


LOVE  AND  ITS  EXPRESSION 

are  going  out  into  social  life  for  the  first  time  by 
themselves.  They  know,  it  may  be,  very  little  of 
social  customs ;  they  find  that  their  older  compan- 
ions are  indulging  in  so-called  innocent  forms  of 
physical  familiarity,  and  they  timidly  accept  the 
standards  of  conduct  which  they  see  round  about 
them. 

If  they  are  a  little  hesitant,  they  are  informed 
by  the  boys  that  all  girls  allow  these  things,  and 
they  are  given  to  understand  that  they  cannot 
hope  to  be  very  popular  if  they  insist  upon  re- 
fusing these  privileges  to  their  escorts  and  male 
companions.  They  are  told  that  there  is  no  harm 
in  these  things,  because  no  harm  is  intended.  It 
would  not  be  strange  if  their  own  feelings  in- 
clined them  more  or  less  in  the  direction  they  are 
urged  to  take,  and  so  we  find  today  that  a  great 
many  young  people  have  allowed  themselves  to 
drift  into  relationships  which  are  anything  but 
healthful. 

The  consideration  of  this  subject  is  apropos 
at  just  this  point,  because  sometimes  young  peo- 
ple enter  into  what  they  acknowledge  to  each 
other  as  a  temporary  engagement,  simply  in  or- 
der that  they  may  feel  free  to  indulge  in  as  much 
of  this  kind  of  love-making  as  they  care  for. 
They  think,  by  thus  satisfying  Old  Mother 
Grundy,  as  they  would  doubtless  characterize  the 
conventional  requirements,  they  have  escaped  all 
rightful  censure.  They  have  not  escaped,  how- 
ever, the  real  consequences  of  their  own  acts. 
These  results  are  to  be  found  in  themselves. 

7  83 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

In  the  first  place,  they  are  taking  a  very  light 
and  trivial  attitude  toward  that  most  serious 
phase  of  life,  love  and  marriage.  They  are  mak- 
ing common  that  which  should  be  sacred.  They 
are  defrauding  those  whom  later  on  they  will 
choose  to  marry  of  much  that  is  choice,  and  of 
rare  and  delicate  beauty,  in  the  relationship  of 
two  who  have  entered  upon  a  lifelong  compan- 
ionship. 

There  are,  of  course,  other  possible  dangers. 
Two  young  people  who  have  entered  into  this 
sort  of  relationship  are  not  striving  to  find  the 
mental  and  spiritual  qualities  in  each  other  which 
will  bring  lasting  delight.  They  are  looking  only 
for  the  physical  thrill  which  they  derive  from 
their  association  together.  They  are,  therefore, 
meeting  each  other  upon  the  lower,  rather  than 
upon  the  higher  plane  of  their  being.  There  is 
danger  that  the  result  may  be  disastrous  for  them 
both.  The  clasped  hands,  the  arm  about  the  waist, 
the  good-night  kiss,  seem  to  be  little  things  in 
themselves,  but  they  are  liable  at  any  moment 
to  stir  into  activity  the  strongest  impulses  that 
dominate  the  human  being. 

The  instinct  to  perpetuate  the  life  of  the  race 
has  necessarily  been  made  even  stronger  than 
the  instinct  to  preserve  the  life  of  the  individual, 
for  the  former  goes  directly  contrary  to  the  lat- 
ter. We  give  up  life  when  we  bestow  life,  and 
it  is  for  this  reason  that  the  racial  impulse  must 
be  made  so  dominating. 

Girls  have  asked  often  what  it  was  they  had 

84 


LOVE  AND  ITS  EXPRESSION 

to  fear  in  their  relationship  with  young  men. 
They  seem  to  think  that  if  they  could  know  in 
detail  the  very  act  which  would  deprive  them  of 
their  virginity,  they  could,  therefore,  defend 
themselves  successfully  in  their  time  of  danger. 

The  truth  of  the  matter  is  that  the  only  time 
a  girl  can  be  absolutely  sure  of  protecting  her- 
self is  before  any  of  these  intimacies  have  been 
allowed.  She  is  in  complete  command  of  the 
situation  at  that  time.  After  the  first  step  has 
been  taken,  however,  she  can  never  be  sure  that 
the  moment  will  not  come  when  the  passions 
which  have  been  aroused  in  both  through  their 
undue  intimacy  shall  sweep  them  on,  regardless 
of  consequences,  to  their  own  tragic  undoing. 

These  facts  must  be  borne  in  mind,  also,  by 
young  people  who  are  honestly  engaged  and 
looking  forward  to  marriage  as  soon  as  circum- 
stances will  permit.  They,  also,  cannot  afford  to 
indulge  in  too  ardent  embraces.  It  is  not  well 
to  stir  their  feelings  to  the  depths  and  produce 
in  each  other  the  white  heat  of  passion  before 
their  union  has  been  legalized  by  the  community 
or  sanctified  by  the  Church. 

It  is  most  unfortunate  when  young  people 
allow  themselves  to  be  so  indiscreet  as  to  enter 
into  the  intimacies  of  marriage  before  they  have 
conformed  to  the  requirements  of  law  and  cus- 
tom. 

/For  the  woman,  it  will  probably  mean  lifelong 
regret,  for,  strive  as  she  may,  she  never  can  re- 
gain the  self-respect  which  was  once  hers.  Her 

85 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

husband  may  never  be  so  much  of  a  cad  as  to 
taunt  her  with  her  inability  to  resist  the  pleadings 
that  led  her  into  temptation,  but  she  will  always 
have  the  feeling  that  the  thought  must  be  there 
in  his  mind.  Then,  too,  she  will  always  be  afraid 
that  some  one  may  discover  the  fact,  and  if  a 
little  one  has  been  conceived,  there  is  always 
danger  of  that  discovery  being  made. 

For  her  peace  of  mind,  therefore,  for  the  wel- 
fare of  possible  children  and  for  the  good  of  her 
husband,  she  should  hold  firm  to  the  ideals  that 
she  was  taught  at  her  mother's  knee.  Moreover, 
let  her  remember  that  the  man  who  urges  the 
woman  he  claims  to  love  to  give  herself  to  him 
before  he  has  shown  his  worthiness  of  that  gift 
by  assuring  her  the  protection  of  marriage  proves 
that  he  loves,  not  her,  but  himself.  He  is  seeking 
his  own  personal  gratification,  and  is  not  pausing 
to  consider  what  the  sacrifice  which  he  demands 
may  mean  to  her. 

If  every  girl  under  these  circumstances  could 
read  her  lover  aright  by  his  words  and  acts,  and  so 
perceive  the  colossal  selfishness  that  actuates  him, 
the  glamour  of  romance  would  be  dispelled  in  the 
glaring  light  of  reason.  She  would  have  no  dif- 
ficulty then  in  resisting  his  advances,  for  her  own 
perception  of  the  falsity  of  his  plea  of  love  would 
kill  within  her  all  impulse  toward  self-giving. 

Let  the  two  who  are  looking  forward  to  a  life- 
time together  take  this  period  of  courtship  as  an 
occasion  for  discovering  in  each  other  those  last- 
ing qualities  in  which  they  may  always  expect 

86 


LOVE    AND    ITS    EXPRESSION 

to  find  pleasure.  There  is  no  danger  in  such  asso- 
ciation, however  intimate  it  may  be,  but  rather 
does  it  promise  greater  hope  of  success  in  the 
future. 

It  may  help  the  young  woman  to  maintain  the 
proper  barrier  of  reserve  between  them  to  re- 
member that  one  of  the  greatest  charms  of  wom- 
ankind is  her  mystery.  So  long  as  the  young  man 
feels  that  he  has  not  yet  penetrated  her  nature 
to  the  fullest  degree  he  will  ever  be  allured  by 
the  charm  of  her  personality.  For  this  reason, 
therefore,  let  her  always  keep  something  just  out 
of  his  reach. 

Let  her  remember,  also,  that  in  their  intimate 
relationship  it  is  she  who  should  control.  There 
is  a  good  reason  for  this,  because  upon  her  rests 
the  greater  part  of  the  burden  of  parenthood. 
She  is  more  keen  to  feel  its  responsibilities;  her 
physical  impulses  are  not  so  suddenly  over- 
whelming as  his,  and  she  has,  therefore,  a  better 
opportunity  to  exercise  her  judgment  and  her 
will  power,  which  are  strengthened  by  her  sense 
of  racial  responsibility. 

It  would  be  well  for  her  also  to  realize  that,  as 
I  have  said  elsewhere:  "The  physiological  results 
of  too  ardent  love-making  in  the  way  of  bodily 
harm  are  of  special  importance.  Not  only  will 
the  misguided  young  people  suffer  from  injury 
to  the  emotions  due  to  unsatisfied  sexual  excite- 
ment, but  they  will  have  to  contend  with  the 
weakening  effect  of  the  congestion  and  inflam- 
mation of  the  organs  concerned,  when  passion 

87 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

has  been  aroused,  and  then  left  ungratified.  The 
results  are  serious  in  many  instances.  As  for 
the  young  man,  varicocele  and  more  or  less  in- 
flammation of  the  prostate  gland  naturally  fol- 
low congestion  of  the  parts  due  to  this  practice. 
When  extended  over  a  period  of  months  or  years, 
it  would  tend  to  produce  impotence  or  other  sex- 
ual weaknesses.  To  the  young  woman  might 
come  a  congestion  of  the  parts  which  would  oc- 
casionally produce  leucorrhea.  and  do  not  forget 
that  the  emotion-strain  involved  in  awakening 
passion  when  it  cannot  be  satisfied,  is  a  powerful 
factor  in  many  cases  in  bringing  on  neurasthe- 
nia." 

The  highest  expressions  of  true  love  are  not 
found  upon  the  physical  plane.  The  sacrifice  of 
one's  own  desire  for  the  sake  of  the  welfare  of 
the  beloved  is  the  true  expression  of  real  and 
abiding  love. 


CHAPTER  XVII 
Dancing  and  Dress 

THE  poetry  of  motion,  as  dancing  has  been 
aptly  termed,  meets  one  of  the  impera- 
tive needs  of  the  human  being.  Dancing,  there- 
fore, has  always  existed  and  always  will  exist. 
There  can  be  no  question  as  to  the  benefit  to  be 
derived  from  the  right  kind  of  dancing;  yet  we 
must  admit  that  there  is  a  great  deal  of  dancing 
which  cannot  by  any  stretch  of  the  imagination 
be  termed  beneficial.  There  are  many  who,  per- 
ceiving only  the  harm  that  is  done  by  the  wrong 
kind  of  dancing,  condemn  the  art  outright.  They 
fail,  however,  to  take  into  account  the  need  which 
exists  in  every  human  being  for  complete  self- 
expression,  of  which  rhythmic  motion  forms  an 
essential  part. 

Too  much  cannot  be  said  in  praise  of  such 
forms  of  expression  as  the  folk  dances,  which 
can  be  indulged  in  out  of  doors  in  the  bright  sun- 
shine, with  the  fresh,  pure  air  blowing  about 
one,  and  the  exhiliration  of  Nature  to  add  to 
the  hilarity  of  the  occasion.  This  sort  of  dancing 
gives  needed  muscular  activity,  requires  deep 
breathing,  and  is  productive  of  that  lightness  of 
spirit  which  quickens  the  activity  of  the  body 
fully  as  much  as  the  muscular  efforts  which  are 
put  forth.  If  all  of  us  could  spend  a  little  time 

89 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

each  day  as  long  as  the  weather  permitted,  in 
such  outdoor  activity,  we  would  live  longer  and 
be  better  men  and  women. 

For  this  reason  I  would  advocate  that  every 
young  woman  should  make  herself  familiar  with 
the  folk  dances  of  Russia  and  other  lands,  with 
interpretive  and  barefoot  dancing,  learning  them 
not  alone  for  her  own  sake  but  in  order  that  later 
on  she  may  initiate  her  children  early  in  life  into 
these  poetical  terpsichorian  rites.  Think  of  the 
joy  that  the  family  will  experience  when,  in  some 
fragrant  dusk,  they  gather  on  the  lawn  and  join 
the  night  moths  circling  about  the  ghostlike  flow- 
ers that  breathe  forth  their  perfume  on  the  eve- 
ning air.  Children  love  nothing  so  much  as  danc- 
ing, and  through  this  form  of  activity  they  may 
be  enabled  to  retain  the  grace  which  is  natural  to 
childhood,  but  which  is  too  often  lost  in  later  life. 
Then,  too,  the  more  good  times  that  father  and 
mother  can  have  with  the  children,  the  closer  and 
more  harmonious  will  the  family  life  be. 

This  is  a  very  different  matter,  as  all  will  real- 
ize, however,  from  the  social  dances  which  are 
so  apt  to  engage  the  attention  of  young  people  to 
an  absorbing  degree.  Here  we  have  a  number  of 
elements  which  are  not  desirable.  The  close, 
stuffy  rooms,  the  late  hours,  the  unnatural  man- 
ner of  dressing.and,  too  often,  the  suggestiveness 
which  is  made  an  accompaniment  of  these  dances, 
all  unite  to  make  them  detrimental  rather  than 
beneficial.  As  a  form  of  recreation  they  are  a 
failure,  because  they  do  not  re-create  the  body. 

90 


DANCING  AND  DRESS 

They  continue  the  destructive  bodily  processes  to 
a  still  greater  degree,  and  become  a  potent  means 
of  exhaustion. 

To  be  sure,  one  could  endure  such  drains  upon 
one's  physical  resources  two  or  three  times  dur- 
ing a  season ;  but  as  young  people  go  into  these 
matters,  it  is  more  frequently  two  or  three  times 
a  week  that  they  call  upon  their  bodies  to  with- 
stand this  unnecessary  strain.  It  is  unfortunate 
that  we  cannot  learn  early  in  life  the  increased 
pleasure  which  comes  through  moderation.  Too 
often,  however,  we  wear  out  our  powers  of  en- 
joyment through  excessive  indulgence  in  first 
one  form  of  pleasure  and  then  another. 

There  are  other  harmful  elements  in  the  dance 
besides  those  which  come  from  too  frequent  and 
prolonged  indulgence  in  it.  Anyone  who 
watches  closely  the  modern  dances  must  realize 
that  there  is  great  opportunity  for  stimulating 
feelings  which  are  better  left  undisturbed.  It  is 
possible,  as  has  been  repeatedly  demonstrated,  to 
dance  the  latest  dances  in  a  very  refined  and  beau- 
tiful manner.  Too  often,  however,  we  see  in 
the  modern  ballroom  exhibitions  which  are  start- 
ling from  the  fact  that  they  are  given  by  young 
people  who  presumably  come  from  the  best  fami- 
lies and  have  had  every  opportunity  to  develop 
the  higher  social  qualities  of  their  natures,  and 
hence  to  subdue  the  purely  physical  side. 

It  may  frequently  happen  that  this  is  done  un- 
consciously by  some  who  have  thoughtlessly  be- 
gun to  imitate  some  one  whose  dancing  they 

91 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

admire,  but  whose  actions  they  fail  to  understand. 
Young  girls  are  most  apt  to  be  misled  in  this  way. 
They  observe  some  older  woman,  who  appears  to 
receive  a  great  deal  of  admiration  and  attention 
from  the  men,  and  feel  that  they  might  attract 
more  attention  by  adopting  her  seductive  man- 
ners. 

This  is  a  terrible  mistake  upon  the  part  of  a 
young  girl,  for  it  may  lead  to  a  complete  misun- 
derstanding of  her  real  nature  by  those  who  are 
wiser  in  the  ways  of  the  world  than  she,  and 
expose  her  to  treatment  which  otherwise  she 
would  never  have  had  to  endure.  Any  man 
worthy  of  the  name  will  respect  the  innocence  of 
a  charming  young  girl ;  but  when  he  sees  actions 
which  to  him  indicate  knowledge  of  those  things 
of  which  a  young  girl  is  supposed  to  be  ignorant, 
he  may  then  feel  justified  in  using  his  own  arts 
and  wiles  to  their  fullest  extent,  under  the  im- 
pression that  he  is  dealing  with  one  who  is  as 
fully  awake  upon  these  matters  as  he  is  himself. 

A  young  girl  cannot  be  too  careful  to  deport 
herself  most  circumspectly  when  dancing  the 
modern  dances,  and  it  is  well  for  her  to  know 
that  she  always  has  it  in  her  power  to  exercise  a 
certain  amount  of  control  over  those  whom  she 
permits  to  be  her  partners. 

If,  for  example,  she  finds  herself  dancing  with 
a  young  man  whose  manner  of  leading  her,  or  of 
performing  the  steps  when  dancing,  does  not 
please  her,  it  is  always  possible  for  her  to  say  to 
him,  quite  sweetly,  "May  we  not  sit  out  the  rest 

92 


DANCING  AND  DRESS 

of  this  dance?"  It  is  quite  likely  that  he  will 
know  intuitively  why  she  has  made  this  request. 
His  next  invitation  for  a  dance  she  can  refuse; 
or,  if  he  insists  and  she  thinks  it  right  to  give  him 
another  chance,  she  may  accept  with  the  state- 
ment that  she  will  try  him  once  more  and  see 
whether  his  step  suits  hers.  Men  are  not  dull  of 
comprehension  in  these  matters,  and  she  will 
soon  establish  a  reputation  for  herself  which  will 
protect  her  from  all  such  experiences  in  the  fu- 
ture. 

Young  people  who  have  entered  upon  their 
married  life  together  would  do  well  to  consider 
just  how  much  of  their  time  and  energy  they  wish 
to  spend  in  attending  dances.  If  they  are  wise, 
they  will  come  to  feel  that  life  holds  so  much  for 
them  in  other  ways  that  they  cannot  afford  to 
fritter  away  much  of  their  time  and  energy  in  this 
manner.  The  young  man  who  is  struggling  to 
climb  the  ladder  of  business  success  has  very  little 
surplus  strength  to  waste  in  dancing.  The  young 
woman  who  has  a  family  needs  to  be  bright  and 
fresh  each  morning,  in  order  to  start  things  with 
the  right  vibration.  They  will  naturally  find 
themselves  withdrawing  more  and  more  from 
these  night  hours  of  dissipation,  and  enjoying 
the  more  lasting  happiness  of  companionship  in 
the  home. 

The  young  married  woman  who  attends  dances 
has  now  a  responsibility  which  was  never  hers 
before.  She  is  a  young  matron  and,  as  such,  will 
be  looked  up  to  by  the  younger  girls.  She  may 

93 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

often  be  a  great  help  to  them.  In  the  first  place, 
by  setting  them  a  wise  example;  in  the  second 
place,  by  occasionally  speaking  a  wise  word  of 
enlightenment  or  of  advice  which  may  prove  of 
great  benefit  to  some  girl  in  need  of  a  true  friend. 

Many  girls  enter  social  life  at  so  early  an  age 
that  they  are  entirely  unprotected  by  any  under- 
standing of  social  usage.  They  think  they  can 
use  their  own  eyes,  and  learn  what  is  proper  by 
imitating  those  about  them.  If  they  happen  to 
be  so  fortunate  as  to  choose  the  right  one  to  imi- 
tate, their  experiment  will  be  successful.  But,  as 
they  have  few  standards  of  comparison,  they  are 
quite  as  likely  as  not  to  choose  the  wrong  person 
for  their  example. 

The  young  matron  should  be  on  the  lookout 
for  such  cases  as  these.  She  should  realize  that 
having  found  her  life's  happiness,  she  ought  to 
go  to  the  evening  function  with  the  desire  to  help 
others  have  a  good  time ;  and  she  should  especi- 
ally wish  to  prove  herself  an  older  sister  to  these 
younger,  less  experienced  girls.  She  may  see 
some  older  man  taking  advantage  of  a  girl's  ex- 
perience to  put  her  in  an  unpleasantly  conspicu- 
ous light ;  or  she  may  see  some  silly  young  crea- 
ture throwing  herself  at  the  head  of  some  irre- 
sponsive man.  Let  her  not  think  that  these  mat- 
ters do  not  concern  her,  but  rather  try  to  be  a 
wise  guardian  of  these  younger,  less  experienced 
sisters  of  hers. 

It  may  be  she  will  be  called  upon  at  times  to  act 
as  chaperon.  This  may  be  a  rather  difficult  posi- 

94 


DANCING  AND  DRESS 

tion  for  her  to  fill,  because  her  youth  will  tempt 
her  to  permit  little  indiscretions  which  it  is  her 
place  to  hold  in  check.  Realizing,  however,  that 
she  is  being  trusted  by  the  mothers  of  these  girls 
to  see  that  they  live  up  to  the  standards  of  true 
womanhood,  she  will  be  strong  to  stand  for  what 
she  knows  is  right. 

Sometimes  it  is  possible  for  a  young  married 
woman  to  be  a  great  help  to  the  young  men  at 
these  dances.  It  is  possible  for  her  to  speak  much 
more  frankly  to  them  than  a  young  girl  could  do. 
When  she  has  as  partner  a  man  whose  manner 
seems  to  her  unnecessarily  suggestive  of  physical 
things  it  is  quite  possible  for  her  to  say  to  him,  *I 
am  not  going  to  dance  with  you  if  you  continue 
your  present  method  of  dancing.  I  don't  like  it, 
and  I  don't  think  it  belongs  in  this  ballroom.  I 
am  saying  this  to  you  not  so  much  for  my  own 
sake  as  for  the  sake  of  the  girls  here  with  whom 
you  do  most  of  your  dancing.  Don't  you  think 
you  owe  it  to  them  to  make  your  dancing  less 
suggestive?"  It  will  not  be  possible  for  him  to 
bluff  his  way  out  of  it,  as  he  could  with  the  young 
and  supposedly  unsophisticated  girl.  He  will  feel 
that,  without  doubt,  her  husband  has  enlightened 
her  as  to  the  things  she  should  not  allow  in  danc- 
ing, and  it  may  be  that  her  brief  words,  kindly 
spoken,  will  arouse  his  better  nature  and  cause 
him  to  make  a  radical  change  in  his  manner. 

Of  course,  husband  and  wife  are  not  supposed 
to  allow  any  feeling  of  jealousy  to  creep  in  when 
they  see  each  other  in  some  one  else's  arms.  It 

95 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

may  be  difficult  for  one  or  the  other  of  them  al- 
ways to  live  up  to  this  standard.  In  that  case, 
where  there  is  true  love  it  will  be  a  very  small 
sacrifice  to  allay  the  feeling  by  refusing  to  dance 
with  those  who  arouse  this  unhappy  state  of 
mind.  The  pleasure  derived  from  the  occasional 
dance  cannot  weigh  in  the  balance  against  the 
happiness  of  the  home. 

It  is  most  appropriate  to  consider  dress  in  con- 
nection with  the  subject  of  dancing,  although 
there  is  so  much  that  may  be  said  upon  this  sub- 
ject that  it  would  almost  seem  to  deserve  a  chap- 
ter by  itself. 

It  is  strange  to  think  that  a  land  of  civilization 
and  freedom  like  our  own  should  retain  in  some 
of  its  social  customs  such  relics  of  barbarism,  for 
example,  as  grew  up  in  connection  with  the  slave 
market. 

In  the  days  when  women  were  bought  and  sold 
as  chattels,  it  was,  of  course,  customary  to  expose 
their  charms  to  the  prospective  buyers.  Without 
any  doubt,  this  was  the  origin  of  the  custom 
which  still  obtains  in  fashionable  circles  of  the 
women  appearing  at  evening  gatherings  in  what 
is  usually  referred  to  as  evening  dress,  but  which 
might  more  appropriately  be  termed  evening  un- 
dress. Whatever  charms  a  woman  thinks  she 
possesses,  she  endeavors  upon  such  occasions  to 
display  to  the  fullest  extent.  If  her  back  is  sup- 
posed to  be  particularly  beautiful,  she  will  have 
the  V  cut  almost  to  the  waistline.  The  fashion 
nowadays  seems  to  demand  absolutely  no  sleeves, 

96 


DANCING  AND  DRESS 

which,  of  course,  calls  for  the  removal  of  the  hair 
under  the  arms. 

Not  only  is  a  large  portion  of  the  body  left  un- 
covered, but  the  material  of  which  the  gown  is 
made  is  so  flimsy  that,  so  far  as  covering  the  un- 
derwear is  concerned,  there  might  just  as  well  be 
nothing  put  over  it.  The  idea  seems  to  be  that 
having  spent  much  money  in  beautiful  lingerie 
it  is  absolutely  necessary  to  make  everybody 
aware  of  the  fact. 

The  impression  made  upon  the  mind  of  a  lad 
of  sixteen  by  this  style  of  dress  is  well  indicated 
by  the  remark  of  one  who  was  arguing  with  his 
mother  over  the  question  as  to  whether  or  not  it 
was  more  expensive  to  clothe  a  boy  than  a  girl. 
He  insisted  that  a  boy  was  a  much  greater  ex- 
pense. When  his  mother  referred  to  a  girl's 
party  gown,  he  said,  "Why,  you  don't  mean  to 
say  that  that  little  thing  she  wears  over  her  un- 
derclothes costs  anything  to  speak  of?"  His  de- 
scription seems  very  good  for  the  modern  party 
dress — "the  little  thing  she  wears  over  her  un- 
derclothes." 

Apparel  which  is  intended  for  every  day  use 
partakes  of  the  same  transparent  nature.  Even 
those  young  women  who  go  daily  into  the  busi- 
ness world,  where  they  are  thrown  constantly 
into  association  with  men  of  whose  habit  of  life 
and  mental  attitude  they  know  nothing  whatever, 
will  nevertheless  put  on  a  waist  made  of  the  most 
filmy  material  and  then  attract  attention  by 
bright  colored  ribbons  and  bows  to  what  is  under- 

97 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

neath.  How  can  they  expect  strange  men  really 
to  respect  them  when  they  thus  brazenly  call  at- 
tention to  the  personal  charms  which  should  be 
reserved  for  the  intimacies  of  married  life? 

Why  women  of  refinement  who  have  absolute 
control  over  their  own  persons  should  publicly 
place  themselves,  as  it  were,  upon  the  auction 
block  in  this  manner,  is  more  than  any  reasoning 
being  can  understand. 

The  probability  is  that  the  majority  of  the  good 
women  who  dress  in  this  way  do  so  absolutely  un- 
thinkingly. They  accept  the  decree  of  fashion 
without  asking  themselves  where  this  fashion 
may  have  originated.  Neither  do  they  stop  to 
consider  what  the  effect  may  be  upon  those  who 
come  in  contact  with  them.  They  should  know, 
however,  that  the  young  men  of  today  are  saying 
openly  amongst  themselves  and  to  women  of  in- 
telligence, "How  can  women  expect  us  men  to 
keep  ourselves  pure  and  clean  and  our  passions 
stilled  when  they  so  openly  endeavor  to  stimulate 
our  lower  desires  in  every  way  in  their  power? 
We  cannot  respect  them  when  they  make  them- 
selves so  common,  and  naturally  we  follow  their 
lead  and  look  upon  them  as  our  playthings  to 
amuse  us  for  an  idle  hour  or  two." 

Not  until  the  women  of  this  nation  respect 
themselves  too  much  to  make  themselves  thus 
common  can  we  hope  to  see  our  young  men  live 
up  to  the  standards  of  purity  of  thought  and  act 
which  the  welfare  of  the  nation  demands.  Wo- 
men need  to  think  of  these  matters  seriously  at 

98 


DANCING  AND  DRESS 

this  time.  Our  government  is  doing  everything 
in  its  power  to  instil  high  ideals  of  personal  chas- 
tity in  the  minds  of  the  boys  in  khaki.  What 
hope  is  there  for  success  in  this  effort,  if  they 
cannot  enlist  the  women  of  the  nation  to  exert 
their  influence  along  the  same  line  ?  The  women 
can  do  this  only  by  showing  the  better  way. 
When  they  have  developed  true  modesty  and 
self-respect,  so  that  they  refuse  to  be  led  into 
these  extremes  of  fashion  so  suggestive  of  the  un- 
derworld, then,  and  not  until  then,  will  they  be 
able  to  inspire  the  young  men  of  the  nation  to 
lives  of  highest  morality  and  self-control. 

Nothing  has  been  said  in  connection  with  this 
matter  of  dress  about  the  length  of  skirts,  be- 
cause it  is  reasonable  and  right  for  women  to  de- 
sire to  liberate  themselves  from  the  encumbrance 
of  the  traditional  long  skirt.  It  is  not  necessary, 
however,  for  women  to  endeavor  to  wear  cob- 
webs for  stockings,  or  to  have  them  of  such  color 
that  it  is  necessary  for  the  observer  to  look  twice 
in  order  to  make  sure  that  there  is  any  covering 
upon  the  limbs. 

It  would  really  be  a  splendid  thing  if  women 
would  just  think  a  little  bit  less  about  their  ap- 
pearance, and  a  little  bit  more  about  what  they 
really  are.  After  all,  character  does  count  some- 
what, even  with  a  mere  man.  He  may  be  allured 
in  the  beginning  by  a  bewitching  curl  or  a  fas- 
cinating dimple,  but  if  he  finds  nothing  to  sustain 
these  charms,  he  will  probably  turn  to  more  in- 
teresting companionship. 

99 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

The  young  wife  would  do  well  to  pay  a  little 
heed  to  her  husband's  hints  in  regard  to  clothing, 
not  so  much  as  to  style  and  so  on,  but  rather  as 
to  the  impression  made  upon  men  by  women's 
dress.  He  may  be  able  to  open  her  eyes  to  some 
things  she  had  not  considered  before;  and,  with 
the  added  knowledge  of  a  married  woman,  she 
may  here  also  prove  a  practical  help  to  the 
girls  of  her  acquaintance.  We  have  no  right  to 
put  temptation  in  the  way  of  'others,  and  if 
woman's  present  style  of  dress  makes  life  more 
difficult  for  men,  she  owes  it  to  her  self-respect 
to  change  her  mode  of  dressing  at  once. 


100 


The  Essentials  of  a  Happy  Marriage 

THE  first  great  essential  of  a  happy  mar- 
riage is  a  deep,  intense,  reciprocal  love. 
So  strong  is  the  desire  for  marriage  that  many 
individuals  make  the  experiment  of  trying  to  find 
happiness  in  marriage  without  this  first  great  es- 
sential. 

The  young  woman  longs  for  a  home  and  for 
children  of  her  own.  She  says  to  herself,  in  con- 
sidering the  proposal  of  some  admirer,  "This  man 
says  he  loves  me  devotedly  and  will  do  every- 
thing to  make  me  happy.  I  do  not  dislike  him ; 
on  the  contrary,  I  find  his  society  very  agreeable. 
He  has  a  good  income.  He  can  give  me  all  that 
I  crave  in  the  way  of  home  and  children.  I  may 
never  have  another  chance." 

So  she  accepts  him,  believing  that  she  is  in  a 
fair  way  to  find  the  happiness  which  she  craves. 
Marriage,  however,  is  the  most  intimate  relation- 
ship of  life,  and  calls,  therefore,  for  the  greatest 
amount  of  forbearance  and  understanding.  Only 
a  great  love  will  enable  one  to  stand  the  strain 
of  the  exigencies  of  the  marriage  state.  The 
liking  which  seemed  a  sufficient  basis  for  the 
union,  instead  of  growing  into  love,  as  was  ex- 
pected, may  turn  into  positive  dislike,  because  of 
the  many  little  things  which  come  up  to  cause  a 

101 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

disagreeable  rasping  between  the  two  personal- 
ities. 

The  great  difficulty,  of  course,  is  to  be  able  to 
recognize  a  true  and  lasting  love.  Many  a  young 
girl  faces  her  first  proposal  in  the  greatest  condi- 
tion of  uncertainty. 

"How  can  I  know  whether  I  love  this  man"? 
is  the  unspoken  question  that  springs  up  in  the 
minds  of  hundreds  of  girls.  They  would  give 
anything  to  have  some  one  of  riper  experience 
to  turn  to  who  might  help  them  understand  their 
own  emotions. 

The  first  assistance  that  can  be  given  these 
girls  is  this  fundamental  proposition:  So  long 
as  there  is  any  doubt  in  your  own  mind  as  to 
whether  or  not  you  love  a  man,  that  doubt  in 
itself  is  proof  that  your  feeling  for  him  is  not 
the  intense  and  overwhelming  emotion  which 
would  stand  the  strain  of  a  lifetime.  Not  until 
a  deep  conviction  is  borne  in  upon  your  soul  that 
this  man  is  the  one  man  for  you  should  you  even 
consider  binding  yourself  to  him  in  any  perma- 
nent way. 

This  does  not  mean,  necessarily,  that  sudden, 
apparently  overwhelming  passion  is  the  true  love 
of  a  life  time.  It  does  mean,  however,  that,  so 
long  as  doubt  remains  in  the  mind,  there  should 
be  no  definite  action  taken.  The  time  may  come 
when  this  very  same  individual  may  become  all 
the  world  to  the  young  woman ;  but  until  she  be- 
comes convinced  that  he  is  she  should  take  no 
definite  step. 

102 


HAPPY  MARRIAGE  ESSENTIALS 

Suppose,  however,  that  she  has  been  overtaken 
by  a  sudden  passion.  How  is  she  to  know  whether 
or  not  it  is  lasting?  One  of  the  very  best  ways 
is  to 'submit  to  the  test  of  absence.  Let  her  send 
the  young  man  away  from  her  for  a  fairly  long 
period  of  time,  or  let  her  seek  other  scenes  of 
activity  for  herself.  If,  as  time  goes  by,  in  spite 
of  her  separation  from  him,  she  finds  herself  more 
and  more  persistently  drawn  by  her  heart  in  his 
direction,  and  this  feeling  grows  more  intense 
the  longer  they  remain  apart,  then  she  may  feel 
somewhat  assured  that  there  is  the  desired  per- 
manency in  the  love  that  has  come  to  her. 

The  intense  and  overpowering  form  of  love 
which  we  call  passion  is  an  essential  component 
of  the  love  which  should  result  in  marriage.  This 
does  not  mean  a  passion  which  is  selfish  or  de- 
based. It  does  mean,  however,  an  intensity  which 
is  able  to  sweep  aside  much  which  otherwise 
might  form  insurmountable  obstacles. 

Not  only,  however,  must  there  be  a  powerful 
physical  attraction,  but  the  mind  as  well  must 
be  satisfied.  A  most  essential  element  of  a  last- 
ing love  is  an  abiding  admiration.  Each  one 
of  us  desires  to  be  able  to  look  up  to  those  whom 
we  love,  and  mutual  admiration  is  necessary  for 
a  successful  marriage. 

In  addition  to  this,  there  must  be  absolute  sin- 
cerity. Friends  may  be  able  to  overlook  a  little 
occasional  dissimulation,  but  in  the  close  inter- 
change of  thought  which  takes  place  in  the  daily 
companionship  of  marriage,  the  least  tinge  of 

103 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

insincerity  injects  an  element  of  instability. 
There  must  be  complete  confidence  each  in  the 
other,  so  that,  no  matter  what  may  happen,  that 
faith  which  is  the  foundation  of  permanency  may 
never  be  shaken.  This  abiding  faith  will  lead  to 
the  constant  interchange  of  mutual  confidences. 
This  will  tend  to  the  building  up  and  strengthen- 
ing of  those  mutual  interests  which  go  so  far 
toward  uniting  the  two  lives  into  one  common 
existence.  Each  should  be  deeply  interested  in 
the  least  occurrence  which  happens  to  the  other, 
and,  through  the  constant  sharing  of  the  daily 
happenings,  will  come  an  increasing  of  the  joys 
and  a  decreasing  of  the  sorrows  of  life. 

Even  more  important  than  physical  and  mental 
harmony  is  a  unity  of  spiritual  development.  It 
is  only  in  the  realm  of  the  spirit  that  real  unity 
can  be  achieved.  For  this  reason,  the  two  should 
ever  strive  to  draw  closer  and  closer  together 
in  all  that  pertains  to  the  life  of  the  real  self, 
which  is  the  life  of  the  spirit. 

When  we  turn  to  a  consideration  of  the  indi- 
vidual endowments  which  lead  to  a  successful 
marriage,  we  find,  first  of  all,  the  great  need  for 
physical  health  and  vigor.  Health  means  whole- 
ness, happiness,  superabundant  vitality  and  the 
overflowing  good  cheer  which  carries  one  trium- 
phantly over  the  hard  places  of  life. 

Next,  we  must  have  courage,  the  daring  that  is 
willing  to  take  a  chance,  and  glories  in  the  con- 
flict because,  through  struggle,  one  may  achieve 
mastery. 

104 


HAPPY  MARRIAGE  ESSENTIALS 

A  keen  sense  of  humor  is  a  great  lubricator 
of  life's  machinery.  The  one  who  can  see  some- 
thing funny  in  the  most  tragic  situation  is  the 
one  who  can  most  quickly  regain  that  equilib- 
rium which  is  the  first  step  toward  extricating 
one's  self  from  the  difficulty. 

And  then,  with  all  this,  must  go  the  spirit  of 
willingness  to  compromise  on  non-essentials. 
Where  it  is  a  matter  of  principle,  each  one  must 
stand  for  what  he  or  she  sees  to  be  right,  but 
where  it  is  a  matter  of  mere  detail,  the  one  who 
most  quickly  sacrifices  personal  preferences  on 
the  altar  of  love  most  quickly  proves  his  or  her 
fitness  for  connubial  bliss. 


105 


CHAPTER  XIX 
Wedding  Preparations 

AS  the  engagement  draws  near  an  end,  the 
young  woman  begins  to  turn  her  attention 
more  definitely  to  the  subjects  of  a  trousseau, 
the  wedding  and  the  wedding  journey.  These 
matters  rest  very  largely  in  her  hands,  and  it  is 
well,  therefore,  for  her  to  give  careful  considera- 
tion to  them.  She  will,  of  course,  make  her  own 
decisions  upon  these  matters,  but  a  few  words 
of  advice  may  not  be  amiss. 

While  it  is  delightful  to  have  a  plentiful  sup- 
ply of  all  sorts  of  dainty  wearing  apparel  when 
one  marries,  it  is  much  more  important  to  be  in 
the  best  possible  health  and  spirits.  For  this  rea- 
son, it  is  not  well  for  the  bride-to-be  to  plan  a 
great  lot  of  hand-embroidered  lingerie  which  will 
call  forth  the  envy  of  her  girl  companions  and 
probably  the  execration  of  her  future  unfortu- 
nate laundress.  Daintiness  and  simplicity  can  go 
together,  and  some  of  her  time  and  strength  and 
eyesight  might  well  be  devoted  to  other  and 
more  important  matters  at  this  time. 

Let  her  remember,  too,  when  deciding  what 
she  must  buy,  that  her  parents  may  want  to  make 
a  few  purchases  after  she  has  left  them.  If  she 
is  a  thoughtful  daughter,  she  will  leave  a  little 
money  in  the  family  exchequer. 

106 


THE  WEDDING  PREPARATIONS 

Moreover,  let  her  remember  that  styles  change, 
and  if  she  supplies  herself  with  too  large  a  ward- 
robe, she  will  have  no  excuse  for  getting  any- 
thing new. 

Let  her,  in  this  as  in  all  other  matters,  use  her 
own  good  judgment,  and  pay  little  or  no  atten- 
tion to  the  comments  and  possible  advice  of  those 
who  judge  only  by  appearances  and  who  think 
more  of  dress  than  they  do  of'  character. 

As  for  the  wedding,  if  she  will  consult  her  hus- 
band-to-be, she  will  find,  in  the  majority  of  in- 
stances, that  the  one  thing  he  is  praying  for  fer- 
vently is  to  be  allowed  to  have  a  simple,  unosten- 
tatious wedding.  Since  the  life  they  are  entering 
upon  together  is  still  more  or  less  of  an  experi- 
ment, it  would  seem  to  be  in  good  taste  for  them 
to  be  rather  modest  about  it.  When  they  come  to 
celebrate  their  silver  or  golden  wedding  anniver- 
sary, then  they  can  afford  to  make  a  big  splurge. 

Lastly  there  is  the  all-important  question  of 
the  wedding  journey.  It  is,  of  course,  delightful 
for  the  two  to  have  together  the  joy  of  some 
pleasurable  sight-seeing  trip,  but,  on  the  other 
hand,  there  is  always  the  probability  that  every- 
body is  going  to  pick  them  out  as  bride  and 
groom,  and  they  will  feel  so  conspicuous  that 
more  than  half  of  the  pleasure  will  be  spoiled 
for  them.  Many  a  girl  shows  her  good  sense  by 
preferring  to  go  at  once  into  her  own  little  home 
nest  and  enjoy  to  the  full,  in  those  first  weeks 
and  months,  the  thrill  that  comes  to  them  both 
through  the  knowledge  that  this  little  home  is 

107 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

theirs.  They  will  avoid  many  of  the  inconveni- 
ences of  travel  and  the  jarring  notes  which  these 
may  bring  to  their  new  life  together,  which  is 
now  entering  upon  its  difficult  period  of  adjust- 
ment. Within  the  quiet  realm  of  home  harmony 
may  more  easily  develop  than  out  in  the  hurley- 
burly  of  the  traveling  world. 


108 


CHAPTER  XX 
The  Physical  Relationship  of  Marriage 

IN  the  days  when  marriages  were  arranged  for 
girls  by  their  parents,  they  were  supposed  to 
be  handed  over  to  their  lords  and  masters  in  what 
was  considered  to  be  a  beautiful  state  of  inno- 
cence— which  meant  that  they  were  completely 
ignorant  of  the  real  meaning  of  marriage.  Young 
women  today  are  not  compelled  to  enter  the 
state  of  matrimony  with  their  eyes  blindfolded 
in  this  manner,  and  it  is  advisable  for  every  girl 
to  inform  herself  upon  this  most  important  ques- 
tion. 

Marriage  entails  a  physical  relationship  be- 
tween husband  and  wife.  For  generations  it  has 
been  considered  that  marriage  bestowed  upon 
the  man  the  right  to  demand  this  relationship 
whenever  he  desired  it.  In  some  of  our  States 
at  the  present  time,  the  continued  refusal  of  a 
wife  to  enter  into  this  relationship  constitutes 
grounds  for  divorce.  This  our  young  women 
should  understand. 

With  the  development  of  the  idea  of  personal 
freedom  has  come  the  feeling,  on  the  part  of 
many  women,  that  they  should  have  the  right  of 
ownership  of  their  own  bodies — in  other  words, 
that  they  should  have  the  privilege  of  choosing 
whether  or  not  they  will  acquiesce  in  their  hus- 

109 


bands'  desire  for  entering  into  the  physical  rela- 
tionship of  marriage. 

Since,  however,  it  has  been  for  so  long  a  time 
an  accepted  idea  that  the  husband's  right  over 
the  wife's  body  was  inherent,  it  is  advisable  for 
any  young  woman  who  takes  the  other  point  of 
view  to  make  her  attitude  thoroughly  understood 
by  her  future  husband  before  she  definitely  takes 
upon  herself  the  obligations  of  the  marriage 
state.  Fortunately,  these  subjects  are  more  open 
for  discussion  today  than  ever  before,  and  there 
is  no  reason  why  two  young  people,  approach- 
ing matrimony,  should  not  discuss  this  most  im- 
portant question  carefully  and  frankly  together. 

If  the  young  man  understands  the  young  wom- 
an's attitude,  and  is  ready  to  acquiesce  in  it,  their 
life  together  will  be  established  upon  a  firm  foun- 
dation of  mutual  understanding,  and  in  the  after 
years  there  will  be  no  opportunity  for  recrimina- 
tions, or  for  the  accusation  that  the  man  was  led 
into  a  union  whose  obligations  the  woman  did 
not  intend  to  fulfill. 

On  the  other  hand,  however,  many  women  have 
need  to  ask  themselves  whether  they  have  the 
right  mental  attitude  toward  this  question  of  the 
marriage  relation. 

For  generations  women  have  been  so  trained 
to  look  upon  this  physical  relationship  as  some- 
thing to  be  condemned  as  belonging  to  the  lower 
forms  of  life,  and,  therefore,  beneath  human  be^ 
ings,  that  they  have  arrived,  many  of  them,  at 
an  abnormal  state  of  sex-suppression.  They  do 

no 


PHYSICAL    RELATIONSHIP 

not  dare  to  follow  their  own  natural  impulses, 
and  they  do  not  realize  how  unnatural  their  con- 
dition really  is.  They  live  in  a  constant  state  of 
mental  conflict  which  is  most  deterimental  phys- 
ically, and  most  disturbing  every  other  way.  If 
they  could  realize  that  the  racial  impulse  is  the 
highest  physical  impulse  which  comes  to  human 
beings,  that  it  serves  a  great  and  noble  purpose, 
and  that  it  is  only  its  abuse  which  we  need  to 
guard  ourselves  against,  they  would  gradually 
free  themselves  from  this  unnatural  bondage  to 
old-time  Puritanism,  and  eventually  come  out 
into  the  freer  life  of  the  normal  individual. 

There  may  be  those  who  have  advanced  to  the 
point  where  they  do  not  need  this  physical  ex- 
pression of  their  sex  natures.  The  average  hu- 
man being,  however,  needs  a  normal  physical 
expression  of  this  side  of  his  or  her  nature,  and 
in  a  successful  marriage  husband  and  wife  co- 
operate to  find  out  what  is  the  basis  of  their 
mutual  satisfaction  and  highest  happiness. 

A  word  of  suggestion  might  be  spoken  here  to 
the  average  young  woman  to  avoid  the  man  who 
is  over-developed  sexually,  and  who,  therefore, 
will  be  likely  to  make  too  great  demands  upon 
his  wife.  The  man  of  self-control,  who  shows 
consideration  for  those  about  him,  can  gener- 
ally be  trusted  to  exercise  these  same  qualities 
in  the  intimate  relationship  of  marriage. 

In  this  matter  of  consideration,  a  woman  can 
get  a  pretty  good  line  on  a  man  by  observing  his 
attitude  toward  his  mother  and  his  sisters,  and  his 

111 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

treatment  of  them  under  e very-day  conditions. 
If  she  can  get  an  invitation  to  visit  in  his  home, 
she  stands  a  pretty  good  chance  of  getting  an 
idea  as  to  what  she  can  expect  from  him  after 
they  are  established  in  their  own  home. 

Moreover,  under  such  circumstances,  she  will 
also  have  an  opportunity  to  make  some  observa- 
tions as  to  the  qualities  and  characteristics  which 
her  children  stand  a  likelihood  of  inheriting  from 
his  parents.  We  must  remember  that  children 
inherit  from  grandparents  as  well  as  from  par- 
ents. Many  times,  in  fact,  children  will  more 
closely  resemble  their  more  remote  than  their  im- 
mediate ancestors. 

The  science  of  eugenics  is  taking  a  prominent 
place  in  public  discussions  today,  and  every 
young  woman  should  endeavor  to  learn  whether 
or  not  there  are  any  constitutionally  weak  strains 
in  the  family  which  she  is  thinking  of  entering. 
Is  there  a  tendency  toward  epilepsy,  insanity,  tu- 
berculosis, mental  weaknesses  of  any  kind,  in  the 
prospective  husband's  family? 

If  her  own  inheritance  is  unusually  good,  she 
can  feel  that  there  is  a  possibility  that  that  may 
offset  slight  deficiencies  on  the  other  side  of  the 
family,  but  if  on  her  side  also  there  are  weak 
strains,  she  must  be  careful  to  see  to  it  that  they 
are  not  duplicated  on  the  husband's  side.  It  is  for 
this  reason  that  the  marriage  of  cousins  is  gen- 
erally to  be  deplored,  for  they  bring  to  the  de- 
scendents  a  duplication  of  inheritance  which,  in 
many  instances,  is  most  undesirable. 

112 


CHAPTER  XXI 
The  Basis  of  Marital  Happiness 

EVERY  girl  should  realize,  when  she  prom- 
ises to  marry  a  man,  that  she  not  only  has 
accepted  him  as  a  lifelong  companion,  but  that 
she  has  definitely  agreed  to  enter  into  the  closest 
physical  relationship.  In  the  olden  days,  when 
a  girl  was  brought  up  in  carefully  shielded  seclu- 
sion, taught  that  anything  approaching  intimacy 
with  the  opposite  sex  was  unworthy  of  a  true 
woman,  and  allowed  to  enter  the  state  of  matri- 
mony without  any  elucidation  of  what  that  would 
mean  to  her,  it  is  not  to  be  wondered  at  that 
many  young  brides  received  such  nervous  and 
physical  shocks  during  the  first  few  weeks  of 
married  life  that  they  never  completely  recovered 
from  them.  It  is  certainly  most  unfortunate  to 
train  a  young  woman  throughout  her  childhood 
and  girlhood  in  such  a  way  that  the  normal  expe- 
riences of  womanhood  become  to  her  a  source 
of  mental  conflict  which  all  but  ruins  her  whole 
life. 

It  is  only  very  recently  that  we  have  begun  to 
understand  what  effect  such  ever-present  mental 
conflicts  have  upon  the  physical  organism.  Only 
those  who  have  passed  through  them  comprehend 
the  intense  suffering  which  they  cause.  Many  a 
young  woman  has  begun  to  run  down  in  health 

113 


immediately  after  marriage,  not  so  much  because 
her  husband  has  made  excessive  demands  upon 
her,  as  because  she  feels  degraded  every  time  she 
enters  into  the  relationship  which  should  be  to 
her  the  most  sacred  in  life.  The  failing  lies,  not 
in  the  young  people  themselves,  in  many  in- 
stances, but  in  the  mistaken  training  which  has 
been  given  them. 

It  is  true  that  sometimes  men  are  so  carried 
away  by  the  intensity  of  their  own  passion  that 
they  overwhelm  the  young  bride  with  their  de- 
mands upon  her,  expecting  her  to  respond  to 
their  advances  with  a  passion  equal  to  their  own. 

As  a  rule,  however,  the  normal  young  man  is 
not  so  completely  a  victim  of  his  own  feelings 
as  to  be  absolutely  inconsiderate  of  the  natural 
timidity  and  reluctance  of  a  bride.  The  real  lover 
waits  upon  every  word  and  look  and  gesture  of 
the  beloved,  and,  by  so  doing,  woos  her  gently  to 
her  full  surrender. 

In  this  matter,  without  doubt,  many  young 
men  need  to  have  made  clear  to  them  the  differ- 
ence between  the  woman's  sex  impulse  and  the 
man's.  His  responds  with  sudden  force  when 
once  aroused.  Hers  is  more  like  a  rising  tide 
which  slowly  gains  the  power  needed  to  carry  her 
out  of  herself  into  the  realm  of  self-surrender. 
For  this  reason,  the  man  should  have  patience 
and  learn  to  exercise  the  arts  of  the  lover. 

On  the  other  hand,  however,  the  wife  should 
not  feel  it  incumbent  upon  her  to  resist  his  ad- 
vances, to  steel  herself  against  any  possible  giv- 

114 


BASIS  OF  MARITAL  HAPPINESS 

ing  way  to  his  blandishments.  It  is  normal  that 
their  desire  for  the  union  of  their  souls  should 
express  itself,  in  appropriate  moments  of  highest 
exaltation  and  desire,  in  a  physical  union.  When 
the  young  wife  views  this  relationship  in  its  true 
light,  she  will  no  longer  shrink  from  it  in  the  dis- 
gust that  sometimes  threatens  to  wreck  the  life 
happiness  of  a  newly  wedded  pair.  It  is  wise  for 
her  to  exercise  self-control  and  to  influence  her 
husband  to  the  same  end,  but,  at  the  same  time, 
when  she  gives  herself  to  him  it  should  be  in  the 
fullest  abandon  of  devotion  and  deepest  love. 

It  has  been  well  said  that  woman  has  a  natural 
instinct  in  these  matters,  which,  if  she  will  but 
follow  it,  makes  of  her  the  true  guardian  and 
priestess  of  the  temple  of  marriage.  If  she  re- 
fuses herself  to  her  husband  at  all  times,  how- 
ever, she  defeats  the  purpose  of  this  instinct  and 
renders  him  dissatisfied,  eventually,  it  may  be, 
bringing  about  a  separation.  If  she  gives  her- 
self to  him  so  joyously  as  to  bring  fullest  satis- 
faction at  those  times  when  her  impulse  leads 
her  to  do  so,  she  will  have  but  little  difficulty  in 
exercising  the  gentle  powers  of  restraint  at  other 
times,  when  his  tentative  approach  does  not  meet 
with  the  fullest  response  of  her  own  nature. 

No  wife  should  feel  that  her  husband  has  the 
right  to  control  her  body,  and  that  she  must  re- 
sign herself  to  him  whenever  he  makes  a  demand 
upon  her.  This  is  contrary  to  Nature.  Through- 
out the  living  realm  we  see  that  it  is  the  feminine 
nature  which  indicates  the  proper  moments  for 

115 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

union,  and  if  a  woman  resigns  herself  to  her  hus- 
band in  this  way  when  her  own  impulses  do  not 
lead  her  in  that  direction,  she  is  doing  him  a 
great  injury.  Where  there  is  not  a  full  response 
on  her  part  there  is  not  full  satisfaction  on  his, 
and  in  time  the  relationship  becomes  a  source  of 
physical  weakness  to  him  which  may  in  the  end 
have  serious  consequences.  Many  a  woman, 
with  the  mistaken  notion  that  she  is  doing  her 
duty  to  her  husband  by  giving  way  to  his  every 
demand,  has  really  proven  untrue  to  her  real  re- 
sponsibility toward  him,  and  has,  all  unwittingly, 
been  the  means  of  encouraging  him  in  such  ex- 
cesses as  may  eventually  result  in  his  impotence. 

To  the  majority  of  wives  no  doubt  the  idea 
that  they  are  the  rightful  arbiters  in  this  matter 
of  the  intimacies  of  married  life  will  be  a  new 
one. 

They  look  upon  their  own  desires  as  something 
concerning  only  themselves,  and  the  majority  of 
them  therefore  feel  that  these  should  give  way  to 
the  husband's  wishes.  But  when  they  learn  that 
it  is  for  his  good  that  they  should  exercise  this 
control  they  will  look  upon  the  matter  differ- 
ently. 

They  must  understand  that  the  life-giving  fluid 
called  the  semen,  which  is  produced  in  the  cre- 
ative organs  of  the  man,  is  of  great  value  in  the 
upbuilding  of  his  own  body.  It  is  only  within 
comparatively  recent  times  that  the  marvelous 
power  of  this  creative  fluid  in  building  up  and 
making  over  the  body  of  the  individual  has  been 

116 


BASIS  OF  MARITAL  HAPPINESS 

thoroughly  understood.  In  sexual  intimacies 
there  is  a  discharge  of  this  creative  fluid  from  the 
body  of  the  man,  but  where  there  is  a  full  re- 
sponse on  the  part  of  the  wife,  there  seems  to  be 
an  exchange  of  magnetism  or  energy  which 
makes  up  for  the  loss.  If,  however,  his  desire 
alone  is  active  and  she  is  simply  fulfilling  a  sup- 
posed wifely  duty,  she  gives  nothing  to  him,  and 
he,  therefore,  suffers  a  definite  loss  in  vitality. 
It  is  claimed  by  some  that  such  one-sided  intima- 
cies are  almost  as  harmful  to  the  man  as  mastur- 
bation. Frequent  indulgence  upon  this  basis 
must  result  in  a  loss  of  vital  energy  which  will 
deprive  the  man  of  the  strength  and  vigor  needed 
for  the  performance  of  his  life  tasks. 

Even  when  the  wife  gives  fullest  response  it 
will  not  do  to  enter  too  frequently  into  this  rela- 
tionship. Anything  approaching  sexual  excess 
must  gradually  have  a  devitalizing  effect  upon 
the  constitution,  which  may  make  itself  manifest 
through  an  increasing  tendency  toward  some  in- 
herited weakness.  Moreover,  there  is  a  great 
nervous  strain  associated  with  this  experience, 
which  causes  eventually  a  sapping  of  the  brain 
energy,  rendering  the  man  less  mentally  capable 
and  efficient. 

Like  all  other  desires  this  also  was  meant  to 
be  under  the  control  of  the  soul,  and,  as  a  wom- 
an's impulses  are  generally  less  intense  than 
man's,  it  naturally  becomes  her  place  to  exercise 
the  art  of  control. 

It  sometimes  happens  that  the  woman  can  en- 

117 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

dure  more  frequent  intercourse  than  can  the 
man.  Let  her  watch  and  see  whether  or  not  her 
husband  seems  to  be  somewhat  lacking  in  vigor 
on  the  morning  following  his  marital  experience, 
and  so  learn  whether  or  not  she  is  stimulating 
him  too  greatly  on  this  side  of  his  nature.  She 
can  easily  learn  to  satisfy  his  desire  for  affection- 
ate demonstration  without  arousing  his  passion, 
and  she  should,  for  his  sake,  if  not  for  her  own, 
develop  this  art  to  its  highest  degree. 

There  are  some  at  the  present  time,  and  the 
number  may  be  increasing,  who  believe  that  the 
marriage  relationship  should  be  entered  into  only 
for  the  purpose  of  procreation.  If  the  young 
woman  possesses  this  belief,  she  owes  it  to  her 
future  husband  to  make  her  position  in  this  mat- 
ter perfectly  plain  to  him,  and  to  assure  herself 
that  his  acquiescence  in  this  plan  will  be  volun- 
tarily and  fully,  not  grudgingly,  given.  If  he 
does  not  also  in  his  own  heart  believe  as  she  does, 
their  future  relationship  will  be  very  taxing  to 
him,  because  in  all  probability  his  sexual  desires 
will  be  aroused,  and,  being  unsatisfied,  may  be 
the  cause  of  distress  and  even  of  physical  weak- 
ness to  him.  There  are  those  who  seem  to 
have  proven  that  they  can  live  together  in  the 
closest  intimacy  of  married  life,  keeping  their 
procreative  powers  for  procreative  purposes 
only,  and  who  appear  to  experience  no  ill  effects 
physically.  These  cases,  however,  are  the  excep- 
tion and  such  relationship  seems  to  call  for  indi- 
viduals of  an  unusual  development. 

118 


CHAPTER  XXII 
Regulating  the  Relation  of  Husband  and  Wife 

TWO  young  people  starting  out  on  life's 
journey  together  have  a  great  work  of  ad- 
justment to  perform.  Heretofore  they  have  lived 
a  more  or  less  self-centered  existence.  To  a  very 
large  degree  they  have  consulted  only  their  own 
preferences  and  considered  only  the  working  out 
of  their  own  plans.  Now  they  must  discover 
how  the  two  personalities  can  be  adjusted  to 
work  harmoniously  together,  and  together  get 
the  most  of  life. 

Probably  the  first  great  essential  to  success  in 
this  enterprise  is  the  proper  regulation  of  the 
marital  intimacy.  As  has  been  suggested,  the 
wife's  instinct,  normally,  will  be  a  fairly  compe- 
tent guide  in  these  matters.  If  she  is  normal,  she 
is  only  responsive  to  the  husband's  advances  at 
certain  periods  of  the  month,  and  this  would 
seem  to  indicate  that  the  greatest  satisfaction  to 
both  would  come  through  the  observance  of  this 
characteristic  of  her  nature.  To  be  sure,  many 
women  desire  to  avoid  this  particular  period,  be- 
cause it  is  during  the  days  immediately  preceding 
and  following  the  menses  that  conception  is  most 
likely  to  take  place,  but  to  postpone  this  inti- 
macy from  the  time  when  it  would  be  acceptable 
to  the  period  when  results  are  least  likely  to  fol- 

119 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

low,  will  not  be  conducive  to  the  greatest  satis- 
faction and  happiness  of  the  two  concerned. 

I  would  like  to  repeat  here  the  words  I  have 
used  in  another  volume  upon  this  point.  "Sex 
was  not  intended  primarily  for  the  pleasure  asso- 
ciated therewith.  The  Creator  had  a  deep  under- 
lying purpose,  and  when  we  defeat  this  purpose, 
using  this  important  function  solely  as  a  means 
of  pleasure,  we  can  rest  assured  that  the  full 
penalty  will  be  exacted  from  us." 

When  a  wife  discovers  that  she  is  apparently 
lacking  in  all  sexual  feeling  and  does  not  recipro- 
cate in  the  sexual  act,  she  should  make  a  study 
of  herself  to  discover,  if  she  can,  the  reason.  It 
may  be  that  she  is  suffering  from  general  phys- 
ical weakness,  in  which  condition  it  is  not  to  be 
expected  that  she  will  have  enough  surplus  vital- 
ity to  enjoy  the  marriage  relation,  because  it  will 
make  too  great  a  drain  upon  her  system. 

If  this  is  the  case,  she  should  set  herself  to 
work  to  build  up  her  general  health  through  a 
regime  of  regular  exercise,  plenty  of  bathing, 
proper  food,  and  a  great  deal  of  sunshine  and 
outdoor  air.  Cold  bathing  is  exhilarating  to  the 
nerves,  if  there  is  enough  physical  vigor  to  react 
well  afterward.  One  can  take  a  cold  shower  bath, 
or  half  fill  the  tub  with  water  the  night  before 
and  in  the  morning  step  into  it  and  quickly  dash 
it  over  the  body,  stepping  out  at  once  and  rub- 
bing the  body  vigorously  with  a  rough  towel. 
The  skin  should  become  a  healthful  pink,  and 
there  should  be  a  general  feeling  of  well-being 

120 


REGULATING    THE     RELATION 

as  a  result.  If  the  body  is  blue  and  cold,  there 
is  not  enough  vigor  to  react,  and  the  cold  bathing 
should  be  postponed  until,  through  other  means, 
greater  vitality  has  been  produced.  Air  baths 
have  a  very  tonic  and  soothing  effect  upon  the 
nerves.  If  a  wife  is  at  home  and  alone  during 
the  day,  let  her  lock  herself  in,  remove  all  her 
clothing,  and  take  some  gentle  exercises  in  the 
sunshine. 

It  is  important  that  the  sexual  relationship 
should  not  be  indulged  in  too  often.  It  is  diffi- 
cult to  say  just  what  is  excess  in  this  matter, 
because  what  is  permissible  for  one  may  be  ex- 
cessive for  another.  This,  at  least,  may  be  said 
to  all :  Do  not  allow  the  relationship  to  become 
such  a  commonplace,  through  its  frequency,  that 
it  loses  all  real  meaning.  Those  people  who  al- 
low themselves  to  enter  into  this  relationship  as 
regularly  as  they  perform  other  functions  of  their 
lives  have  lost  the  real  charm  and  zest  of  married 
life. 

This  act  is  meant  to  be  the  culminating  expres- 
sion of  an  overpowering  passion.  Its  purpose  is 
to  bring  into  existence  another  human  being,  who 
shall  be  the  living  representative  of  the  union 
of  two  souls.  Such  intensity  of  emotion  cannot 
be  frequently  produced,  and  those  who  enter  into 
the  marital  relationship  with  anything  like  regu- 
larity have  taken  it  from  its  high  place  of  sym- 
bolism and  lowered  it  to  where  it  has  simply  be- 
come a  source  of  physical  gratification. 

It  is  because  this  physical  act  should  be  the 

121 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

expression  of  a  spontaneous  outpouring  of  love 
that  anything  which  causes  it  to  appear  premedi- 
tated desecrates  the  whole  relationship.  A  mar- 
ried pair  should  learn  to  express  their  love  in  the 
closest  endearments  without  the  feeling  that  they 
must  always  eventuate  in  physical  union.  Other- 
wise, the  moment  any  advances  are  made  by  one 
in  the  direction  of  the  expression  of  love,  the 
other,  not  desiring  this  culmination,  at  once  feels 
it  necessary  to  draw  back,  and  thus  a  habit  of 
coldness  may  spring  up  between  the  two. 

Many  a  woman  has  lost  all  interest  in  life  be- 
cause she  finds  herself  compelled  to  give  herself 
up  in  this  way  night  after  night,  when  there  is 
nothing  within  her  own  nature  which  calls  for 
this  form  of  expression.  She  feels  degraded  in 
her  own  eyes,  and  longs  for  something  to  free 
her  from  such  slavery. 

She  should  remember,  however,  that  it  is  only 
those  who  are  afraid  to  assert  their  right  to  free- 
dom who  remain  slaves.  Many  times  the  wife's 
failure  to  speak  out  and  make  her  true  wishes 
known  at  the  beginning  of  their  life  together 
has  been  the  cause  of  the  husband's  tyranny. 
'Therefore,  the  blame  is  as  much  hers  as  it  is  his. 
Where  there  is  perfect  confidence  between  the 
two,  each  is  able  to  speak  his  or  her  own  mind 
without  fear,  and,  as  a  result,  matters  eventually 
are  satisfactorily  and  harmoniously  adjusted. 

Man's  passions  are  more  easily  aroused  than 
woman's,  and  more  insistent,  because  it  is  man's 
nature  to  be  active  and  energetic.  Woman  is  by 

122 


REGULATING    THE     RELATION 

nature  negative,  passive,  and,  for  this  reason,  is 
less  easily  stirred  and  can  more  readily  control 
herself.  It  is  for  this  reason  she  is  the  natural 
guardian  in  these  matters,  and  if  they  are  not 
properly  adjusted,  she  should  look  into  the  mat- 
ter to  discover  where  her  own  shortcoming  may 
be. 

Sometimes  the  use  of  separate  beds  will  be  of 
assistance  in  this  matter.  We  are  coming  to 
realize  more  clearly  today  than  ever  before  the 
advantage  of  retaining  one's  own  individuality. 
So  we  are  considering  more  carefully  the  right  of 
each  individual  to  separateness  from  all  other  in- 
dividuals. Children  are  no  longer  unquestion- 
ingly  put  together  into  the  same  bed  at  night. 
Each  child  has  his  or  her  own  little  crib.  It  sleeps 
much  more  comfortably  and  healthfully  as  a  re- 
sult. Husbands  and  wives  have  the  same  right 
to  and  need  for  separateness,  and  if  separate 
rooms  are  not  feasible,  should  at  least  have  sep- 
arate beds. 

Without  doubt,  much  of  the  marital  excess 
which  occurs  in  the  first  few  months  of  married 
life  would  be  prevented  if  the  persons  concerned 
occupied  separate  beds.  The  beds  may  be  in  the 
same  room,  they  may  be  placed  side  by  side ;  but 
so  long  as  they  are  separate  it  may  be  expected 
that  only  the  normal  instincts  of  the  husband  and 
wife  will  bring  them  together  at  the  proper  times. 
Without  doubt,  a  better  nervous  condition  would 
result,  as  there  is  likely  to  be  less  over-heating  of 
the  body,  and  sleep  is  more  comfortable. 

123 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

Although  the  marital  relation  may  be  consid- 
ered as,  in  a  way,  the  fundamental  question  in  the 
adjustment  of  the  two  lives,  nevertheless  there 
are  many  other  matters  which  call  for  considera- 
tion. 

For  instance,  there  is  the  question  as  to  how 
much  the  wife  should  wait  upon  the  husband.  It 
is  very  beautiful  for  the  young  bride  to  feel  that 
devotion  which  leads  her  to  endeavor  to  antici- 
pate every  wish  of  her  husband,  and  see  that  he 
has  at  hand  everything  which  he  may  desire.  For 
a  little  while  he  will  doubtless  be  very  apprecia- 
tive, but,  very  soon,  he  will  begin  to  take  it  for 
granted.  Then,  the  first  thing  the  young  wife 
knows,  she  will  find  that  he  is  demanding  of  her 
that  which  she  gave  in  the  first  place  as  an  ex- 
pression of  her  excess  of  devotion.  When  that 
time  comes  she  may  discover  that,  all  uncon- 
sciously to  herself,  she  has  been  training  a  hus- 
band into  a  tyrant. 

Mothers  do  the  same  thing  with  their  children. 
They  button  their  clothes,  cut  up  their  food,  pick 
up  their  books  and  wraps,  find  everything  they 
have  lost — and  then  wonder  why  their  children 
are  so  helpless. 

The  wife  can  very  easily  turn  her  husband  into 
a  child  of  larger  growth,  unless  she  has  the  care- 
fulness which  comes  from  wisdom.  Let  her  do 
many  little  things  for  him;  but  let  her  expect 
the  same  devotion  from  him. 

It  would  be  well  for  her  to  make  a  rule,  how- 
ever, not  to  do  for  him  anything  which  he  can 

124 


REGULATING    THE    RELATION 

just  as  well  do  for  himself.  For  example,  the 
wife  who  always  lays  out  her  husband's  clean 
shirt  for  him,  with  cuff  buttons  and  studs,  and 
collar  button  all  in  place,  may  not  perceive  in 
the  beginning,  but  eventually  will  learn,  that 
she  has  been  rendering  him  selfishly  helpless  and 
dependent  upon  her.  The  time  will  probably 
come  when  he  will  never  think  of  changing  his 
shirt  unless  she  performs  this  preliminary  for 
him.  Although  he  has  done  all  of  these  things 
and  many  more  before  he  was  married,  now  he 
suddenly  loses  the  power  to  do  anything  for  him- 
self. He  must  run  to  her  for  everything,  from 
his  collar  button  to  his  shoe  polisher. 

A  few  brides  form  an  exception  to  this  rule. 
One  with  whom  I  am  familiar  made  it  a  rule 
never  to  put  away  her  husband's  clothes  for  him. 
When  the  laundry  arrived,  his  package  was 
placed  upon  his  chiffonier,  he  opened  it  and 
placed  the  various  articles  in  their  proper  recep- 
tacles. As  a  result,  when  he  wanted  to  dress 
himself  he  could  put  his  hand  upon  everything 
he  needed,  and  if,  perchance,  he  should  turn  to 
her  to  ask  where  something  was,  her  invariable 
reply  was,  "I  don't  know,  dear.  I  didn't  put 
it  away." 

While  this  may  appear  to  be  a  heartless  atti- 
tude on  the  part  of  the  young  wife,  in  reality  it 
saved  the  two  a  great  deal  of  unnecessary  fric- 
tion. If  his  things  were  not  in  place,  he  had  no 
one  but  himself  to  blame,  and  that  he  was  the 
first  to  realize. 

125 


Moreover,  if  the  wife  refuses  to  burden  herself 
with  the  multiplicity  of  things  which  the  husband 
can  just  as  well  do,  she  then  has  more  time  to 
give  to  the  hundred  and  one  little  attentions 
which  only  a  wife  can  show. 

Corresponding  to  this  comes  the  question  as  to 
the  husband's  attitude  toward  the  wife.  There 
are  certain  little  attentions  which  he  should  be 
expected  to  show  her  under  all  circumstances. 
For  example,  she  should  not  let  him  grow  rusty 
in  such  little  matters  as  seeing  that  she  has  a 
chair,  opening  the  door  for  her,  and  other  little 
acts  of  courtesy.  Neither,  on  the  other  hand, 
should  she  turn  him  into  her  slave,  always  ex- 
pecting him  to  fetch  and  carry  when  he  is  in  the 
house. 

It  is  well  for  him  to  feel  that  he  carries  half  of 
the  responsibilities  of  the  home.  As  a  rule,  a  man 
does  not  object  to  doing  the  little  tinkering  jobs 
that  sometimes  come  up,  because  it  adds  to  his 
feeling  of  possession. 

It  would  seem  to  be  the  wife's  natural  privilege 
to  know  something  of  the  details  of  the  business 
in  which  the  husband  is  engaged,  and,  certainly, 
the  amount  of  income  which  the  family  can  ex- 
pect. As  she  is  naturally  the  dispenser  of  the 
family  funds  to  a  very  large  degree,  it  is  only 
reasonable  that  she  should  be  supplied  with  the 
needed  information  to  govern  those  expendi- 
tures. A  wife  cannot  be  blamed  for  spending 
more  than  her  husband's  income  warrants,  when 
she  is  kept  in  complete  ignorance  of  the  amount 

126 


REGULATING    THE    RELATION 

of  that  income.  She  should  be  interested  in  the 
little  events  of  the  day's  experience ;  and  he  will 
many  times  gain  light  upon  the  perplexities  of 
the  day's  doings  if  he  can  discuss  them  in  detail 
with  one  who  has  his  interest  at  heart,  and  looks 
upon  all  matters  with  a  woman's  intuition. 

Just  as  some  wives  develop  selfishness  in  their 
husbands  through  waiting  upon  them  too  much, 
so  do  husbands  develop  selfishness  in  their  wives 
through  unwise  expenditures  of  money.  The 
man  loves  to  shower  gifts  upon  his  wife  in  order 
to  hear  her  expressions  of  gratitude;  and  so  he 
tries  to  buy  everything  for  which  she  expresses 
the  least  desire.  The  time  comes  when  he  finds 
he  has  developed  the  one  who  should  be  his  help- 
meet, standing  by  and  assisting  him  in  all  emer- 
gencies, into  a  helpless,  dependent  parasite. 

A  problem  that  arises  with  increasing  fre- 
quency nowadays  is  the  question  as  to  whether 
or  not  the  wife  should  continue  to  work  after 
marriage. 

If  she  is  by  instinct  and  training  a  business 
woman,  or  has  a  profession  for  which  she  finds 
herself  much  better  adapted  than  for  the  duties 
of  a  housewife,  it  may  be  most  conducive  to  the 
happiness  of  all  concerned  for  her  to  follow  her 
desires  in  the  matter. 

The  matter  should  be  thoroughly  considered, 
however,  before  such  a  step  is  taken.  In  the  first 
place,  she  should  not  plan  to  do  housework  before 
she  goes  to  business  and  after  her  return,  in  addi- 
tion to  her  daily  task.  No  man  would  think  of 

127 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

attempting  such  a  thing.  Women  almost  invari- 
ably do,  through  a  mistaken  desire  for  economy. 
It  is  too  much  of  a  drain  upon  her  system,  as  a 
few  hours  of  relaxation  are  needed  after  a  day's 
work,  and  this  she  cannot  get  if  she  must  devote 
this  time  to  the  work  of  the  home.  If  being  in 
business  means  that  she  would  be  able  to  employ 
some  one  for  the  home  work,  well  and  good. 

She  must  realize,  however,  that  this  plan  in  all 
probability  will  not  always  be  possible.  When 
children  come  it  will  not  be  advisable  for  her  to 
continue  her  business  or  professional  life.  Dur- 
ing the  years  of  infancy,  at  least,  children  need 
the  personal  care  and  supervision  of  their  moth- 
ers; and,  let  it  be  stated  with  equal  emphasis, 
mothers  need  the  training  and  development 
which  comes  from  this  living  with  their  children. 
Even  though,  as  some  have  suggested,  experts 
could  be  found  to  take  care  of  the  baby  from  the 
moment  of  birth  onward,  it  would  nevertheless 
not  be  a  desirable  thing  to  do,  because,  by  so 
doing,  the  mother  would  lose  her  greatest  oppor- 
tunity for  self-development.  Every  true  woman 
will  be  glad  to  devote  herself  during  the  early 
years  of  her  children's  lives  to  their  welfare, 
knowing  that,  through  the  experience  that  will 
come  to  her  in  this  way,  her  own  personality  will 
be  so  unfolded  and  enriched,  that  if,  later  on, 
when  the  child  is  sufficiently  developed  to  be  put 
into  the  care  of  others,  she  should  wish  to  return 
to  her  former  occupation,  she  will  be,  in  all  prob- 
ability, more  efficient  than  ever  before. 

128 


CHAPTER  XXIII 
Making  Love  Lifelong 

rpHE  great  problem  of  all  young  married 
people  is  keeping  alive  the  love  which  has 
drawn  them  together.  It  is  easy  enough  to  fall 
in  love ;  the  difficult  thing  is  to  stay  in  love. 

It  has  been  said  that  love  is  blind,  but  a  closer 
analysis  would  seem  to  prove  that  love  bestows 
a  keener  vision  upon  those  who  come,  under  its 
influence,  so  that  they  are  able  to  perceive  charms 
and  virtues  which  may  be  hidden  from  the  eye  of 
the  ordinary  observer.  Qualities  which  are  there 
only  in  promise  may  be  discerned,  and  the  faith 
in  their  presence  acts  like  a  warm  ray  of  sunshine 
to  bring  them  into  expression. 

It  is  easy  in  the  first  flush  of  an  ardent  love  to 
see  only  the  virtues  of  the  beloved,  especially 
while  the  two  are  living  separate  lives  and  see 
each  other  only  under  the  most  favorable  circum- 
stances. When  they  have  started  their  life  to- 
gether, however,  and  must  needs  meet  before 
breakfast,  while  still  in  mental  as  well  as  physical 
undress,  so  to  speak,  it  becomes  increasingly  dif- 
ficult to  overlook  the  ragged  edges  and  the  sharp 
corners  that  begin  to  obtrude  themselves  upon 
the  attention. 

This  is  the  testing  time  of  love.  If  the  feeling 
which  has  drawn  the  two  together  has  been  more 

129 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

or  less  superficial,  a  fascination  exercised  by  some 
trivial  charm,  the  time  comes  when  the  cause  of 
the  allurement  is  lost  sight  of  in  the  great  number 
of  uncongenial  traits  which  develop.  If,  on  the 
other  hand,  the  love  is  true  and  deep,  no  matter 
what  shortcomings  may  become  evident,  the 
great  fundamental  fact  remains  that,  with  all 
their  faults,  the  two  still  love  each  other.  Where 
that  is  the  case,  it  is  possible  for  them  to  have 
patience  with  failings  and  to  continue  to  keep 
their  regard  steadfastly  fixed  upon  the  traits  that 
originally  called  forth  the  admiration  and  its  re- 
sultant love. 

Sometimes  it  calls  for  an  effort  of  the  will  to 
take  the  attention  away  from  the  things  that  rasp 
and  irritate,  and  fix  it  upon  the  commendable 
qualities.  Yet  this  can  be  done,  and  must  be 
done  many  times,  if  the  exigencies  of  married  life 
are  to  be  met  successfully. 

The  first  great  essential  for  success  in  a  mar- 
riage relation  is  unselfishness.  But  this  unselfish- 
ness should  be  mutual.  If  it  is  all  on  one  side,  it 
produces  in  time  a  state  of  injustice  which  cannot 
be  forever  maintained.  Some  women  begin  by 
being  so  very  unselfish  that  they  afford  the  hus- 
band no  opportunity  to  give  evidence  of  the  love 
that  is  at  that  time  actively  calling  for  expres- 
sion. It  is  a  great  mistake  for  either  one  in  the 
partnership  to  insist  upon  having  a  corner  on  the 
unselfishness,  so  to  speak.  It  is  in  this  way  that 
we  develop  selfishness  in  the  other  member  of 
the  firm.  If  a  woman  insists  upon  making  a 

130 


MAKING  LOVE  LIFELONG 

door-mat  of  herself,  you  cannot  blame  the  man  if 
in  the  end  he  gets  the  habit  of  wiping  his  feet 
upon  her. 

Unselfishness  in  both  is  the  only  basis  which 
will  permit  of  a  proper  adjustment  of  the  sex  re- 
lation in  marriage.  It  will  result  in  the  two 
finding  out  what  is  the  normal  and  happy  sex  life 
for  them.  It  must  not  be  forgotten  that  true  mar- 
riage involves  the  mental,  spiritual,  social  and 
physical  union  of  the  two  parties  concerned. 
Without  any  doubt,  a  harmonious  and  satisfac- 
tory sexual  relationship  is  essential  to  successful 
marriage.  It  is  not  the  whole  of  marriage,  how- 
ever, and  the  probalility  is  that  it  will  be  more 
perfectly  adjusted  >where  greater  emphasis  is 
placed  upon  the  mental  and  spiritual  aspects  of 
the  relationship.  These  are,  after  all,  the  lasting 
elements  which  will  endure  long  after  physical 
desire  has  fled. 

The  importance  of  the  little  courtesies  of  life 
cannot  be  over-estimated.  There  is  always  a 
temptation,  in  the  hurly-burly  of  strenuous  en- 
deavor, to  overlook  delicate  little  attentions,  and 
this  is  especially  true  in  the  intimacy  of  the  home. 
But  these  delicate  flowers  of  thoughtfulness  are 
what  give  beauty  and  charm  to  domestic  life. 
Let  the  wife,  therefore,  make  every  'effort  in  her 
power  to  keep  up  this  atmosphere  of  thoughtful- 
ness  and  consideration.  Not  only  can  she  show 
regard  for  her  husband  in  many  little  ways,  but 
she  can  express  such  appreciation  of  all  such 
thoughtful  attentions  from  him  that  he  will  be 

131 


10 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

constantly  encouraged  to  continue  them  in  order 
to  gain  more  of  her  approval. 

The  wife  needs  to  take  especial  care  that  she 
does  not  neglect  her  husband  when  the  children 
come.  Her  nature  finds  its  completion  in  her 
children,  and  she  is  tempted  to  become  so  ab- 
sorbed in  them  that  the  husband  will  begin  to 
feel  himself  a  negligible  quantity.  He  comes 
home  at  night,  it  may  be.  full  of  the  happenings 
of  the  day,  and  eager  to  talk  them  over  with  her, 
as  they  did  in  the  days  of  their  courtship  and 
early  marriage.  His  most  interesting  tale,  how- 
ever, is  broken  in  upon  by  urgings  to  "look  at 
the  baby,"  or  a  request  to  wait  upon  the  child  in 
some  way.  The  first  time  or  two  this  happens, 
the  husband  is  able  to  perform  the  duties  of  a 
father  with  more  or  less  willingness.  But  if  it 
is  continued,  he  comes  to  feel — and  quite  rightly 
— that  his  wife  is  really  not  paying  any  attention 
to  him  at  all. 

Now  she  has  been  with  the  baby  all  day  long. 
It  won't  hurt  her  to  forget  the  infant  for  fifteen 
minutes  or  so,  in  order  to  give  her  undivided  at- 
tention to  her  husband.  This  will  be  wise  on  her 
part,  for  it  will  enable  her  to  keep  close  to  her 
husband's  life  and  thought.  Having  shown  un- 
mistakable evidence  of  complete  interest  in  his 
affairs,  she  then  has  a  right  to  expect  him  to  turn 
with  equal  enthusiasm  to  her  absorbing  interest, 
the  baby,  and,  without  doubt  she  would  then  find 
the  paternal  instinct  manifesting  itself  to  a  thor- 
oughly satisfactory  degree. 

132 


MAKING  LOVE   LIFELONG 

The  question  may  be  asked  as  to  how  much  the 
wife  should  call  upon  the  husband  to  help  her  in 
caring  for  the  little  ones.  Some  men  seem  to 
have  the  idea  that  if  they  take  the  child  out  for  a 
walk  on  a  Sunday  morning,  they  have  done  all 
that  can  be  expected  of  them.  They  may  then 
find  themselves  in  the  position  of  the  man  who, 
after  having  chastised  his  small  son,  heard  him 
saying  to  his  mother  in  an  aggrieved  tone  of 
voice,  "Mamma,  that  man  who  stays  here  Sun- 
days spanked  me."  The  father  who  does  not  en- 
ter closely  into  the  lives  of  his  children  in  infancy 
misses  a  great  deal  of  joy  and  a  great  spiritual 
development.  He  needs  to  feel  the  tug  of  tiny 
fingers  at  his  heart-strings,  and  to  feel  the  yearn- 
ing desire  to  relieve  a  helpless  little  sufferer  in 
some  way  is  to  grow  into  a  stronger  and  better 
man.  No  man  should  be  deprived  of  this  oppor- 
tunity. 

On  the  other  hand,  the  wife  must  remember 
that  when  the  man  goes  to  business  he  has  no 
opportunity  to  catch  up  on  the  sleep  that  he  may 
have  lost  the  night  before.  Therefore  she  should 
not  call  upon  him  too  frequently.  She  can  drop 
down  for  a  cat-nap  in  the  middle  of  the  day,  and 
so  maintain  her  nervous  equilibrium,  but  he  can- 
not. In  this,  as  in  every  other  problem,  a  little 
judicious  common  sense  is  needed  to  strike  the 
happy  medium. 


133 


CHAPTER  XXIV 
Mistakes  and  Excesses  That  Destroy  Love 

WHEN  two  young  people  first  enter  into 
the  close  relationship  of  marriage,  they 
are  so  carried  away  by  the  beauty  and  wonder  of 
the  love  that  binds  them  together  that  they  are  in 
danger  of  attempting  too  frequently  to  give  the 
fullest  expression  to  it.  Their  great,  overwhelm- 
ing passion  sweeps  them  along  in  its  swift,  deep 
current,  until  they  are  in  danger  of  losing,  for 
the  time  being,  all  sense  of  proportion  and  all 
power  of  self-restraint. 

This  is  a  terrible  mistake  for  these  two  young 
creatures  to  make,  for  in  time  the  very  excess  of 
their  emotion  will  tend  to  lessen  their  power  of 
loving.  Excess  brings  inevitably  in  its  train  sa- 
tiety, and  that  in  turn  is  apt  to  change  love  into 
its  abnormal  expression  of  hate.  Many  of  the 
tragic  experiences  of  the  first  three  to  five  years 
of  married  life  which  threaten  to  disrupt  what 
was  intended  to  be  a  lifelong  union,  may  be 
traced  to  this  serious  mistake.  Like  the  positive 
and  negative  poles  of  the  electrical  battery,  the 
two  were  drawn  together  in  the  first  place  be- 
cause of  their  very  unlikeness.  The  excess  of 
close  association  which  they  have  allowed  them- 
selves has  brought  about  so  great  an  interchange 
of  electric  vibration,  if  we  choose  to  call  it  so,  that 

134 


MISTAKES   DESTROYING  LOVE 

now  they  are  charged  with  practically  identical 
currents,  and,  because  of  this  fact,  they  find  a 
repulsion  beginning  to  show  itself.  This  is 
simply  Nature's  effort  to  restore  the  equilibrium, 
and  should  be  recognized  as  such. 

If  this  mistake  has  been  made  by  two  young 
people,  and  they  are  able  to  recognize  it  as  the 
cause  of  the  constantly  increasing  irritation  be- 
tween them,  the  wisest  thing  they  can  do  is  to 
separate  temporarily.  Let  the  wife  go  away  on 
a  visit  of  longer  or  shorter  duration,  until  once 
more  they  are  attracted  to  each  other.  Probably 
after  such  a  temporary  separation,  when  they 
come  together  they  will  be  able  to  exercise  the 
needed  amount  of  self-control  to  put  their  rela- 
tionship upon  an  harmonious  and  lasting  founda- 
tion. 

The  wisest  plan,  however,  is  for  the  young 
people  to  recognize  from  the  very  beginning  the 
possibility  of  satiety  from  over-stimulation,  and 
so  from  the  very  earliest  days  of  the  courtship  to 
exercise  that  wise  self-restraint  which  will  pre- 
vent all  possibility  of  this  sad  experience  coming 
to  them. 

Let  them  remember  that  their  new-found  love 
is  intended  to  last  them  for  a  lifetime.  Let  them, 
therefore,  conserve  that  love  and  its  expression 
in  order  that  it  may  always  remain  with  them  in 
full  force. 

As  the  love  that  binds  them  together  should  be 
mental  and  spiritual,  as  well  as  physical  and  emo- 
tional, let  them  strive  to  find  higher  and  better 

135 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

forms  of  expression  as  the  days  go  by.  The 
words  of  appreciation  that  bring  needed  encour- 
agment  to  the  struggling  soul,  the  act  of  self-de- 
nial which  speaks  more  truly  than  any  other  ac- 
tion of  a  self-sacrificing  love,  will  do  more  than 
anything  else  to  bind  the  two  hearts  together  in 
a  bond  that  cannot  be  broken.  Thus  their  united 
love  will  grow  from  day  to  day  in  depth  and 
sweetness,  and  in  all  lasting  qualities. 

Caresses  and  terms  of  endearment  are  very 
grateful  to  the  young  wife's  heart,  and  she  is  in 
danger  sometimes  of  making  too  great  a  demand 
upon  her  husband  along  this  line.  He  is  glad  to 
welcome  her  caresses  and  to  bestow  his  in  his 
hours  of  leisure  and  relaxation.  But  when  some 
important  business  matter  is  pressing,  playful 
requests  for  kisses  and  caresses  are  very  taxing. 
The  wife  who  persistently  thrusts  herself  upon 
her  husband's  attention  in  this  way  and  at  such 
a  time,  need  not  be  surprised  if  eventually  his 
self-control  breaks  down  and  his  irritation  ex- 
presses itself  in  unmistakable  form.  She  has  only 
herself  to  blame  for  such  actions  upon  his  part, 
because  she  has  failed  to  show  proper  considera- 
tion for  his  responsibilities.  She  has  been  think- 
ing only  of  herself  and  her  desire  for  a  little  at- 
tention, not  at  all  of  him  and  the  important  task 
which  he  may  feel  it  incumbent  upon  him  to 
finish. 

Many  wives  resent  it  when  the  husband  brings 
home  some  bit  of  work  to  be  completed  in  the 
evening.  It  is  true,  the  husband  should  endeavor 

136 


MISTAKES   DESTROYING  LOVE 

to  devote  a  certain  portion  of  his  time  each  day 
to  a  little  social  intercourse  with  his  wife.  But 
a  man  is  more  or  less  a  victim  of  circumstances ; 
and  if  he  feels  that  the  financial  welfare  of  the 
family  depends  upon  his  sacrificing  some  of  his 
ease  and  comfort  in  this  way,  his  wife  should  be 
ready  to  make  a  corresponding  sacrifice  in  cheer- 
fulness and  in  a  true  spirit  of  practical  co-opera- 
tion. She  should  rather  consider  it  a  compliment 
that  he  has  enough  confidence  in  her  to  feel  that 
he  can  bring  his  work  home.  Otherwise,  he  may 
grow  into  the  habit  of  staying  in  the  office  when- 
ever the  exigencies  of  business  press  heavily  upon 
him. 

She  should  endeavor  by  every  means  in  her 
power  to  make  herself  his  partner  in  every  sense 
of  the  word.  She  should  not,  of  course,  pester 
him  for  details  which  he  has  not  the  time  to  ex- 
plain to  her,  but  if  she  gives  her  attention  in  a 
properly  receptive  manner,  never  breaking  in 
upon  his  story  of  the  day's  happenings  with  ir- 
relevant details  upon  extraneous  matters,  never 
indulging  in  petty  criticisms  of  him  or  his  asso- 
ciates, but  speaking  a  word  of  appreciation  when- 
ever possible,  and  giving  expression  to  her  com- 
plete confidence  in  him  as  often  as  she  can,  she 
will  find  that  he  will  instinctively  seek  her  counsel 
in  every  emergency,  arid  eventually  she  will  find 
herself  in  full  possession  of  practically  all  of  the 
details  of  his  business. 


137 


CHAPTER  XXV 
The  Crime  of  Abortion 

A  BORTION  may  be  looked  upon  as  an  evi- 
•**•  dence  of  human  degeneracy  which  has 
come  to  us  from  perverted  methods  of  education 
associated  with  a  desire  to  enjoy  life's  pleasures 
without  assuming  the  responsibilities  allied 
therewith.  It  indicates  a  lack  of  reverence  for  hu- 
man life.  One  would  think  that  modern  enlight- 
enment, with  its  increasing  respect  for  human 
life,  would  have  produced  a  change  in  the  atti- 
tude of  human  beings  toward  their  embryo  off- 
spring. That  this  does  not  seem  to  be  the  case, 
in  many  instances,  is  a  striking  proof  of  the 
corrupting  environments  that  now  affect  the  de- 
velopment of  the  human  intelligence  and  con- 
science. 

It  used  to  be  thought  that  there  was  no  life  in 
the  embryo  until  what  is  known  as  the  time  of 
quickening,  when  the  mother  could  begin  to 
feel  the  movements  of  the  fetus  within  the  womb. 
It  is  known  now,  however,  that  there  is  life  from 
the  very  moment  of  conception,  and  that  to  in- 
terfere with  the  process  of  development  which 
is  going  on  there  is,  in  truth,  to  take  life,  which 
is,  in  bald  phraseology,  to  commit  murder.  Yet 
how  many  women  are  there  who  would  shrink 
from  killing  even  the  mouse  that  was  nibbling 
at  their  food,  and  yet  who  do  not  hesitate  delib- 

138 


THE    CRIME    OF   ABORTION 

erately  to  kill  their  own  offspring?  They  do  not 
term  it  that,  of  course,  and  without  doubt  they 
have  many  ways  of  hiding  the  actual  facts  from 
themselves,  and  so  escaping  the  condemnation 
which  their  own  consciences  should  inflict  upon 
them.  They  try  to  make  themselves  believe  that 
this  act  is  made  necessary  on  their  part  by  their 
own  physical  frailty;  by  the  danger  which  they 
think  they  are  in  when  facing  the  process  of 
birth ;  by  the  limited  state  of  the  family  income ; 
by  the  fact  that  more  children  are  not  desirable. 
Whatever  the  course  of  specious  reasoning  which 
the  woman  goes  through,  it  is  none  the  less  a  fact 
that  she  has  committed  a  sin  and  a  crime. 

While  it  may  be  that,  in  the  majority  of  in- 
stances, it  is  the  wife  who  first  thinks  of  this 
way  of  ridding  herself  of  an  unwelcome  burden, 
in  many  instances  it  is  the  husband  who  makes 
the  first  suggestion.  He  has  no  desire  for  any 
larger  family,  he  does  not  care  to  listen  to  his 
wife's  complaints  at  the  inconvenience  she  has 
to  suffer  during  the  nine  months  of  pregnancy 
because  of  his  demands,  and  so  he  urges  her  to 
escape  from  the  troublesome  situation. 

If  women  really  understood  the  enormity  of  the 
crime  which  is  either  contemplated  by  them- 
selves or  suggested  by  their  husbands,  they  would 
resolutely  refuse  to  listen  either  to  their  own 
fears,  or  to  the  arguments  of  another.  Indeed, 
if  they  realized  the  full  extent  of  the  injuries 
which  they  may  thus  inflict  upon  themselves, 
they  would  hesitate  long  before  taking  so  serious 

139 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

a  step.  The  very  fact  that  it  is  against  the  law 
of  the  land  for  them  to  do  such  a  thing  should 
make  them  pause  and  consider.  Any  physician 
who  performs  what  is  called  a  criminal  opera- 
tion, lays  himself  open  by  so  doing  to  severe 
punishment,  and  anyone  who  assists  in  such  an 
undertaking  must  also  suffer  a  penalty. 

It  does  not  seem  to  the  young  wife  that  a  suffi- 
cient development  can  take  place  in  the  first 
month  or  two,  or  even  three,  to  make  interfer- 
ence with  the  process  a  very' serious  matter;  yet 
many  a  woman  has  discovered,  to  her  deep  re- 
gret, that  her  attempt  to  free  herself  from  what 
seemed  to  her  a  physical  burden  has  put  a  much 
more  serious  one  upon  her  in  the  form  of  life- 
long illness  or  physical  disability.  Abortion 
usually  leaves  a  woman  weak  and  ailing  for 
months,  and  many  times  for  life.  It  shocks  the 
nervous  system  in  such  a  manner  as  to  interfere 
with  the  harmonious  processes  of  the  whole  or- 
ganism. The  blood  has  not  the  life-giving  ele- 
ments that  it  previously  possessed.  Strange,  un- 
pleasant and  at  times  fearful  pains  dart  through 
the  pelvic  region  after  an  abortion.  One  such 
operation  will  sometimes  produce  physiological 
effects  from  which  a  woman  never  completely 
recovers. 

Sometimes  the  newly  married  woman  feels 
that  she  is  not  quite  ready  to  assume  the  respon- 
sibilities of  motherhood,  and  takes  this  method 
of  postponing  the  necessity  of  doing  so,  only  to 
discover,  later  on,  when  she  desires  children  that 

140 


THE    CRIME    OF   ABORTION 

she  has  produced  a  condition  which  makes  it  im- 
possible for  her  to  have  them.  After  one  or  two 
abortions  every  pregnancy,  in  some  cases,  re- 
sults in  a  miscarriage.  The  delicate  machinery 
of  the  body  cannot  be  tampered  with  in  this  way 
without  the  probability  of  serious  results. 

While  one  finds  it  almost  impossible  to  for- 
give the  married  woman  who,  through  selfish- 
ness, cowardice,  or  some  other  unworthy  mo- 
tive, takes  the  life  of  her  little  child  that  might 
be,  one  can  understand  better  the  impulse  which 
moves  the  unmarried  woman  to  such  a  course. 
She  naturally  dreads  the  discovery  of  her  wrong- 
doing ;  she  sees  a  lifelong  disgrace  facing  not  only 
herself,  but  her  innocent  child ;  and  she  feels  that 
it  would  be  better  to  deprive  the  little  one  of 
life  itself  rather  than  allow  it  to  come  into  the 
world  burdened  with  the  stain  of  illegitimacy. 
Yet  even  she  must  realize  that,  having  called 
this  life  into  existence,  she  nevertheless  has  no 
right  to  cut  it  short  in  this  way.  While  we  must 
always  condemn  the  illegitimate  parents,  we  are 
gradually  approaching  the  time  when  we  shall 
see  that  there  are  no  illegitimate  children.  In 
that  day  we  shall  realize  that  every  child,  if  we 
see  that  it  has  the  right  environment,  may  be 
made  a  national  asset.  When  that  time  comes 
the  nation  will  refuse  to  allow  children  to  be 
brought  up  in  the  midst  of  surroundings  which 
turn  them  into  criminals,  simply  because  their 
parents  are  neglectful,  or  unable  properly  to  pro- 
vide for  them. 

141 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

It  may  encourage  the  unfortunate  young 
woman  to  go  through  with  her  bitter  experience 
to  the  very  end  to  know  that  hundreds  of  others 
like  her,  who  have  brought  children  into  the 
world  that  were  not  properly  planned  for,  and 
who  have  done  their  best  to  make  desirable  citi- 
zens out  of  them,  have,  in  the  end,  been  more 
than  repaid  by  the  upright,  honorable  men  and 
women  who  have  not  been  ashamed  to  call  them 
"mother." 

The  birth  and  care  of  her  child  is  many  times 
the  salvation  of  the  girl  who  has  taken  a  mis- 
step. If  we  who  are  protected  from  wrong-doing 
would  only  go  out  of  our  way  to  help  and  en- 
courage these  poor,  unfortunate  creatures,  hun- 
dreds of  them  would  gladly  return  to  the  path 
of  virtue  and  would  rejoice  in  an  opportunity  to 
prove  that  they  are  not  "lost"  women.  They 
may  have  "fallen"  temporarily,  but  they  may 
rise  again  to  even  higher  levels  than  those  on 
which  they  walked  before. 

When  a  woman  becomes  pregnant,  she  should 
at  once  realize  that  it  is  incumbent  upon  her  to 
live  up  to  the  duties  and  responsibilities  which 
belong  to  her  condition.  If  she  is  normally 
healthy  and  is  able  rightly  to  direct  her  life,  there 
is  no  reason  why  she  should  dread  this  expe- 
rience. She  should  realize,  before  attempting 
any  such  serious  step  as  this,  that  she  is  not  the 
only  person  concerned.  The  husband  and  pros- 
pective father  has  a  right  to  be  considered.  The 
child  is  his  as  much  as  hers.  Moreover,  they 

142 


THE    CRIME    OF   ABORTION 

should  both  realize  that  their  child  belongs  also 
to  the  nation.  Today  we  appreciate  this  fact  as 
never  before,  because  we  realize  that  the  nation's 
life  depends  upon  the  new  individuals  contin- 
ually coming  into  existence. 

If  it  is  not  desirable  to  have  children  at  any 
particular  time,  then  husband  and  wife  should 
strive  for  that  self-control  which  will  free  them 
from  these  responsibilities.  Wives  are  very  apt 
to  say  that  they  cannot  control  these  matters  of 
marital  intimacy.  The  husband  considers  that 
he  has  certain  rights,  and  he  requires  the  wife's 
acquiescence.  It  may  be  that  is  true  in  many  in- 
stances. In  other  cases,  however,  I  have  no  doubt 
that  if  the  wife  were  properly  to  approach  the 
husband  upon  this  subject,  she  might  be  able  to 
bring  him  into  a  state  of  mind  where  he  would  be 
willing  to  show  more  consideration  for  her.  Hus- 
hands  sometimes  have  a  keener  appreciation  of 
the  wife's  position  and  a  truer  desire  to  protect 
her,  even  from  themselves,  than  the  wife  gives 
them  credit  for  having.  Surely  every  right- 
minded  man  would  much  prefer  at  least  to  make 
the  effort  to  gain  such  self-control,  than  to  put 
his  wife  in  a  position  where  she  is  tempted  to 
commit  so  terrible  a  crime  as  that  of  abortion. 

It  will  be  well  for  every  woman  to  understand 
that  no  method  has  ever  been  devised  for  child- 
murder  which  is  even  tolerably  safe  for  the 
woman.  The  methods  employed  even  by  so- 
called  experts  in  this  terrible  profession  are 
questionable  and  often  dangerous  to  life. 

143 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

Women  should  also  understand  that  there  is  no 
"medicine"  which  is  sure  to  produce  the  desired 
effects.  Most  of  the  remedies  that  are  adver- 
tised and  sold  for  such  purposes  are  entirely 
worthless,  being  made  not  so  much  to  produce 
the  desired  effect  as  for  the  purpose  of  making 
money  for  their  manufacturers.  These  reap  a 
fortune  from  the  gullibility  of  their  victims.  The 
same  is  true  of  the  female  "regulators"  that  are 
put  on  the  market  under  different  names. 

The  victim  of  abortion  rarely  regains  the  full 
degree  of  health  which  she  enjoyed  before.  She 
is  always  liable  to  further  miscarriages,  and  she 
must  always  carry  in  her  mind  the  consciousness 
of  having  taken  the  life  of  her  own  offspring. 

It  is,  of  course,  true  that  in  very  exceptional 
cases  it  becomes  impossible,  either  because  of 
accident,  malformation,  or  disease,  for  a  woman 
to  carry  her  child  to  full  term  without  thereby 
sacrificing  the  life  both  of  herself  and  the  child. 
Such  a  serious  matter,  however,  can  only  be  de- 
cided upon  rightly  by  wise  and  honorable  phy- 
sicians. If  the  conclusion  of  such  a  consultation 
is  that  both  mother  and  child  are  in  danger  of 
losing  their  lives  if  Nature  is  allowed  to  take  her 
course,  it  may  be  necessary  to  sacrifice  the  life 
of  the  unborn  in  order  to  save  the  living.  Only 
under  such  circumstances,  is  it  permissible  to 
deprive  the  embryo  of  its  existence. 

It  would  hardly  seem  necessary  to  say  anything 
upon  the  subject  of  infanticide,  and  yet  we  do 
hear  occasionally  of  poor,  unfortunate  women 

144 


THE    CRIME    OF   ABORTION 

whose  children  seem  to  them  to  be  a  badge  of 
shame  and  who  add  to  their  first  wrong-doing  by 
deliberately  killing  their  offspring.  No  right- 
minded  woman,  no  matter  how  deeply  she  may 
feel  the  disgrace  of  bringing  a  so-called  fatherless 
child  into  the  world,  would  deliberately  add  to 
her  guilt  by  this  crime.  Let  Society  not  forget, 
however,  that  a  man  who  leads  a  woman  into 
wrong-doing  and  then  deliberately  leaves  her  to 
bear  her  shame  alone  is  as  responsible  for  her 
crime  as  she  is  herself.  Let  us  hope  that  the  day 
is  coming  when  all  motherhood  will  be  held  sac- 
red, and  provision  will  be  made  for  the  proper 
care  of  every  child,  so  that  no  mother  may  feel 
it  necessary  to  lay  such  a  burden  of  guilt  upon 
herself. 


145 


CHAPTER  XXVI 
The  Pros  and  Cons  of  Birth  Control 

IT  is  natural  to  consider  the  subject  of  birth  con- 
trol in  connection  with  that  of  abortion,  be- 
cause it  is  one  of  the  chief  arguments  of  the  ad- 
vocates of  the  former  plan  that  it  would  reduce 
the  amount  of  what  has  been  termed  the  Ameri- 
can crime,  because  it  is  so  common  among 
American  women.  It  is,  of  course,  true  that  if 
some  method  could  be  found  for  preventing 
conception,  no  one  would  feel  the  necessity  for 
producing  an  abortion. 

There  are  many  conditions  in  which  it  would 
seem  to  be  undesirable  for  children  to  be  brought 
into  the  world.  If,  for  example,  both  parents 
are  tubercular,  the  probability  is  that  any  child 
born  to  them  will  be  so  lacking  in  vitality  that 
it  will  be  almost  impossible  for  it  to  develop 
into  a  healthy,  normal  human  being.  To  be 
sure,  the  parents  may,  by  proper  living,  over- 
come their  tubercular  condition  to  such  a  de- 
gree that  the  children  would  have  a  fair  start; 
but  until  they  have  reached  the  desired  degree 
of  healthful  vigor,  it  would  seem  best  that  they 
should  not  be  allowed  to  propagate. 

If,  again,  the  husband  is  addicted  to  alcohol, 
the  wife  may  feel  that,  for  the  sake  of  protecting 
her  children  from  being  conceived  under  the  most 
detrimental  conditions,  she  should  take  whatever 

146 


BIRTH    CONTROL 


steps  are  in  her  power  to  prevent  the  starting 
of  their  lives.  Again,  it  may  be  that  neither 
parent  has  any  love  for  children  or  desire  for 
them,  and  it  would  seem  under  such  conditions 
that  it  would  be  most  unfair  to  the  children  to 
call  them  into  existence.  Or,  again,  while  the 
parents  may  be  ready  and  willing  to  increase  the 
size  of  the  family  at  proper  intervals,  the 
mother's  health  may  demand  for  a  certain  pe- 
riod freedom  from  the  burdens  of  pregnancy  and 
childbearing.  Lastly,  we  may  consider  the  case 
of  parents  whose  means  are  too  limited  to  per- 
mit them  properly  to  care  for  a  large  family, 
and  who  are  therefore  compelled  by  economic 
reasons  to  limit  the  size  of  the  family. 

We  must  admit  that  in  every  instance  it  is  pos- 
sible for  parents  to  exercise  birth  control  through 
self-control.  There  are  many,  however,  who  feel 
that  their  health  demands  this  relationship  at 
reasonable  intervals;  and  yet  they  do  not  feel 
able  to  accept  the  burdens  of  parenthood  that  it 
naturally  entails. 

All  of  these  appear  to  be  legitimate  reasons 
for  the  use  of  birth-control  methods.  Yet  it 
must  be  realized  that  we  have  not  had  sufficient 
time  to  observe  the  true  consequence  of  the 
methods  proposed.  The  majority  of  the  me- 
chanical devices  used  for  this  purpose  are  known 
to  be  harmful — some  of  them  extremely  so — 
and  they  should  be  scrupulously  avoided.  It  is 
difficult  to  see  how  this  could  fail  to  be  the  case 
when  one  considers  the  sensitiveness  of  the  deli- 

147 


ll 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

cate  membranes  of  the  sex  organs.  Some  of  the 
medicinal  methods  suggested  are  equally  harm- 
ful. It  is,  indeed,  difficult  to  find  a  contraceptive 
which  is  absolutely  harmless,  and  it  is  well  proven 
to  be  impossible  to  find  one  which  is  absolutely 
certain. 

The  majority  of  methods  used  have  in  them 
the  possibility  of  injury  to  the  delicate  lining 
membrane  of  the  female  organs,  and,  as  a  result, 
are  more  or  less  painful  and  distasteful  to  the 
woman.  In  fact,  to  many,  the  whole  idea  will 
be  most  repugnant,  because  it  takes  away  from 
the  marital  act  its  most  essential  characteristic 
of  spontaneity.  Ideally  this  physical  union 
should  come  simply  as  the  highest  point  in  a  pas- 
sion which  has  arisen  spontaneously  and  has 
led,  by  natural  steps,  to  this  final  culmination. 
To  deliberately  plan  it  is,  as  many  feel,  to  de- 
prive it  of  its  element  of  spirituality  and  to  place 
it  upon  the  grosser  plane  of  mere  physical  pleas- 
ure. 

Most  of  the  arguments  which  are  set  forth  in 
favor  of  birth-control  methods  are  based  upon 
conditions  which  are  in  themselves  of  a  tempor- 
ary nature.  If  husbands  and  wives  will  but  make 
the  effort  they  can  change  or  remove  these  con- 
ditions. We  have  gradually  learned  to  control 
even  our  appetite  for  food  through  an  under- 
standing of  the  function  of  food  in  the  building  of 
bodily  tissue,  so  it  would  seem  that  eventually 
we  will  also  come  to  the  point  where  we  can 
control  sex  powers  through  an  understanding 

148 


BIRTH   CONTROL 


of  their  purpose  in  life.  Until  that  time  it  may 
be  necessary  for  some  to  take  advantage  of  other 
methods  for  relieving  themselves  of  burdens 
which  seem  to  them  unbearable,  but  the  ideal  to- 
ward which  the  human  race  should  ever  strive 
must  always  be  that  of  self-control. 

While  there  may  be  instances  in  which  it  may 
seem  to  be  allowable  to  make  use  of  some  of  these 
birth-control  methods,  it  can  never  be  consid- 
ered legitimate,  by  any  right-minded  person,  to 
make  use  of  them  simply  for  the  sake  of  exces- 
sive indulgence.  It  must  be  remembered  that 
the  most  serious  effects  upon  the  human  organ- 
ism come,  not  from  bearing  children,  but  from 
excessive  sexual  indulgence.  The  process  of 
childbearing,  under  normal  conditions,  is,  after 
all,  a  natural  one,  and  therefore  does  not  ordin- 
arily produce  any  deleterious  effects.  The  mar- 
riage relation,  however,  may  make  a  great  drain 
upon  the  nervous  system  of  both  parties,  and, 
if  indulged  in  too  frequently,  must  inevitably 
result  in  a  serious  condition  of  depletion  which 
will  lead  to  still  graver  consequences.  If  we 
could  look  over  the  records  of  the  cases  of  women 
in  our  sanitariums,  we  would  discover  that,  while 
a  very  small  proportion  had  been  brought  there 
by  childbearing,  a  great  many  had  had  their 
health  wrecked  by  marital  excesses.  This  being 
the  case,  it  would  be  well  for  married  people  still 
to  bear  in  mind  the  ideal  of  self-control,  even 
though  they  may  think  it  necessary  to  make  use 
of  birth-control  methods. 

149 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

There  is  one  other  matter  which  must  be  con- 
sidered in  this  connection  which  I  have  already 
dealt  with  fully  in  my  corresponding  volume, 
"Manhood  and  Marriage,"  and  may  therefore 
quote  here  verbatim. 

"In  this  connection  wre  may  say  emphatically 
that  any  departure  from  the  strictly  natural  char- 
acter of  the  sex  relation  is  almost  certain  to  re- 
act injuriously  upon  both  parties.  Once  the 
marital  act  has  been  commenced,  it  should  be 
carried  through  to  a  natural  completion,  or  it 
will  prove  harmful.  It  might  even  be  said  that 
when  once  the  passions  of  both  have  been  aroused 
to  the  point  at  which  the  marital  relation  is 
physiologically  demanded,  then  it  should  be  car- 
ried through  if  the  question  of  the  health  of  both 
parties  is  to  be  considered.  Not  to  do  this,  means 
not  only  more  or  less  nervous  derangement,  but 
serious  congestion  of  the  parts  involved,  pro- 
ducing weakness  and  inflammation.  But  the 
physiological  results  are  naturally  far  more  se- 
rious if  the  relation  has  only  been  commenced 
and  then  is  interrupted  before  it  has  been  com- 
pleted. This  practice,  often  spoken  of  as  with- 
idrawal,  consists  in  termination  of  the  sexual  rela- 
tion just  previous  to  the  climax  or  moment  of 
highest  intensity.  This  naturally  involves  a 
severe  shock  to  the  nervous  centers  concerned, 
and  cannot  fail  to  be  injurious  both  locally  and 
to  the  general  system.  It  is  debilitating  to  the 
man,  but  it  is  usually  an  outrage  upon  the 
woman.  The  relation,  if  entered  into  at  all, 

150 


BIRTH    CONTROL 


should  be  carried  through  slowly  in  an  absolutely 
natural  manner,  resulting  in  the  orgasm  or  cli- 
max being  experienced  by  both  husband  and 
wife.  If  this  does  not  occur  to  both,  then  it  is 
devitalizing  in  its  effect.  Men  who  practice 
other  methods  of  intercourse,  or  who  for  a  term 
of  years  selfishly  satisfy  themselves  without  suf- 
ficiently prolonging  the  relations  to  also  satisfy 
the  wife,  gradually  experience  a  lessening  of  the 
power  of  ejaculation,  which  either  is  retarded 
or  becomes  more  and  more  premature.  They 
also  develop  a  train  of  symptoms  characteristic 
of  nervous  disorders,  as  well  as  digestive  and 
other  functional  disturbances." 


151 


CHAPTER  XXVII 

Heredity  and  Prenatal  Influence 

HEREDITY  is  a  subject  which  is,  as  yet, 
only  partly  understood  by  the  most  ad- 
vanced thinkers  and  largely  misunderstood  by 
the  general  public.  We  hear,  for  example,  that 
someone  has  inherited  consumption  or  some 
other  disease,  whereas  in  reality  what  is  passed 
on  is  not  the  diseae  itself  but  simply  a  weakness 
of  the  physical  constitution  which  makes  it  more 
prone  to  succumb  to  the  attacks  of  this  particu- 
lar disease.  There  is  a  lowered  state  of  the  vital 
forces  which  renders  the  body  particularly  sus- 
ceptible to  attacks  of  this  kind.  The  same  may 
be  true  of  other  diseases. 

It  may  readily  be  seen  from  the  above  that, 
while  one  may  inherit  a  tendency  toward  one 
form  of  weakness  or  another,  there  is  no  reason 
why  one  should  sit  down  in  hopelessness  and 
give  up  to  the  inherited  tendency.  Rather  should 
the  knowledge  that  such  a  weakness  exists  spur 
one  on  to  greater  effort  toward  building  up  one's 
vital  forces.  It  is  always  possible  to  add  to  the 
amount  of  vitality  which  we  receive  at  the  be- 
ginning of  our  existence,  and  the  duty  rests  upon 
us  to  do  so  in  order  that  our  offspring  may  re- 
ceive a  better  start  in  life  than  that  with  which 
we  were  blessed.  That  this  is  possible  has  been 
demonstrated  in  innumerable  instances. 

152 


PRENATAL    INFLUENCE 

There  are  two  poisons  which  may  well  be 
termed  "racial  poisons,"  because  they  make  a  di- 
rect attack  upon  the  germ  plasm.  One  is  the 
poison  of  alcohol;  the  other  is  the  poison  of  sy- 
philis. These  facts  should  be  carefully  consid- 
ered by  all  who  have  the  welfare  of  future  gen- 
erations at  heart.  Could  these  two  poisons  be 
removed  from  the  bodies  of  the  human  race  and 
the  natural  tendency  of  the  living  germ  plasm 
to  maintain  its  force  and  vigor  be  allowed  undis- 
turbed sway,  who  can  say  to  what  heights  of 
vigorous  development  we  might  not  attain ! 

Although  parents  are  markedly  able  to  affect 
the  inheritance  their  children  are  to  receive 
through  their  own  bodies,  they  are  not  able  to 
change  the  heritage  of  previous  generations.  It 
is  for  this  reason  that  young  people  contemplat- 
ing marriage  should  know  something  of  each 
other's  family  history.  The  discovery  of  insan- 
ity, epilepsy,  idiocy,  alcoholism,  or  syphilis,  in 
the  ancestry  of  an  individual  should  make  one 
pause  before  choosing  such  an  inheritance  for 
one's  offspring.  A  single  case  of  such  afflictions 
may  not  be  serious  enough  to  warrant  the  break- 
ing of  an  engagement,  but  a  long  line  of  such 
cases  would  be  more  than  sufficient  to  make  such 
a  decision  imperative.  In  the  case  of  tuberculo- 
sis, while  one  would  not  intentionally  choose  a 
tuberculous  individual  for  a  parent,  the  mere 
fact  that  in  the  past  there  have  been  tubercular 
individuals  in  the  family  need  not  necessarily 
cause  a  panic  of  fear.  Tubercular  tendencies  can 

153 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

be  overcome  through  simple  diet,  outdoor  living 
and  vigorous  exercise. 

The  gift  of  inheritance  which  we  are  to  hand 
on  to  our  children  has  been  partly  decided  for 
us,  but  our  own  physical  condition  at  the  time 
that  the  gift  of  life  is  bestowed  rests  entirely 
within  us.  Ideally  considered,  those  who  con- 
template becoming  parents  should  see  to  it  that 
they  are  in  the  finest  possible  physical  condition 
before  they  assume  the  great  responsibility  of  be- 
stowing life,  for  if  they  cannot  directly  affect  the 
inheritance  of  their  children,  the  building  of  the 
child's  bodily  organism  during  the  nine  months 
preceding  birth  is  largely  within  their  control. 

The  physical  integrity  of  the  child's  body  will 
depend,  in  very  large  degree,  upon  the  quality 
of  the  material  furnished  by  the  mother's  blood 
during  this  vitally  important  time.  Not  only 
will  her  physical  condition  be  affected  by  the 
food  she  eats,  the  air  she  breathes  and  the  exer- 
cise which  she  takes,  but  it  also  will  be  affected  by 
her  thoughts  and  emotions.  Fear,  anxiety,  worry, 
jealousy — all  of  these  negative  emotions  have 
a  depressing  and  disturbing  effect  upon  the  phy- 
sical organism  and  therefore  really  produce  poi- 
sons which,  carried  in  the  stream  of  the  blood, 
may  react  deleteriously  upon  the  forming  em- 
bryo. Here  is  where  the  husband  can  be  of  great 
assistance  in  protecting  the  expectant  mother  as 
much  as  possible  from  these  undesirable  emo- 
tions, and  encouraging  her  to  master  and  rise 
above  those  conditions  which  cannot  be  avoided. 

154 


PRENATAL    INFLUENCE 

The  husband's  loving,  watchful  solicitude  will 
do  more  than  anything  else  in  the  world  to  maks 
these  nine  months  a  period  of  happiness  and  har- 
mony, and  will,  therefore,  contribute  directly  to 
the  welfare  of  his  child. 

That  the  mother  possesses  great  influence  over 
her  child  during  these  nine  months  has  been 
believed  from  time  immemorial.  Many  of  these 
ancient  beliefs  have  been  proven  false  by  the  dis- 
coveries of  science.  It  is  no  longer  believed  that 
an  ungratified  appetite  on  the  part  of  the  mother 
will  result  in  some  unfortunate  marking  of  the 
child.  Where  the  mother's  desires  are  for  things 
not  detrimental  to  her,  there  is  no  reason  why 
her  wishes  should  not  be  gratified ;  but  if  her  ap- 
petite seems  abnormal  and  the  things  desired  in- 
advisable, she  can  produce  the  best  effect  upon 
her  child  by  having  enough  strength  of  will  to 
put  aside  cheerfully  her  own  wishes  in  accord- 
ance with  the  advice  of  her  physician. 

It  is  doubtful  if  even  a  great  shock  to  the 
mother  at  this  time  will  have  any  direct  effect 
upon  the  child,  though  it  may  be  indirectly  inju- 
rious through  the  impaired  health  and  nutrition 
of  the  former.  The  probability  is  that  the  mother 
who  has  self-control  enough  to  meet  the  dis- 
agreeable experiences  of  life  with  courage  and 
optimism  will,  by  her  very  attitude  of  mind,  pro- 
tect her  offspring  from  any  deleterious  results. 
The  mere  sight  of  one  who  is  crippled  or  de- 
formed should  not  produce  any  effect  upon  the 
child  in  utero  and  will  not,  unless  the  mother  al- 

155 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

,  lows  herself  to  be  thrown  into  hysterics  through 
such  an  experience,  or  otherwise  to  exhibit  an 
unfortunate  weakness  of  will  power. 

Let  it  be  understood  that  the  body  of  the  child 
is  practically  complete  by  the  end  of  the  third 
month.  In  the  majority  of  instances,  the  occur- 
rence which  the  mother  thinks  of  as  the  possible 
cause  of  a  certain  physical  formation  in  her  child 
will  be  found  to  have  taken  place  after  she  had 
felt  the  sign  of  quickening,  which  does  not  come, 
as  a  rule,  until  the  child  is  four  and  a  half  months 
along. 

The  important  thing  for  the  mother  during  this 
period  is  to  remain  serene  and  well-poised  in 
spirit,  knowing  that  this  attitude  of  mind  is  most 
conducive  to  the  best  possible  condition  of  the 
body. 

The  fact  that  peevish,  fretful  babies  are  some- 
times born  to  women  who  have  spent  their  nine 
months  of  pregnancy  in  weeping  and  bemoaning 
their  condition  would  seem  to  indicate  that  there 
is  some  relation  between  the  attitude  of  the 
mother's  mind  during  this  period  and  the  dispo- 
sition of  the  child.  Certain  it  is  that  the  child 
who  is  desired,  planned  for  and  welcomed  from 
the  moment  of  his  conception,  comes  into  the 
world  in  a  much  more  harmonious  state  of  mind 
and  body,  probably  because  of  the  better  quality 
of  blood  from  which  it  has  drawn  its  sustenance. 
On  the  other  hand,  pregnancies  which  have  been 
.attended  with  much  sorrow  and  trouble  have 

156 


PRENATAL    INFLUENCE 

often  resulted  in  the  happiest  babies.  Almost 
every  one  knows  cases  of  this  kind. 

The  reason  why  it  is  important  for  women  to 
know  and  understand  the  truth  on  this  subject 
is  because  faith  in  the  old  theory  of  maternal 
impressions  is  in  itself  a  cause  of  worry  and  ill- 
health.  The  woman  who  fears  that  she  has 
"marked"  or  is  going  to  "mark"  her  unborn 
child,  loses  sleep,  exhausts  her  nervous  system 
and  deranges  her  health  generally,  worrying 
over  these  expected  results. 

Only  recently  a  letter  was  received  from  a 
woman  who  had  been  reading  about  these  sup- 
posed prenatal  influences  and  who,  even  though 
she  did  not  have  complete  faith  in  the  old  the- 
ory, yet  was  so  harassed  by  doubt  upon  the 
subject  that  she  could  not  bring  herself  to  the 
state  of  mind  in  which  she  would  be  willing  to 
have  children.  Her  one  great  desire  in  life  was 
for  motherhood,  but  through  her  fears  as  to  the 
possibilities  of  marking  her  child  by  various  ex- 
periences, and  seeing  it  "cursed  before  birth," 
she  had  up  to  that  time  denied  herself  this  bless- 
ing. In  a  case  like  this,  also,  the  theory  of  pre- 
natal influence  is  vicious  in  character  and  result. 
It  is  nothing  short  of  a  calamity  for  a  woman 
who  desires  children  to  be  deprived  of  them  on 
any  account. 

If  a  woman  can  feel  that,  with  general  condi- 
tions of  good  health,  she  can  go  through  the  expe- 
rience of  pregnancy  and  have  a  normal,  healthy 
baby  irrespective  of  her  mental  activities  and 

157 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

experiences  during  this  period,  she  will  then 
find  joy  in  the  experience  and  feel  free  to  con- 
centrate all  her  energies  on  the  program  neces- 
sary for  the  maintenance  of  vigorous  physical 
health  and  good  nutrition. 

Many  there  are  who  have  believed  that  children 
could  be  influenced  to  certain  professions,  or 
could  have  developed  within  them  remarkable 
qualities  by  the  mother's  study  or  trend  of 
thought  during  pregnancy.  For  example,  one 
woman  will  endeavor  to  make  a  mathematical 
prodigy  of  her  child  by  devoting  the  nine  months 
to  a  study  of  mathematics.  Another  will  try  to 
produce  a  musical  genius  by  devoting  her  time 
to  music,  while  a  third  will  endeavor  to  turn  her 
child  in  the  direction  of  science  by  reading  the 
works  and  studying  the  lives  of  scientists.  The 
theory  is  a  beautiful  one,  but  it  does  not  seem 
to  work  out  in  practice.  Of  course,  if  the  mother 
is  already  musically  inclined,  with  much  native 
ability,  her  offspring  will  show  the  same  char- 
acteristics, probably  to  about  the  same  degree, 
whether  she  practices  much  during  that  period  or 
not.  It  is  hereditary.  If,  however,  the  mother 
and  father  lack  musical  ability,  it  is  rather  hope- 
less to  expect  the  child  to  show  it,  unless  some 
of  his  other  progenitors  had  that  capacity.  I 
know  of  one  instance  in  which  a  mother  made 
such  an  effort  to  develop  a  musical  temperament 
in  a  family  having  no  ear  for  music  on  either 
side.  The  child  showed  absolutely  no  capacity 
for  learning  music,  in  spite  of  the  fact  that  the 

158 


PRENATAL    INFLUENCE 

mother  had  practiced  most  assiduously  during 
her  nine  months.  It  was  noticed,  however,  that 
the  boy  did  show  a  remarkable  degree  of  perse- 
verance in  whatever  he  undertook.  Possibly 
her  determination  and  stick-to-itiveness  had  con- 
tributed somewhat  to  that  result.  But  that,  too, 
may  have  come  as  a  matter  of  heredity.  He  was 
merely  the  son  of  his  mother,  in  that  respect. 

The  most  important  thing  for  every  human 
being,  however,  is  to  be  born  into  the  world  with 
a  healthy,  vigorous  body  and  a  well-poised,  har- 
monious mind,  and  this,  particularly,  all  parents 
should  seek  to  insure  to  their  children.  As  one 
writer  has  said,  "What  one  habitually  is,  not 
what  one  occasionally  or  periodically  does,  has 
the  greatest  influence  in  determining  the  char- 
acter of  one's  children." 


159 


CHAPTER  XXVIII 
The  Requirements  of  Pregnancy 

THE  young  wife  who  finds  herself  pregnant 
for  the  first  time  is  very  apt  to  allow  her- 
self, first  of  all,  to  entertain  a  feeling  of  fear. 
She  knows  little  of  the  experience  which  is  before 
her,  and  doubtless  looks  upon  it  as  a  form  of  ill- 
ness. The  first  thing  for  her  to  learn,  there- 
fore, is  that  pregnancy  is  a  perfectly  normal  ex- 
perience. There  is  nothing  about  it  that  she 
needs  to  fear,  especially  if  she  is  wise  enough  to 
follow  the  teachings  of  hygiene.  If  she  keeps  her- 
self in  a  perfectly  normal,  healthy  condition,  she 
has  nothing  to  be  afraid  of. 

The  girl  who  has  always  led  an  active  outdoor 
life  is  much  better  equippd  for  motherhood  than 
the  one  who  has  played  the  fine  lady  and,  by  va- 
rious forms  of  self-indulgence,  allowed  her  phy- 
sical organism  to  deteriorate.  The  latter  will 
need  to  devote  especial  attention  to  building  up 
her  general  condition  in  order  that  she  may  meet 
successfully  the  requirements  of  this  period. 

If  the  pregnant  woman  has  followed  a  sedentary 
life,  or  is  not  over-strong,  she  should  be  partic- 
ularly careful  not  to  lift  anything  that  is  very 
heavy,  not  to  do  any  reaching  after  things  above 
her  head,  as  under  such  circumstances  these  two 
forms  of  activity  are  liable  to  bring  on  a  mis- 

160 


PREGNANCY 


carriage.  She  should  also  be  careful  to  avoid  all 
jolting,  particularly  such  as  might  come  from  a 
fall. 

It  is  difficult  for  young  women  to  appreciate 
the  importance  of  following  these  simple  direc- 
tions. They  are  apt  to  say,  if  cautioned,  "Oh, 
I'm  not  going  to  give  in  to  it  in  any  such  silly 
way  as  that,"  or,  "I  don't  want  to  make  an  old 
crone  out  of  myself,"  which  simply  shows  that 
they  have  no  comprehension  of  the  true  state  of 
affairs. 

Their  bodily  organism  is  being  called  upon  to 
adjust  itself  to  an  entirely  new  condition.  The 
uterus  and  its  appendages  are  surcharged  and 
unusually  heavy.  There  is  a  delicacy  of  adjust- 
ment during  these  first  two  or  three  months 
which  may  very  easily  be  upset  in  the  ways  indi- 
cated. It  is  during  these  early  months  that  mis- 
carriages are  most  likely  to  occur. 

Young  wives  should  know  that  miscarriages 
are  much  more  dangerous  than  normal  child- 
birth, and,  moreover,  if  a  miscarriage  occurs 
once,  there  is  always  a  liability  to  its  recurrence 
in  any  future  pregnancy.  For  this  reason,  they 
should  be  particularly  careful  when  carrying 
their  first  child.  If  through  any  inadvertance 
they  suffer  a  fall,  we  will  say,  and  feel  a  few 
little  pains  in  the  region  of  the  uterus,  let  them  at 
once  put  a  chair  face  downward  upon  the  bed  and 
place  themselves  upon  it,  with  their  lower  limbs 
raised  upon  the  inclined  back  of  the  chair  in  such 
a  way  that  the  hips  will  be  markedly  raised  above 

161 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

the  shoulders,  and  let  them  remain  in  this  posi- 
tion for  an  hour  or  two.  If  done  at  once,  this  may 
avert  possible  disastrous  consequences. 

The  girl  who  has  lived  an  athletic  life  needs  to 
change  her  habits  very  little.  She  also  should  be 
careful  during  the  first  few  months  not  to  be  too 
venturesome  in  lifting  or  stretching,  but  if,  for 
example,  she  has  been  accustomed  to  horseback 
riding,  there  is  no  need  for  her  to  give  it  up  for 
some  little  time.  Any  other  form  of  activity  that 
her  body  is  used  to,  she  may  very  well  continue. 

Outdoor  life,  as  much  of  it  as  can  be  secured, 
is  the  very  best  thing  for  women  in  this  condi- 
tion. Their  blood  must  be  purified  by  the  oxygen 
and  sent  racing  through  their  veins  by  active 
exercise,  in  order  that  the  little  new  life  may 
receive  the  best  possible  nourishment. 

Expectant  mothers  are  sometimes  urged  to  eat 
a  very  large  amount,  because  they  are  "eating 
for  two,"  as  it  is  called.  This  is  a  mistaken  no- 
tion. They  should  eat  only  what  their  system 
can  easily  assimilate ;  more  than  that  is  a  burden 
to  the  body.  If  it  is  their  habit  to  use  only  the 
most  hygienic  foods,  they  need  not  change  their 
diet  in  any  particular.  If,  however,  they  have 
been  accustomed  to  highly  spiced  foods,  to  tea 
and  coffee,  and  alcoholic  drinks,  they  will  be  ma- 
terially benefiting  their  child's  body  if  they  will 
put  aside  all  of  these  unnatural  stimulants  and 
content  themselves  with  those  simple  foods  which 
contribute  in  greatest  degree  to  bone  and  muscle 
structure. 

162 


PREGNANCY 


Sometimes  the  young  woman  becomes  obsessed 
with  the  idea  that  she  must  have  a  certain  article 
of  diet.  If  there  is  no  special  objection  to  it  on 
the  part  of  her  physician,  well  and  good.  If, 
however,  it  is  particularly  detrimental  to  her,  she 
should  not  allow  herself  to  be  overcome  with  the 
fear  that  the  deprivation  of  this  particular  food 
will  be  in  any  least  way  detrimental  to  her  child. 
The  old  theory  that  a  child  would  be  marked  if 
the  mother  was  deprived  in  this  way  has  been 
thoroughly  disproved.  Her  self-control  in  refus- 
ing to  take  that  which  is  not  good  for  her  can 
have  but  a  beneficial  effect  upon  the  little  li'fe  that 
is  forming. 

The  Greeks  believed  that  a  great  effect  was 
produced  upon  the  child  by  the  surroundings  in 
which  the  expectant  mother  lived.  So  they  saw 
to  it  that  their  mothers-to-be  lived  in  the  midst 
of  the  beauties  of  Nature  and  the  most  wonder- 
ful productions  of  man's  art.  The  custom  was 
indeed  a  beautiful  one,  and  if  it  had  no  direct 
effect  upon  the  unborn  children,  must  have  ex- 
erted a  favorable  influence  indirectly,  because 
it  contributed  to  the  mental  repose  and  happi- 
ness of  the  mothers.  Our  country  has  not  yet 
arrived  at  the  point,  however,  of  viewing  this 
matter  in  its  .manifest  relation  to  the  national 
resources.  Consequently  each  woman  must  de- 
pend upon  her  own  immediate  family  for  what- 
ever beautiful  surroundings  she  is  to  have,  and 
many  are  compelled  to  live  under  such  circum- 
stances that  these  comforts  and  luxuries  are  de- 

12  163 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

nied  to  them.  Even  here,  however,  the  mother 
need  not  feel  discouraged,  for  she  can  know 
that  only  those  things  which  she  allows  to  affect 
her  will  be  able  to  exert  any  influence  through 
her  upon  her  child.  Even  though  disappoint- 
ment and  disaster  come  upon  her  at  this  time,  if 
she  meets  it  all  in  a  spirit  of  courage  and  optim- 
ism her  child  will  feel  the  inspiring  effect  of  her 
attitude  of  hopefulness.  Thus  she  may  turn  even 
the  hard  lessons  of  life  into  a  benefit  for  her 
little  one. 

There  was  a  time  in  this  country  when  it  was 
not  supposed  to  be  quite  the  thing  for  the  expec- 
tant mother  to  engage  in  social  life,  even  of  the 
most  modest  sort.  She  was  expected  to  immure 
herself  within  the  four  walls  of  home  throughout 
almost  the  whole  of  this  important  period.  This 
fallacious  idea  is  happily  passing  away,  thanks, 
partly  to  the  maternity  dresses  which  are  now  so 
artistically  designed  and  comfortably  made.  No 
young  woman  in  this  condition  need  feel  the 
least  bit  conspicuous,  and  she  should  understand, 
as  should  those  about  her,  that  now  as  never  be- 
fore she  needs  all  of  the  happiness  and  inspira- 
tion which  comes  through  healthful  social  life. 
Let  her  go  with  her  husband  to  intimate  social 
gatherings  and  attend  concerts  and  other  forms 
of  recreation  which  will  not  make  too  great  a 
demand  upon  her  physical  powers  or  her  sleeping 
hours.  When  the  time  comes,  however,  as  it  will 
ultimately,  when  her  activities  must  be  tempor- 
arily restricted,  let  her  accept  these  limitations 

164 


PREGNANCY 


cheerfully,  realizing  that  they  are  but  a  small 
part  of  the  price  which  it  is  only  right  should  be 
paid  for  the  priceless  treasure  which  is  to  come 
into  her  life. 

One  very  important  question  will  come  up  for 
husband  and  wife  to  consider  at  this  time,  and 
that  is  as  to  whether  or  not  the  marriage  relation 
should  be  entered  into  during  these  nine  months. 
There  have  been  men  who  have  taken  the  posi- 
tion that,  since  the  woman  need  no  longer  fear 
the  "consequences,"  she  should  now  give  her- 
self up  unreservedly  to  the  husband's  demands. 
This  way  of  looking  at  the  matter  does  not  take 
into  account  the  welfare  of  the  expectant  mother, 
or  that  of  the  child.  These  considerations,  it 
would  seem  to  any  right-thinking  individual, 
must  be  paramount.  Furthermore  the  husband 
is  injured  by  these  relations  at  this  time.  It  is 
a  drain  upon  his  nervous  system  for  which  there 
is  no  compensation. 

And  when  one  thinks  for  a  moment  of  the  tre- 
mendous drain  that  is  being  made  upon  the  wife's 
physical  being  at  this  time,  it  would  seem  that 
a  consideration  of  this  fact  would  completely  end 
all  thought  of  any  further  demand  upon  her.  She 
is  engaged  in  the  greatest,  the  most  supreme 
task  allotted  to  the  human  race,  and  to  that  she 
should  be  consecrated. 

If  we  study  the  habits  of  the  lower  animals  who 
are  monogamous,  we  will  find  there  obedience  to 
a  law  which  it  would  seem  the  human  kind  would 
do  well  to  follow  also.  Among  these  lower  forms 

165 


of  life,  it  is  always  the  female  who  chooses  the 
time  when  she  will  allow  this  relationship  to  be 
entered  into.  It  is  only  when  her  system  is  most 
fully  adapted  to  the  requirements  of  pregnancy 
and  when  the  conditions  of  Nature  itself  are  fav- 
orable, that  she  will  permit  the  approach  of  the 
male.  Moreover,  when  she  has  become  pregnant, 
she  will  resist  with  tooth  and  nail  all  efforts  at 
approach,  and  her  wishes  in  this  particular  are 
respected  by  her  male  companions.  Would  it 
not  seem  that  the  same  prerogative  should  be 
allowed  to  womankind,  and  that  man's  intelli- 
gence would  lead  him  to  understand  her  need  for 
freedom  from  his  approach  at  this  time  ? 

There  are  physiological  reasons  why,  for  these 
nine  months,  the  pregnant  woman  should  be  thus 
unmolested.  In  the  first  place,  sexual  indulgence 
at  this  time  has  a  direct  weakening  effect  upon 
the  parts  concerned,  with  a  resultant  irritation 
and  congestion  which  would  be  unfavorable  to 
natural  and  easy  childbirth.  This  is  a  matter  of 
the  utmost  importance  to  the  woman,  and,  it 
would  seem,  to  the  husband  as  well.  In  the  sec- 
ond place,  it  is  found  that  intimacies  of  this  kind 
at  this  time  have  a  tendency  to  produce,  or  great- 
ly to  aggravate,  the  condition  of  nausea  or 
"morning  sickness"  which  many  pregnant 
women  experience.  A  third  reason  makes  absti- 
nence still  more  imperative.  It  has  been  found 
that  a  large  percentage  of  miscarriages  are  the 
direct  result  of  abuse  of  the  sexual  relation  by 
inconsiderate,  exacting  husbands.  Surely  a  lov- 

166 


PREGNANCY 


ing  husband  and  prospective  father  would  gladly 
deny  himself  that  which  would  seem  to  be  abnor- 
mal indulgence  in  view  of  the  fact  that  it  may 
result  in  the  loss  of  his  unborn  child.  Loving 
consideration  of  his  wife  at  this  time  will  do  more 
than  anything  else  to  endear  him  to  her.  She  will 
find  in  his  restraint  the  truest  indication  that  his 
heart  is  filled  with  love  for  her,  and  that  his  per- 
sonal wishes  are  subordinated  to  his  love. 

The  husband  has  many  opportunities  during 
this  wonderful  time,  when  his  wife  is  carrying 
his  child  within  her  body,  to  express  his  devotion 
in  ways  that  will  be  conducive  to  her  welfare, 
and  therefore  the  welfare  of  their  offspring.  The 
physical  requirements  of  pregnancy  call  for 
freedom  from  mental  strain  and  exciting  work. 
All  the  vitality  and  reserve  strength  possible  are 
needed  by  the  wife  during  this  time.  The  hus- 
band should  watch  over  her  in  every  way  in  his 
power,  keeping  worry  away  from  her,  encourag- 
ing her  to  be  in  the  open  air  as  much  as  possible, 
seeing  to  it  that  she  has  plenty  of  sleep,  and  in  all 
ways  contributing  to  her  happiness. 

It  is  possible  that  the  wife  will  not  be  quite  her- 
self while  carrying  this  extra  load.  She  may  be 
cross,  irritable,  moody,  depressed.  In  all  these 
matters  the  husband  must  have  patience  with  her. 
At  the  same  time  the  wife  should  realize  that  it 
is  not  necessary  to  give  herself  up  to  these  feel- 
ings. By  effort  of  will,  she  can  throw  them  off, 
and  every  time  she  does  so  she  is  contributing  to 
the  welfare  of  her  child. 

167 


CHAPTER  XXIX 
Why  Children  Are  Necessary  to  Happiness 

HUMAN  beings  are  seeking  always  for  self- 
expression.  As  children,  they  express 
themselves  in  their  play.  When  they  reach  ma- 
turity they  find  self-expression  in  both  play  and 
work;  but  in  these  ways  alone  they  do  not  find 
complete  manifestation  of  the  inner  self.  With- 
out any  doubt,  this  is  one  great  reason  for  the 
overwhelming  desire  of  all  normal  human  be- 
ings to  have  children.  These  helpless  little  crea- 
tures who  come  into  our  homes  reproduce  our 
features,  our  traits,  our  qualities,  and  we  have 
the  hope  that  they  will  more  fully  realize  our 
ambitions  than  we  have  been  able  to  do.  Just 
when  the  burden  of  life  is  becoming  heaviest, 
and  we  have  begun  to  lose  the  keen  zest  for 
action  which  in  earlier  days  made  every  effort 
seem  worth  while,  these  fresh  young  lives  spring 
up  around  us.  By  their  enthusiasm  and  their 
overflowing  spirits  they  thrill  us  anew  with  the 
joy  of  living,  and  we  look  out  upon  life  through 
their  eyes  with  renewed  and  increased  powers  of 
enjoyment. 

Those  who  have  been  deprived  of  the  joy  of 
children  withdraw  more  or  less  completely  into 
themselves,  and  look  upon  life  as  observers  from 
the  outside.  Those,  however,  to  whom  have  been 

168 


CHILDREN   ARE    NECESSARY 

granted  the  joys  of  parenthood  are  drawn  into 
the  main  currents  of  life  by  their  ever-active  off- 
spring, and  thus  are  practically  compelled  to  keep 
young.  They  find  that  their  children's  triumphs 
bring  them  greater  joy  than  did  their  own  in 
the  years  gone  by,  and  they  find  a  peculiar  pleas- 
ure in  using  for  their  children's  welfare  the  wis- 
dom which  they  have  gained  through  life's  hard 
knocks.  Everything  now  that  they  have  endured 
seems  more  worth  while,  because  it  has  more  com- 
pletely equipped  them  for  the  successful  direc- 
tion and  care  of  these  young  lives.  No  struggle 
is  too  severe,  no  sacrifice  too  great,  if  it  but  con- 
tribute to  the  happiness  of  these  loved  depen- 
dents. The  day's  labor  is  sweeteend  for  them  by 
the  thought  of  the  happiness  that  is  to  come  to 
the  children  through  their  efforts.  They  work 
not  for  the  uninteresting  reward  of  gain,  or  their 
own  livelihood,  but  with  the  inspiring  purpose 
of  bringing  to  these  keen  young  creatures  as 
much  as  possible  of  the  pleasures  and  possibili- 
ties of  life. 

In  a  home  where  there  are  no  children  the  in- 
terests are  very  circumscribed.  There  are  only 
two  to  contribute  to  the  subjects  of  conversation, 
or  to  the  account  of  daily  experiences.  Where 
children  gather  about  the  board,  however,  there 
is  no  lack  of  subjects  of  discussion,  of  laughter, 
and  of  that  hopefulness  which  dispels  all  clouds 
and  prevents  any  settled  gloom. 

It  is  sometimes  hard,  when  the  children  are 
little,  for  the  mother  to  be  obliged  to  sacrifice 

169 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

her  days  and  nights  to  their  physical  care.  The 
father,  it  may  be,  gets  a  little  stoop-shouldered 
as  he  drudges  day  after  day  to  earn  their  daily 
bread.  But  as  the  years  go  by  the  rewards  be- 
come greater  and  greater.  Often  only  in  old  age 
do  the  parents  really  discover  that  the  sacrifices 
of  those  early  years  are  now  bringing  their  full 
reward. 

We  cannot  measure  the  development  of  char- 
acter which  comes  through  the  care  and  train- 
ing of  children.  In  order  to  control  them,  we 
must  learn  self-control.  Ingenuity  is  developed, 
undreamed-of  capabilities  unfolded,  self-sacrifice 
and  devotion  encouraged,  through  the  care  of  the 
children.  In  fact,  if  one  were  to  go  into  a  study 
of  the  development  of  the  human  race  it  would 
be  discovered  that  it  was  by  the  pressing  needs 
of  their  little  ones  that  primitive  man  and  woman 
were  forced  to  take  the  first  steps  of  that  upward 
path  which  leads  to  what  we  call  civilization. 
For  themselves,  man  and  woman  might  have 
been  content  with  things  as  they  were;  but  the 
discomforts  suffered  by  their  offspring  drove 
them  to  making  unaccustomed  efforts  for  their 
relief.  In  that  way,  and  in  that  way  alone,  did 
the  human  race  achieve  its  mastery  of  the  ma- 
terial universe,  and,  without  doubt,  it  is  through 
the  service  of  their  young  that  the  human  race 
will  go  on  to  the  unf oldment  of  the  highest  spirit- 
ual faculties  which  they  possess. 


170 


CHAPTER  XXX 
The  Question  of  Money 

THE  second  big  reef  upon  which  the  matri- 
monial bark  is  in  danger  of  being  ship- 
wrecked is  the  question  of  money.  If  all  other 
matters  are  satisfactorily  adjusted,  while  this  re- 
mains a  thorn  in  the  flesh  of  one  or  the  other 
member  of  the  partnership,  there  is  bound  to  be 
disagreement  and  unhappiness,  with  the  ever- 
present  possibility  of  an  ultimate  breaking  away 
from  a  situation  which  has  grown  to  be  intoler- 
able. 

There  was  a  time  when  man  and  wife  were 
looked  upon  as  one,  and  that  one  was  supposed 
to  be  the  husband.  His  will  was  supreme.  He 
owned  the  home,  the  furniture  in  it,  the  clothes 
on  his  wife's  back,  and  many  times  he  thought  he 
owned  her  also,  body  and  soul.  The  wife  had  no 
money  of  her  own ;  she  was  not  supposed  to  need 
any.  Even  men  of  great  wealth,  with  this  atti- 
tude of  mind,  would  refuse  to  allow  their  wives 
a  penny  for  their  own  personal  use.  These  un- 
happy women  could  not  have  the  pleasure  of  pay- 
ing cash  for  anything,  whether  they  were  pur- 
chasing household  supplies  or  their  own  personal 
equipment;  all  must  be  charged  to  the  account 
of  the  overlord.  This  gave  him  the  privilege  of 
growling  over  the  bills  as  they  came  in  each 
month  and  grumbling  at  the  wife's  extravagance. 

171 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

She  therefore  lived  in  a  constant  attitude  of  fear. 
She  did  not  dare  breathe  without  the  permission 
of  her  lord  and  master. 

This  relationship  of  master  and  slave  is  always 
a  degrading  one,  not  only  to  the  slave,  whose 
soul  is  subjected  to  continual  indignities,  but 
equally  so  to  the  tyrant,  whose  harsher  and  more 
cruel  qualities  are  accentuated  through  the  fre- 
quent opportunities  offered  to  him  for  their  ex- 
pression. 

Fortunately  for  the  human  race,  this  idea  is 
gradually  passing  away.  With  the  increased 
economic  independence  of  woman,  her  more  gen- 
eral participation  in  public  activities;  and  the  rec- 
ognition of  her  rights  as  a  citizen,  has  come  an 
appreciation  of  her  value  in  the  home  which  has 
given  her  a  position  of  ever-increasing  impor- 
tance and  power.  No  self-respecting  man  today 
wishes  to  tyrannize  over  his  wife,  even  though  he 
may  still  have  something  of  an  idea  of  the  super- 
iority of  the  male  sex  and  the  desirability  of  his 
keeping  a  firm  hand  on  the  helm. 

A  great  many  people  of  the  present  time  have 
found  a  solution  for  the  financial  problem  which 
works  fairly  well  in  a  good  many  cases.  This  is 
the  allowance  system,  the  husband  giving  the 
wife  a  certain  amount  of  money  each  month 
which  she  may  call  her  own,  and  may  spend  as 
her  fancy  dictates.  Sometimes  this  allowance  is 
intended  to  cover  all  the  expenses  of  the  home, 
her  personal  expenses  being  included.  Under 
such  conditions  the  wife  is  very  apt  to  spend  al- 

172 


THE    QUESTION    OF    MONEY 

most  all  of  the  money  upon  the  household  needs, 
neglecting  herself  at  times  to  an  unwise  degree. 
In  other  cases  an  allowance,  proportionately 
much  smaller,  is  made  for  her  own  personal  ex- 
penses, and  in  this  case  she  probably  feels  a  little 
more  freedom  to  gratify  her  own  wishes. 

For  a  certain  type  of  woman  this  arrangement 
works  very  satisfactorily.  If  the  wife  has  never 
been  financially  independent,  receiving  simply 
an  allowance  from  her  father  in  her  girlhood,  she 
finds  it  not  at  all  humiliating  to  receive  an  allow- 
ance from  her  husband.  She  is  willing  to  let  him 
decide  how  much  of  his  salary  he  thinks  he  can 
afford  to  let  her  have,  and  asks  for  nothing  better 
than  this  feeling  of  freedom  within  limits. 

There  is  another  type  of  woman,  however,  and 
one  who  is  coming  more  and  more  into  evidence. 
She  left  her  father's  house  to  enter  the  business 
world,  and  had  been  financially  independent  for 
years,  it  may  be,  before  she  was  persuaded  to  give 
up  her  own  professional  or  business  career  to 
make  a  home  for  a  husband  and  children.  She 
does  not  like  the  idea  of  an  allowance,  because 
it  carries  with  it  the  suggestion  that  she  is  no 
longer  financially  independent.  Apparently,  the 
man  earns  the  money  and  she  lives  on  his  earn- 
ings. Feeling  that  the  money  is  his,  he  gener- 
ously condescends  to  give  her  a  certain  sum  each 
month  which  she  can  call  her  own.  The  feeling 
of  dependence  is  very  galling  to  her,  and,  al- 
though she  may  hot  give  expression  to  it,  it  be- 
comes an  increasing  source  of  irritation. 

173 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

This  situation  is  not  based  upon  a  foundation 
of  justice.  Therefore,  it  cannot  be  permanently 
satisfactory. 

What  is  the  real  situation  between  these  two 
individuals  ? 

We  have  here,  in  the  first  place,  two  indepen- 
dent persons,  each  of  whom  is  perfectly  compe- 
tent to  earn  his  or  her  own  living.  They  have  de- 
cided, however,  that  their  lives  will  be  richer,  ful- 
ler, more  complete,  if  they  join  together  in  es- 
tablishing a  home.  In  other  words,  they  enter 
upon  a  partnership.  The  highest  efficiency  calls 
for  a  division  of  labor.  To  make  a  success  of 
their  joint  undertaking,  under  present  conditions, 
the  energies  of  one,  as  a  rule,  must  be  devoted 
almost  exclusively  to  the  business  of  making  and 
maintaining  a  home,  and  caring  fcr  the  children 
who  form  so  vital  a  part  of  the  great  undertaking. 
The  other  must  concentrate  upon  the  business  of 
earning  the  money  needed  for  the  maintenance  of 
the  home.  In  the  majority  of  cases,  it  is  found 
advisable  for  the  woman  to  undertake  the  first  of 
these  labors  and  for  the  man  to  undertake  the 
second. 

The  time  may  be  coming,  when  this  will  not  be 
so.  It  is  quite  possible,  for  example,  that,  as  a 
result  of  the  present  war,  there  will  be  cases 
in  which  the  man,  having  been  deprived  of  the 
power  of  earning  a  satisfactory  income,  can,  with 
better  success,  devote  himself  to  the  home-mak- 
ing, while  the  woman  continues  to  develop  her 
capacity  in  the  business  world  where  she  has  se- 

174 


THE    QUESTION    OF    MONEY 

cured  a  footing  while  he  was  serving  his  country. 

Whichever  one  is  busy  in  maintaining  the  home 
center,  however,  it  should  be  understood  by  both 
of  them  that  that  work  is  just  as  vital  to  the  suc- 
cess of  the  firm  as  the  efforts  of  the  one  who  goes 
out  into  the  arena  of  business. 

It  is  difficult  for  the  man,  in  the  midst  of  his 
varied  activities,  to  realize  how  much  of  his  suc- 
cess he  owes  to  the  quiet  persistency,  the  unfail- 
ing confidence  and  faith,  the  ofttimes  penetrat- 
ing intuition,  and  the  always  helpful  suggestions 
of  the  little  woman  in  the  home.  Deprive  him 
of  her  constant  ministrations,  and  he  will  turn 
out  to  be  less  than  half  of  the  man  that  he  is 
today. 

All  great  men  recognize  this  fact,  and  do  not 
hesitate  to  give  full  credit  where  credit  is  due. 
"I  owe  my  success  to  my  wife,"  is  heard  re- 
peatedly upon  the  lips  of  some  of  the  greatest 
men  of  our  country,  and  we  know  that  they  are 
speaking  the  truth.  Smaller  men  are  not  so 
ready  to  give  open  expression  to  their  recognition 
of  this  fact,  for  fear  it  may  detract  in  some  way 
from  their  own  reputation  for  business  astute- 
ness. 

What,  then,  would  seem  to  be  a  fair  arrange- 
ment of  money  matters  between  these  co-equal 
partners  ? 

In  the  first  place,  let  it  be  understood  that  the 
money  which  conies  in  is  the  joint  product  of 
their  personalities.  The  quiet  work  of  the  wife 
in  the  Home  is  just  as  potent  a  force  in  the  hus- 

175 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

band's  success  as  are  his  visible  efforts.  It  should 
be  looked  upon,  therefore,  as  their  income,  not 
simply  as  his  salary  or  wages. 

They  have,  then,  a  certain  sum  of  money  com- 
ing to  them  each  month.  What  will  be  the  equit- 
able division  of  this  money  ?  It  would  seem  to  be 
perfectly  fair  to  set  aside  the  sum  absolutely  es- 
sential for  the  expenses  of  the  home,  and  to  di- 
vide the  remainder  into  two  equal  portions  for 
the  personal  expenditures  of  the  pair.  If  the  hus- 
band has  to  meet  some  daily  expenses,  such  as 
carfare  and  lunches,  the  amount  needed  to  meet 
this  drain  upon  his  pocketbook  should  be  taken 
from  the  household  expense  money.  There  may 
be  other  reasons  for  making  the  husband's 
amount  of  spending  money  a  little  larger  than 
that  of  the  wife,  but  this  is  a  matter  which  will 
be  very  easily  adjusted,  because,  in  the  majority 
of  cases,  the  wife  will  be  the  first  to  recognize  the 
justice  of  such  a  procedure.  The  very  fact  that 
her  husband  recognizes  her  as  an  equal  partner 
with  himself  will  fill  her  with  a  desire  to  be 
equally  thoughtful  and  generous  in  her  attitude 
toward  him. 

In  this  connection,  it  may  be  well  to  consider  a 
little  the  question  of  money  in  relation  to  the 
children,  as  they  begin  to  develop  into  separate 
individuals. 

In  many  families  the  custom  has  prevailed  of 
giving  the  little  ones  pennies  every  once  in  a 
while,  with  the  injunction  to  run  and  buy  a  stick 
of  candy.  This  is  deliberately  training  children 

176 


THE    QUESTION    OF    MONEY 

in  the  spendthrift  habit.  They  get  the  idea  that 
money  is  always  to  be  spent  immediately  upon  its 
receipt,  and  so  they  grow  up  without  the  faintest 
idea  of  the  importance  or  value  of  saving. 

A  much  better  plan  is  it  to  begin  as  soon  as  the 
children  are  old  enough  to  enter  school,  for  in- 
stance, by  giving  them  a  little  weekly  allowance. 
If  no  more  at  the  beginning  than  a  penny  a  week, 
let  them  know  that  they  can  count  upon  this  with 
assurance,  and  then  occasionally  suggest  to  them 
little  purchases  which  will  require  the  saving  of 
several  weeks'  allowance.  Let  the  amount  be  in- 
creased as  the  children  grow  older,  and  occasion- 
ally give  them  an  opportunity  to  earn  an  addi- 
tional sum  by  some  special  piece  of  work.  Not 
that  all  of  their  duties  in  the  home  should  be  per- 
formed for  money,  because  this  deprives  them  of 
the  feeling  that  a  certain  responsibility  rests  upon 
them  in  the  home,  as  well  as  upon  the  parents. 

At  the  present  time  there  are  so  many  splendid 
inducements  for  children  to  save,  such  as  the  sav- 
ings banks  in  the  public  schools,  that  parents  may 
well  begin  at  once  to  place  small  sums  of  money 
regularly  in  the  hands  of  children,  and  then  see 
to  it  that  they  are  properly  conserved.  In  this 
way  the  valuable  habit  of  saving  may  early  be 
established. 


177 


CHAPTER  XXXI 
The  Snare  of  the  Boarding  House 

ONE  of  the  temptations  that  assails  young 
people  who  are  contemplating  matri- 
mony is  to  start  their  united  life  in  a  boarding 
house.  It  seems  to  the  young  bride  such  an  easy 
way  to  solve  the  new  problem  that  confronts  her. 
She  knows  her  own  inexperience,  and  it  seems  to 
her  it  would  be  much  easier  and  pleasanter  to  let 
some  one  else  cook  the  meals,  do  the  marketing 
and  perform  the  many  other  tasks  to  which  she 
feels  herself  unequal.  Then,  too,  as  she  may 
sagely  observe,  you  know  just  how  much  you're 
going  to  spend  each  week  when  you  are  boarding, 
whereas  you  are  always  in  danger  of  running  ex- 
penses up  a  little  higher  when  you're  buying  and 
cooking  for  yourself.  She  may  even  persuade 
herself  that  it  would  be  better  all  around  for  her 
to  continue  in  business  and  so  make  it  possible 
for  them  to  follow  what  seems  to  her  to  be  an 
ideal  plan. 

She  may  be  right,  in  many  respects,  as  to  the 
advantages  of  the  plan ;  but  she  probably  has  for- 
gotten to  consider  the  real  price  that  one  must 
pay  for  all  of  these  so-called  comforts. 

One  does  not  realize,  until  one  has  tried  the 
experiment,  how  much  the  union  of  two  lives 
may  depend  upon  the  cheerful,  intimate  associa- 

178 


THE  BOARDING  HOUSE  SNARE 

tion  which  is  possible  at  mealtime  ,  In  rush  sea- 
sons that  is  often  about  the  only  time  when  the 
wife  will  see  her  husband ;  and  it  is  most  import- 
ant, therefore,  that  this  intimate  companionship 
shall  not  be  destroyed  by  the  constant  presence 
of  outsiders. 

The  atmosphere  of  a  boarding  house  is  most 
destructive  of  all  that  goes  to  make  for  a  happy 
married  life.  There  is  the  carping  criticism  of 
each  other  which  the  guests  are  sure  to  indulge  in, 
the  daily  gossip  which  inevitably  goes  on  where 
a  number  of  more  or  less  idle  individuals  are 
gathered  together  and  which  so  easily  deterior- 
ates into  slander.  There  are  the  idle  hours,  if  the 
wife  is  not  in  business,  which  leaves  her  open  to 
all  sorts  of  dangerous  temptations.  Frequent  at- 
tendance at  afternoon  teas  in  public  places  where 
dancing  takes  place,  and  where  questionable 
characters  are  often  to  be  met,  is  one  form  of  al- 
lurement which  the  young  wife  who  is  wise  will 
want  to  avoid.  Frequent  bridge  parties,  where 
the  spirit  of  gambling  prevails,  have  led  many  a 
young  wife  to  incur  indebtedness  which  has  re- 
sulted in  her  husband's  financial  ruin,  and,  it  may 
be,  her  own  moral  downfall. 

It  may  seem  preposterous  to  the  young  bride  to 
suggest  that  her  devotion  can  ever  wander  from 
her  husband.  But  in  the  hours  of  unoccupied  lei- 
sure which  may  be  hers  in  the  boarding  house, 
she  may  easily  be  caught  in  the  net  of  some  fas- 
cinating man  who  has  nothing  else  to  do  but  to 
make  himself  agreeable  to  the  feminine  folk,  and 

179 


13 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

without  any  disloyal  intentions,  bring  disaster 
upon  her  own  head. 

Even  if  these  more  tragic  occurances  do  not 
come  to  her,  there  is  inevitably  a  tendency  to  in- 
creased selfishness  through  living  this  sort  of  a 
vlife.  There  is  so  little  that  she  can  do  for  her 
husband  under  these  conditions  that  by  and  by 
she  forgets  what  her  duty  in  this  respect  really  is. 
She  gets  to  think  only  of  his  obligation  to  provide 
her  with  all  the  money  she  thinks  she  needs,  and 
she  is  constantly  stimulated  by  the  extravagances 
of  those  about  her  to  exceed  the  conservative 
limit  of  expenditure.  In  other  words,  she  be- 
comes a  real  parasite,  living  upon  his  earnings 
and  giving  him  practically  nothing  in  return  for 
it  all. 

Moreover  it  is  never  possible,  in  even  the  best 
of  boarding  houses,  to  get  food  which  is  as  health- 
ful, or  as  daintily  prepared,  as  it  may  be  in  one's 
own  little  home.  Probably  the  reason  why  so 
many  Americans  suffer  from  indigestion  is  be- 
cause so  many  of  them  live  in  hotels  and  board- 
ing houses.  A  wife  should  make  it  her  business 
to  see  that  her  husband's  digestion  is  kept  as 
nearly  unimpaired  as  possible,  and  she  should  not 
endeavor  to  shirk  this  responsibility. 


180 


CHAPTER  XXXII 
The  Question  of  Friends 

IT  is  the  natural  impulse  for  two  young  people 
who  feel  that  in  each  other  they  have  found 
the  whole  universe,  to  be  so  satisfied  with  their 
new  relationship  of  marriage  that  they  both  quite 
thoroughly  neglect  everybody  else.  Their  rela- 
tives, of  course,  will  probably  refuse  to  be  neg- 
lected. With  the  confidence  which  comes  from 
the  familiar  life  ef  the  family,  they  will  seek  out 
bride  and  groom  upon  occasion  and  drag  them 
forth  to  enjoy  some  of  the  family  gatherings. 
Their  friends,  however,  not  feeling  the  same  as- 
surance, will  probably  keep  away  until  they  re- 
ceive an  indication  that  their  love  and  friendship 
are  still  of  value. 

However  happy  the  two  may  be  in  each  other's 
society,  the  time  will  come  when  they  must  face 
the  question  as  to  what  is  to  be  their  attitude 
toward  each  other's  friends.  In  fact,  they  must 
even  consider  what  is  to  be  their  own  attitude  in 
the  future  toward  their  own  friends. 

For  example,  the  young  wife  has  had  men 
friends,  as  well  as  women  friends.  What,  now,  is 
to  be  her  attitude  toward  them  in  the  light  of  her 
new  state.  Is  it  necessary  for  her  absolutely  to 
cut  herself  off  from  any  further  friendly  associa- 
tion with  them,  or  is  it  possible  for  her  to  con- 

181 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

tinue  to  look  upon  them  as  her  friends  without 
putting  them  or  herself  in  a  dangerous  and  un- 
desired  situation? 

The  answer  to  that  question  will  depend  in 
very  large  degree  upon  just  what  has  been  the  re- 
lationship existing  between  her  and  her  men 
friends.  If  their  association  has  been  on  a  more 
or  less  sentimental  or  flirtatious  basis,  it  could 
not  be  considered  wise  for  them  to  continue  it  in 
any  save  the  most  formal  manner.  They  will 
meet  socially,  of  course,  and  enjoy  a  few  min- 
utes' conversation  together,  or  a  dance  upon  oc- 
casion; but  it  would  be  best  for  all  concerned  if 
they  no  longer  indulged  in  tete-a-tetes  which 
might  lead  to  foolishness  on  their  part,  or  mis- 
understanding on  the  part  of  others. 

If,  however,  their  friendship  has  always  been 
on  the  basis  of  frank  comradeship,  there  is  in  all 
probability  no  reason  why  this  might  not  be  con- 
tinued within  limits.  If  the  husband  finds  that 
these  comrades  of  his  wife  are  congenial  to  him, 
the  question  is  practically  solved.  Admitted  to 
his  friendship,  they  belong  to  the  intimate  circle 
of  the  family  life.  If,  however,  any  of  them 
should  prove  to  be  distasteful  to  the  husband, 
then,  although  their  relationship  to  the  wife  may 
be  absolutely  correct,  it  would  be  the  part  of  wis- 
dom for  her  to  deny  herself  the  pleasure  of  seeing 
them  upon  occasions  which  might  seem  to  her 
husband  to  come  with  too  great  frequency.  This 
need  not  interfere  with  true  friendliness,  but 
simply  will  be  a  means  of  avoiding  unnecessary 

182 


THE  QUESTION  OF  FRIENDS 

friction  with  the  one  whose  peace  of  mind  means 
most  to  her. 

It  would  be  well,  also,  for  the  wife  to  ask  her- 
self what  is  to  be  her  relation  to  her  girl  friends. 
This  may  seem  to  her  at  first  a  strange  question, 
but  it  is  nevertheless  a  very  practical  one. 

In  the  days  of  her  care-free  girlhood  they  were 
all  chums  together,  sharing  each  other's  most  in- 
timate experiences  in  the  heartfelt,  outspoken 
way  of  girlhood.  Her  impulse  now  is  to  continue 
the  old  relationship,  to  impart  to  them — in  strict- 
est confidence,  of  course, — the  intimate  happen- 
ings of  her  daily  life,  which  is  of  such  paramount 
importance  in  her  own  eyes.  Innocent  as  this 
pleasure  may  be  in  the  beginning,  it  is,  neverthe- 
less, a  dangerous  pastime.  There  will  come  a 
time  when  little  jarring  notes  will  creep  into  the 
domestic  harmony.  At  first  these  impress  her 
as  very  ludicrous,  and  she  tells  them  to  her  dear- 
est friends  as  the  latest  joke.  Little  by  little, 
however,  a  rasping  vibration  may  creep  in.  She 
begins  to  find  these  little  tests  of  her  good  humor 
rather  taxing,  and,  all  unconsciously  to  herself, 
she  passes  this  impression  on  to  her  confidantes. 
They,  of  course,  are  quick  to  note  the  change  in 
her  feelings,  and  begin,  tentatively,  it  may  be,  to 
pity  her  just  a  little.  She  accepts  their  pity  as  a 
soothing  ointment  upon  her  rasped  nerves.  By 
and  by  she  begins  to  think  of  herself  as  a  martyr 
upon  the  altar  of  wifely  devotion  and  self-sacri- 
fice. Before  she  knows  it,  she  begins  to  recount 
to  her  husband  her  deeds  of  devotion,  stinging 

183 


him  probably,  into  some  unfeeling  retort  that 
drives  them  still  further  apart.  Thus,  before  she 
is  aware  of  it,  the  young  wife  finds  herself  in  the 
midst  of  a  real  domestic  hurricane.  In  all  proba- 
bility, the  greater  part  of  this  difficulty  might 
have  been  avoided  if  she  had  not  been  imparting 
to  her  bosom  friends  the  insignificant  details  of 
her  daily  life.  In  the  mere  telling,  they  have 
gained  an  importance  that  was  not  originally 
theirs. 

It  is  for  this  reason  that  brides  will  find  it  very 
wise,  while  not  changing  at  all  the  warmth  of 
their  affection,  to  maintain  a  certain  amount  of 
reserve  in  their  association  with  even  their  most 
intimate  friends. 

It  hardly  seems  necessary  to  point  out  to  any 
young  woman  the  extreme  indiscretion  of  mak- 
ing a  confidant  of  one  of  the  young  men  whom 
she  may  have  known  more  or  less  intimately  be- 
fore her  marriage.  That  would,  indeed,  be  the 
height  of  disloyalty  to  her  husband,  and  would 
probably  be  so  regarded  by  the  young  man  him- 
self. 

Equally  important  is  it  for  the  young  woman 
to  consider  what  is  to  be  her  attitude  toward  her 
husband's  friends. 

In  the  first  place,  he  doubtless  has  had  many 
friends  among  the  girls.  What  is  to  be  her  atti- 
tude toward  his  woman  friends?  Her  first 
impulse,  doubtless,  will  be  to  feel  just  a  little 
jealous  of  them,  not  so  much  because  she  is 
afraid  that  they  may  take  his  regard  away  from 

184 


THE  QUESTION  OF  FRIENDS 

her,  but  because  they  had  a  share  in  those  early 
years  before  she  knew  him  very  well.  She  is 
even  inclined  to  feel  a  little  jealous  of  his  mother, 
because  of  her  intimate  association  with  him  dur- 
ing his  infancy  and  childhood.  She  will  smile  at 
herself  for  the  absurdity  of  her  feelings  as  re- 
gards his  mother,  and  she  can  well  afford  to  do 
the  same  as  regards  his  friends.  The  fact  that, 
after  knowing  them,  he  chose  her,  proves  her  su- 
premacy and  should  convince  her  that  there  is, 
therefore,  no  real  cause  for  this  absurd  sense  of 
injury.  The  probability  is  that  she  will  bind  him 
much  more  closely  to  her  by  taking  an  attitude 
of  generosity  toward  his  relation  with  other 
women  than  she  could  possibly  do  by  any  attempt 
to  restrict  his  friendliness  with  them.  His  admi- 
ration for  her  will  increase  if  he  sees  she  has  im- 
plicit confidence  in  him,  and  an  unusual  generos- 
ity toward  those  of  her  own  sex. 

This  is  acting  on  the  assumption,  of  course, 
that  his  association  with  other  women  is  purely 
on  the  basis  of  comradeship,  and  absolutely  free 
from  all  sentimentality  or  leaning  toward  flirta- 
tion. Should  this  not  be  the  case,  however,  she 
would  then  be  justified  in  having  a  straightfor- 
ward talk  with  him,  pointing  out  how  unfair  it 
is  both  to  her  and  to  the  other  woman  to  keep  up 
this  sort  of  playing  at  love.  She  has  a  right  to 
ask  him  to  put  aside  all  such  imitations  of  love 
now  that  he  has  experienced  the  full  intensity  of 
the  real  and  lasting  emotion.  He  owes  it  to  his 
wife  to  show  the  whole  world  that  she  reigns  su- 

185 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

preme  in  his  heart,  and  never,  by  any  least  act  or 
word  or  look,  to  raise  any  doubt  in  her  mind  on 
this  point,  or  in  the  mind  of  anyone  else. 

Then  there  are  his  men  friends  to  be  consid- 
ered, his  pals  of  former  days.  She  may  even  have 
a  little  jealousy  of  his  continued  association  with 
these  chums  of  his.  She  feels,  it  may  be,  that 
every  moment  of  his  spare  time  belongs  to  her, 
and  so  she  thinks  she  has  a  real  grievance  if  he 
ventures  to  spend  an  occasional  evening  away 
from  home  with  the  boys.  If  these  evenings 
come  with  too  great  frequency,  and  if  they  mean 
the  indulgence  in  intoxicating  liquors,  or  ques- 
tionable forms  of  amusement,  she  is  justified  in 
her  opposition  to  them  on  the  basis  of  his  own 
welfare.  If,  however,  they  come  only  semi-oc- 
casionally,  and  mean  simply  an  evening  of  clean, 
manly  sport,  she  should  not  deny  her  husband 
this  opportunity  to  associate  with  those  of  his 
own  sex. 

Men  need  the  sort  of  stimulus  that  comes  from 
associating  with  other  men.  A  loyal  husband 
will  not  like  to  admit  it,  but  life  becomes  more  or 
less  grey  and  monotonous  if  he  never  gets  a 
change  to  bask  in  the  stimulating  atmosphere  of 
masculine  controversy.  Men  have  a  way  of  tell- 
ing the  brutal  truth  to  each  other  which  is  most 
beneficial  to  all  concerned,  and  it  may  be  the  wife 
will  do  well  to  let  the  husband  get  a  little  of  his 
desire  for  this  kind  of  mental  relaxation  out  of 
his  system  in  company  with  his  fellows,  who  will 
understand  him,  instead  of  forcing  him  to  make 

186 


THE  QUESTION  OF  FRIENDS 

use  of  her  in  a  way  which  may  prove  to  be  most 
upsetting  to  her  nerves.  Here,  again,  generosity 
on  her  part  will  bring  its  own  reward,  for  an  eve- 
ning spent  away  from  her  side  will  doubtless 
bring  him  back  with  open  expressions  of  the 
pleasure  he  finds  in  being  able  to  spend  most  of 
his  evenings  in  her  society. 

This  same  principle  will  apply  to  the  question 
of  vacations.  The  two  who  have  started  out  in 
life  together  are  apt,  in  the  first  year  or  two,  to 
feel  that  it  is  impossible  to  live  apart,  even  for 
two  weeks.  Yet,  even  in  this  period,  it  might  not 
be  amiss  for  them  to  endure  a  two  weeks'  separa- 
tion, knowing  that  its  only  possible  effect  will  be 
to  make  them  rejoice  more  intensely  in  coming 
together  again. 

Many  husbands  and  wives,  take  it  for  granted 
that  their  vacations  must  be  spent  together  and 
maintain  the  practice  throughout  a  lifetime.  In 
this  I  am  inclined  to  believe  they  are  making  a 
great  mistake.  One  of  the  great  dangers  in  mar- 
ried life  is  that  the  two,  who  have  been  drawn 
together  by  their  unlikeness,  shall  in  time  be 
driven  apart  because  they  have  absorbed  so  much 
of  each  other  that  they  no  longer  seem  mutually 
attractive.  This  being  the  case,  the  vacation  per- 
iod offers  an  opportunity  for  a  temporary  sep- 
aration which  will  renew  the  freshness  of  their 
relation  and  contribute  to  its  permanency. 

Moreover,  the  thing  which  the  husband  most 
enjoys  may  not  be  that  which  will  give  the  wife 
the  most  pleasure.  He  may  prefer  the  joys  of 

187 


mountain  climbing,  with  the  opportunity  it  af- 
fords for  hunting  and  fishing,  while  she  longs  for 
the  sea-shore,  with  the  bathing  and  aquatic 
sports.  How  foolish,  therefore,  for  one  or  the 
other  to  be  compelled  to  sacrifice  his  or  her  own 
natural  inclinations  for  the  fetish  of  spending 
their  vacation  period  together!  Let  each  seek 
out  that  which  will  give  each  the  greatest  amount 
of  pleasure,  knowing  that  in  this  way  only  will 
they  derive  the  greatest  amount  of  benefit  from 
this  period  of  rebuilding. 

Of  course,  it  is  not  intended  to  suggest  that  the 
wife  should  go  away  and  leave  her  husband  alone 
for  the  three  months  of  the  summer,  unless  it  is 
an  absolute  necessity.  If  they  live  in  a  big  city, 
and  little  ones  have  come  into  their  lives  whose 
welfare  must  be  of  paramount  importance,  this 
may  become  a  necessary  course  of  action. 
Little  children  need  the  outdoor  life  and  activity, 
the  closeness  to  nature,  which  only  the  country 
affords,  and,  for  their  lifelong  benefit,  it  is  most 
desirable  that  the  summer  time,  at  least,  be  spent 
by  them  in  the  country  close  to  Mother  Earth. 
This  may  call  for  sacrifices  on  the  part  of  father 
and  mother,  but  such  sacrifices  will  bring  a  large 
return.  It  may  not,  however,  be  necessary  for 
this  sacrifice  to  be  made,  if  the  mother,  during 
the  summer,  will  take  the  time,  day  after  day,  to 
seek  out  those  places  where  the  children  can  play 
in  the  open. 


188 


CHAPTER  XXXIII 
The  In-Laws 

ONE  of  the  biggest  problems  that  the  two 
young  people  have  to  meet  may  be  de- 
scribed in  the  words  of  the  title  of  this  chapter. 
His  family  are  her  "in-laws,"  and  her  family  are 
his  "in-laws,"  and  it  is  quite  a  question  whether 
or  not  they  are  all  going  to  be  able  to  get  along 
harmoniously  together. 

It  may  help  the  wife  a  little  in  solving  this  prob- 
lem if  she  will  take  a  little  time  to  consider  just 
what  a  mother  probably  feels  when  her  son  or 
daughter  has  reached  the  age  of  marriage.  Up  to 
this  time  the  mother  has,  in  all  probability, 
reigned  supreme  in  the  heart  of  her  son  or  her 
daughter.  Not  only  has  her  will  been  law,  but 
her  slightest  suggestion  has  carried  the  greatest 
possible  amount  of  weight.  Now  she  finds  her 
place  pre-empted  by  another.  As  the  bride  her- 
self discovers  later  on  in  life,  one  of  the  most 
difficult  things  in  the  world  to  do  is  to  retire 
gracefully  into  the  background  after  having  for 
many  years  occupied  the  place  of  supremacy. 

Let  her  remember  all  this  in  considering  the 
actions  of  her  mother-in-law.  Let  her  remember, 
also,  that  the  time  will  come  when  she  will  be 
filling  that  unenviable  position  herself,  and  so 
let  her  consider  carefully  that  priceless  admoni- 

189 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

tion,  "Do  unto  others  as  you  would  be  done  by." 
Sometimes,  out  of  the  goodness  of  her  heart, 
the  young  bride  will  offer  to  take  her  husband's 
father  or  mother,  or  even  both,  into  her  home. 
This  is  being  generous  to  a  fault.  Beautiful  as 
the  impulse  may  be,  it  will  lead  to  a  situation  so 
full  of  difficulties  that  the  probability  is  that,  in 
the  end,  she  will  deeply  regret  her  rash  impulse. 
If  it  is  a  possible  thing,  the  parents  of  neither 
one  should  attempt  to  live  with  the  young  couple. 
The  bride  may  think  it  would  be  most  delightful 
to  have  her  own  mother  in  the  home,  to  carry 
some  of  its  responsibilities  for  her  and  to  give 
that  sympathetic  understanding  which  she  has  al- 
ways received  from  that  unfailing  source  of  com- 
fort. She  must  remember,  however,  that  her 
mother  is  her  husband's  mother-in-law,  and  it 
will  probably  be  just  as  difficult  for  him  to  adjust 
himself  to  this  new  relationship  as  it  is  for  her. 
For  both  their  sakes,  therefore,  they  should  start 
their  united  life  with  no  one  else  in  the  home. 

If  the  constant  and  intimate  association  with 
the  in-laws  in  the  home  is  avoided,  there  is  a 
greater  likelihood  that  an  harmonious  relation- 
ship may  be  gradually  evolved.  It  may  be  nec- 
essary for  the  bride  to  exercise  a  little  tactful 
reserve,  in  order  to  keep  the  mothers  on  either 
side  of  the  family  from  interfering,  from  the  best 
of  motives,  in  the  little  details  of  every-day  life. 
It  will  not  be  easy  to  do  this,  but  if  the  bride  has 
only  love  in  her  heart,  if  she  resolutely  refuses 
to  let  any  irritation  creep  in,  she  will  be  able  to 

190 


THE  IN-LAWS 


explain  very  frankly,  yet  sweetly,  to  both  moth- 
ers, that  she  thinks  it  best  for  her  and  her  hus- 
band to  manage  their  own  lives  in  their  own 
way.  They  probably  will  make  mistakes,  but 
they  will  learn  through  their  mistakes.  No  one 
really  learns  from  the  mistakes  of  others,  and 
that  is  the  reason  that  it  is  not  advisable  for  any 
one  to  be  too  ready  to  follow  the  well-meaning 
advice  of  other  people. 

Long  years  of  observation  have  convinced  me 
that  most  of  the  friction  in  life  comes  from  trying 
to  maintain  too  close  a  relationship  between  peo- 
ple who  were  not  meant  to  be  thus  associated 
together.  It  is  possible  to  treat  the  "in-laws" 
with  courtesy  and  kindness  and  love,  and  yet 
make  them  realize  that  the  life  of  the  wedded 
pair  is  something  so  intimate  that  they  have  no 
right  to  intrude  upon  it.  It  is  much  better  to 
cause  a  little  comment  upon  one's  standoffish- 
ness  at  first,  and  gradually  grow  into  a  cordial 
relationship,  than  it  is  to  try  to  enter  at  once  into 
the  intimacy  of  a  family  life  and  find  one's  self 
in  the  unpleasantness  of  a  family  quarrel. 

The  bride  will  need  to  exert  herself,  it  may  be, 
to  resist  the  temptation  to  confide  too  much  in 
her  own  mother.  If  things  go  wrong,  she  is 
tempted  to  run  home  to  mother  and  tell  her  all 
about  it.  By  so  doing,  however,  she  will  lose 
the  opportunity  of  developing  her  individuality 
and  independence,  and  she  will  be  in  danger,  as 
was  suggested  in  regard  to  her  intimate  friends, 
of  having  mole-hills  made  into  mountains, 

191 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

through  her  own  unconscious    exaggeration  in 
talking  to  a  sympathetic  listener. 

The  two  young  people  are  starting  out  upon 
a  new  life,  a  life  together.  And  they  should  feel 
that  now,  for  them,  the  family  unity  is  just  they 
two  alone,  to  be  increased  later  on  by  the  wel- 
come addition  of  children.  Great  as  are  the  obli- 
gations of  parents  to  children,  they  must  take 
second  place  after  the  children  have  married. 
Parents  should  realize  this  from  the  very  begin- 
ning, and  train  their  offspring  accordingly. 
Parents  and  children  now  have  the  opportunity 
of  entering  into  a  new  relationship,  the  friend- 
ship of  equals. 


192 


CHAPTER  XXXIV 
Quarreling  and  Making  Up 

WHEN  two  young  people,  deeply  in  love 
with  each  other,  are  planning  for  the 
future,  they  picture  it  as  one  long  honeymoon, 
where  nothing  but  love  and  harmony  will  ever 
find  expression.  It  would,  indeed,  be  a  happy 
thing  if  nothing  inharmonious  ever  came  into 
the  home  life. 

But  since  it  is  not  possible,  nor  even  desirable, 
for  the  world  to  be  filled  with  people  who  are 
always  in  a  unanimous  state  of  mind,  it  is  neces- 
sary for  human  beings  to  learn  how  to  differ  with- 
out bringing  inharmony  into  their  relationship. 

One  might  well  study  the  art  of  differing.  It 
is  not  necessary  that  two  people  should  be  abso- 
lutely of  the  same  opinion  in  order  to  live  to- 
gether harmoniously.  One  need  not  be  the  walk- 
ing echo  of  the  other.  In  fact,  such  a  condition 
of  affairs  would,  in  reality,  be  most  unsatisfac- 
tory for  anyone  blessed  with  average  intelligence. 
A  great  deal  of  pleasure  is  to  be  derived  from 
discussing  many  things  with  those  who  view  them 
from  an  angle  different  from  one's  own.  We 
are  enlightened  by  seeing  through  other's  eyes; 
we  are  broadened  in  our  sympathies  by  learning 
how  others  feel;  our  life  is,  therefore,  enriched 
through  differences. 

To  derive  benefit  from  such  circumstances, 
however,  it  is  necessary  for  one  to  learn  to  con- 

193 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

sider  matters  dispassionately,  and  with  nothing 
but  the  most  harmonious  feelings  at  heart.  As 
one  spiritual  teacher  has  aptly  phrased  it,  "Agree 
to  differ,  but  never  disagree."  This  means  that 
there  will  always  be  an  atmosphere  of  agreement 
and  of  harmony  in  every  difference  which  may 
come  up. 

One  reason  why  it  is  so  difficult  for  the  newly 
married  to  differ  harmoniously  is  because  their 
feelings  are  so  keenly  involved,  and  they  have 
not  as  yet  learned  to  consider  instinctively,  as  it 
were,  the  other's  point  of  view.  The  bride  will 
find  herself  thinking,  when  some  disputed  house- 
hold matter,  it  may  be,  comes  up  for  discussion : 
"Well,  I  don't  care.  I  think  he  might  consider 
my  wishes  in  this  matter.  If  he  loved  me,  he 
would  rather  do  what  I  want  than  anything  else 
in  the  world."  Without  doubt,  her  husband  is 
thinking  approximately  the  same  thing ;  and  in  a 
little  while  they  are  accusing  each  other  of  having 
already  begun  to  lose  some  of  the  deep  devotion 
which  has  drawn  them  together. 

The  difference  in  itself,  in  all  probability,  is 
very  insignificant,  but  the  question  of  each  oth- 
er's love,  which  it  has  raised,  is  of  serious  import. 
It  is  only  where  there  is  perfect  confidence  in  each 
other's  unselfish  devotion  that  there  is  found  the 
necessary  tolerance  for  an  harmonious,  united 
life.  After  years  of  marriage,  that  confidence 
generally  comes,  so  that  the  two  can  differ  with 
the  utmost  good  humor  and  mutual  understand- 
ing. 

194 


QUARRELING   AND    MAKING   UP 

It  is  well  for  the  young  wife  to  make  rather  a 
careful  study  of  this  subject  of  quarrels,  because 
in  many  cases  she  has  it  in  her  power  to  avoid  a 
great  many  of  them.  A  man  in  the  business  world 
learns  to  overlook  a  great  many  things.  He  is 
obliged  to,  in  order  to  hold  his  position.  He  gets 
the  sharp  corners  knocked  off,  and  he  learns  to 
mind  his  own  business  and  pay  very  little  atten- 
tion to  other  people.  Men  talk  to  each  other  with 
brutal  frankness,  as  a  rule,  anyway,  and  here  pos- 
sibly will  be  found  the  beginning  of  trouble  in 
the  home. 

The  husband,  feeling  that  in  his  wife  he  has 
found  a  good  "pal,'*  instinctively  begins  to  talk 
to  her  as  he  does  to  the  other  fellows.  He  tells 
her  that  the  way  she  has  hung  the  parlor  curtains 
makes  them  look  sloppy;  that  he  does  not  like 
all  this  fol-de-rol,  referring  to  specimens  of  her 
handiwork,  it  may  be,  which  are  meant  to  adorn 
the  home;  and  altogether  shows  a  brutal  disre- 
gard for  her  feelings,  which  probably  drives  her 
to  her  room  in  a  spasm  of  tears.  Of  course,  it 
is  all  very  unkind  and  unfeeling  of  him,  and  he 
should  know  better.  He  should  have  learned  the 
little  tactful  ways  which  would  enable  him  to 
sugarcoat  his  criticism  with  such  words  of  appre- 
ciation as  would  enable  her  to  take  the  dose  with- 
out a  qualm.  But  he  hasn't  learned  these,  and 
she  should,  therefore,  be  willing  to  overlook  the 
acts  and  words  which  are  the  outcome  of  his  ig- 
norance. That  does  not  mean  that  she  should 
always  put  up  with  such  boorishness,  but  only 

195 


14 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

that  she  should  have  enough  self-control  not  to 
let  these  little  things  upset  her.  If  she  retains 
her  equanimity,  she  may  be  able,  later  on,  to 
point  out  to  him  a  better  way. 

We  lose  all  our  power  when  we  let  our  feel- 
ings drive  us  to  tears.  That  is  a  waste  of  energy 
which  we  can  ill  afford.  The  woman  who  has 
the  power  to  rise  above  all  of  these  petty  dis- 
turbances will  be  the  one  who  eventually  will 
dominate  the  home  atmosphere  and  bring  it  into 
that  harmonious  condition  which  both  really  de- 
sire. 

In  the  first  place,  she  must  have  complete  con- 
fidence in  her  husband's  love.  No  matter  how 
many  times  he  walks  roughshod  over  her  tender 
sensibilities,  no  matter  how  clumsy  and  blunder- 
ing he  may  be  in  the  expression  of  his  desires  and 
wishes,  she  must  hold  fast  to  that  fundamental 
fact  and  never  let  it  escape  from  her.  When  she 
is  fairly  quivering  from  some  bit  of  apparent 
heartlessness,  she  must  learn  to  say  to  herself, 
"Well,  poor  fellow,  he  doesn't  know  any  better. 
I  must  try  to  teach  him." 

There  is  only  one  way  in  which  she  may  teach 
— and  that  is  not  by  word  of  mouth.  It  is  easy 
to  talk,  but  it  is  difficult  to  do.  She  must  teach 
the  better  way  by  showing  it;  and  the  first  step 
in  that  direction  is  for  her  to  ask  herself,  when- 
ever an  inharmonious  condition  has  arisen  in  the 
family,  "Where  was  I  to  blame  in  that?  What 
was  my  fault?" 

In  order  to  find  the  answer  to  these  questions 

196 


QUARRELING   AND    MAKING   UP 

it  is  not  enough  for  her  to  dwell  simply  upon  the 
last  five  minutes  of  the  quarrel,  going  over  all  of 
the  unkind  things  he  said  when  his  anger  was 
finally  aroused,  and  justifying  all  of  the  equally 
unkind  things  she  said  in  that  way.  To  find  the 
cause  of  the  quarrel,  she  must  go  back  to  the 
very  beginning.  What  was  it  that  caused  the 
first  remark  that  eventually  led  to  the  unpleas- 
antness? She  may  be  able  to  put  her  finger  on 
some  very  inconsiderate  remark  of  her  hus- 
band's ;  but  was  she  not  too  hasty  in  interpreting 
it  in  the  most  unkind  way?  May  it  not  have 
been  that  he  meant  it  very  differently  from  the 
way  in  which  it  sounded  in  her  ears?  Suppose, 
instead  of  flaring  up  at  his  apparent  unkindness, 
she  had  had  enough  self-control  to  smile  up  into 
his  face  and  say,  jocosely,  "Well,  now,  just  how 
do  you  mean  that?"  If  she  had  given  the  poor, 
blundering,  masculine  creature  a  chance,  he 
might  have  been  able  to  show  her  that,  back  of 
it  all,  was  a  sincere  desire  for  her  happiness,  or 
for  their  mutual  benefit;  but,  of  course,  when 
she  took  it  in  the  wrong  way,  he  wasn't  going 
to  back  down  from  his  original  position.  And 
so  they  went  on,  making  a  bad  matter  worse, 
until  the  final  crash  came. 

Now,  what  are  they  going  to  do  about  it?  She 
has  gone  to  her  room,  thrown  herself  upon  her 
bed,  and  given  way  to  a  flood  of  weeping.  He 
went  around  down  stairs  for  a  while,  hoping 
that  she  would  reappear,  and  then  slammed  his 
way  out  of  the  house  and  went  back  down  to  the 

197 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

office,  for  he  was  too  proud  to  go  to  the  club  and 
let  others  see  that  married  life  was  not  all  a  bed 
of  roses,  as  he  had  pictured  it. 

Somebody  has  to  take  the  first  step  toward  a 
reconciliation.  Who  should  it  be? 

The  most  important  thing  about  a  quarrel  is 
the  making-up  afterwards.  The  sooner  that  can 
be  brought  about,  of  course,  the  better. 

Let  not  any  two  young  people  think,  in  the 
stubbornness  of  their  pride,  that  they  can  come 
together  at  their  next  time  of  meeting  and  ignore 
what  has  just  taken  place.  They  sometimes  try 
to  meet  on  the  basis  of  cold  formality,  and  some 
of  them  may  succeed  in  putting  it  over,  but  it  is 
a  most  disastrous  procedure.  The  quarrel,  which, 
if  properly  gone  over  together,  might  have  drawn 
them  into  closer  harmony  and  a  better  under- 
standing of  each  other,  remains  a  sore  spot  in  the 
heart  of  each;  the  poisonous  sting  of  the  heart- 
less words  spoken  in  the  heat  of  the  controversy 
continues  to  do  its  deadly  work.  They  have  laid 
the  first  stone  of  a  barrier  which  some  day  will 
be  found  to  separate  them  irrevocably. 

It  is  always  hard  to  take  the  first  step  toward  a 
reconciliation,  but  the  two  young  people  should 
know  that  the  one  who  is  able  to  take  the  first 
step  has  the  advantage.  It  makes  no  difference 
which  one  was  the  most  to  blame  in  the  begin- 
ning. Tacitly  to  admit  your  share  of  the  blame 
by  saying,  "Will  you  forgive  me,"  is  to  call  forth 
an  overflowing  love  which  is  the  sweetest  possible 
recompense  for  the  effort  which  may  be  involved. 

198 


Individual  differences  are  of  very  little  conse- 
quence. The  great  eternal  fact  of  a  true  and  sin- 
cere love  can  be  made  to  drown  them  all. 

The  serious  differences  arise  when  one  or  the 
other  nurses  a  grievance  for  a  long  time  without 
giving  expression  to  it.  There  is  a  feeling  in  the 
atmosphere  which  indicates  that  things  are  not 
as  they  should  be,  and  yet  nothing  is  apparent  on 
the  surface.  There  seems  to  be  a  cloud  hanging 
over  the  home.  An  occasional  grouchy  remark 
may  be  explained  away  on  the  basis  of  business 
worries,  whereas  in  reality  it  is  the  expression  of 
a  hidden  grievance.  This  is  a  serious  condition 
and  especially  trying  for  the  one  who  has  no 
definite  knowledge  of  it,  and  yet  suffers  from  its 
presence.  This  brooding  over  a  fancied  wrong 
is  the  product  of  an  unfortunate  disposition 
which  lacks  confidence  in  another's  love  and  sin- 
cerity, and  it  is  this  lack  of  faith  which  makes  the 
life  of  the  two  together  so  difficult.  Many  times 
the  innocent  victim  of  this  brooding  disposition 
is  obliged  to  provoke  a  quarrel  in  order  to  find 
out  what  the  real  trouble  is.  After  the  explana- 
tion, the  air  is  cleared  for  the  time  being,  and 
happiness  reigns.  But,  in  time,  the  poison  again 
shows  itself. 

The  person  who  is  afflicted  with  this  sort  of  a 
disposition  should  make  every  possible  effort  to 
overcome  it,  and  should  enlist  the  heartfelt  and 
understanding  co-operation  of  the  other  member 
of  the  life  partnership.  Such  an  individual  should 
never  allow  the  least  little  incident  that  causes 

199 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

the  slightest  feeling  of  unhappiness  to  lodge  in 
the  mind  and  remain  there  unexplained.  Every 
such  little  matter  should  be  taken  at  once  to  the 
wife  or  husband,  as  the  case  may  be,  with  the 
words,  "I'm  sure  you  don't  mean  anything,  but 
such  and  such  a  thing  has  hurt  me.  Won't  you 
explain  just  how  you  meant  it?"  The  free  and 
frank  discussion  which  will  follow  will  serve  to 
bind  the  two  into  a  close  harmony  of  mutual  con- 
fidence and  trust,  and  little  by  little  the  unfortu- 
nate tendency  may  be  overcome. 

One  way  to  avoid  quarrels  is  for  husband  and 
wife  to  learn  when  not  to  speak  upon  trouble- 
some or  trying  matters.  If  the  husband  is  going 
through  a  business  crisis,  the  wife  who  is  wise 
will  put  her  personal  preferences  out  of  sight  for 
the  time  being,  and  bring  to  him  as  little  of  the 
annoying  details  of  daily  life  as  possible.  On 
the  other  hand,  husbands  should  also  remember 
that  there  are  periods  when  the  wife  is  not  en- 
tirely herself.  There  comes  a  period  each  month 
when  she  is  more  or  less  under  the  weather  and 
inclined  to  feel  a  little  cross  and  irritable,  and 
especially  unduly  sensitive.  This  is  the  time  for 
the  husband  to  give  full  expression  to  his  love 
and  appreciation,  reserving  all  words  of  criti- 
cism for  a  time  when  she  is  more  strong  in  spirit 
to  receive  them.  Pregnancy  is  another  period 
during  which  the  husband  will  need  to  exercise 
unusual  consideration.  On  the  other  hand,  the 
wife  should  not  feel  during  pregnancy  that  she 
has  a  right  to  give  full  and  unrestrained  expres- 

200 


QUARRELING   AND    MAKING   UP 

sion  to  her  disagreeable  feelings.  She  must  re- 
member that  the  little  new  life  needs  a  harmoni- 
ous atmosphere  in  which  to  develop. 

Above  all,  neither  one  should  attempt  to  domi- 
neer over  the  other.  Each  should  look  upon  the 
other  as  a  human  being  who  has  human  rights 
to  be  observed  and  regarded.  Neither  one  of  the 
two  is  expected,  in  this  day  and  generation,  ab- 
solutely to  give  up  his  or  her  individuality  on 
entering  into  the  married  state.  Life  will  be  much 
richer  and  more  satisfactory  with  two  distinct 
individualities  whch  have  learned  to  adapt  them- 
selves to  each  other,  than  where  one  has  become 
a  washed-out  replica  of  the  dominant  personality. 

Quarreling  is  too  serious  a  thing  for  young 
people  ever  to  indulge  in  it  as  a  pastime*  In  the 
first  excess  of  devotion  they  are  in  danger  of 
thinking  it  sometimes  amusing  to  pretend  to  be 
hurt  over  some  little  occurrence.  It  is,  in  the  first 
place,  merely  pretense,  but,  before  they  know 
it,  simply  assuming  the  air  of  an  aggrieved  indi- 
vidual eventually  brings  the  feeling  itself  into 
existence.  Or,  it  may  be,  the  two  start  "knock- 
ing each  other,"  as  the  slang  phrase  goes,  purely 
in  fun,  and  before  they  know  it  find  themselves  in 
a  truly  acrimonious  exchange  of  uncompliment- 
ary phrases. 

Love  is  too  precious  a  thing  ever  to  be  treated 
in  any  other  way  than  the  most  reverential. 
While  humor  is  a  great  essential  to  success  in  life, 
and  especially  in  married  life,  it  must  be  humor 
of  the  right  sort. 

201 


CHAPTER  XXXV 
Jealousy — the  Green- Eyed  Guardian  of  Honor 

JEALOUSY  is  generally  portrayed  to  us  as  a 
terrible  demon  who  takes  possession  of  the 
unfortunate  individual,  wrecking  life  and  home 
and  happiness  in  a  manner  that  might  almost 
be  called  insane.  This  is  without  doubt  jeal- 
ousy in  the  abnormal,  but  we  must  remember 
that,  like  everything  else,  jealousy  has  its  nor- 
mal as  well  as  its  abnormal  aspect. 

We  say,  for  example,  that  a  man  is  jealous  of 
his  reputation,  meaning,  that  he  holds  it  in  such 
regard  that  he  will  go  to  any  extreme  to  protect 
it  from  injury.  We  hear,  also,  of  a  mother  who 
is  jealous  for  the  good  name  of  her  daughter, 
and  in  both  instances  we  recognize  the  jealousy 
as  being  normal  and  proper. 

Turning  to  the  dictionary  we  may  find  addi- 
tional light  upon  the  subject.  Here  we  learn 
that  the  word  "jealousy"  comes  from  exactly 
the  same  root  as  zealous,  which  conveys  the 
idea  of  ardor,  enthusiastic  devotion,  either  to 
a  cause  or  to  a  person. 

Jealousy,  then,  in  its  normal  form,  would 
mean  the  state  of  being  ardently  and  anxiously 
suspicious,  vigilant  in  guarding,  watchful.  Only 
in  the  abnormal  could  jt  be  considered  as  being 
distrustful  as  to  the  fidelity  of  wife,  husband 

202 


JEALOUSY 


or  lover,  or  revengeful  on  account  of  fickle  treat- 
ment or  slighted  love. 

It  is  right  for.the  husband  to  be  jealous  of  the 
good  name  of  his  wife,  for  the  wife  to  be  jealous 
of  the  reputation  of  her  husband.  They  are  mu- 
tual guardians  of  each  other,  and  in  that  rela- 
tionship can  be  of  incalculable  benefit  to  each 
other.  The  wife,  for  example,  may  not  realize 
that  her  care-free,  playful  manner  of  meeting 
her  men  friends  may  lead  to  censure  on  the  part 
of  those  who  do  not  understand  her.  She  has 
been  a  good  comrade  to  these  masculine  friends, 
it  may  be  for  years  before  her  marriage,  and  she 
sees  no  harm  in  continuing  the  friendly  relation. 
Her  husband  may  agree  with  her  in  principle, 
but,  being  jealous  for  her  good  name,  he  realizes 
that  it  is  necessary  to  take  into  account  to  some 
degree  the  possible  misunderstandings  of  other 
people.  It  is  not  because  he  lacks  confidence 
in  her  love  for  him  that  he  speaks  the  wise  word 
of  admonition  to  her,  but  simply  in  order  that 
she  may  not  allow  her  good  name  to  be  evilly 
spoken  of  by  those  who  do  not  understand.  Such 
words  of  careful  warning  from  a  devoted  hus- 
band should  be  given  careful  attention  by  an 
appreciative  wife. 

On  the  other  hand,  many  men,  with  the  best  of 
intentions,  are  more  or  less  prone  to  allow  them- 
selves little  liberties,  now  that  they  are  safely 
married,  with  some  of  the  younger  girls,  it  may 
be.  They  have  nothing  but  the  kindest  intentions 
in  their  hearts,  and  they  are  not  in  the  slightest 

203 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

degree  untrue  to  their  wives.  Yet,  properly  jeal- 
ous of  their  reputations,  their  wives  may  be  jus- 
tified in  calling  to  their  attention  the  unwisdom 
of  such  behavior. 

There  is  another  aspect  of  this  matter,  which 
it  is  also  well  to  take  into  consideration.  The 
young  wife,  for  example,  may  perceive  at  once 
the  danger  to  young  girls  which  come  from  allow- 
ing these  little  liberties  to  any  man.  It  is  a  let- 
ting down  of  the  barriers  which  form  the  young 
girl's  greatest  safeguard.  Not  only  so,  but  it  may 
result  in  arousing  in  her  a  feeling  of  admiration 
for  this  older  man  which  she  may  consider  to  be 
love,  and  which  may  ultimately  place  them  both 
in  a  very  dangerous  position.  At  any  rate,  it  is 
not  fair  to  her  to  have  her  feelings  aroused  by 
one  who  cannot  return  them ;  and  so,  for  the  sake 
of  the  girl,  the  wife  should  make  plain  to  her  hus- 
band the  wrongness  of  his  course. 

The  same  is  equally  true  of  the  wife.  Her  free 
and  easy  ways  may  stir  some  young  man's  heart 
and  bring  to  him  suffering  which  he  does  not  de- 
serve. As  the  guardian  of  her  honor,  her  hus- 
band has  a  right  to  exercise  the  prerogative  of  a 
normal  and  unselfish  jealousy  and  warn  her  of 
the  dangers  which  he  sees  about  her. 

Without  any  doubt,  this  feeling  of  jealousy  has 
been  implanted  in  the  human  heart  as  an  aid  to 
the  maintenance  of  the  integrity  of  the  home. 
The  human  race  has  learned  that  the  greatest 
good  to  the  greatest  number  comes  through  the 
monogamous  marriage,  and  the  instinct  of  jeal- 

204 


JEALOUSY 


ousy  has  doubtless  been  implanted  in  the  human 
breast  as  an  aid  to  the  maintenance  of  that  stand- 
ard of  life.  It  is  the  duty  of  each  to  see  that  no 
one  is  allowed  to  enter  the  life  of  the  other  who 
will  draw  him  or  her  away  from  the  pathway  of 
complete  devotion  to  home  and  family. 

This  does  not  mean,  however,  that  jealousy 
should  be  allowed  to  assume  undue  proportions. 
The  husband  whose  suspicious  nature  is  so  highly 
developed  that  he  cannot  see  his  wife  speak  cas- 
ually with  another  man  without  beirig  driven  into 
a  rage  is  in  an  abnormal  state  which  he  should 
overcome.  His  extreme  proneness  to  distrust 
her  would  cause  a  careful  observer  to  be  sus- 
picious of  him.  It  is  the  one  who  himself  is  un- 
true who  is  always  suspecting  falsity  in  others. 
If  he  is  hiding  some  of  his  actions  from  her, 
it  is  natural  that  he  should  suspect  that  she  is 
being  equally  deceitful  with  him.  The  wife  who 
is  under  the  dominance  of  an  abnormally  jealous 
man  should  be  aware  of  this  fact,  because  this 
knowledge  may  prove  to  be  her  only  weapon 
of  defense  in  his  unjust  attacks.  Let  her  turn 
upon  him  with  the  pertinent  query,  "What  have 
you  done  that  you  should  be  so  suspicious  of 
me?" 

Abnormal  jealousy  on  the  part  of  the  wife 
would  probably  be  an  indication  of  similar  de- 
ceitfulness  on  her  part.  Abnormal  jealousy 
makes  life  a  hell  upon  earth  for  both  husband  and 
wife,  and  as  soon  as  it  raises  its  head  it  should  be 

205 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

scotched  at  once.    If  allowed  to  develop,  it  will 
eventually  wreck  the  home. 

There  should  be  enough  mutual  confidence  so 
that  both  husband  and  wife  may  have  pleasing 
friendships  among  those  of  the  opposite  sex, 
while  at  the  same  time  the  normal  expression  of 
jealousy  will  serve  to  protect  them  from  any 
unwise  intimacies. 

It  is  true  that,  if  men  and  women  are  asso- 
ciated intimately  together  for  a  good  deal  of 
time,  there  is  a  danger  that  the  fundamental 
attraction  between  the  sexes  may  make  itself 
felt,  and  interfere  more  or  less  seriously  with 
their  home  relationships.  For  this  reason,  it  is 
well  for  each  to  listen  with  consideration  to  the 
husband  or  wife  who  sees  that  such  a  serious 
result  is  likely  to  develop.  Even  though  the  one 
involved  is  not  able  to  see  at  the  time  how  dan- 
gerous the  situation  really  is,  nevertheless  true 
love  will  lead  to  a  generous  sacrifice  of  the  friend- 
ship in  order  to  save  a  loving  heart  the  least  bit 
of  uneasiness. 

We  must  realize  that  the  love  of  the  sexes  is  a 
very  practical  matter  with  a  definite  purpose, 
namely,  the  perpetuation  of  the  life  of  the  race. 
Marital  unions  must  be  made  permanent  for  the 
sake  of  the  children,  and  jealousy  is  one  of  the 
attributes  of  human  nature  which  has  this  for  its 
end  and  aim.  In  its  rightful  place,  therefore, 
when  properly  controlled  and  directed,  jealousy 
may  well  be  considered  as  the  guardian  of  family 
honor. 

206 


CHAPTER  XXXVI 
When  "The  Other  Woman"  Appears 

IT  sometimes  becomes  necessary  for  the  wife 
to  consider  the  question  of  the  "other 
woman."  Of  course,  it  is  quite  possible  for  an 
apprehensive  woman  to  think  she  perceives  a 
rival  upon  the  horizon  when  there  is  nothing 
more  there  than  the  product  of  her  own  fancy. 

It  is  most  unfortunate  for  the  wife  to  get  into 
the  habit  of  nagging  her  husband  about  his 
woman  friends,  continually  suggesting  to  him 
by  her  fears  that  she  has  no  faith  in  his  constancy, 
or  in  her  own  powers  to  hold  his  love.  We  often 
bring  to  us  by  our  fears  that  which  we  dread. 

Again,  by  endeavoring  to  hold  her  husband 
too  much  under  her  control,  the  wife  may  drive 
him  to  extremes  simply  through  a  desire  to 
achieve  an  approximation  to  personal  freedom. 
There  may  have  been  no  intention  of  being  un- 
true to  her,  but  simply  the  human  being's  nat- 
ural desire  for  a  normal  amount  of  freedom. 

The  wife  must  not  permit  herself  to  get  into 
a  frame  of  mind  calculated  to  produce  any  of 
these  undesirable  conditions.  On  the  other  hand, 
it  is  not  amiss  for  her  to  exercise  a  little  wise 
supervision  over  her  husbands'  friendships  in  or- 
der that  she  may  prevent  his  drifting  into  an 
intimacy  which  may  eventuate  in  a  situation 

207 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

difficult  for  all  involved.  Tactfully  she  may  be 
able  to  make  her  husband  see  the  dangerous  po- 
sition in  which  he  has  placed  himself,  and  so 
avert  what  might  prove  to  be  a  calamity  for  all 
concerned. 

Suppose,  however,  she  has  made  all  of  these 
efforts,  and  they  have  proven  fruitless.  She  finds 
her  husband  growing  more  and  more  enamoured 
of  another  woman,  and  herself  apparently  help- 
less to  avert  the  threatened  catastrophe.  What 
is  she  to  do? 

I  heard  of  one  woman  in  such  a  situation  who, 
with  a  courage  born,  it  may  be,  of  despair,  did 
a  most  unusual  thing.  She  invited  her  ap- 
parently successful,  but  unsuspicious,  rival  to 
spend  a  week  or  two  in  her  home.  The  other 
woman  came  prepared  to  enjoy  the  attention 
from  the  husband  to  which  she  had  been  accus- 
tomed. The  wife,  with  an  unusual  appreciation 
of  the  nauseating  effects  of  an  overdose,  pro- 
ceeded to  throw  the  two  together  so  persistently 
that  the  man  was  finally  repelled  by  the  cloying 
sweetness  of  the  woman,  who  had  not  learned 
to  make  allowances  for  the  personal  idiosyncrasies 
which  crop  out  in  daily  life.  Before  the  visit 
was  over  he  was  appealing  to  his  wife  to  free 
him  from  the  presence  of  this  creature  who,  as 
he  had  begun  to  feel,  fairly  fawned  upon  him. 

In  this  instance,  the  wife  was  successful  in 
her  strategy.  Of  course,  such  might  not  al- 
ways be  the  case.  At  any  rate,  she  stood  a  fair 
chance  of  success,  because  she  did  not  allow  her- 

208 


"THE    OTHER   WOMAN" 

self  to  lose  her  self-control  and 'waste  her  energy 
in  tears  and  moans  and  despairing  cries.  The 
woman  who  will  keep  her  wits  about  her  stands 
a  pretty  fair  chance  of  winning. 

Frequently  success  is  achieved  through  the 
wife's  coming  to  realize  that  she  has  really  been 
neglecting  her  husband  through  her  desire  to 
do  everything  possible  for  the  children.  In  other 
words,  she  realizes  that  hers  as  been  the  great 
mistake  and  she  sets  about  retrieving  it.  In- 
stead of  appearing  always  in  wrapper  and  curl 
papers  in  the  morning  hours,  she  makes  an  effort 
to  come  to  the  breakfast  table  looking  trim  and 
neat,  with  an  air  of  good-fellowship  instead  of 
one  of  careworn  anxiety.  It  is  not  easy,  to  be 
sure,  when  one  has  been  up  with  the  babies  dur- 
ing the  night,  but  it  pays  in  the  long  run.  She 
may  even  learn  the  advisability  of  taking  a  nap 
in  the  afternoon  in  order  to  appear  bright  and 
entertaining  at  the  evening  meal.  She  can  take 
a  rest  during  the  day,  as  a  rule,  if  she  but  makes 
up  her  mind  to  do  so,  and  the  evening  hours  will 
be  much  more  enjoyable  if  one  of  the  pair  is  not 
overtired.  The  husband  will  feel  rested  at  once 
when  he  comes  into  his  wife's  presence,  if  her 
nerves  are  calm  and  her  words  of  greeting  cheer- 
ful. 

Every  domestic  triangle  cannot  be  dealt  with 
by  attention  to  these  little  details,  but  in  many 
instances  they  have  proven  to  be  important  aids 
to  success. 

A  wife  must  be  very  careful  not  to  accuse 

209 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

her  husband  of  unfaithfulness  on  insufficient 
grounds.  For  example,  if  he  is  a  minister,  a 
doctor,  a  dentist,  or  a  lawyer,  she  must  make 
allowances  for  the  difficulties  of  his  calling.  In 
each  of  these  professions  there  are  many  oppor- 
tunities for  designing  women  to  take  advantage 
of  the  man  with  whom  they  come  in  contact.  That 
there  are  designing  women  in  the  world  we  must 
admit ;  and,  instead  of  turning  her  husband  over 
to  them  by  her  readiness  to  believe  him  guilty, 
the  wife  must  be  ready  to  defend  him  from  their 
wiles  by  the  use  of  her  woman's  wits. 

Designing  women,  silly  women,  love-sick 
women  call  men  up  on  the  phone  repeatedly, 
write  them  sentimental  letters,  waylay  them  in 
their  offices,  on  street  corners  and  in  the  most 
unheard-of  places,  in  an  effort  to  satisfy  their 
own  vanity  or  love  of  romance,  or  for  the  pur- 
pose of  carrying  out  thoroughly  wicked  designs. 
Under  these  circumstan^e^Tnierineed'the  pro- 
tection  of  their  wives,  and  the  wives  should  be 
ready  to  give  it. 

There  have  been  instances  in  which  a  man's 
downfall  has  been  plotted  by  his  professional 
rivals  and  an  unscrupulous  woman  utilized  to 
further  their  ends.  The  wife  who  refuses  to 
listen  to  her  husband  under  such  circumstances 
simply  plays  into  the  hands  of  his  enemies,  and  it 
may  be,  through  the  lack  of  that  understanding 
which  accompanies  true  love,  wrecks  his  life  and 
hers. 

Sometimes  he  may  even  be  guilty  of  tempor- 

210 


"THE    OTHER   WOMAN" 

ary  unfaithfulness,  and  while  it  may  seem  to  her 
that  for  the  time  being  her  faith  in  him  is  utterly 
dead,  if  he  is  sincerely  repentant  and  she  feels 
in  her  heart  that  she  still  loves  him,  she  should 
realize  that  forgiveness  is  divine,  and  that  there 
has  often  been  built  up  upon  what  has  appeared 
to  be  the  wreck  of  a  marriage  a  truer,  more  inti- 
mate and  more  lasting  union  than  would  ever 
have  been  possible  without  that  sad,  yet  binding, 
experience.  The  suffering1  that  comes  to  the 
man  through  his  humiliating  discovery  of  his 
own  weakness,  and  the  reverence  that  he  feels 
for  his  wife's  generosity,  will  often  bring  to  his 
heart  a  truer  comprehension  of  her  real  worth 
than  he  ever  had  before,  and  she  may  find  that 
the  thing  that  threatened  to  take  her  husband 
from  her  has  but  served  to  make  him  more  than 
ever  her  lover. 

But  what  if  the  new  love  that  has  come  into  his 
life  seems  to  be  the  real  love ?  What  then?  This 
is  indeed  a  sad  situation  for  the  wife,  and  one 
to  which  each  individual  must  find  her  own  so- 
lution. While  she  is  going  through  the  terrible 
testing  time  that  must  accompany  this  discov- 
ery, she  can  find  no  better  solution  than  in  John 
Burroughs'  poem  entitled  "Waiting."  Let  her 
constantly  remind  herself  in  the  words  of  the 
poet,  "Nor  time,  nor  space,  nor  deep,  nor  height 
can  take  my  own  away  from  me,"  realizing  that, 
if  this  man  is  her  own,  nothing  can  deprive  her 
of  him.  If  he  is  not  hers,  she  does  not  really, 
in  her  heart  of  hearts,  want  him. 

15  211 


CHAPTER  XXXVII 
The  Erring  Husband 

A  STILL  greater  problem  is  presented  to 
the  wife  who  discovers  that  her  husband 
has  been  unfaithful  to  her. 

We  are  apt  to  feel  that  there  can  be  no  degrees 
of  comparison  in  unfaithfulness.  One  act  of  in- 
fidelity seems  as  great  an  outrage  as  a  long  pe- 
riod of  unfaithfulness.  In  reality,  there  may  be 
a  great  difference.  The  man  who  is  carried  away 
by  the  passion  of  a  moment,  but  whose  real,  un- 
derlying desire  is  to  be  true  and  faithful,  is  a 
very  different  being  from  the  one  who  permits 
himself  to  remain  in  a  state  of  infidelity.  The 
one  act  may  be  but  the  result  of  an  overwhelming 
impulse  which  sweeps  the  individual  away  from 
his  moorings  for  the  time  being.  As  soon  as  rea- 
son regains  her  throne,  however,  he  returns  once 
more  to  his  allegiance.  The  other  seems  to  lack 
the  very  essentials  of  loyalty. 

Of  course,  the  wife  whose  husband  has  mo- 
mentarily transgressed  may  say  that  he  had  no 
right  to  allow  himself  to  be  placed  in  a  position 
where  he  could  be  so  tempted,  and  to  a  certain 
degree  she  is  right.  Yet  women  should  take  into 
account  the  designing  actions  of  other  women, 
the  way  in  which  they  many  times  throw  them- 
selves into  the  path  of  some  man  who  has  at- 
tracted them,  and  artfully  draw  him  into  a  net 

212 


THE   ERRING  HUSBAND 

before  he  has  become  aware  of  their  real  purpose. 
For  this  he  is  more  to  be  pitied  than  blamed,  and 
his  wife  should  be  the  first  one  to  realize  his  help- 
lessness in  the  hands  of  a  designing  female. 

It  will  be  apparent  from  these  remarks  that 
I  do  not  feel  it  the  wife's  duty  immediately  to 
repudiate  her  husband  upon  the  discovery  that 
he  has  been  unfaithful  to  her.  Let  her  first  learn 
what  the  real  state  of  his  heart  is.  Suppose  he 
has  become  temporarily  enamoured  of  another 
woman,  even  to  the  point  of  unfaithfulness ;  does 
that  mean  that  he  has  no  love  in  his  heart  for 
his  wife  ?  Has  he  considered  what  it  would  mean 
to  him  to  be  deprived  of  wife  and  home  and 
children,  and  is  he  ready  to  sacrifice  it  all  for 
what  seems  to  him  to  be  another's  love?  These 
are  questions  to  which  she  should  know  the  an- 
swer before  she  decides  upon  her  course  of  ac- 
tion. 

A  wife  who  feels  herself  outraged  in  her  ten- 
derest,  holiest  thoughts  and  emotions  by  such 
an  act  on  the  part  of  her  husband  is  tempted 
to  give  way  to  violent  denunciation.  This  can 
have  but  one  consequence,  and  that  a  complete 
disruption  of  the  home.  In  after  years  she  may 
look  back  upon  that  scene  and  wish  that  she  had 
met  the  great  crisis  of  her  life  in  a  different  frame 
of  mind.  She  may  realize  then  that  life  still 
holds  much  for  two  people  who  have  been  able 
to  pass  through  such  a  crisis  successfully.  She 
may  even  be  able  to  see  that  part  of  the  blame 
rested  upon  her  own  shoulders. 

213 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

It  is  difficult  indeed  for  the  one  who  is  wronged 
to  feel  that  she  can,  by  any  stretch  of  the  imag- 
ination, be  made  to  share  in  the  blame.  She  has 
been  faithful  and  true.  She  has  worked  from 
morning  till  night  with  but  one  thought  in  her 
mind — or  so  she  thinks — and  that  the  welfare 
and  happiness  of  husband  and  children.  But  a 
little  deeper  analysis  may  show  her  that,  in  some 
way,  she  failed  to  bring  to  her  husband  the  com- 
panionship, the  complete  understanding  which 
he  longed  for,  and  that  this  was  the  reason  he 
fell  an  easy  victim  to  another  woman's  wiles. 

It  is  true  that  a  man  will  not  turn  to  another 
woman  so  long  as  he  devotedly  loves  his  wife. 
It  is  only  when  a  feeling  of  loneliness  has  begun 
to  come  over  him,  when  he  feels  a  sense  of  empti- 
ness in  his  life,  that  he  allows  himself  to  be  first 
amused,  then  attracted,  and  finally,  it  may  be, 
overcome  by  the  fascinating  and  flattering  ways 
of  some  other  woman. 

It  would  be  well,  therefore,  if  the  wronged 
wife  would  hold  her  judgment  in  abeyance  when 
she  first  learns  of  the  tragic  situation  in  which 
she  has  been  placed.  Let  her  ask  herself  why 
she  has  failed  to  hold  her  husband's  affection, 
and  honestly  and  searchingly  scrutinize  the  past, 
dealing  with  herself  as  unmercifully  as  she  would 
deal  with  another.  How  has  it  come  about  that 
she  has  ceased  to  be  attractive  to  him?  Has  her 
thought  been  centered  too  much  upon  herself, 
or  her  babies?  Has  she  neglected  her  personal 
appearance,  or  failed  to  take  a  genuine  interest 

214 


THE  ERRING  HUSBAND 

in  the  things  that  interested  him?  Allowed  her- 
self to  become  cross  and  peevish  and  irritable? 
Refused  to  join  him  in  the  recreations  which 
he  craved  and  needed,  and  so  contributed  to- 
ward making  life  such  a  dull,  drab  affair  that  his 
spirit  revolted  and  turned  to  other  sources  of 
pleasure? 

It  may  be  that  the  marriage  relation  between 
them  has  been  unsatisfactory.  The  wife  has 
found  it  impossible  to  respond  to  her  husband's 
ardent  advances.  She  may  have  resigned  her- 
self in  what  she  considered  wifely  submission; 
but  such  a  one-sided  relationship  is  inevitably 
unsatisfactory.  She  has  offered  but  the  husks, 
and  his  soul  has  remained  unsatisfied.  Unless 
some  basis  can  be  found  for  mutual  satisfaction 
in  this  relationship,  the  marriage  is  bound  to  be 
more  or  less  of  a  failure. 

All  this  is  not  meant  as  an  excuse  for  unfaith- 
fulness in  husbands.  A  man  has  no  more  right 
to  be  untrue  to  the  marriage  vow  than  has  his 
wife.  She  has  a  right  to  resent  his  unfaithful- 
ness, and  even,  if  she  so  desires,  to  seek  a  com- 
plete separation  from  him,  because  of  his  in- 
fidelity. Sometimes  this  may  be  the  only  way 
out  of  an  impossible  situation.  There  are  other 
times,  however,  when  the  wife  will  make  a  great 
mistake  if  she  seeks  thus  to  redress  her  wrongs. 
Where  love  is  strong  enough  and  big  enough 
truly  to  forgive,  it  is  possible  to  build  up  a  new 
relationship  and  sometimes  a  completer  under- 

215 


standing  when  such  a  situation  has  been  bravely 
faced  and  overcome. 

Let  the  wife  count  the  cost  well,  however,  be- 
fore she  definitely  decides  to  take  the  step  to- 
ward reconciliation.  If  she  does  not  feel  assured 
that  she  can  put  all  of  these  things  behind  her, 
and  never  refer  to  them  in  any  way  which  will 
humiliate  the  husband,  it  would  be  better  to 
end  the  situation  at  once.  Many  times  an  at- 
tempt is  made  at  forgiveness  without  a  true  un- 
derstanding of  the  depth  of  the  magnanimity  im- 
plied by  that  word.  The  woman  who  in  after 
years  reminds  her  husband  that  she  has  over- 
looked his  unfaithfulness  in  the  past,  does  not 
begin  to  understand  its  meaning.  Furthermore, 
if  she  is  going  to  live  in  a  continual  state  of  ap- 
prehension lest  he  prove  unfaithful  again,  she 
ought  not  to  attempt  the  role  of  a  forgiving 
wife. 

It  has  been  said  that  to  understand  all  is  to 
forgive  all.  The  saying  is  equally  true  when 
reversed.  If  she  wants  to  forgive,  the  wife  must 
come  to  understand  not  only  the  possibility  of  a 
temporary  weakness,  but  the  loyalty  and  strength 
of  the  love  for  her  which  may  nevertheless  be  the 
underlying  fact  of  her  husband's  life.  In  that 
knowledge  her  faith  may  rest  secure.  This  is 
her  golden  opportunity  to  prove  the  intensity 
and  loyalty  of  her  love  for  her  husband,  and, 
by  so  doing,  it  may  be,  to  make  of  him  such  a 
man  as  he  would  never  have  been  otherwise. 

When  the  husband 'is  guilty  of  repeated  acts 

216 


THE   ERRING  HUSBAND 

of  infidelity  the  wife  finds  herself  in  a  different 
and  a  very  difficult  situation.  Here  is  a  man 
who  is  apparently  incapable  of  faithfulness.  Is 
it  her  place  to  forgive  his  repeated  offences  and 
receive  him  always  with  open  arms  whenever 
he  feels  impelled  to  return  to  her?  Is  she  doing 
him  any  real  good  by  so  doing?  Are  there  chil- 
dren in  the  home,  and  under  what  conditions  are 
they  being  brought  up? 

Many  a  wife,  with  the  idea  that  it  is  her  place 
to  forgive,  receives  her  erring  husband  when  he 
returns,  only  to  discover  that  her  leniency  has 
proven  to  be  an  encouragement  to  him  in  wrong- 
doing and  has  almost  lost  her  the  respect  of  her 
children.  For  example,  I  know  of  one  woman 
who  took  this  attitude  toward  her  erring  husband 
until  her  sons  had  reached  the  age  of  under- 
standing— about  fifteen  and  seventeen  years  of 
age — when  they  turned  upon  her  one  day  and 
informed  her  that  if  she  allowed  that  drunken 
reprobate,  her  husband,  to  continue  to  come  into 
her  home  they  would  go  somewhere  else.  It 
seemed  a  bitter  thing  for  children  to  say,  but  it 
brought  her  to  a  realization  that,  if  she  would 
retain  the  respect  of  her  children,  she  must  cease 
to  allow  herself  to  be  used  as  a  convenience  by 
one  who  was  utterly  unworthy  of  her  and  of 
them. 

Mothers  must  not  forget  that  children  are  in- 
fluenced by  the  moral  atmosphere  of  those  in  the 
home.  A  man  who  is  living  a  life  of  unfaithful- 
ness sends  forth  an  atmosphere  of  deceitfulness 

217 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

and  sensuality  which  cannot  but  be  most  detri- 
mental to  the  impressionable  souls  of  little  chil- 
dren. 

Not  only  may  it  be  necessary  for  the  wife  to 
separate  herself  from  the  erring  husband  for  her 
own  sake  and  the  sake  of  her  children,  but  his 
welfare  also  may  demand  it.  It  may  be  the  only 
thing  which  will  cause  him  to  pause  and  ponder 
upon  the  path  which  he  is  pursuing.  It  may  serve 
to  bring  him  to  his  senses,  so  that,  whether  their 
lives  are  rejoined  or  not,  he  will  master  himself 
to  the  degree  of  being  faithful  to  someone,  and 
thus  he  will  really  be  benefited  by  the  separation. 

The  question  as  to  what  should  be  done  when 
unfaithfulness  has  been  discovered,  therefore,  is 
one  which  can  be  answered  only  by  those  who 
are  involved,  and  the  right  solution  can  be  found 
only  by  considering  the  welfare  of  all  concerned. 
This  much  may  be  said,  however,  for  the  guid- 
ance of  all  under  such  unhappy  circumstances, 
that  what  is  really  best  for  one  will  be  found 
to  be  best  for  all  concerned. 


218 


CHAPTER  XXXVIII 
When  Love  Seems  Dead 

THE  wife  who  has  determined  to  overlook 
her  husband's  unfaithfulness  has  a  greater 
task  to  perform  than  she  may  at  first  realize. 
Not  only  must  she  be  willing  to  forgive  and  for- 
get, but  she  must  make  the  effort  to  revive  a 
love  that  apparently  has  died.  It  may  only  be 
sleeping,  but  nevertheless  it  will  take  some  effort 
on  her  part  to  draw  it  forth  into  active  expres- 
sion, 

Equally  difficult  is  the  task  of  her  whose  hus- 
band, without  having  reached  the  point  of  actual 
unfaithfulness,  has  nevertheless  given  unmistak- 
able evidence  of  having,  at  least  for  the  time  be- 
ing, lost  the  ardor  of  devotion  which  filled  life 
with  happiness  in  the  early  days  of  marriage. 
What  can  the  wife  do  under  these  circumstances  ? 

When  we  learn  that  someone  no  longer  loves 
us,  we  are  inclined  to  blame  the  other  individual. 
We  wring  our  hands  and  moan,  "He  no  longer 
loves  me,"  and  a  feeling  of  resentment  rises  up 
in  our  hearts.  We  forget  that  love  cannot  be 
forced.  It  is  impossible  to  love  another  by  an 
effort  of  the  will.  A  sense  of  duty  never  brought 
love. 

The  more  I  study  the  matter,  the  more  thor- 
oughly convinced  do  I  become  that  the  one  who 
loves  is,  if  we  may  so  phrase  it,  the  passive  fac- 

219 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

tor,  being  acted  upon  by  the  attributes  and  per- 
sonality of  the  one  who  is  loved.  If  the  love  fails, 
it  is  because  the  recipient  has  in  some  way  not 
succeeded  in  persistently  drawing  it  forth. 

To  the  neglected  ones  this  may  seem  a  hard 
statement,  yet  in  reality  it  contains  within  it 
the  germ  of  a  great  hope.  If  the  cause  of  the  fail- 
ing love  lies  within  themselves,  then  in  their 
power  rests  the  possibility  of  its  revival. 

The  best  way  to  discover  how  to  arouse  love 
in  another  is  to  analyze  one's  own  feelings,  and 
learn  what  it  is  that  arouses  the  glow  of  love 
within  one's  own  heart.  The  spark  is  generally 
kindled  by  admiration  in  some  form  or  another. 
It  may  be  admiration  for  a  face  or  a  figure  which 
seems  to  express  admirable  attributes.  It  may 
be  for  qualities  of  soul,  such  as  generosity,  kind- 
ness, thoughtfulness  and  the  like.  We  all  re- 
spond immediately  to  words  of  appreciation. 
They  bring  a  warm  glow  to  our  hearts  and  make 
us  feel  that  here  is  someone  who  really  under- 
stands us;  we  instinctively  open  our  hearts  to 
such  individuals. 

Let  no  one  think  that  a  pretense  to  these  quali- 
ties can  arouse  love.  Those  who  say  flattering 
things  which  they  do  not  mean  very  soon  be- 
tray their  own  insincerity,  and  thereafter  their 
words  have  but  little  weight.  A  sincere  interest 
in  another  shows  itself  in  many  subtle  ways  that 
cannot  be  imitated ;  where  these  are  lacking,  the 
imitation  stands  revealed. 

In  the  case  where  the  wife  has  to  revive  the 

220 


WHEN   LOVE    SEEMS    DEAD 

dead  love  of  an  erring  husband,  her  first  step 
in  that  direction  will  be  a  magnanimous  forgiv- 
ing and  a  complete  forgetting  of  his  past  trans- 
gressions. Then  let  her  try  to  understand  some- 
thing of  the  soul  anguish  which  he  is  in  all  prob- 
ability enduring.  There  is  no  harder  experience 
for  the  human  soul  than  passing  through  the 
Valley  of  Humiliation,  and  there  is  no  more 
humiliating  experience  than  the  discovery  of 
one's  own  weakness.  Having  another  learn  of 
one's  wrong-doing  is  not  so  keen  an  anguish  to 
the  sensitive  soul  as  is  the  realization  of  one's 
own  unworthiness. 

If  the  wife  realizes  all  this,  she  will  have  some- 
thing of  an  understanding  of  what  may  be  pass- 
ing through  her  husband's  mind  when  he  sits  of 
an  evening  gazing  moodily  into  the  open  fire,  or 
watching  her  at  her  bit  of  sewing,  and  saying 
never  a  word.  She  may  be  tempted  to  think  that 
he  has,  in  familiar  phraseology,  "got  a  grouch;" 
and,  of  course,  if  she  approaches  him  on  that 
basis,  she  will  but  drive  him  farther  from  her. 
If,  however,  she  truly  comprehends  his  suffering 
and,  it  may  be,  puts  down  her  work  to  steal  be- 
hind his  chair,  put  her  arms  about  his  neck  and 
murmur  softly  in  his  ear,  "Don't  feel  so  badly 
about  it  all,  my  darling;  let's  forget  it  and  be 
happy  in  each  other's  love,"  she  will  stir  in  his 
heart  a  feeling  of  gratitude  and  a  faith  in  her 
comprehension  of  him  which  will  go  a  long  way 
toward  reviving  love  that  he  had  thought  was 
dead. 

221 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

Many  will  feel,  of  course,  that  he  should  be 
thinking  of  her  suffering,  and  she  may  be 
tempted  to  let  the  same  feeling  take  possession 
of  her.  This  is  a  time,  however,  when  she  cannot 
afford  to  think  of  herself  and  what  may  be  due 
her.  That  can  come  later,  when  the  dead  love 
has  really  been  revived.  Just  now  she  has  but 
one  important  thing  in  hand,  and  that  is  to  re- 
awaken the  feeling  of  devotion  and  ardent  love. 
She  can  do  it,  if  she  will  but  try,  and  she  should 
let  nothing  interfere.  This  is  a  time  when  she 
can  afford  to  neglect  her  children  a  little,  in  or- 
der to  devote  herself  more  completely  to  her 
great  undertaking.  When  her  husband  finally 
discovers  that  there  is  no  trace  of  resentment  in 
her  feeling  toward  him,  no  least  fear  of  any  fur- 
ther transgression  on  his  part,  nothing  but  a 
sincere  and  self-forgetful  devotion  to  his  happi- 
ness, then  at  last  he  will  begin  to  know  what 
real  love  is  and  in  that  knowledge  his  own  love 
will  grow  far  beyond  anything  which  he  has 
heretofore  experienced. 

It  is  not  an  easy  task  which  the  wife  has  before 
her,  but  it  is  one  worthy  of  her  greatest  effort. 
Let  her  not  hesitate  to  study  unsparingly  her 
own  mistakes  of  the  past,  knowing  that  thus 
only  will  she  find  the  real  secret  of  success  in  the 
present. 


222 


CHAPTER  XXXIX 
The  Divorce  Problem 

BY  many,  divorce  is  considered  an  unmiti- 
gated evil.  The  experience  of  the  human 
race,  however,  seems  to  prove  that  there  may  be 
a  right  and  a  wrong  use  of  it,  as  of  everything 
else. 

One  of  the  first  and  most  essential  steps  to- 
ward the  solution  of  the  divorce  problem  is  a 
better  understanding  of  marriage,  both  as  to  its 
physiological  basis  and  its  demand  for  mental 
companionship  and  spiritual  harmony. 

If  our  children  were  taught  from  their  earliest 
years  the  sacred  responsibilities  that  come  with 
marriage,  there  would  not  be  so  many  hasty  and 
ill-considered  unions  which  must  inevitably,  in  so 
many  instances,  result  in  ultimate  separation. 
When  physical  fitness  is  properly  considered  be- 
fore marriage,  the  divorce  courts  will  be  relieved 
of  a  certain  proportion  of  their  cases,  and  when 
the  principle  of  self-control  in  sex  matters  is  in- 
culcated in  early  childhood,  there  will  be  fewer 
cases  of  marital  infidelity.  Thus,  by  putting  the 
proper  safeguards  around  marriage,  we  can  read- 
ily see  how  the  number  of  divorces  may  be  ma- 
terially reduced.  On  the  other  hand,  until  the 
human  race  has  attained  to  perfection  there 
seems  little  likelihood  that  we  will  reach  the  point 
where  divorce  will  not  have  to  be  considered. 

We  read  in  the  Bible  that  "they  twain  shall 

223 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

be  one;"  and  we  forget  that  this  is  a  prophecy 
and  not  a  statement  of  achievement.  As  soon 
as  the  marriage  ceremony  is  performed  we  look 
upon  the  contracting  parties  as  already  one.  In 
reality,  they  have  simply  begun  to  try  to  become 
united  in  a  common  life.  If  they  do  eventually 
merge  their  individualities  into  a  common  exist- 
ence, they  are  truly  married.  If,  however,  as  the 
years  go  by,  instead  of  growing  together,  they 
grow  farther  and  farther  'apart,  their  state  can- 
not truly  be  called  that  of  marriage.  Under 
these  circumstances,  it  would  seem  as  though 
divorce  were  but  the  outward  expression  of  a 
state  which  already  existed  in  the  inner  reality. 
These  two  are  not  one;  they  are  two,  separate 
and  distinct.  If  they  find  it  impossible  longer 
to  maintain  a  semblance  of  unity,  their  seeking 
relief  in  the  divorce  courts  should  not  be  looked 
upon  as  disgraceful. 

This  is  not  intended  as  an  argument  for  fre- 
quent divorce  and  promiscuity  of  relations.  Di- 
vorce must  ever  be  a  confession  of  failure,  and 
no  one  likes  to  proclaim  himself  to  the  world  as 
a  failure  in  any  line. 

In  some  of  our  States  the  idea  still  prevails 
that  only  for  the  one  cause  of  unfaithfulness 
should  divorce  be  granted.  We  see  the  effect  of 
the  law  in  the  fact  that  when  conditions  have  be- 
come unbearable,  one  or  the  other  of  an  unhappy 
wedded  pair  will  give  cause  for  divorce,  choosing 
to  bear  the  stigma  of  wrong-doing  rather  than 
longer  endure  marital  unhappiness.  This  puts 

224 


THE  DIVORCE  PROBLEM 

an  unnecessary  burden  of  shame  upon  the  chil- 
dren, who  must  share,  to  a  degree,  in  the  disgrace 
of  the  parents. 

Another  undesirable  result  of  the  law  which 
allows  only  unfaithfulness  as  a  cause  of  divorce 
is  the  publication  in  our  daily  papers  of  the  un- 
savory details  of  such  cases,  making  young,  de- 
veloping minds  more  or  less  familiar  with  mat- 
ters which  should  be  kept  from  the  public  gaze. 

There  are  those  who  would  urge  the  unhappily 
married  to  endure  to  the  bitter  end,  and,  in 
many  cases,  it  may  be  better  for  them  so  to  do, 
especially  if  there  is  no  marked  inharmony  be- 
tween them.  Discontent  with  one's  present  part- 
ner may  be  very  largely  a  matter  of  mental  atti- 
tude which  can  be  changed  through  a  better  un- 
derstanding of  life  and  a  deeper  insight  into 
character.  Where  two  temperaments  clash,  how- 
ever, in  such  a  way  that  there  is  constant  bick- 
ering and  quarreling,  surely  it  were  better  for 
all  concerned  that  the  two  should  be  relieved  of 
a  relationship  which  works  such  severe  detri- 
ment to  all  concerned.  In  such  a  case  as  this 
the  plea  that  the  two  shall  remain  together  for 
the  sake  of  their  children  has  little  weight,  for 
it  cannot  be  considered  desirable  for  souls  to 
develop  in  such  an  acrimonious  atmosphere. 
Better  that  the  children  should  be  deprived  for 
a  part  of  the  time  of  the  presence  of  one  parent 
or  of  the  other,  if  thereby  it  may  be  made  pos- 
sible for  them  to  grow  up  in  an  atmosphere  of 
harmony. 

225 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

It  is  without  doubt  a  great  mistake,  however, 
for  two  young  people  to  rush  to  the  courts  as 
soon  as  they  find  themselves  a  little  dissatisfied 
with  each  other.  Divorce  should  come  only  at 
the  end  of  a  long  effort  to  overcome  the  tragic 
situation.  If  the  two  concerned  could  have  a 
series  of  frank  talks  together,  they  might  come 
to  an  understanding  of  each  other's  mental  con- 
dition, and  so  discover  a  way  of  composing  their 
difficulties.  Thus  many  an  action  might  be 
avoided. 

There  is  little  doubt  in  my  mind  that  one  of 
the  most  potent  causes  for  unhappiness  in  mar- 
riage lies  in  the  idea  of  possession.  In  the  early 
days  of  courtship,  it  sounds  beautiful  to  have 
the  beloved  reiterate,  "You  are  mine,  you  are 
mine."  In  marriage,  however,  that  sentiment 
often  takes  a  form  which  might  well  be  expressed 
in  the  words:  "Now  you  are  mine;  I  can  do  any- 
thing I  choose  and  you  have  to  put  up  with  it." 

It  has  sometimes  been  suggested  that  if  our 
marriage  laws  were  different,  many  a  man  would 
be  restrained  from  cruelty  and  neglect  by  the 
knowledge  that  such  actions  might  cause  the 
breaking-up  of  his  home,  and  there  seems  to  be 
an  element  of  truth  in  such  a  statement.  We  can 
at  any  rate  teach  our  young  people  that  this 
idea  of  the  possession  of  another  individual  is 
wrong.  Lovers  and  married  persons  possess  each 
other  only  in  the  sense  that  they  have  the  right 
to  serve  each  other  in  the  most  intimate  ways. 
So  long  as  that  idea  of  possession  is  held,  there 

226 


THE  DIVORCE  PROBLEM 

will  be  happiness  in  the  marriage  relation,  anc} 
divorces  will  be  relegated  to  the  outer  limbo  of 
the  unnecessary. 

There  is  one  important  consideration  which 
may  well  be  urged  upon  those  who,  having  chil- 
dren, yet  feel  that  they  can  no  longer  remain 
together.  For  the  sake  of  the  little  ones  they 
should  endeavor  to  take  as  generous  an  attitude 
toward  each  other  as  possible.  Nothing  should 
ever  be  said  by  the  one  which  would  in  the  least 
degree  change  the  attitude  of  the  child  toward 
the  other.  In  their  management  of  the  children's 
lives,  they  should  endeavor  to  be  as  harmonious 
as  possible.  For  nothing  is  more  detrimental  to 
little,  unfolding  souls  than  accusations  of  wrong- 
doing between  their  parents,  and  a  continued  un- 
settling of  their  lives  through  the  changing  ex- 
actions of  father  and  mother. 

Whatever  their  differences  along  other  lines 
may  be,  let  the  separated  couple  endeavor,  as  far 
as  possible,  to  be  one  in  the  guidance  of  the  lives 
of  their  offspring.  There  is  no  reason  why  per- 
sons so  placed  should  be  deadly  enemies,  or  even 
unkind  critics.  Let  them  in  their  separation  en- 
deavor to  be  kind  and  just  to  each  other,  and  so 
prove  that  divorce  has  been  used  by  them,  not 
as  a  means  of  retaliation,  but  rather  as  the  only 
remedy  for  a  situation  which  was  rendering 
them  unfit  for  their  work  in  the  world. 

When  we  take  into  account  the  fact  that  the 
intimate  relationship  of  marriage  is  only  justified 
where  a  great  love  draws  two  individuals  into 

227 


16 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

spiritual  unity,  we  must  also  realize  how  wrong 
it  is  to  keep  them  chained  together  when  a  force 
the  very  opposite  of  affection  is  driving  their 
spirits  apart.  What  must  be  the  inharmonious 
condition  of  human  beings  who  come  into  being 
under  such  circumstances?  They  are  called  into 
existence,  not  by  the  love  of  their  parents  for 
each  other,  but  by  that  base  counterfeit  of  love 
which  we  call  lust.  They  must  necessarily  be 
at  odds  with  themselves.  Their  souls  will  feel 
the  discord  in  which  they  were  born  throughout 
life,  and  they  may  be  unable  ever  to  adjust  them- 
selves to  life  in  such  a  way  as  to  find  happiness. 
Surely,  for  the  sake  of  the  children  who  may 
come  into  the  world,  it  were  better  for  two  such 
people  to  separate  and  remain  apart  forever 
more. 

There  are  those  who  maintain  that,  while  it 
may  be  right  to  allow  two  individuals  who  are 
no  longer  one  in  heart  to  separate,  they  should 
not  be  permitted  to  remarry.  This,  again,  seems 
an  unnecessary  cruelty.  Should  we  condemn 
human  beings  to  lifelong  loneliness,  because,  it 
may  be  through  no  fault  of  their  own,  they  failed 
in  the  first  instance  to  find  a  satisfactory  marital 
companion?  It  is  not  good  for  man  or  woman 
to  live  alone.  Human  beings  need  homes  and 
companionship.  They  can  do  better  work  in  the 
world  under  such  conditions,  and  while  society 
may  well  frown  upon  those  who  divorce  and  re- 
marry with  reprehensible  ease  and  frequency, 
nevertheless  it  should  not  put  the  ban  upon  those 

228 


THE  DIVORCE  PROBLEM 

who,  with  the  purest  motives  in  the  world,  find 
themselves  facing  the  problem  of  marriage  after 
divorce. 

After  all,  marriage  is  a  human-made  contract. 
It  has  developed  as  the  result  of  many  genera- 
tions of  experience  on  the  part  of  the  human 
race.  It  is  quite  possible  that  it  may  be  modi- 
fied in  the  years  that  are  to  come,  as  humanity 
comes  into  a  better  understanding  of  itself  and 
its  need;  of  this  much  we  may  rest  assured: — 
where  the  divine  power  has  drawn  two  souls  to- 
gether in  a  real  soul-unity,  they  cannot  be  sep- 
arated by  any  outward  circumstances. 


229 


CHAPTER    XL 
The  Unsatisfactory  Husband 

IT  sometimes  happens  that  a  wife  will  discover 
after  marriage  that  she  has  a  husband  who  is 
physically  unable  to  enter  into  the  marriage  rela- 
tion. Probably  the  majority  of  women  are  not 
aware  that  it  is  necessary  for  the  sex  organs  of 
a  man  to  respond  actively  to  a  nerve  stimulation, 
in  order  that  he  may  be  able  to  perform  his  part 
in  the  marriage  relation.  If  for  any  reason  this 
stimulation  fails  to  receive  a  proper  response,  so 
that  the  external  organs  are  properly  energized, 
the  relationship  becomes  a  physical  impossibil- 
ity. 

This  debilitated  condition  is  what  is  meant  by 
loss  of  manhood,  and  it  comes  as  the  result  of 
excesses  in  one  form  or  another.  Every  young 
man  should  know  that  he  has  no  right  to  marry 
when  he  is  in  this  weakened  and  abnormal  phy- 
sical condition.  Unfortunatelv,  however,  men 

•>  " 

are  not  taught  this.  In  fact,  too  often  their  phy- 
sicians will  advise  marriage  as  a  last  resort  in 
their  effort  to  cure  a  condition  of  partial  impo- 
tence. This,  of  course,  is  absolutely  unjust  to 
the  woman  whose  welfare  and  happiness  are  not 
at  all  considered  by  a  physician  who  gives  such 
advice.  So  unfair  is  it,  that  it  is  recognized  by 
law  as  an  unquestionable  cause  for  divorce,  or 

230 


UNSATISFACTORY    HUSBANDS 

rather  for  annulment  of  the  marriage.  For  where 
marriage  cannot  be  consummated,  it  is  not  con- 
sidered a  marriage.  The  woman  who  has  been 
led  into  such  .a  union  is  looked  upon  as  having 
been  deceived  and  defrauded,  and  has  therefore  a 
right  to  seek  redress  in  the  courts. 

It  is  necessary  to  make  these  statements  for 
the  protection  of  unsuspecting  women  who,  find- 
ing themselves  in  this  sad  situation,  may  think 
that  they  are  bound  for  life.  Not  only  that,  but 
they  may  be  called  upon  by  the  unfortunate 
creature  whom  they  have  married  to  permit  un- 
natural practices,  which  he  may  hope  will  result 
in  stimulating  nerves  that  have  refused  to  re- 
spond to  the  normal  stimulation.  Wives  have 
sometimes  submitted  to  this  sort  of  thing  be- 
cause they  thought  it  was  their  duty.  They 
should  realize,  however,  in  the  first  place,  that 
they  are  absolutely  under  no  obligation  whatso- 
ever to  permit  these  things;  and,  in  the  second 
place,  that  all  such  unnatural  practices  are  ren- 
dering more  serious  the  condition  of  the  poor 
creature  who  has  recourse  to  them  as  a  last  re- 
sort. 

It  must  be  understood  that  while  this  condition 
may  be  the  result  of  a  permanent  debilitated  state 
known  as  loss  of  manhood,  it  is  not  necessarily 
so.  It  may  be  simply  a  temporary  condition, 
due,  possibly,  to  the  nervousness  of  the  young 
husband  at  his  entrance  upon  a  new  experience. 
It  would  not  be  well  for  the  young  wife  to  jump 
to  the  conclusion  that  this  condition  on  the  part 

231 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

of  her  husband  is  necessarily  a  chronic  one. 
Rather  should  she  encourage  both  him  and  her- 
self to  believe  that  it  is  a  temporary  condition, 
which  a  little  patience  and  understanding  on  the 
part  of  both  of  them  will  enable  them  to  over- 
come. 

Sometimes  this  nervousness  expresses  itself 
in  a  condition  which  is  called  prematurity.  That 
is  to  say,  the  orgasm  which  should  be  the  cul- 
mination of  the  marriage  relation,  and  which  re- 
sults in  the  ejaculation  of  the  semen,  may  come 
at  the  very  beginning,  sometimes  even  before  the 
physical  relationship  has  been  completely  estab- 
lished. This  state  of  affairs  leaves  the  wife  in  an 
unsatisfied  condition,  which  may,  in  the  long  run, 
prove  very  distressing  to  her  physically. 

Husbands  do  not  always  understand  that  the 
woman's  nature  responds  more  or  less  slowly 
to  sex  stimulation.  Often  the  husband  will  re- 
ceive physical  satisfaction  before  the  wife  has 
reached  that  point,  and  he  will  therefore  culmin- 
ate the  relationship  at  a  time  when  the  wife  is 
still  unsatisfied.  This,  of  course,  is  unfortunate 
for  both  concerned,  but  especially  so  for  the  wife. 
She  should  not  hesitate,  therefore,  to  explain 
this  matter  to  her  husband,  in  order  that  they 
may  endeavor  to  establish  their  relationship  upon 
a  basis  which  shall  be  mutually  satisfactory. 

If  this  condition  of  prematurity  continues,  it 
may  be  necessary  for  them  to  make  a  study  of  the 
subject  to  see  if  they  can  learn  how  it  may  be 
overcome.  It  may  be  necessary  for  the  husband 

232 


UNSATISFACTORY    HUSBANDS 

to  go  through  a  period  of  strict  adherence  to  the 
laws  of  health  as  regards  exercise,  cold  bathing, 
and  so  forth,  and  especially  to  get  a  thorough 
control  over  his  imagination. 

This  condition  is  frequently  the  result  of  an 
erotic  imagination,  so  that  every  least  suggestion 
of  anything  connected  with  the  sex  life  causes 
undue  activity  of  the  reproductive  system.  Such 
an  individual  must  learn,  first  of  all,  to  think  of 
sex  as  something  dignified  and  worthy  of  his  re- 
spect and  reverence,  not  as  a  source  of  his  per- 
sonal gratification.  If  he  will  read  uplifting  lit- 
erature upon  the  subject  of  sex,  so  that  he  comes 
to  understand  it  as  the  great,  life-giving  force  of 
the  universe,  to  which  the  human  race  owes  its 
greatest  blessings,  he  may  be  able  to  purify  his 
mind  from  the  abnormal  thoughts  that  have 
dwelt  there,  and  eventually  come  into  a  normal 
condition  of  manhood  which  will  enable  him  to 
give  his  wife  the  gratification  which  her  sex  na- 
ture needs. 

The  wife  who  truly  wishes  to  bring  a  com- 
plete recovery  to  her  husband  must  endeavor,  by 
every  means  in  her  power,  to  bring  him  to  a 
state  of  willingness  to  restore  his  own  health 
by  natural  methods.  In  a  great  many  cases,  the 
condition  is  not  so  serious  that  it  may  be  looked 
upon  as  hopeless.  While  an  immediate  cure  can- 
not be  expected  for  a  condition  which  probably 
has  been  years  in  developing,  nevertheless  it  is 
known  that  a  conscientious  attention  to  the  laws 
of  health  will  bring  about  remarkable  results  in 

233 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

a  comparatively  short  space  of  time.  Six  months 
of  careful  adherence  to  the  rules  of  health  will 
often  bring  a  marked  improvement. 

There  are  various  ways  in  which  this  condition 
of  impotence  may  have  been  brought  about. 
Probably  the  most  frequent  is  through  the  habit 
known  as  masturbation,  or  self-abuse.  Because 
of  the  cloud  of  ignorance  which  has  shrouded 
the  subject  of  sex  for  so  many  generations,  the 
majority  of  children  are  still  growing  up  without 
any  authoritative  knowledge  upon  this  very  im- 
portant side  of  their  own  natures.  Their  parents 
are  afraid  to  talk  with  them  upon  this  subject, 
and  leave  them  to  pick  up  their  information  from 
chance  acquaintances,  which  too  often  means  the 
acquisition  of  many  perverted  ideas.  The  gen- 
eral impression  given  them  is  that  the  sex  powers 
are  intended  as  a  source  of  gratification,  and  that 
the  knowing  ones  of  the  world  use  them  for  this 
purpose.  Very  early  in  life,  boys — and  girls, 
too — may  be  initiated  into  the  sensations  which 
may  be  aroused  by  the  undue  handling  of  the  sex 
organs,  and  in  time  the  desire  for  these  sensa- 
tions may  become  a  dominating  impulse  and 
eventually  grow  into  an  overpowering  habit. 
The  victim  of  this  habit  is  a  most  pitiable 
creature,  for  even  though  he  may  come  to  know 
how  destructive  is  its  effect  upon  his  physical, 
mental  and  moral  being,  he  seems  many  times  to 
be  almost  powerless  to  overcome  it.  This  is  es- 
pecially true  where  he  has  been  allowed  to  re- 

234 


UNSATISFACTORY    HUSBANDS 

main  in  ignorance  for  years,  until  the  habit  has 
become  thoroughly  established. 

Much  that  has  been  written  in  the  past  upon 
this  habit  was  exaggerated.  Some  physicians  at 
the  present  time  are  endeavoring  to  offset  that 
exaggeration  by  going  to  the  other  extreme,  and 
maintaining  that,  because  this  temptation  comes 
to  almost  every  child,  it  is  practically  a  normal 
experience.  That,  of  course,  is  as  false  as  the 
exaggerations.  It  may  be  a  natural  temptation, 
but  the  indulgence  in  this  habit  cannot  rightfully 
be  called  normal.  It  is  an  abnormal  manifesta- 
tion of  an  unduly  aroused  sex  consciousness. 

When  a  young  man  has  been  struggling  for 
months,  it  may  be  years,  to  overcome  this  habit, 
frequently  his  physicians  will  advise  him  to 
marry  as  his  last  hope,  never  stopping  to  con- 
sider the  injustice  to  the  woman.  Unfortunately, 
if  his  habit  has  been  maintained  long  enough, 
he  may  find  himself  unable  to  enter  into  the  mar- 
riage relation.  If  his  wife  truly  loves  him,  how- 
ever, and  wishes  to  prove  what  love  and  devotion 
can  do,  she  has  now  an  opportunity  to  help  him 
fight  one  of  the  biggest  battles  of  his  life,  with 
the  result  that  his  manhood  may  eventually  be 
restored  to  him  and  the  normal  pleasures  of  fam- 
ily life  made  possible. 

First  of  all,  however,  he  must  make  up  his  mind 
to  make  no  attempt  whatsoever  to  enter  the 
marriage  relation  for  at  least  six  months.  He 
must  put  it  completely  out  of  his  mind,  so  that 
there  will  be  no  mental  unrest  for  him  to  con- 

235 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

tend  with.  He  must  also  centre  his  thought  and 
determination  upon  his  ultimate  aim,  vowing  to 
himself  that  he  will  not  give  up  the  battle  until 
he  has  won  the  victory.  He  has  now  the  wonder- 
ful advantage  of  a  devoted  ally  who  will  aid  him 
in  every  way  in  her  power,  and  her  very  presence 
in  his  life  will  be  of  untold  value  in  helping  him 
to  gain  a  true  attitude  toward  the  subject  of 
sex.  He  realizes  now  that  a  normal  sex  life  is 
one  of  the  greatest  blessings  in  life,  that  it  should 
be  looked  upon  with  reverence,  and  that  all  pru- 
rient and  lascivious  thought  should  be  resolutely 
put  aside  as  unworthy  of  a  self-respecting  hu- 
man being.  He  will  discover  that  as  he  refuses 
to  let  his  mind  dwell  upon  those  aspects  of  sex 
which  in  the  past  were  to  him  a  source  of  degrad- 
ing pleasure,  the  impulse  to  wrong  acts  will  pass 
away  from  him.  Purity  is  a  matter  of  thought, 
first  of  all.  Let  a  man  cleanse  his  mind  and  heart, 
and  he  will  then  find  it  an  easy  matter  to  gain 
the  mastery  over  his  body. 

He  must  at  the  same  time,  live  the  most  nor- 
mal sort  of  life  in  every  particular.  Plenty  of 
outdoor  air,  both  night  and  day,  plenty  of  health- 
ful exercise,  simple  food,  simple  pleasures,  plenty 
of  sleep,  cheerfulness  and  contentment  in  the 
home,  all  of  these  things  will  serve  to  steady 
his  nerves  and  give  him  a  normal  outlook  upon 
life.  Let  him  follow  the  regimen  suggested  in 
detail  in  my  book,  "Manhood  and  Marriage," 
and  he  will  be  amazed  to  see  how  quickly  results 
will  follow.  Especially  advisable  is  it  for  him 

236 


UNSATISFACTORY   HUSBANDS 

to  avoid  all  stimulants,  such  as  alcohol  or  to- 
bacco, tea  and  coffee,  and  particularly  those 
drugs  which  have  so  deleterious  an  effect  upon 
the  reproductive  system. 

In  all  of  these  efforts  the  wife  can  be  of  ines- 
timable value.  She  it  is  who  will  revive  his  cour- 
age when  he  feels  as  though  the  battle  were  lost, 
and  will  inspire  him  to  continue  his  struggles, 
no  matter  how  discouraging  the  prospect  seems. 
He  must  not  expect  to  be  able  to  overcome  in  a 
few  days  or  weeks  that  which  has  been  years  in 
building,  and  she  is  the  one  who  can  give  him 
the  necessary  patience.  If  she  never  loses  faith 
in  him,  he  eventually  will  come  to  have  the  re- 
quisite faith  in  himself,  and  this  period  of 
struggle  can  be  made  a  means  of  drawing  them 
closer  together.  He  will  learn  the  priceless  value 
of  a  woman's  faith  and  courage  and  persistency, 
and  she  will  rejoice  in  knowing  how  essential  she 
is  to  her  husband's  welfare.  When  at  last  the 
victory  is  won,  there  will  be  a  mutual  rejoicing  in 
the  prospect  of  lifelong  happiness  that  opens  out 
before  them. 

There  are  other  causes  for  impotence,  however, 
beside  this  abnormal  habit.  Alcohol  has  been 
looked  upon  as  a  sexual  stimulant,  but  in  real- 
ity it  is  most  destructive  of  reproductive  integ- 
rity in  the  long  run.  Some  constitutions  can 
stand  a  great  deal  more  alcoholic  stimulation 
than  others,  but,  although  the  evil  effects  may 
not  at  first  be  so  apparent,  sooner  or  later  their 
harmfulness  will  be  unmistakably  shown.  A 

237 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

great  many  cases  of  permanent  impotence  may 
be  traced  to  a  state  of  chronic  alcoholism.  Even 
the  lighter  alcoholic  beverages  will  be  found  ul- 
timately to  have  a  similar  effect.  These  are  con- 
sidered comparatively  harmless  because  of  the 
smaller  proportion  of  alcohol  contained  in  them, 
but  the  truth  is  they  are  just  as  likely  to  do  as 
much  harm  as  the  heavier  beverages  because  of 
the  greater  quantity  consumed.  An  added  dis- 
advantage in  the  use  of  beer  and  wine  is  the 
tendency  to  drink  them  regularly.  The  moder- 
ate indulgence  in  alcohol  is  the  very  worst  form, 
because  it  is  so  continuous.  Where  the  system 
is  allowed  to  return  to  a  normal  condition  after 
an  occasional  bout  of  drunkenness  less  harm  is 
done ;  but  where  the  body  is  kept  constantly  un- 
der the  domination  of  this  stimulant,  the  repro- 
ductive system  is  not  exempt  from  its  deleterious 
effect.  By  some  authorities,  beer  is  considered 
the  most  injurious  of  all  intoxicants,  so  far  as 
the  sexual  function  is  concerned. 

The  excessive  use  of  tobacco  has  a  most  de- 
pressing effect  upon  the  creative  powers,  and  is, 
in  some  instances,  the  main  cause  of  sexual  weak- 
ness. Tobacco  is  sometimes  prescribed  by  phy- 
sicians in  attempting  to  combat  a  habit  like  mas- 
turbation, because  of  its  depressing  effect  upon 
the  nerves.  Such  depression,  however,  if  long 
continued,  might  result  in  a  most  disastrous  con- 
dition. No  man  who  values  his  reproductive 
vigor  would  wish  to  become  the  victim  of  to- 
bacco, and  certainly  one  who  desires  to  overcome 

238 


UNSATISFACTORY    HUSBANDS 

any  sexual  weakness  should  absolutely  abjure 
the  weed. 

There  are  certain  drugs  which  are  supposed 
to  be  sexually  stimulating,  but  it  must  be  remem- 
bered that  anything  which  overstimulates  the 
nerve  centres  also  tends  to  ultimate  depression. 
For  example,  morphine  and  cocaine  are  supposed 
to  stimulate  the  sexual  centers,  and  yet  we  find 
that  those  who  use  these  drugs  habitually  and 
extensively  are  almost  invariably  impotent. 
There  are  other  drugs  which  are  immediately  de- 
pressing in  their  effect  upon  the  generative  sys- 
tem, prominent  among  them  being  the  bromides. 
These  drugs  also  have  been  used  in  many  cases 
to  check  the  tendency  toward  masturbation,  and 
to  excessive  night  losses.  They  may  actually  pro- 
duce results  in  such  cases,  but  they  do  so  by 
paralyzing  and  destroying  the  sex  function.  In 
other  words,  they  may  "cure"  masturbation  and 
night  losses,  but  it  will  be  by  producing  impo- 
tence and  sexlessness.  It  will  be  well  for  the 
wife  to  know  that,  when  the  depression  of  the 
nerve  centres  is  desirable,  it  can  be  secured  by 
means  of  a  prolonged  cold  pack  applied  to  the 
spine. 

It  is  necessary  for  married  people  to  remember 
that  sex  excesses,  even  within  the  marriage  bond, 
will  have  a  deleterious  effect  upon  both  husband 
and  wife.  These  excesses  tend  to  weaken  and 
destroy  virility  and  bring  about  a  correspond- 
ingly weakened  condition  in  the  wife. 

A  temporary  condition  of  sexual  weakness 

239 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

may  be  brought  about  through  nerve  strain,  due 
to  a  long  continued  state  of  worry  or  mental 
overwork.  When  a  man  is  going  through  a  se- 
vere business  crisis,  he  may  find  it  impossible  for 
him  to  enter  into  the  marriage  relation,  and  this 
may  throw  him  into  a  still  greater  panic  through 
the  fear  that  he  has  lost  his  virile  powers.  Here 
again  the  wife  can  be  of  a  great  assistance  by 
allaying  this  unnecessary  fear.  Let  her  be  ab- 
solutely assured,  and  then  transfer  this  condition 
of  confidence  to  her  husband,  that  the  apparent 
impotence  is  simply  an  indication  of  a  depleted 
nervous  condition.  As  soon  as  the  strain  is  re- 
moved and  the  man  is  able  to  take  a  little  needed 
rest,  he  will  find  that,  as  physical  recovery  sets  in, 
his  manly  powers  will  be  fully  restored  to  him. 
Of  course  this  condition  can  be  hastened  in  its 
return  through  healthful  living,  and  especially 
through  a  refusal  to  worry  over  little  things,  or 
even  over  the  big  ones.  It  is  worry  that  kills 
rather  than  work.  The  man  who  lives  a  healthful 
life  out  of  doors,  taking  daily  periods  of  exer- 
cise and  securing  plenty  of  sleep,  will  be  able  to 
pass  through  any  sort  of  crisis  without  such  a 
loss  of  power.  But  if  a  man  allows  his  business 
worries  to  remain  with  him  night  and  day,  losing 
more  and  more  sleep  because  of  them,  he  need 
not  be  surprised  if  he  suffers  a  temporary  col- 
lapse of  his  sex  powers. 

It  is  interesting  to  note  that  lack  of  sufficient 
work  may  also  be  productive  of  weakened  sex 
powers,  the  whole  body  suffering  a  deterioration 

240 


UNSATISFACTORY    HUSBANDS 

which  affects  all  of  the  organs.  In  this  condition, 
also,  the  mind  is  apt  to  dwell  too  much  upon 
erotic  fancies,  which,  overstimulating  the  nerves 
of  the  sex  centers,  may  result  in  a  condition  of 
partial  or  complete  impotence.  Moreover,  this 
sort  of  a  life  is  also  conducive  to  the  accumula- 
tion of  flesh.  Obesity  is  seldom  a  favorable  sex- 
ual indication.  The  man  who  carries  a  moderate 
amount  of  fat  and  is  still  full  of  energy,  is,  of 
course,  as  virile  as  any  one  need  desire.  But  the 
man  who  has  accumulated  fat  through  lack  of 
sufficient  exercise  is  generally  in  a  more  or  less 
debilitated  condition,  and  that  is  not  conducive 
to  the  fullest  sex  powers. 

In  other  words,  the  man  who  keeps  strong, 
active,  hearty  and  vigorous,  need  have  no  fear 
for  the  loss  of  his  sex  powers.  It  is  the  man  who 
is  too  indolent  to  exercise,  who  gives  himself  up 
to  detrimental  bodily  habits,  who  allows  his  mind 
to  wander  in  forbidden  paths  of  thought,  who 
spends  the  hours  when  he  should  be  asleep  in  so- 
cial diversions,  that  need  not  be  surprised  if 
eventually  his  virility  leaves  him.  In  all  such 
cases  there  is  only  one  way  of  regaining  his  viril- 
ity, and  that  is  by  climbing  the  rugged  path  of 
self-denial.  Such  compensations  will  come  to 
him,  however,  as  he  makes  the  climb,  that,  having 
once  attained  the  heights  of  full  manhood,  he 
will  never  desire  to  return  to  the  lower  planes 
of  self-indulgence. 


241 


CHAPTER  XLI 
The  Frigid  Wife 

AS  unfortunate  as  the  impotent  husband  is 
the  wife  who  feels  no  response  within  her 
own  being  to  the  relationship  of  marriage.  She 
then  becomes  a  martyr  to  what  she  feels  to  be 
her  husband's  demands,  although  what  he  asks 
of  her  may  not,  from  the  normal  standpoint,  be 
excessive.  Nor  is  she  the  only  one  to  be  pitied. 
The  husband  also  is  deprived  of  the  magnetic 
return  which  should  come  to  him  from  his  wife 
when  they  enter  into  this  relationship.  Both, 
therefore,  are  in  a  constantly  unsatisfied  condi- 
tion, which  will  be  very  likely  to  lead  to  quarrels 
and  more  or  less  permanent  inharmony.  It  is 
quite  apropos,  therefore,  for  us  to  ask  the  ques- 
tion as  to  where  the  cause  of  this  condition  may 
lie. 

We  may,  in  the  first  place,  consider  it  in  con- 
nection with  the  previous  chapter.  If  the  hus- 
band is  troubled  with  prematurity,  he  may  con- 
clude the  act  without  having  aroused  the  pas- 
sionate side  of  his  wife's  nature.  She  has  sub- 
mitted, but  she  has  not  responded,  to  his  ap- 
proach. 

Without  doubt,  there  are  many  cases  of  frigid- 
ity in  wives  which  could  be  overcome  if  the  hus- 
band knew  a  little  more  of  the  physical  and  men- 

242 


THE    FRIGID   WIFE 


tal  make-up  of  women.  With  many  men  the 
marriage  relationship  is  a  purely  physical  thing. 
They  have  learned  to  look  to  it  for  nothing 
but  physical  satisfaction,  and  it  has  not  entered 
their  thought  that  the  case  might  be  entirely  dif- 
ferent with  their  wives.  To  many  women,  how- 
ever, the  physical  relationship  of  marriage  has 
no  attraction  save  as  the  expression  of  an  emo- 
tional and  spiritual  condition.  If  the  wife's  emo- 
tions are  not  aroused,  so  that  she  feels  the  inten- 
sity of  her  love  for  her  husband  to  such  a  degree 
that  she  desires  above  all  else  to  give  herself  to 
him,  their  relationship  becomes  thoroughly  dis- 
tasteful to  her.  Not  realizing  this  fact,  however, 
a  husband  often  enters  into  the  sex  relationship 
in  too  business-like  a  manner.  He  spends  almost 
no  time  in  expressions  of  love  embodied  in  the 
more  tender  forms  of  endearment.  His  sex  na- 
ture is  already  aroused.  He  does  not  realize  that 
he  needs  to  woo  his  wife  into  acquiescence  with 
his  mood.  Many  times  she  herself  does  not  know 
what  is  the  cause  of  her  reluctance  and  her  failure 
to  respond  properly,  and  so  they  go  on  in  a  state 
of  mutual  dissatisfaction.  If  she  did  know,  it 
might  be  very  easy  for  her  to  make  him  under- 
stand the  delicate  feelings  of  a  woman's  heart, 
so  that  eventually  he  would  be  able  to  express 
his  love  in  such  ways  as  to  bring  her  to  a  full 
reciprocation  of  the  ardor  of  his  feelings. 

Sometimes  the  obstacle  is  in  the  wife's  mind, 
due  to  mistaken  early  teaching,  which  has  given 
her  the  feeling  that  this  relationship  is  something 

243 


17 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

degrading,  and,  therefore,  causes  her  to  shrink 
from  it  with  all  her  finer  sensibilities.  If  this  is 
the  case,  she  needs  to  make  a  more  thorough 
study  of  the  subject  of  sex  until  she  comes  into 
a  comprehension  of  the  wonderful  part  it  has 
played  in  the  development  of  the  human  race, 
and  so  come  out  of  her  morbid  state  of  mind 
into  one  that  is  more  natural. 

By  thus  working  together  to  their  mutual  ben- 
efit, the  frigidity  of  the  wife  may  be  overcome. 

It  may  be  discovered,  also,  that  this  condition 
is  the  result  of  the  use  of  tea  and  coffee,  or  other 
nerve  stimulants,  or  depressives.  Too  many 
women  allow  themselves  to  seek  refuge  from 
headaches  in  bromides  and  other  depressing 
drugs.  All  of  these  things  will  have  a  deleterious 
effect  upon  the  reproductive  system,  and  may  be 
partly  responsible  for  her  unresponsive  state. 

Many  women  in  the  past  seem  to  have  prided 
themselves  upon  their  lack  of  all  sexual  desire. 
This  probably  was  a  reflex  from  their  abnormal 
attitude  toward  sex  as  something  unworthy  of 
the  human  race.  It  may  also  have  been  the  re- 
sult of  the  unnatural  lives  led  by  so  many  women 
of  a  generation  or  two  ago.  The  young  women 
of  today,  who  frankly  rejoice  in  their  physical 
powers  and  find  their  pleasure  in  many  forms 
of  outdoor  sports,  will  find  themselves  much 
more  normal  in  this  respect  also. 

Where  there  is  a  persistent  condition  of  frigid- 
ity, it  would  be  well  for  the  wife  to  enter  upon 
a  thorough  course  of  training,  knowing  that  this 

244 


THE    FRIGID   WIFE 


will  restore  normality  through  every  part  of  her 
being.  Plenty  of  outdoor  exercise,  loose  clothing 
which  permits  of  bodily  activity,  simple  food  and 
plenty  of  sleep,  form  the  best  regimen  for  her 
to  follow.  Sun  baths  would  be  particularly 
heathful  for  her,  and  also,  possibly,  cold  sitz 
baths. 

In  the  majority  of  instances,  however,  the  ob- 
stacle will  generally  be  found  to  be  mental  rather 
than  physical,  and  if  the  woman  really  desires 
to  overcome  her  condition,  it  will  be  necessary 
only  for  her  to  bring  about  a  more  normal  state 
of  mind  in  herself.  She  will  find  then  that  the 
right  condition  of  body  will  ultimately  follow. 

It  will  not  be  amiss  for  us  here  to  call  attention 
to  the  fact  that  her  unnatural  state  may  be  the 
result  of  the  same  physical  habit  which  causes 
impotence  in  men.  We  do  not  like  to  think  that 
our  young  women  may  be  in  danger  of  forming 
the  habit  of  masturbation,  yet  the  number  of  let- 
ters which  are  received  from  young  women  ask- 
ing for  help  in  throwing  off  the  bondage  of  this 
habit  convinces  us  that  the  danger  is  very  real. 

Where  the  habit  of  masturbation  has  held  long- 
continued  sway  over  both  mind  and  body,  up 
to  the  time  of  marriage,  it  is  quite  likely  that  the 
condition  called  frigidity  might  result.  There  is 
no  reason,  however,  why  the  condition  should 
continue.  As  has  been  said,  it  is  more  the  result 
of  a  mental  than  a  physical  state,  and,  with  per- 
sistent efforts,  can  easily  be  overcome. 

245 


CHAPTER  XLII 
Masturbation 

fT  is  difficult  for  the  average  individual  to  real- 
ize that  girls  are  at  all  in  danger  of  acquiring 
the  secret  vice  known  as  self-abuse  or  masturba- 
tion. We  do  so  like  to  think  of  the  feminine  half 
of  creation  as  made  of  entirely  different  clay 
from  that  used  for  their  counterpart,  that  we 
are  prone  to  picture  them  as  utterly  free  from 
the  temptations  and  dangers  that  assail  the  mas- 
culine portion  of  mankind.  There  is  a  certain 
foundation  in  fact  for  this  feeling.  We  know 
that  every  cell  of  the  woman's  body  manifests 
the  characteristics  of  femininity,  and  in  so  far  is 
different  from  every  cell  of  the  man's  body.  Her 
impulses  and  inclinations  are  different  from  his, 
and  it  is  equally  true  that  temptations  which 
assail  him  with  pecular  force  may  not  have  so 
great  an  effect  upon  her.  Taking  all  of  these 
things  into  account,  however,  it  is  nevertheless 
true  that  they  are  both  human  beings,  with  plws- 
ical  impulses  and  appetites  which  at  least  corre- 
spond. 

We  have  no  opportunity  for  discovering  how 
strong  the  spontaneous  impulse  toward  mastur- 
bation would  be  in  either  sex,  because  we  are 
not  able  to  bring  up  our  children  in  entirely  ideal 
surroundings  where  there  would  be  no  outward 

246 


suggestion  toward  that  form  of  sex  gratification. 
Therefore,  we  have  no  opportunity  for  compar- 
ing the  strength  of  this  impulse  in  the  two  sexes. 
We  are  obliged  simply  to  accept  conditions  as 
they  are,  and  any  one  who  has  been  made  the 
confidant  of  any  large  number  of  young  women 
is  aware  of  the  fact  that  many  of  them  have 
had  to  meet  this  temptation. 

It  would  be  well  for  us  to  consider  the  natural 
ways  in  which  this  habit  may  be  formed  in  early 
childhood,  in  order  that  we  may  rid  ourselves  of 
an  unnecessary  amount  of  condemnation  for 
those  who  have  succumbed.  The  holy  horror 
which  arises  in  the  breasts  of  some  individuals 
at  the  mere  suggestion  that  any  one,  particularly 
a  young  woman,  could  become  the  victim  of  this 
habit,  adds  greatly  to  the  difficulty  of  handling 
the  situation.  One  of  the  greatest  obstacles  to 
self-mastery  in  this  particular  is  the  depressing 
effect  of  extreme  condemnation,  whether  on  the 
part  of  the  victim,  or  on  the  part  of  those  about 
her.  These  unfortunate  creatures  are  apt  to  feel 
that  their  wrong-doing  has  placed  them  beyond 
the  possibility  of  forgiveness,  and  that  there  is, 
therefore,  no  use  for  them  to  try  to  change  them- 
selves. The  first  great  essential,  in  enabling  them 
to  secure  self-mastery,  is  to  rid  them  of  their 
terrible  sense  of  shame. 

Let  us,  therefore,  turn  our  attention  to  the 
ways  in  which  this  habit  may  be  acquired  in  in- 
fancy. As  this  statement  would  indicate,  it  does 
not  always  come  as  the  result  of  a  definite  sex 

247 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

impulse.  It  may  be  started  in  perfectly  innocent 
ways. 

For  example,  consider  for  a  moment  the  efforts 
of  the  little  one  in  the  first  few  months  of  exist- 
ence to  become  acquainted  with  its  own  body. 
The  little  fingers  wander  about  from  one  part  of 
the  body  to  another,  exploring  and  discovering, 
from  the  double  sensations  aroused,  that  first  one 
part  of  the  body  and  then  another  belongs  to 
the  individual.  In  this  process,  it  would  not  be 
at  all  strange  if  the  little  fingers  should  stray  to 
that  part  of  the  body  which  we  call  private,  and 
if  the  nerves  of  sensation  are  thereby  aroused 
into  activity  and  the  sensation  proves  to  be  more 
or  less  pleasurable,  it  would  not  be  strange  if  an 
effort  were  made  to  repeat  the  experience.  Thus, 
quite  innocently,  the  habit  of  self-abuse  may  be 
formed. 

Sometimes  it  is  a  little  neglect  on  the  part  of 
the  mother,  causing  more  or  less  discomfort  in 
these  organs,  which  causes  the  little  one  to  at- 
tempt to  relieve  the  unpleasant  sensation  by  rub- 
bing. It  may  be  that  worms  which  have  made 
their  way  from  the  anus  into  the  adjoining  parts 
have  set  up  an  itching  sensation.  It  may  be  that 
this  part  of  the  body  is  too  warmly  clothed,  caus- 
ing congestion,  or  that  the  clothing  is  binding, 
causing  irritation.  Sometimes — and  mothers 
would  do  well  to  take  this  into  account  that  they 
may  exercise  the  more  careful  watchfulness — 
an  ignorant  nurse  girl  will  teach  the  habit  to  the 

248 


MASTURBATION 


child,  because  she  has  discovered  it  to  be  a  means 
of  stopping  restlessness. 

One  other  matter  it  is  very  important  for  the 
mother  to  investigate.  Sometimes  the  covering  of 
the  little  organ  called  the  clitoris  is  adherent,  and 
sets  up  an  irritation  which  calls  for  constant  rub- 
bing. This  condition  can  easily  be  relieved  by 
a  slight  surgical  operation,  and  the  presence  of 
this  habit  should  always  call  for  a  local  examina- 
tion by  a  physician,  in  order  to  discover  whether 
conditions  are  perfectly  normal. 

Sometimes  a  little  girl  of  three  or  four  acci- 
dentally discovers  that,  by  rubbing  up  against  a 
chair  or  other  piece  of  furniture,  she  is  able  to 
produce  a  sensation  which  is  pleasurable.  Some- 
times an  older  child  will  induct  her  into  wrong- 
doing. 

The  mother  must  be  aware  of  these  possibil- 
ities, and  must  be  ever  on  the  alert  to  avert  them." 
Watchfulness  on  her  part,  and  careful  teaching 
of  the  little  one  to  avoid  all  unnecessary  handling 
of  this  part  of  the  body  will,  in  all  probability, 
prevent  the  formation  of  this  most  undesirable 
habit.  It  is  possible  to  teach  even  the  little  one 
of  two  or  three  years  of  age  that  these  organs 
are  just  as  sensitive  as  is  the  eye,  and  that,  as  rub- 
bing of  the  eye  will  produce  sores  and  other  dis- 
astrous consequences,  so  will  rubbing  of  this 
part  of  the  body. 

When  a  little  one  is  old  enough  to  receive  an 
answer  to  her  natural  question  as  to  her  own 
origin,  then  it  becomes  possible  to  make  the  child 

249 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

understand  the  sacredness  of  these  organs,  in  that 
they  enable  us  to  become  procreators  with  God 
in  calling  into  existence  other  human  beings. 
Because  of  the  sacred  character  of  these  organs, 
we  exercise  especial  care  over  them,  never  allow- 
ing ourselves  or  anyone  else  to  touch  them  unnec- 
essarily. With  this  teaching  thus  early  imparted, 
there  is  very  little  probability  that  either  a  boy 
or  girl  will  form  the  habit  of  masturbation. 
Where  this  teaching  is  not  given,  however,  chil- 
dren naturally  see  no  convincing  reason  why 
this  form  of  pleasure  may  not  be  indulged  in. 
They  see  no  evidence  of  immediate  harm  them- 
selves, and  they  have  no  way  of  knowing  about 
possible  serious  consequences  in1  the  future. 

That  it  is  natural  for  children  to  meet  the 
temptation  to  this  habit,  one  could  easily  allow. 
The  only  right  and  normal  thing,  however,  is  for 
the  child  to  master  the  temptation. 

It  will  be  advisable  for  us,  however,  to  consider 
the  true  seriousness  of  this  physical  habit.  It  has 
been  considered  by  some  the  greatest  of  all  sex- 
ual evils ;  because,  in  the  first  place,  of  its  preva- 
lence ;  in  the  second  place,  because  it  is  of  such  a 
nature  that  there  is  an  unlimited  opportunity  for 
excess;  and  last,  but  not  least,  because  it  is  in- 
dulged in  during  the  vitally  important  period  of 
growth  when  its  consequences  will  be  most  far- 
reaching  and  serious.  Its  deleterious  effects, 
moreover,  are  not  limited  to  the  body  alone.  The 
mind  and  soul  are  tainted  and  dwarfed  through 
its  insidious  influence. 

250 


MASTURBATION 


While  it  is  possible  for  the  habit  to  be  formed 
innocently  in  infancy,  in  the  great  majority  of 
instances  it  comes  as  the  result  of  wrong  teach- 
ing, and  is,  therefore,  always  surrounded  by  an 
atmosphere  of  evil  suggestion,  which  is  most  det- 
rimental to  the  sex  life.  It  lays  the  foundation, 
in  other  words,  for  a  lifelong  unnatural  attitude 
toward  sex.  It  causes  one  to  feel  that  everything 
connected  with  sex  is  impure  and  degrading,  and 
it  so  deadens  the  finer  sensibilities  in  connection 
with  this  subject  that  married  life  itself  is  often 
rendered  less  radiant  and  inspiring  because  of 
the  poisonous  miasms  that  arise  from  the  mind 
and  the  heart  that  have  been  polluted  through 
this  degrading  habit. 

Its  most  direct  effect  in  childhood  is  upon  the 
nerve  centers.  If  the  practice  is  frequently  in- 
dulged in,  these  become  drained  of  their  vital 
nerve  fluid,  and  the  whole  system  suffers  from 
a  greater  or  less  condition  of  nervous  exhaustion. 
This,  of  course,  has  a  dwarfing  effect  upon  the 
physical  development,  which,  while  it  may  not 
be  markedly  evident,  nevertheless  exists.  One 
of  the  most  undesirable  effects  of  the  habit,  when 
long  continued,  is  an  absolute  lack  of  concentra- 
tion. The  victims  give  themselves  up  so  repeat- 
edly to  their  impulses  that  finally  they  lose  the 
power  to  control  them,  and  so  are  at  the  mercy 
of  every  least  suggestion.  This  means,  of  course, 
that  their  minds  are  constantly  shifted  from  one 
point  to  another  without  that  control  and  direc- 
tion which  is  the  essence  of  concentration.  This, 

251 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

doubtless,  is  the  reason  why  the  victims  of  the 
vice  are  such  poor  scholars  and  eventually  may 
suffer  from  a  greater  or  less  degree  of  loss  of 
memory. 

One  of  the  first  effects  of  this  habit  upon  the 
character  is  the  development  of  furtiveness. 
There  is  an  instinct  within  the  human  breast 
which  warns  even  the  innocent  victims  of  the 
habit  that  it  is  wrong,  and  consequently,  from 
the  very  beginning,  it  is  kept  more  or  less  hid- 
den. In  time,  the  one  who  indulges  finds  it  diffi- 
cult to  look  others  directly  in  the  face,  because 
there  is  always  the  consciousness  of  a  hidden 
sin.  Frequently  the  furtive  look  is  the  first  indi- 
cation the  watchful  mother  receives  that  the  child 
has  acquired  this  habit.  If  she  finds  her  little 
one  beginning  to  avoid  her  gaze,  she  would  do 
well  to  watch  him  or  her  carefully,  and  come  at 
frequent  and  unexpected  periods  into  the  room 
where  the  child  is  playing.  Without  doubt,  early 
indulgence  in  the  practice  may  result  in  prema- 
ture development  of  the  sex  organs,  although 
they  will  naturally  be  lacking  in  the  proper 
amount  of  vigor. 

Masturbation  is  most  commonly  practiced, 
however,  in  adolescence,  the  period  between 
childhood  and  maturity.  It  is  probably  natural 
that  the  inclination  toward  it  should  be  felt  more 
at  this  time  than  at  any  other.  This  is,  of  course, 
the  very  time  during  which  its  influence  will  be 
most  detrimental.  It  is  both  destructive  to  the 

252 


MASTURBATION 


sexual  function  itself  and  debilitating  to  the  con- 
stitution. 

We  know  today  that  the  sex  organs  have  a 
great  work  to  perform  in  making  over  the  bodily 
organism  of  the  adolescent  boy  and  girl.  The  very 
first  work  of  these  organs  is  the  secretion  of  a 
fluid  which  is  entirely  retained  within  the  body 
for  the  purpose  of  making  over  every  portion  of 
the  physical  being,  and  preparing  it  for  the  added 
responsibilities  of  maturity.  Through  over-stim- 
ulation of  these  organs  the  precious  fluid,  which 
was  intended  to  be  entirely  retained  within  the 
body,  may  be  drained  away  and  lost,  with  very 
detrimental  effects  to  the  physical  growth.  There 
is  no  way  of  measuring  the  extent  of  this  injury. 
It  should  be  enough,  however,  for  us  to  know 
that  the  injury  exists. 

The  greatest  temptation  toward  this  practice 
is  likely  to  be  experienced  by  those  of  a  high- 
strung,  nervous  temperament,  to  whom  it  will 
also  prove  most  disastrous.  The  boy  or  girl  of 
the  phlegmatic  temperament  feels  less  inclina- 
tion toward  this  form  of  indulgence,  and  is 
usually  protected  by  superior  vitality  from  its 
most  disastrous  results.  The  high-strung  tem- 
perament, however,  with  its  delicately  adjusted 
and  keenly  sensitive  nervous  system,  may  be 
thrown  into  a  condition  of  almost  complete 
nervous  exhaustion,  because  of  the  greater  sus- 
ceptibility to  temptation,  and  the  lessened  power 
of  resistance  to  the  drain  of  physical  and  nervous 
energy. 

253 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

The  psychic  effects  of  this  unfortunate  habit 
are  often  of  such  character  as  to  cause  an  aver- 
sion to  grow  up  in  the  heart  of  the  girl  toward 
the  opposite  sex,  which  leads  her  to  keep  away 
from  social  gatherings,  and  so  may  deprive  her 
of  an  opportunity  for  a  woman's  normal  life  as 
a  wife  and  mother.  It  may  even  lead  into  a  con- 
dition of  sex  perversion,  which  causes  her  to  seek 
gratification  through  undue  intimacy  with  oth- 
ers of  her  own  sex.  This  is  so  unnatural  a  condi- 
tion that  one  hesitates  even  to  refer  to  it;  yet  it 
is  necessary  to  warn  young  girls  against  those  of 
their  own  sex,  who,  being  themselves  abnormal, 
might  wish  to  lead  them,  through  their  youth 
and  inexperience,  into  these  unnatural  practices. 
Every  girl  should  know  that  it  is  her  duty  to  pro- 
tect herself  from  undue  intimacy  with  anyone, 
man  or  woman,  and  it  is  hoped  that  this  word 
of  warning  will  suffice  to  put  them  on  their  guard 
and  prevent  them  from  being  drawn  into  any 
such  undesirable  associations. 

There  is  much  to  be  said  in  the  way  of  encour- 
agement to  the  young  woman  who  has  formed 
this  habit,  but  who  possibly  has  not  appreciated 
its  seriousness.  Many  a  girl,  upon  learning  the 
debasing  character  of  this  secret  habit,  feels  her- 
self so  degraded  that  she  believes  there  is  no 
hope  for  her.  In  this  she  is  utterly  wrong.  There 
is  all  the  hope  in  the  world,  if  she  will  but  make 
up  her  mind  to  break  it.  It  will  not  be  an  easy 
conquest,  but  in  the  process  she  will  build  so 
much  of  strong  character  that  she  need  not  in  the 

254 


MASTURBATION 


end  regret  the  bitter  experience  through  which 
she  has  passed. 

In  the  first  place,  she  should  not  condemn  her- 
self too  severely,  looking  upon  herself  as  an  utter 
outcast  from  society.  She  is  not  alone  in  this 
experience.  The  human  race  has  always  had  to 
fight,  in  some  form  or  other,  the  battle  of  the 
spirit  over  the  flesh.  Her  struggle  is  but  a  part 
of  the  struggle  of  the  race.  She  is  fighting  for 
the  complete  mastery  of  her  soul  over  her  body, 
and  she  must  always  live  in  the  consciousness 
that  she  is  a  soul  and  that  these  inclinations  are 
not  intrinsically  hers.  They  are  the  lower  im- 
pulses of  the  body. 

Whenever  these  impulses  arise,  she  should  say 
to  herself,  "This  does  not  belong  to  me";  and, 
by  thus  denying  it  as  a  part  of  herself,  she  can 
more  easily  free  herself  from  its  domination.  A 
little  attention  on  her  part  will  teach  her  to  rec- 
ognize the  very  first  thoughts  which  might  tend 
to  start  the  train  of  impulses  leading  up  to  this 
form  of  self -gratification.  When  that  time  comes, 
she  will  be  able  to  divert  her  thoughts  into  other 
channels  at  their  very  inception,  thus  suppress- 
ing all  possible  wrong  impulses  in  the  body.  It 
will  be  of  assistance  to  her  if  she  will  carry  with 
her  some  suggestions  of  the  lines  of  thought  in 
which  she  is  particularly  interested,  so  that,  at 
the  first  indication  of  danger,  she  may,  by  activ- 
ity of  the  will,  direct  her  thought  along  one  of 
these  other  lines.  It  is  much  easier  to  control 

255 


oneself  at  the  beginning  of  the  impulse  than 
at  the  end. 

Many  times  young  women  write  to  ask  if,  hav- 
ing had  the  habit  of  masturbation  at  one  time  in 
their  lives,  but  having  mastered  it,  they  have  a 
right  to  marry,  and  whether  it  will  be  necessary 
to  confess  their  previous  wrong-doing  to  their 
husbands.  There  is  nothing  in  this  habit,  unless 
it  is  so  long  continued  that  its  consequences  be- 
come permanent,  to  render  the  young  woman 
unfit  for  marriage.  No  young  woman  who  has 
average  health  need  hesitate  at  all  to  accept  an 
offer  of  marriage,  even  though  she  may  at  one 
time  have  been  a  victim  of  this  habit.  It  does 
not  have  a  direct  effect  upon  the  creative  organs, 
as  so  many  have  seemed  to  fear,  rendering  them 
incapable  of  performing  their  function.  There  is 
no  reason  why  she  may  not  make  a  good  wife 
and  mother,  and,  if  she  will  use  her  own  unfor- 
tunate experience  aright,  she  will  make  it  a 
means  of  enabling  her  to  protect  her  children 
from  duplicating  it.  The  effects  of  the  practice, 
whatever  they  may  be,  are  not  inheritable,  so  she 
is  relieved  of  that  worry.  Since  she  has  con- 
quered the  habit,  it  does  not  seem  necessary  for 
her  to  make  a  confession  of  it  to  her  husband,  any 
more  than  she  would  the  habit  of  thumb-sucking 
in  her  infancy,  or  biting  her  nails  in  her  early 
childhood.  Since  it  is  quite  likely  he  may  have 
had  the  same  habit,  and  have  overcome  it,  their 
position  is  probably  one  of  equality. 

One  important  physical  consideration  in  this 

256 


MASTURBATION 


connection  is  that  of  genital  cleanliness.  Any 
condition  which  tends  to  the  irritation  of  these 
parts  will  stimulate  the  brain  cells  and  may  thus 
start  undesirable  impulses.  It  is  very  important, 
therefore,  to  make  frequent  use  of  soap  and 
water  to  keep  these  parts  thoroughly  free  from 
all  possible  secretions,  or  foreign  matter,  which 
may  gather  there.  If  there  is  an  inflammation 
which  makes  them  sensitive  to  soap,  a  solution  of 
boric  acid  will  be  found  a  good  cleansing  antisep- 
tic agent. 

As  I  have  said  elsewhere,  the  general  bodily 
effects  of  masturbation,  apart  from  the  effect  on 
the  generative  system  itself,  are  to  be  seen  in  a 
lack  of  energy  or  general  lassitude,  a  weakened 
muscular  system,  an  all-around  lack  of  develop- 
ment, sometimes  a  dragging  gait,  weakness  of  the 
bladder,  or  urinary  symptoms,  a  pale  or  sallow 
complexion,  often  with  dark  rings  around  the 
eyes,  as  well  as  pimples  and  blackheads,  poor 
memory,  difficulty  in  study  or  mental  concen- 
tration, lack  of  self-confidence,  a  tendency  to 
avoid  the  society  of  others,  especially  that  of  the 
opposite  sex,  and  an  inability  to  look  other  peo- 
ple in  the  eye.  Of  course,  these  symptoms  are 
typical  only  of  serious  cases.  When  the  habit 
has  not  been  carried  very  far,  or  has  not  been 
productive  of  much  harm,  they  will  not  be  in  evi- 
dence. The  mental  or  psychic  symptoms  are 
especially  important  and  may  be  observed  in 
varying  degrees.  A  naturally  strong-minded 
character  may  overcome  some  of  them,  as,  for 

257 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

instance,  the  lack  of  confidence,  by  force  of  will ; 
but  in  many  cases  these  anti-social  symptoms  are 
extremely  marked.  Weakened  memory  and  poor 
mental  concentration  are  among  the  most  per- 
sistent and  common  of  such  symptoms. 

So  much  has  been  said  about  pimples  on  the 
face  as  being  an  indication  of  the  presence  of 
this  habit  in  the  individual,  that  it  may  be  well 
for  us  to  give  a  little  attention  to  this  subject. 
Much  injustice  has  doubtless  been  done  through 
the  widespread  notion  that  pimples  were  always 
an  indication  of  self-abuse.  This,  of  course,  is 
far  from  being  the  fact.  We  would  be  much 
nearer  the  truth  if  we  made  the  statement  that 
pimples  were  always  an  indication  of  con- 
stipation. They  are,  in  general,  an  indication 
that  the  skin  is  attempting  to  do  the  work 
of  elimination  which  the  eliminatory  organs  are 
failing  to  do.  Of  course,  self-abjuse  may,  in  some 
instances,  cause  a  breaking  out  upon  the  face, 
but  even  so,  this  result  is  likely  to  have  been 
brought  about  by  the  fact  that  loss  of  nerve 
power  has  made  it  impossible  for  the  bowels 
and  kidneys  to  perform  their  work  properly. 

The  very  first  thing  to  do,  therefore,  in  a  case 
of  acne,  is  to  see  to  it  that  the  system  is  thor- 
oughly cleansed  of  all  waste  matter.  The  gen- 
eral character  of  the  skin  has  much  to  do  with 
acne,  and  persons  with  clear,  smooth  skins  are 
often  great  offenders  in  the  matter  under  con- 
sideration. Persons  having  naturally  oily  skins 
are  most  likely  to  be  afflected  with  pimples  and 

258 


MASTURBATION 


blackheads,  which  are  commonly  found  on  the 
face  and  shoulders,  these  being  the  parts  of  the 
body  where  the  sebaceous  glands  are  most  plen- 
tiful. The  so-called  "flesh- worm"  of  the  black- 
head is  only  an  accumulation  of  the  dried  oily 
secretion  of  a  sebaceous  gland  resulting  from 
the  clogging  of  the  opening.  The  ordinary  pim- 
ple is  caused  by  a  mild  infection  which  has  trav- 
eled down  the  duct  of  one  of  these  glands,  or 
down  the  root  of  a  hair.  When  these  tiny  glands 
are  especially  active,  such  difficulties  are  more 
likely  to  be  met  with.  The  sebaceous  glands, 
like  all  the  other  glands  of  the  body,  are  most 
active  in  youth,  from  the  period  of  puberty  until 
maturity,  and  it  is  largely  for  this  reason  that 
young  people  of  this  age  are  so  frequently  affected 
with  pimples.  Masturbation  is  not  necessarily 
involved.  Rigid  cleanliness,  by  preventing  the 
clogging  of  the  tiny  ducts,  and  also  by  prevent- 
ing infection,  will  do  a  great  deal  to  prevent  pim- 
ples. Cold  water  and  ice,  too,  are  valuable,  be- 
cause they  contract  or  close  the  pores.  Warm 
or  hot  water  opens  them  and  should  generally 
be  avoided. 

At  the  same  time  there  is  another  factor  to  be 
considered  in  acne,  namely,  the  question  of  pure 
blood  and  resistance  to  infection.  In  vigorous 
health,  the  infection  cannot  gain  a  foothold.  But 
when  the  vitality  is  lowered,  the  circulation  weak- 
ened and  the  vital  functions  impaired,  it  is  easy 
to  develop  pimples.  Now,  masturbation,  of 
course,  tends  to  derange  the  internal  functions, 

18  259 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

weakening  digestion  and  otherwise  impairing  the 
quality  of  the  blood,  and  in  that  way  may  cause 
pimples. 

In  other  words,  acne  is  often  found  upon  the 
face,  shoulders,  chest  and  back  of  masturbators 
as  a  symptom  of  lowered  vitality,  but  it  is  not 
the  positive  indication  that  some  have  supposed. 
In  some  cases  the  health  is  undermined  only 
slowly,  during  a  period  of  years,  and  the  appear- 
ance for  a  long  time  may  indicate  nothing  wrong. 

So  much  has  been  said  in  the  past  about  insan- 
ity being  caused  by  masturbation,  that  it  would 
be  well  for  us  to  give  a  moment's  consideration 
to  it  at  this  time.  Probably  the  prevalence  of 
this  belief  was  due  very  largely  to  the  books  that 
have  been  published  by  quack  doctors  who  en- 
deavor to  scare  their  victims  so  as  to  be  able  to 
secure  their  money.  The  truth  of  the  matter  is 
that  no  scientific  foundation  has  been  discovered 
for  this  belief.  While  it  is  known  that  those  who 
have  lost  their  minds  are  often  victims  of  this 
habit,  the  habit  is,  in  all  probability,  the  result  of 
their  mental  condition,  rather  than  the  cause  of 
it.  They  lack  reason  and  self-control.  No  per- 
son suffering  from  this  habit  need  live  in  fear  of 
going  insane,  as  so  many  of  them  have  done  in 
the  past. 

Since  the  condition  is  both  physical  and  mental, 
the  remedial  measures  must  partake  of  the  same 
two-fold  character.  It  is  impossible  to  say  which 
of  these  is  the  more  important  part  of  the  treat- 
ment; both  are  absolutely  essential.  Physical 

260 


MASTURBATION 


vigor,  which  is  built  up  through  proper  exercise 
and  food,  is  essential  to  the  strength  of  will 
needed  for  the  rigid  restraint  which  it  will  be  nec- 
essary to  exercise. 

The  first  step  is  to  build  up  bodily  vigor,  not 
only  for  its  own  sake,  as  has  been  suggested,  but 
for  the  sake  of  the  clearer  brain  and  stronger  will 
so  essential  for  victory.  These  qualties  cannot 
be  developed  in  a  body  which  lacks  the  proper 
blood  supply  to  the  brain  and  is  suffering  from 
depleted  nerves.  Everything  possible  should  be 
done  to  develop  bodily  strength  and  vigor. 

The  matter  of  diet  is  of  the  greatest  impor- 
tance. Meat  and  eggs  being  rich  in  protein 
should  not  be  used  too  freely,  and  if  the  assimila- 
tion is  especially  poor  it  may  be  better  to  avoid 
them  entirely  for  a  time.  Red  meats  are  espe- 
cially stimulating  and  should,  therefore,  be  used 
sparingly.  Fish  and  chicken  are  less  pronounced 
in  their  effect.  Not  only  alcoholic  drinks,  but 
even  tea  and  coffee  should  be  avoided.  Pepper, 
hot  sauces  and  condiments  of  all  kinds  are  espe- 
cially objectionable.  The  things  that  you  can 
eat  and  enjoy  raw,  particularly  fruits,  green  sal- 
ads, nuts  and  so  forth,  should  be  used  extensively 
in  the  diet. 

It  is  especially  important  to  correct  any  ten- 
dency toward  constipation.  This  is,  without 
doubt,  an  important  factor  in  many  cases,  the 
accumulation  of  effete  matter  causing  a  more 
or  less  congested  condition  which  reacts  unfav- 
orably upon  the  brain  cells,  and  may  arouse 

261 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

thoughts  and  impulses  which  should  not  be 
called  into  activity.  Through  proper  exercise, 
the  drinking  of  plenty  of  water,  and  the  eating 
of  the  right  kind  of  food,  the  bowels  may  be  kept 
open  and  regular. 

The  first  step  in  the  mental  treatment  of  mas- 
turbation is  an  unfaltering  determination  to  con- 
quer the  habit,  no  matter  how  long  or  difficult 
the  fight  may  be.  This  is  a  crisis  in  your  life. 
You  are  either  going  to  remain  a  weakling  for 
the  rest  of  your  days,  or  you  are  going  to  rise 
on  the  stepping  stones  of  your  dead  self  to  a  big- 
ger, better,  more  successful  life.  You  will  not 
conquer  this  habit  in  a  day,  or  a  week,  or  a  month. 
Make  up  your  mind,  however,  to  stick  to  it  until 
you  have  gained  the  mastery  and  kept  your 
promise  to  yourself.  T'his  is  the  building  of  char- 
acter. 

The  next  step  is  to  stop  worrying  about  it  and 
its  possible  consequences.  The  condition  of 
worry  is  very  depressing  and  debilitating,  and  it 
makes  you  fall  an  easier  victim  to  all  sorts  of 
wrong  suggestions.  Never  mind  what  you  have 
done  in  the  past;  the  important  thing  is  what 
you  are  doing  today. 

The  third  step  is  to  fill  your  life  with  so  many 
forms  of  mental  activity  that  the  old  habit  will 
not  have  any  chance  to  assert  itself.  Your  mind 
must  be  so  occupied  with  other  matters  that  there 
will  be  no  opportunity  for  the  introduction  of 
impure  thoughts. 

The  fourth  step  is  to  avoid  being  too  much  by 

262 


MASTURBATION 


yourself,  and  to  cultivate  the  society  of  refined 
people  just  as  much  as  you  possibly  can. 

You  must  not  be  disappointed  if  you  fail  time 
and  again  to  master  your  wrong  impulses  at  the 
beginning  of  your  struggle.  Never  let  such  a 
failure  put  you  permanently  into  a  mood  of  de- 
pression. Say  to  yourself  each  time,  "Never 
mind!  I  will  conquer,"  and  go  at  it  again.  Real- 
ize that  it  is  more  than  a  physical  habit  which 
you  are  endeavoring  to  overcome.  It  is  a  wrong 
attitude  of  mind.  Read  the  books  which  will  help 
you  to  have  a  greater  respect  for  human  beings, 
for  the  processes  of  nature,  for  yourself  as  an  in- 
dividual. Read  books  on  personality  and  power. 
Learn  to  use  the  laws  of  mental  suggestion,  and 
see  in  all  of  these  but  an  opportunity  for  de- 
veloping your  own  hidden  and  probably  hitherto 
neglected  powers.  Look  forward  to  the  day  when 
you  can  make  your  struggle  a  means  of  enabling 
you  to  help  others,  and,  for  their  sakes,  pick 
yourself  up  after  each  fall  with  renewed  deter- 
mination. Realize  that  every  time  you  resist  the 
wrong  impulse  you  are  strengthening  your  pow- 
ers of  resistance,  and  constantly  encourage  your- 
self to  believe  that  you  are  gaining  the  mastery. 

Cultivate  pride  and  self-respect.  Believe  in 
yourself  and  make  others  believe  in  you.  What- 
ever your  work  may  be,  determine  to  do  it  to  the 
very  best  of  your  ability,  and  thus  you  will  gain 
the  respect  of  others  as  well  as  of  yourself. 

Anything  that  will  tend  to  add  to  your  sense 
of  pride  will  help  you  powerfully.  You  will  find 

263 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

personal  cleanliness  a  great  aid  to  this  end.  Cul- 
tivate a  fastidious  attitude  toward  cleanliness  of 
person  and  apparel.  The  feeling  of  immaculate 
cleanliness  adds  greatly  to  one's  self-respect,  and 
the  effect  upon  the  whole  moral  nature  is  such 
that  one  will  less  readily  stoop  to  any  depraved 
action. 

Above  all,  do  not  allow  yourself  to  worry  or 
brood  over  your  trouble.  Let  the  "dead  past 
bury  its  dead."  Live  in  the  present.  Look  for- 
ward hopefully  to  the  future,  and  thank  God 
that  you  are  at  last  alive  in  every  particle  of 
your  being. 

Do  not  allow  yourself  to  pass  any  time  in 
idleness.  Inactivity  will  give  your  mind  a  chance 
either  to  dwell  upon  erotic  thoughts,  or  to  worry 
about  your  condition,  and  both  of  these  should 
be  carefully  avoided.  Make  it  a  habit  to  get  out 
of  bed  with  a  jump  the  instant  you  wake  up. 
Take  a  quick  plunge,  or  a  cold  sponge,  to  finish  the 
waking-up  process  and  enable  you  to  start  the 
day  with  vim  and  vigor.  Try  to  have  enough 
physical  exercise  so  that,  when  bedtime  comes, 
you  will  drop  to  sleep  as  soon  as  your  head 
touches  the  pillow. 

Cultivate  all  kinds  of  hobbies  and  different 
sources  of  interest,  especially  those  which  will 
lead  you  into  physical  activity.  Do  not  spend 
your  leisure  hours  always  in  sedentary  occupa- 
tions, such  as  reading,  writing,  embroidering, 
playing  cards  and  so  forth.  Seek  your  friends 
amongst  those  who  are  actively  inclined.  Seek 

264 


MASTURBATION 


out  a  good  gymnasium  and  learn  to  enjoy  sports 
of  all  kinds.  In  summer,  devote  yourself  to  out- 
door sports. 

It  is  especially  important  to  keep  the  mind 
away  from  all  subjects  which  can  arouse  the  sex 
nature.  It  is  possible  to  masturbate  mentally, 
dwelling  upon  erotic  subjects  until  the  sex  nature 
is  so  aroused  that  physical  sensations  may  even 
result.  This  is  almost  as  bad  as  the  physical  prac- 
tice, and  is  usually  the  first  step  in  that  direction. 
Whenever  you  find  your  mind  turning  in  this  for- 
bidden direction,  get  up  and  do  something  at 
once  in  order  to  change  your  current  of  thought. 
It  does  not  matter  what  it  is,  but  do  it  imme- 
diately. Take  a  cold  bath,  shake  the  rugs,  play 
the  piano,  or  do  anything  else  that  comes  to  your 
mind.  The  more  active  and  mentally  stimulat- 
ing it  is,  the  better.  Plan  for  some  activity  to- 
ward which  you  can  always  turn  when  any  un- 
desirable thought  of  sex  enters  your  mind. 

Sometimes  the  very  best  way  to  meet  this  temp- 
tation to  wrong  thinking  is  to  put  yourself  at 
once  in  the  company  of  refined  and  agreeable 
people.  The  very  impulse  of  the  victim  of  this 
habit,  to  get  off  by  herself  or  himself,  would 
seem  to  indicate  that  the  best  possible  treatment 
would  be  just  the  opposite  of  that  impulse.  As- 
sociation with  refined,  high-minded  persons  of 
the  opposite  sex,  if  always  kept  on  a  high  plane, 
without  any  of  those  personal  intimacies  which 
young  men  and  women  sometimes  indulge  in, 
should  also  prove  beneficial. 

265 


CHAPTER  XLIII 
Sterility 

TO  be  the  mother  of  a  child  is  the  hope  and 
joy  of  every  normal  woman.  To  be  de- 
nied this  privilege  is  one  of  the  keenest  disap- 
pointments of  her  life,  in  many  cases  being  the 
cause  of  wrecked  homes  and  continual  unhappi- 
ness. 

Sterility  is  practically  always  due  to  some  dis- 
ease of  the  genital  tract  of  either  the  husband 
or  wife.  In  this  chapter  we  will  not  consider  the 
former  although  he  is  responsible  in  nearly  half 
of  the  cases.  If  no  cause  can  be  found  in  the 
woman,  it  is  possible  that  a  close  examination 
of  the  husband  will  determine  the  reason  for  the 
absence  of  children. 

Sterility  is  the  condition  in  which  a  woman  is 
incapable  of  reproduction.  It  is  considered  abso- 
lute sterility  when  no  conception  is  possible,  and 
relative  sterility  when  conception  occurs  but  the 
foetus  dies. 

There  are  many  conditions  which  are  said  to 
be  responsible  for  absence  of  the  ability  to  bear 
living  children.  The  majority  of  all  cases  are 
due  to  inflammatory  disease  of  the  uterus,  tubes, 
or  ovaries,  often  the  result  of  infection.  The 
inflammation  causes  a  thickening  of  the  walls  of 
the  fallopian  tubes,  which,  together  with  the  pus 

266 


STERILITY 


and  catarrhal  exudate,  so  occludes  the  lumen 
that  either  the  ovum  cannot  reach  the  uterus,  or 
the  spermatozoon  is  prevented  from  fertilizing 
it.  Often,  too,  the  ovum  is  prevented  from  leav- 
ing the  ovary  because  of  thickening  of  the  cover- 
ing of  the  latter.  The  lining  of  the  uterus  may 
also  be  so  injured  by  the  inflammatory  process 
that  it  is  no  longer  a  suitable  field  for  the  attach- 
ment of  the  ovum,  even  after  fertilization. 

Lacerations  and  ulcerations  of  the  cervix  may 
be  responsible  for  the  failure  of  fertilization, 
these  conditions  preventing  the  entrance  of  the 
spermatozoa  into  the  uterus.  Syphilis,  tubercu- 
losis, polypi  and  tumors  may  also  be  mentioned 
as  causes  of  this  condition. 

Congenital  malformations  are  occasionally  re- 
sponsible, such  as  imperf orate  hymen,  absence  of 
ovaries,  tubes,  uterus,  and  even  of  the  vagina. 
Early  marriages  are  more  often  childless  than 
later  ones,  the  most  fertile  being  those  occurring 
at  from  twenty  to  twenty-four  years  of  age. 

It  is  also  certain  that  a  lowered  condition  of 
the  health  of  the  woman  is  likely  to  destroy  the 
childbearing  function,  although  it  sometimes 
happens  that  the  bearing  of  children  acts  as  a 
stimulus  to  the  functions  of  the  body  and  good 
health  follows. 

The  habitual  use  of  alcohol  is  considered  by 
some  to  be  detrimental  to  fecundity.  Just  how 
this  acts  it  is  impossible  to  say  beyond  that  it 
lowers  the  nervous  tone  and  general  health  of 
the  body.  Overwork,  worry,  and  emotional  dis- 

267 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRTAGE 

turbances  may  at  times  so  depress  the  nervous 
and  physical  powers  of  the  woman  that  healthy 
ova  are  not  secreted. 

Venereal  disease  is  too  often  the  cause  of  ster- 
ility. This  may  be  gonorrhea  in  either  the  hus- 
band or  wife,  causing  destruction  of  testicles  or 
ovaries,  or,  as  occasionally  happens,  a  chronic 
inflammatory  condition  of  the  spermatic  ducts 
of  the  man,  or  of  the  fallopian  tubes  of  the 
woman,  producing  occlusion  which  prevents  the 
passage  of  the  male  and  female  elements  of  con- 
ception. 

That  syphilis  is  a  potent  cause  of  non-preg- 
nancy is  maintained  by  many  urologists  and 
gynecologists.  Whether  it  is  truly  syphilis,  or 
the  treatment  usually  taken  for  this  disease,  has 
never  been  determined.  It  is  certain  that  the 
mercury  and  arsenic  used  in  the  treatment  of 
syphilis,  with  the  idea  of  killing  the  treponema 
pallida  in  the  blood,  cannot  fail  to  have  a  degen- 
erative effect  upon  both  the  spermatozoa  and 
ova.  There  are  many  cases  on  record,  however, 
where  healthy  children  have  been  born  after 
either  one  or  both  parents  had  been  infected  and 
received  treatment.  Personal  health  is  proba- 
bly the  deciding  factor  after  all. 

Sterility,  of  course,  necessarily  follows  opera- 
tions for  the  removal  of  the  tubes  and  ovaries. 
If  one  tube  and  part  of  an  ovary  are  left,  preg- 
nancy is  possible. 

A  woman  thinking  herself  sterile  should  un- 
dergo an  examination  to  determine  the  presence 

268 


STERILITY 

or  absence  of  inflammation,  growths,  or  malfor- 
mations. If  there  is  inflammation  of  uterus,  tubes 
or  ovaries,  treatment  for  these  conditions  must 
be  instituted.  If  there  is  a  displacement,  it  must 
be  corrected.  In  case  of  imperforate  hymen,  a 
slight  surgical  operation  is  indicated.  If  there 
are  malformations,  or  one  of  the  necessary  gen- 
erative organs  is  absent,  there  is,  of  course,  no 
remedy. 

Very  often  there  is  such  an  excessive  leucor- 
rhea  of  an  acid  nature,  that  the  spermatozoa  are 
either  killed  or  prevented  from  reaching  the 
uterus  or  tube.  In  such  cases  a  vaginal  douche, 
consisting  of  a  teaspoonful  of  baking-soda  and 
a  teaspoonful  of  common  salt  to  a  quart  of 
water,  may  remedy  the  condition.  The  normal 
reaction  of  the  vaginal  secretions  is  acid,  but  in 
case  of  ill-health  they  may  become  unduly  so. 

If  none  of  the  above  conditions  can  be  dem- 
onstrated, a  general  health-building  regime 
should  be  taken  up,  along  the  lines  laid  down 
in  chapter  twelve.  In  very  many  cases  it  will 
be  found  that  improved  health  will  be  followed 
by  conception. 

Women  should  understand  that  not  only  may 
a  lack  of  vitality  resulting  from  overwork,  want 
of  food,  or  actual  disease,  be  the  cause  of  sterility, 
but  that  there  are  also  mental  and  emotional  con- 
ditions which  may  cause  barrenness.  Prolonged 
or  intense  mental  depression  or  excitement, 
anxiety,  fear,  grief,  suspicion,  jealousy,  anger, 
revenge,  are  not  only  strikingly  preventive  of 

269 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

conception  but  also  of  normal  ovulation.  Such 
states,  too,  may  render  the  male  reproductive 
germs  incapable  of  impregnating  as  well  as  the 
female  germs  incapable  of  receiving  fertilization. 
They  may  also  prevent  the  normal  development 
of  an  embryo  after  fertilization  has  once  been 
effected. 

It  may  be  well  for  us  to  consider  briefly  some 
of  the  local  causes  of  sterility.  For  example,  if 
the  hymen  has  never  been  perforated  it  would  be 
impossible  for  the  male  germs  to  enter  the 
uterus  and,  therefore,  fertilization  will  be  im- 
possible. There  may  be  some  other  malforma- 
tion or  defective  development  of  some  part  of 
the  sexual  system.  If  some  part  of  the  repro- 
ductive canal — as,  for  example,  the  vagina  or 
the  fallopian  tubes — has  grown  together,  thus 
completely  interfering  with  the  proper  passage 
of  the  germ  cell,  conception  cannot  take  place. 
Displacements  of  the  uterus  and  similar  de- 
rangements may  have  the  same  effect. 

Sometimes  the  lining  membrane  of  the  uterus 
may  be  so  diseased  as  to  prevent  the  necessary 
attachments  of  the  ovum  to  the  uterine  walls  for 
the  purpose  of  development.  Acid  secretions, 
resulting  from  leucorrhea  and  other  complaints, 
may  kill  the  spermatazoa  and  thus  prevent  fer- 
tilization. 

Probably  the  most  common  of  these  local 
causes  of  sterility  are  defects  in  the  ovaries  or 
fallopian  tubes.  As  has  been  mentioned  else- 
where, if  the  gonorrheal  infection  reaches  the 

270 


STERILITY 


fallopian  tubes,  it  may  cause  a  complete  closing 
of  these  passages,  thus  preventing  the  ovaries 
from  reaching  the  uterus.  This  alone  causes 
more  than  fifty  per  cent,  of  involuntary  sterility. 
In  many  of  these  cases,  the  actual  condition  can 
be  determined  only  by  competent  physicians, 
and  a  goodly  percentage  of  these  abnormal  con- 
ditions, it  is  encouraging  to  know,  can  be  re- 
lieved by  the  proper  treatment. 

One  other  cause  must  also  be  considered.  This 
has  been  termed  a  lack  of  adaptation.  The  hus- 
band and  wife  may  be  so  fundamentally  un- 
adapted  to  a  real  union  of  life  that  their  physical 
union  does  not  result  in  conception. 

As  we  said  before,  the  husband  is  too  often 
to  blame,  and  if  is  needless  to  say  that  he  should 
investigate  the  matter  and  take  as  great  care 
of  his  health  as  the  wife.  Indeed  if  there  is  no 
obvious  cause  in  the  wife,  the  condition  of  the 
husband  should  be  ascertained  before  the  wife  is 
subjected  to  examination. 

The  time  of  the  connection  is  often  responsible 
for  the  failure  of  pregnancy,  although  this  is  not 
absolute,  inasmuch  as  pregnancy  is  possible  and 
has  occurred  at  any  time.  If  intercourse  takes 
place  within  a  week  after  menstruation,  however, 
pregnancy  is  more  apt  to  follow. 

Conception  and  childbearing  are  normal  func- 
tions of  woman,  and  just  as  other  bodily  func- 
tions are  dependent  upon  good  health,  so  the 
occurrence  and  satisfactory  termination  of  the 
reproductive  crisis  is  dependent  upon  this  condi- 
tion. 

271 


SPECIAL  NOTE 

Disorders  and  weaknesses  of  women  are  so 
common  that  a  certain  amount  of  fundamen- 
tal information  along  these  lines  should  form 
a  part  of  the  education  of  every  woman.  It  is 
the  aim  of  the  following  chapters  to  supply  in- 
formation of  this  type.  These  chapters  are  in- 
tended for  educational  purposes  only.  Where 
suggestions  on  treatment  are  offered  it  is  not  in 
any  way  intended  that  they  should  take  the  place 
of  a  physician's  advice.  Such  suggestions  are 
indeed  presented  chiefly  for  the  benefit  of  physi- 
cians, osteopaths  and  others  who  may  not  suffi- 
ciently appreciate  the  value  of  physical  culture 
methods  in  supplying  that  strength  of  body  and 
that  improvement  in  the  circulation  which  have 
so  much  to  do  with  overcoming  weaknesses  and 
disorders  of  women.  Even  though  it  is  desirable 
for  women  to  be  well  informed  on  these  matters, 
self-treatment  is  not  safe  nor  advisable.  One 
should  not  be  slow  in  securing  professional  help 
in  case  of  any  trouble,  first,  to  find  out  the  nature 
of  the  trouble,  and,  secondly,  to  secure  safe  and 
effective  treatment. 


272 


CHAPTER  XLIV 
Menstrual  Disorders 

NORMAL  menstruation  in  a  healthy  woman 
should  not  occasion  any  symptoms  of  illness 
whatever,  except  perhaps  a  slight  malaise  and  a 
sense  of  fullness  in  the  pelvic  region  due  to  the 
congestion.  There  should  be  no  weakness  or 
physical  disability.  Any  deviation  from  the  nor- 
mal, however  slight,  should  be  classed  as  a  men- 
strual disorder. 

Although  usually  considered  as  functional  dis- 
orders, disturbances  of  menstruation  are  most 
often  based  on  some  underlying  constitutional 
difficulty  or  organic  condition,  and  local  treat- 
ment without  considering  the  body  as  a  whole  is 
not  to  be  considered  good  treatment. 

PREMATURE  MENSTRUATION  . — Menstruation 
in  some  cases  has  occurred  before  puberty — in 
fact,  in  infants.  In  the  latter  it  usually  lasts  only 
a  few  days  and  is  of  no  consequence,  except  it  be 
profuse,  when  it  may  cause  weakness.  When  it 
occurs  at  a  later  age,  but  before  the  time  expected 
in  that  individual,  it  is  usually  due  to  precocious 
development,  or  to  the  child's  having  had  its  at- 
tention drawn  to  the  sex  functions  by  its  nurse  or 
playmates — perhaps  being  taught  the  habit  of 
masturbation.  In  such  cases  the  genitals  develop 
prematurely,  the  breasts  enlarge,  and  other  signs 

273 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

of  puberty  appear.  Unless  proper  care  is  taken 
and  the  child  restrained,  the  foundation  for  fu- 
ture weakness  and  nervous  disorders  may  be  laid. 

Treatment. — The  child  should  be  removed 
from  the  influence  of  vicious  companions.  Rest 
and  sleep  and  proper  feeding  are  needed  to  build 
up  the  nervous  system.  Cleanliness,  fresh  air  and 
sunshine,  and  active  outdoor  exercise  should  be 
encouraged.  The  mental  development  must  not 
be  pushed  at  the  expense  of  the  physical. 

LATE  OR  DELAYED  MENSTRUATION. — A  moth- 
er is  often  worried  because  her  daughter  has 
passed  the  age  of  puberty  and  the  menses  have 
not  as  yet  appeared.  Or  the  girl  herself,  if  she 
has  been  informed  upon  the  subject,  will  wonder 
what  is  the  matter,  and  worry  because  the  ex- 
pected event  does  not  occur. 

This  may  be  an  hereditary  condition,  and  ordi- 
narily need  cause  no  alarm,  as  the  flow  will  be 
established  in  good  time.  In  some  cases  it  is 
due  to  a  sedentary  life,  with  its  lack  of  exercise 
and  fresh  air.  It  may  be  due  to  poor  food  or 
insufficient  food.  The  delay  often  occurs  in  the 
case  of  those  girls  who  habitually  overeat  and 
who  grow  excessively  fat.  If  the  menses  are  de- 
layed very  long  after  the  normal  time  of  puberty, 
it  should  be  considered  as  an  amenorrhea,  and 
the  treatment  of  the  condition  will  be  taken  up 
'under  that  head.  In  simple  delayed  menstrua- 
tion, no  treatment  is  necessary  apart  from  gen- 
eral health  improvement. 

VICARIOUS  MENSTRUATION. — This   is   a  rare 

274 


MENSTRUAL    DISORDERS 

condition  and  occurs  when,  in  the  absence  of  nor- 
mal menstruation,  there  is  a  flow  of  blood  from 
some  other  organ  at  the  time  when  menstruation 
should  take  place.  This  may  happen  every 
twenty-eight  days  for  some  months.  Hemorr- 
hages from  the  nose,  stomach,  lungs,  nipples,  ear, 
gums,  bladder,  or  even  from  an  unhealed  ulcer 
or  open  sore,  may  occur.  There  may  be  bleeding 
hemorrhoids.  In  some  cases  there  is  no  blood, 
but  an  excessive  leucorrhea,  a  diarrhea,  or  an  un- 
usual flow  of  saliva.  No  treatment  is  needed  be- 
yond that  for  the  re-establishment  of  the  normal 
menstruation. 

AMENORRHEA. — This  is  a  condition  in  which 
there  is  an  absence  of  menstruation  for  one  or 
more  periods.  Physiologically  it  occurs  during 
pregnancy  and  lactation.  It  may  be  due  to  the 
absence  of  uterus  or  ovaries,  either  congenital  or 
through  surgical  removal.  It  may  also  be  due  to 
undevelopment  or  malformation  of  uterus,  ova- 
ries, or  vagina,  or  to  an  imperf orate  hymen. 

The  ovary,  besides  its  function  of  secreting  the 
ova,  also  has  another  function,  that  of  secreting 
a  substance  which  is  thrown  into  the  lymphatic 
stream,  and  is  called  an  internal  secretion.  Other 
glands  in  the  body  also  have  such  a  function,  as 
the  thyroid,  pituitary  and  adrenals.  There  seems 
to  be  somewhat  of  an  equilibrium  between  the 
secretions  of  all  of  these  glands,  so  that  when  the 
function  of  one  is  disturbed  that  of  one  of  the 
others  may  be  changed.  Hence  in  disturbances 
of  the  thyroid  there  may  be  an  amenorrhea. 

275 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

The  most  common  causes  of  the  condition, 
however,  are  those  due  to  a  change  in  the  health 
and  well-being  of  the  woman.  Amenorrhea  in 
itself  very  seldom  produces  ill-health,  but  vice 
versa.  Aiiemia,  either  primary,  as  chlorosis  and 
pernicious  anemia,  or  secondary  to  a  wasting  dis- 
ease, is  a  common  cause.  Tuberculosis  and  ma- 
laria are  very  often  to  blame.  It  may  be  due  to 
organic  disease  of  the  heart,  liver,  kidney,  or 
spleen.  Digestive  disturbances,  diabetes,  and 
nervous  disorders  conduce  to  the  disorder.  It 
may  follow  an  attack  of  an  acute  disease,  as 
pneumonia,  diphtheria,  typhoid,  etc. 

We  have  observed  amenorrhea  in  several  cases 
in  which  the  women  were  actively  engaged  in 
athletic  and  gymnasium  work.  This  is  also  a 
case  of  conservation  on  the  part  of  the  body,  all 
available  vitality  apparently  being  expended  in 
the  vigorous  muscular  effort. 

Treatment. — We  generally  have  to  consider 
whether  the  girl  or  woman  ever  has  menstruated, 
or  whether  the  flow  has  been  established  at  pub- 
erty, but  for  some  reason  has  missed  one  or  more 
periods  at  a  subsequent  time. 

In  the  first  case,  puberty  arrives  with  all  its 
signs  except  the  menses;  periodically  the  girl  is 
seen  to  be  dull,  to  lose  her  appetite,  to  suffer  with 
malaise,  and  often  headache.  This  lasts  for  a  few 
days  and  then  she  is  all  right.  This  may  go  on 
for  months  before  the  general  health  shows  signs 
of  failing. 

276 


MENSTRUAL    DISORDERS 

In  the  second  class  we  must  always  rule  out 
pregnancy  and  lactation. 

The  treatment  of  both  classes  is  practically  the 
same.  In  the  first  place,  if  the  cause  can  be  found, 
it  must  be  removed  before  anything  else  is  done. 
If  there  is  a  constitutional  or  acute  disease,  it 
must  be  treated  by  appropriate  measures. 

If  the  patient  is  inclined  to  stay  indoors,  and 
reads  and  studies  incessantly,  a  complete  change 
should  be  made  in  the  manner  of  living.  She 
must  go  outdoors  every  day,  practice  deep 
breathing,  get  as  much  sunshine  as  possible,  and 
engage  in  outdoor  games  and  other  exercises. 
Walking  and  hill  climbing  are  extremely  bene- 
ficial. If  active  exercises  are  too  severe  and  seem 
to  tire  the  patient,  massage  or  mild  calisthenics 
may  be  substituted. 

The  exclusive  milk  diet  should  next  be  thought 
of.  This  is  the  best  means  we  have  of  quickly 
building  up  the  quality  as  well  as  the  quantity  of 
blood. 

A  proper  amount  of  rest  and  sleep  must  be 
secured.  If  the  patient  is  obliged  to  be  confined 
indoors  during  the  day,  outdoor  sleeping,  or  a 
well- ventilated  room  is  obligatory.  During  cold 
weather  warm  clothing  must  be  worn. 

A  cool  sponge  bath  may  be  taken  daily,  and  a 
hot  tub  bath  twice  a  week.  The  hot  sitz  bath 
is  a  most  valuable  measure  in  amenorrhea.  To 
get  the  best  effects  from  the  sitz  bath,  it  should 
be  taken  daily  for  several  days  just  before  the 
expected  menstrual  period.  If  the  menses  ap- 

277 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

pear,  it  must  be  discontinued.  The  bath  should 
last  from  five  to  fifteen  minutes.  Between  the 
menstrual  periods  the  cold  or  cool  sitz  is  of  value, 
but  this  must  be  stopped  several  days  before  the 
time  for  the  menses.  It  may  be  alternated  with 
the  hot  sitz.  If  the  baths  seem  to  weaken  the  pa- 
tient, or  take  too  much  energy,  they  had  better 
be  discontinued,  or  only  the  hot  sitz  used. 

The  bowels  must  be  kept  free  and  active  by 
proper  diet,  the  enema  being  used  in  emergencies, 
cathartics  never. 

Systematic  abdominal  massage  and  bending 
exercises  are  of  benefit. 

MENORRHAGIA. — This  is  a  condition  character- 
ized by  an  excessive  flow  of  blood  at  the  men- 
strual periods,  or  a  prolongation  of  the  normal 
menstrual  period.  It  is  sometimes  called  "flood- 

ing." 

It  may  be  due  to  local  or  constitutional  causes. 
The  most  important  local  causes  are:  Infective 
and  simple  inflammation  of  the  uterus ;  displace- 
ments of  the  uterus;  fibroid  tumor  and  cancer; 
polypi;  disease  of  the  ovaries.  Any  condition 
producing  a  congestion  of  the  pelvic  viscera  is  a 
cause,  as  uncompensated  heart  disease,  tumors  of 
the  abdomen,  congestion  of  the  liver,  the  wear- 
ing of  tight  bands,  or  corsets.  Straining  because 
of  constipation,  excessive  work  or  exercise,  heavy 
lifting,  running  sewing  machines,  standing  all 
day  at  ironing,  or  clerking,  are  sometimes  potent 
causes.  Constitutionally,  the  woman  may  be 
anemic,  or  there  may  be  a  tendency  to  bleed. 

278 


MENSTRUAL    DISORDERS 

There  may  also  be  weakness  following  acute  dis- 
ease, or  resulting  from  a  constitutional  disease. 
The  condition  may  be  due  to  excessive  use  of 
alcoholic  liquors,  overeating,  or  the  use  of  stimu- 
lating foods.  If  pregnancy  is  present  or  sus- 
pected, it  may  indicate  a  threatened  abortion. 

Treatment. — The  woman  should  rest,  prefer- 
ably in  bed,  during  the  time  of  the  period.  This 
alone  will  sometimes  shorten  the  time,  or  reduce 
the  quantity  of  the  flow.  Liquids  should  be  re- 
stricted. The  diet  should  contain  foods  which 
are  known  to  be  laxative. 

A  careful  examination  should  be  made  to  rule 
out  the  presence  of  local  disease.  If  present  this 
must  be  treated. 

A  regime  should  be  adopted  that  will  build  up 
the  general  health.  The  quality  of  the  blood  must 
be  improved,  and  for  this  purpose  there  is  noth- 
ing better  than  the  milk  diet.  This  should  be 
taken  up  to  within  a  few  days  of  the  period,  and 
then  discontinued  while  it  lasts.  In  some  cases  a 
fast  during  the  first  few  days  of  the  period  is  ad- 
visable. This  very  often  shortens  the  time.  Be- 
tween the  periods,  mild  exercise,  such  as  calis- 
thenics, walking,  bending,  and  floor  exercises 
should  be  taken.  These  will  reduce  the  pelvic 
congestion  and  tend  to  equalize  the  circulation. 

Between  periods  the  cold  sitz  bath  is  beneficial. 
This  should  last  for  one  minute,  and  is  best  taken 
just  before  retiring.  It  may  be  taken  every  even- 
ing, but  must  be  discontinued  upon  the  appear- 
ance of  the  flow.  The  cold  sitz  is  used  sometimes 

279 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

to  check  the  flow,  but  it  may  prove  to  be  a  dan- 
gerous procedure,  and  should  not  be  used  unless 
the  flow  has  continued  for  a  normal  length  of 
time  and  there  seem  to  be  no  signs  of  cessation. 
Instead  of  the  sitz  bath  a  cold  compress  over  the 
pelvic  region  may  be  used.  Massage  over  this 
region  is  often  beneficial.  The  hot  vaginal 
douche  may  be  tried. 

METRORRHAGIA. — This  is  a  condition  in  which 
there  is  bleeding  from  the  uterus  between  the  nor- 
mal menstrual  periods.  It  must  always  be  dis- 
tinguished from  menorrhagia  because  it  usually 
means  that  there  is  a  serious  local  condition.  It 
may  indicate  an  impending  abortion,  the  pres- 
ence of  cancer  or  fibroid,  or  a  severe  inflamma- 
tory condition  of  uterus  or  ovary.  The  treatment 
is  that  of  the  underlying  cause. 

DYSMENORRHEA. — This  is  the  most  dreaded 
menstrual  disturbance,  causing  in  some  cases  in- 
tense suffering  for  a  few  days  at  every  menstrual 
period,  and  often  leading  to  serious  impairment 
of  health,  because  of  the  pain  and  mental  and 
physical  depression. 

The  causes  are  many.  One  type  is  neuralgic  in 
character.  It  is  probably  due  to  congestion  of 
the  pelvic  viscera,  and  is  often  associated  with 
neuralgia  in  other  parts  of  the  body.  The  pain 
is  sharp,  and  seems  to  radiate  from  the  region  of 
the  ovaries,  to  the  uterus  and  back,  and  down  the 
legs. 

This  type  of  menorrhea  may  be  due  partly,  or 
indeed  sometimes  even  entirely,  to  the  conditions 

280 


MENSTRUAL    DISORDERS 

known  as  neurasthenia  and  hysteria.  There 
may  be  digestive  disturbances  and  anemia. 

A  second  type  is  congestive  or  inflammatory 
in  character,  and  is  due  to  inflammation  of  the 
uterus,  or  of  the  tissues  in  the  vicinity  of  the 
ovaries  and  uterus.  Or  it  may  be  due  to  displace- 
ments, or  pressure  from  tumors.  The  pain  is  not 
present  before  the  flow,  but  comes  on  a  few  hours 
after  it  has  been  established  and  lasts  during  the 
period.  The  pain  is  throbbing  in  character,  and 
radiates  to  and  up  the  spine,  down  the  thighs  and 
to  the  back. 

A  third  class  is  due  to  obstruction  in  the  lumen 
of  the  uterus.  It  may  result  from  imperfect  de- 
velopment, or  an  infantile  uterus.  There  may  be 
a  stricture  of  the  cervical  canal,  due  to  the  con- 
traction of  scar  tissue,  or  swelling  because  of  in- 
flammation. There  may  be  a  flextion  (doubling 
over)  of  the  uterus,  tumor,  polypus,  or  clots  of 
blood.  The  pains  are  paroxysmal  and  intense  in 
character  and  disappear  as  soon  as  the  flow  is 
established. 

A  fourth  type  is  the  membraneous  form,  in 
which  the  superficial  layers  of  the  uterine  lining 
are  cast  off. 

Treatment. —  When  the  patient  is  seized  with 
the  pains  she  should  go  to  bed  immediately.  The 
bowels  should  be  emptied  by  means  of  a  hot 
enema.  This  alone  often  relieves.  A  hot  com- 
press should  be  placed  over  the  lower  abdomen 
and  pelvic  region,  covered  with  a  hot-water 
bottle.  Instead  of  these,  bags  filled  with  oats  or 

281 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

bran  can  be  heated  and  applied.  They  may  also 
be  placed  under  the  buttocks.  Hot  drinks  may 
now  be  given.  No  food  should  be  taken.  The 
patient  must  be  kept  warm,  by  placing  hot- water 
bottles  to  the  feet  and  limbs,  if  necessary.  If  the 
pain  is  severe  and  the  above  measures  fail,  the 
patient  should  be  put  into  a  hot  sitz  bath,  the 
water  being  as  hot  as  can  be  borne.  She  should 
stay  in  this  until  the  pain  is  relieved,  or  at  least 
for  a  half  hour,  returning  immediately  to  bed. 

It  is  between  periods,  however,  that  the  real 
cure  must  be  made.  Every  measure  that  will  tend 
to  build  up  the  health  must  be  taken.  Fresh  air, 
outdoor  exercise,  games,  walking,  and  hill-climb- 
ing, etc.,  are  all  good.  Sufficient  sleep  and  rest 
must  be  secured.  The  diet  should  be  wholesome, 
practically  along  the  lines  mentioned  before.  If 
there  is  a  local  condition,  such  as  displacement, 
obstruction,  or  inflammation,  it  must  be  taken 
care  of  by  appropriate  treatment.  In  most  cases 
the  one  remedy  that  has  been  most  effective  is  a 
fast  of  from  seven  to  fourteen  days  followed  by 
the  exclusive  milk  diet.  If  desired,  a  series  of 
fasts  of  three  to  five  days  may  be  taken,  using  the 
milk  diet  between. 

Between  periods  the  cold  sitz  bath,  or  the  alter- 
nate hot  and  cold  sitz  bath,  may  be  taken,  with 
the  idea  of  toning  up  the  uterus. 

A  woman  is  tempted  to  take  drugs  to  ease  her 
pain,  but  this  is  not  advisable,  as  the  drug  only 
deadens  sensation  and  in  no  way  removes  the 
cause,  or  helps  the  condition. 

282 


MENSTRUAL    DISORDERS 

For  the  most  part,  the  entire  problem  of 
womanly  comfort  in  this  connection  is  a  matter  of 
living  a  natural  life  and  building  vigorous  health. 
Nature  never  intended  that  a  woman  should 
suffer,  and  except  in  unusual  conditions  of 
physical  abnormality  a  woman  will  not  suffer  if 
she  has  strength,  good  circulation,  good  blood, 
and  the  proper  bodily  posture  that  will  enable 
her  to  keep  every  organ  functioning  freely  and 
normally.  The  lower  animals  have  no  trouble 
along  these  lines,  and  every  human  being  should 
be  a  good  animal.  Women  should  strive  to  make 
themselves  ideal  specimens  of  healthy  animal  life, 
and  if  they  will  do  this,  in  practically  all  cases 
painful  disorders  of  this  kind  or  of  any  other 
kind  will  be  unknown. 


283 


CHAPTER  XLV 
SPECIAL  DISEASES  OF  WOMEN. 

LEASE  note  that  we  do  not  maintain  that 
*  the  suggestions  found  herein  for  the  treat- 
ment of  disease  will  take  the  place  of  a  compe- 
tent doctor.  They  can  be  used  when  one  is  not 
able  to  secure  expert  advice,  or  they  can  assist 
one  in  selecting  an  intelligent  physician  who 
thoroughly  understands  the  principles  of  nat- 
ural treatment.  All  injections,  or  other  medical 
remedial  measures  suggested,  should  be  prepared 
by  medical  or  other  qualified  practitioner.  It  is 
not  safe  to  tamper  with  remedies  of  this  sort 
without  detailed  knowledge  of  their  use. 

In  discussing  the  diseases  peculiar  to  women 
we  do  not  do  so  with  the  idea  that  a  competent 
physician  is  not  necessary  for  their  diagnosis  and 
treatment,  for  in  many  cases  only  a  careful  exam- 
ination will  disclose  the  true  nature  of  the  trouble 
and  insure  its  recognition  early  enough  to  effect 
a  cure.  We  wish,  however,  to  give  a  few  ideas 
which  will  help  to  a  true  understanding  of  the 
conditions  mentioned  and  assist  in  selecting  the 
right  treatment.  Most  of  the  operations  per- 
formed on  women  are  for  pelvic  disturbancs, 
which  have  begun  as  simple  inflammation  and, 
because  of  negligence  or  wrong  treatment,  have 
gone  on  to  organic  disease.  Indeed,  many  gyne- 

284 


SPECIAL  DISEASES  OF  WOMEN 

cologists  admit  that  they  have  no  specific  cure  for 
local  diseases  of  women  and  their  usual  practice 
is  to  wait  until  the  case  gets  well  of  itself,  or  goes 
on  until  operation  is  indicated.  Modern  gyne- 
cology  has  practically  devolved  into  pelvic  and 
abdominal  surgery.  We  know  of  many  women 
who  have  escaped  operation  and  have  become 
well  by  following  out  constructive  and  conserva- 
tive natural  treatment. 

LEUCORRHEA. 

This  troublesome  complaint,  commonly  known 
as  "the  whites,"  or  flur  albus,  is  not  a  specific 
disease  in  itself,  but  is  a  symptom  of  inflamma- 
tion. Since  most  women  think  of  it  as  a  special 
disease,  and  as  it  is  one  of  the  first  symptoms 
that  takes  them  to  a  physician,  we  will  discuss  it 
from  that  viewpoint. 

Leucorrhea  is  a  catarrhal  discharge  from  the 
mucus  membrane  of  the  genital  tract  and  may 
be  either  acute  or  chronic,  resulting  either  from 
a  simple  or  a  specific  inflammation. 

Its  presence  indicates  an  inflammation  of  the 
vulva,  vagina,  cervix,  uterus,  or  tubes.  It  may, 
however,  be  part  of  a  general  catarrhal  condition 
of  the  entire  system  in  which  case  only  constitu- 
tional treatment  is  indicated. 

Causes. — Exposure  to  cold  and  wet ;  long-con- 
tinued standing,  or  too  much  running  of  sewing 
machines;  displacements  of  the  uterus;  lacera- 
tions and  ulcerations  of  the  cervix ;  excessive  sex- 
ual intercourse;  frequent  or  prolonged  sexual 

285 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

excitement ;  wearing  pessaries ;  too  frequent  use 
of  vaginal  douches ;  worms  from  the  rectum  gain- 
ing entrance  to  the  vagina;  acute  infectious  dis- 
eases; street  dust;  irritation  from  acrid  uterine 
and  vaginal  discharges ;  retention  of  decomposed 
menstrual  fluid;  overeating  and  the  use  of  alco- 
hol, drugs,  tea  and  coffee ;  highly  seasoned  foods ; 
the  presence  of  polypi,  tumors  and  cysts.  In 
many  instances  gonorrheal  infection  is  the 
cause. 

Symptoms. — The  whitish  discharge  is  the  prin- 
cipal symptom,  but  in  many  cases,  especially 
when  the  uterus  and  tubes  are  involved,  there  is 
more  or  less  pain  and  sense  of  fullness  in  the  pel- 
vic region  as  well  as  backache  and  symptoms  re- 
ferable to  the  organs  involved.  The  discharge 
may  be  profuse,  necessitating  the  constant  w  Bar- 
ing of  a  napkin.  It  may  be  serous,  or  thick  and 
purulent  in  consistency.  If  due  to  infection  there 
will  be  fever.  In  most  cases,  however,  the  condi- 
tion is  chronic  from  the  onset,  and  the  discharge, 
with  a  slight  uncomfortable  feeling,  and  itching 
and  burning  of  the  external  genitals,  are  the  only 
symptoms. 

Treatment. — Most  women  resort  to  the  vaginal 
douche  upon  the  first  appearance  of  a  leucorrhea. 
This  is  often  a  mistake,  as  it  perpetuates  the 
trouble.  Indeed  the  present-day  promiscuous  use 
of  douches  with  strong  antiseptics  is  a  fruitful 
cause  of  leucorrhea.  The  mucous  membrane  lin- 
ing the  genital  tract  is  self-cleansing;  the  secre- 
tions are  normally  acid  and  protect  from  infec- 

286 


SPECIAL  DISEASES  OF  WOMEN 

tion.  The  douches,  especially  if  alkaline,  or  con- 
taining chemical  antiseptics,  destroy  this  element 
and  the  membrane  loses  its  defense.  Besides,  the 
normal  current  or  flow  is  downward  and  out,  and 
the  douche  may  carry  infective  material  upward 
to  the  uterus  and  tubes  and  even  to  the  peritoneal 
cavity.  This  is  a  very  potent  and  constant  cause 
of  female  illness. 

Locally  the  only  treatment  advisable  is  external 
cleanliness  by  frequent  use  of  soap  and  hot  water 
and  the  application  of  a  bland  lubricant  or  pow- 
der to  prevent  itching  and  burning.  In  many 
cases  even  these  are  not  necessary.  When  a  nap- 
kin is  worn  it  must  be  changed  frequently.  A  hot 
sitz  bath  should  be  taken  at  least  twice  daily  if  the 
case  is  severe.  This  should  last  for  ten  to  thirty 
minutes.  If  this  is  inconvenient,  the  parts  may  be 
bathed  with  hot  water  for  ten  minutes.  In  some 
cases  hot  and  cold  sitz  baths  are  more  efficacious, 
alternating  three  or  four  times,  remaining  in  the 
cold  water  one  or  two  minutes  and  in  the  hot 
water  three  or  four  minutes.  Use  great  caution 
however  to  avoid  the  ill  effect  that  sometimes  re- 
sults from  remaining  in  the  cold  sitz  bath  too 
long.  The  hot  foot  bath  also  is  beneficial.  If  the 
irritative  cause  is  discoverable,  this  of  course 
must  be  removed.  A  few  days  in  bed  will  help 
to  lessen  pelvic  congestion,  but  is  seldom  neces- 
sary. Fasting  is  one  of  the  best  means  for  re- 
ducing inflammation  in  any  part  of  the  body  and 
restoring  membranes  to  the  normal  condition. 
A  fast  of  from  five  to  ten  days  will  be  of  great 

287 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

benefit.  A  series  of  short  fasts  can  be  taken  if 
a  long  fast  is  undesirable.  These  should  be  fol- 
lowed by  the  exclusive  milk  diet,  or  a  fruit  or 
vegetarian  diet.  The  idea  is  to  improve  the  qual- 
ity of  the  blood,  and  then  by  exercise  and  baths 
restore  a  normal  circulation  and  thus  reduce  the 
pelvic  congestion.  Abdominal  massage  and 
bending  exercises  are  of  inestimable  benefit. 

Of  course  it  is  even  more  important  to  avoid 
producing  pelvic  congestion  than  to  reduce  it, 
and  as  a  preventive  policy  it  is,  therefore,  espe- 
cially necessary  to  avoid  sexual  excitement.  This 
is  unquestionably  one  of  the  most  common 
causes  of  leucorrhea,  and  all  habits  and  condi- 
tions conducive  to  such  excitement  should  receive 
attention.  Particularly,  a  condition  of  unsatis- 
fied passion  should  be  avoided.  The  reader  is 
referred  to  the  chapter  on  the  "Dangers  of  Love 
Making"  for  specific  advice  on  this  phase  of  the 
subject. 

GONORRHEA. 

This  ailment  comes  under  the  heading  of  ve- 
nereal diseases.  An  extraordinary  advance  has 
been  made  in  its  treatment  recently  by  the  medi- 
cal profession.  Seek  the  aid  of  a  competent 
physician  as  early  as  possible  when  you  have  any 
reason  to  believe  you  have  acquired  the  disease. 
Do  not  assume  the  serious  risk  of  hampering  with 
yourself  in  self -treatment.  The  following  in- 
formation is  presented  for  the  benefit  of  physi- 
cians who  are  desirous  of  learning  something  of 

288 


SPECIAL  DISEASES  OF  WOMEN 

the  drugless  treatment  and  to  assist  those  who  are 
unable  to  secure  the  advice  of  a  competent  phy- 
sician. 

Specific  inflammation  in  the  female  is  a  serious 
condition.  Its  effects  are  more  far-reaching  than 
those  of  any  other  disease.  Beginning  as  an  in- 
flammation of  the  vulva,  vagina  and  urethra  it 
may  extend  through  continuity  of  the  membrane 
to  the  cervix,  uterus,  tubes,  ovaries,  peritoneum, 
bladder,  ureters  and  kidneys,  resulting  in  abscess, 
sterility,  nephritis,  or  even  death. 

Cause. — The  gonococcus  is  the  associated  bac- 
terium. The  disease  is  usually  acquired  during 
sexual  relations,  although  it  may  be  transmitted 
by  means  of  infected  towels,  clothing,  toilet  seats 
and  bath  tubs.  In  all  cases  in  which  there  is  a 
thick  purulent  discharge  from  the  vagina,  a  mi- 
croscopic examination  should  be  made,  not  only 
to  diagnose  the  condition,  but  for  the  protection 
of  the  patient  and  others. 

Symptoms. — A  few  days  after  exposure  to  in- 
fection the  patient  will  notice  an  uncomfortable 
feeling  in  the  vagina  and  at  the  vulva — an  irrita- 
tion with  heat,  redness,  swelling  and  perhaps 
pain.  The  parts  are  at  first  dry,  but  gradually 
there  appears  a  slight  watery  discharge  which 
rapidly  becomes  thick,  yellowish,  or  greenish. 
The  parts  become  more  reddened  and  swollen  and 
painful  to  pressure.  The  urethra  practically  al- 
ways becomes  infected  and  burning  urination 
follows.  The  glands  in  the  groin  become  swollen 
and  tender.  The  urethral  and  vaginal  glands  are 

289 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

infected  and  may  become  greatly  swollen,  retain- 
ing the  infection  for  a  long  time  after  the  acute 
condition  subsides.  The  vaginal  walls  become 
roughened,  especially  if  corrosive  antiseptics  are 
used,  thus  allowing  the  infection  to  penetrate  to 
the  deeper  layers  of  the  mucous  membrane. 
Should  the  inflammation  extend  to  the  uterus  and 
tubes  there  will  be  general  pelvic  pain  and  ele- 
vation of  temperature  and  pulse.  The  acute  con- 
dition subsides  and  is  followed  by  a  chronic  leu- 
corrhea  which  may  be  present  for  a  long  while, 
but  gradually  subsides.  The  urine  may  be  cloudy 
and  contain  shreds  for  many  months. 

Treatment. — Many  advanced  medical  men 
recommend  as  an  injection,  or  application  to  the 
inflamed  surface,  of  iodagol,  chlorazene,  sulphide 
of  zinc,  or  allied  solutions,  for  the  treatment  of 
this  complaint  in  its  first  stages.  Usually  when 
this  treatment  is  applied  to  the  inflamed  surface 
soon  after  its  first  appearance  the  symptoms  dis- 
appear and  the  disease  does  not  have  a  chance  to 
develop.  In  the  vagina  the  douche  will  have  to  be 
used;  in  the  urethra  the  injection  will  have  to  be 
used.  In  many  cases  where  treatment  of  this 
.character  is  quickly  applied  every  two  or  three 
hours  at  the  beginning  of  the  first  symptoms  the 
disease  can  be  eliminated  before  it  has  had  a 
chance  to  secure  a  definite  foothold. 

The  statement  is  made  by  many  hygienic  phy- 
sicians that  this  method  of  treatment  dri  res  the 
disease  back  into  the  system.  As  this  disease  is 
due  entirely  to  local  infection,  many  maintain 

290 


SPECIAL  DISEASES  OF  WOMEN 

that  the  quick  removal  of  the  first  symptoms  in- 
dicates the  elimination  of  the  disease.  This  the- 
ory cannot  be  substantiated  and  cannot  be  dis- 
proven.  The  facts,  however,  must  be  recognized 
that  this  is  indeed  a  serious  disease  and  that  to 
allow  it  to  proceed  on  its  ordinary  course  of  de- 
velopment means  serious  inflammation  of  the 
membranous  surface  that  leads  into  the  womb, 
the  fallopian  tubes,  urethra,  bladder,  etc.  There- 
fore it  is  well  if  possible  to  avoid  the  risk  of  se- 
rious infection  of  this  sort,  and  if  a  proper  anti- 
septic can  be  used  which  immediately  stops  the 
advancement  of  the  disease,  it  is  doubtless  the 
safest  procedure  in  many  cases,  especially  when 
the  full  details  of  the  natural  treatment  cannot 
be  immediately  adopted,  though  we  must  admit, 
that  this  suggestion  does  not  harmonize  with  the 
theories  of  natural  treatment. 

In  following  the  principles  of  strictly  natural 
treatment  no  half-way  measures  are  of  value. 
You  must  adhere  strictly  to  the  rules  if  results  are 
to  be  expected.  The  patient  should,  if  possible, 
go  to  bed  and  keep  quiet.  If  this  is  not  feasible, 
at  least  as  little  exertion  as  is  consistent  with  the 
daily  life  should  be  allowed.  She  should  keep  off 
her  feet,  and  avoid  the  running  of  sewing  ma- 
chines, dancing  and  riding  on  street  cars  and 
automobiles.  A  strict  fast  of  from  five  to  ten 
days  at  this  time  will  do  more  to  reduce  the  in- 
flammation than  any  other  measure.  Large 
quantities  of  water  should  be  drunk,  at  least  four 
quarts  each  day.  If  fasting  is  uncomfortable, 

291 


20 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

fruit  juices  may  be  taken.  In  case  of  urethral  in- 
fection the  patient  should  make  a  practice  of  uri- 
nating every  hour. 

The  question  of  the  douche  again  comes  up. 
Some  of  the  best  gynecologists  are  declaring 
against  it.  The  normal  secretions  of  the  vagina 
will  combat  the  disease  and  with  the  douche  there 
is  always  the  danger  of  carrying  infection  to  the 
uterus  and  tubes.  The  vagina  has  great  facility 
for  cleansing  itself  and  throwing  off  secretions, 
and  the  direction  of  the  flow  is  downward.  The 
very  strong  astringent  solutions  commonly  used 
are  responsible  for  the  eroding  of  the  outer  lay- 
ers of  the  mucous  membrane,  thus  allowing  the 
infection  to  go  deeper  and  producing  a  chronic 
gonorrhea.  We  therefore  advise  against  the  too 
frequent  or  indiscriminate  use  of  douches,  espe- 
cially when  strong  chemical  antiseptics  are  used. 
There  is  no  doubt  that  there  are  many  instances 
in  which  a  douche  is  helpful  for  the  sake  of  clean- 
liness, but  it  should  be  understood  clearly  that 
this  is  the  purpose  for  which  it  is  employed.  A 
boric  acid  solution  is  undoubtedly  the  ideal  agent 
for  the  purpose,  although  a  weak  saline  solution 
(a  teaspoonful  of  salt  in  a  quart  of  water)  is  also 
very  satisfactory.  Where  there  is  a  very  profuse 
discharge  there  is  no  doubt  that  such  a  douche  is 
advisable.  It  should  be  said,  however,  that  the 
common  fountain  syringe  douche  is  not  usually 
very  satifactory,  inasmuch  as  there  are  many 
folds  of  the  mucous  membrane  which  are  not 
reached.  The  patient  should  follow  closely  the 

292 


instructions  of  her  physician  in  the  preparation 
and  use  of  douches.  Self -prescribed  treatment 
is  dangerous. 

A  pad  or  napkin  must  be  worn  for  collecting 
the  discharge.  This  must  be  changed  frequently, 
the  external  genitals  being  washed  with  soap  and 
hot  water  at  every  changing.  We  might  also 
mention  in  this  connection  that  the  hands  must 
be  thoroughly  washed  with  strong  soap  and  hot 
water  immediately  after  changing  the  pads.  Care 
must  be  observed  that  the  infected  fingers  do  not 
touch  the  eyes,  as  a  gonorrhea!  ophthalmia  is 
quickly  fatal  to  sight.  The  pads  must  be  burned 
after  removal.  The  bath-tub  and  towels  must  be 
disinfected  after  use.  If  there  are  children  in  the 
house  they  must  be  protected  from  possible  in- 
fection. 

During  the  most  acute  stage  the  hot  sitz  bath 
should  be  taken  several  times  daily,  lasting  from 
fifteen  to  thirty  minutes.  The  bowels  must  be 
kept  free,  but  the  enema  must  under  no  circum- 
stances be  used  for  this  purpose,  as  the  danger  of 
rectal  infection  is  great.  Saline  laxatives  (a  table- 
spoonful  of  common  table  salt  in  a  glass  of  water, 
for  instance),  any  of  the  laxative  mineral  waters 
on  the  market,  or  regulation  with  foods,  should 
be  relied  on. 

The  fast  should  be  followed  by  the  milk  diet, 
using  five  or  six  quarts  each  day.  A  combination 
milk  and  fruit  diet  may  be  used,  with  four  meals 
daily  consisting  of  a  pint  or  more  of  milk  and 
whatever  fruit  is  desired  at  each  meal.  When 

293 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

resuming  the  usual  diet,  care  must  be  observed 
not  to  overeat,  to  avoid  highly  seasoned  foods, 
alcoholic  drinks,  tea  and  coffee.  Flesh  foods  are 
better  left  alone. 

Sexual  intercourse  must  of  course  be  forbidden 
until  repeated  microscopical  examinations  show 
the  absence  of  the  gonococus  in  the  secretions 
of  the  urethral  and  vaginal  glands. 

PELVIC  INFLAMMATION. — These  include:  Sal- 
pingitis,  or  inflammation  of  the  fallopian  tubes; 
oophoritis,  or  inflammation  of  the  ovaries;  peri- 
tonitis, or  inflammation  of  the  pelvic  peritoneum ; 
pelvic  cellulitis,  or  inflammation  of  the  tissues 
surrounding  the  uterus  and  its  appendages. 
These  are  all  dangerous  conditions  and  are 
usually  due  to  gonorrheal  infection,  or  infection 
from  the  use  of  instruments,  abortions,  or  child- 
birth. Thev  may  also  arise  by  extension  of  in- 

tr  w  v 

fection  from  the  appendix  and  bladder. 

The  mildest  stage  of  pelvic  inflammation  is  a 
slight  inflammation  of  the  tubes,  and  no  damage 
is  done  except  a  small  amount  of  thickening  of 
the  walls  of  the  tubes,  both  ends  of  the  parts 
remaining  open.  In  the  second  stage  the  tubes, 
ovaries,  uterus  and  intestines  are  bound  together 
by  adhesions,  but  there  is  no  retention  of  pus. 
The  third  stage  is  the  tubal  abscess,  known  popu- 
larly as  a  "pus  tube",  in  which  the  pus  is  retained 
within  the  distended  tube.  This  is  a  dangerous 
condition  as  the  tube  may  rupture  causing  a 
fatal  peritonitis.  In  the  fourth  stage  the  pus  has 
escaped  from  the  tube  but  is  still  walled  in  by  the 

294 


SPECIAL  DISEASES  OFWOMEN 

surrounding  peritoneum,  forming  a  large  ab- 
scess. The  fifth  stage  is  an  acute  general  peri- 
tonitis, the  pus  being  diffused  and  not  walled  in. 
The  sixth  stage  is  a  cellulitis  or  inflammation  of 
the  tissues  surrounding  the  pelvic  organs.  All  of 
the  pelvic  organs  are  usually  involved  in  the 
above  conditions. 

Symptoms. — There  is  pain  in  the  lower  abdo- 
men which  becomes  worse  as  the  woman  moves 
about.  In  acute  cases  it  is  so  severe  that  the  bed 
is  sought.  There  is  tenderness  upon  pressure  in 
one  or  both  sides  of  the  lower  abdomen,  or  it  may 
be  general  over  the  whole  area.  There  is  usually 
a  rise  of  temperature  and  quickened  pulse.  The' 
muscles  of  the  abdominal  region  are  tense.  There 
is  usually  a  leucorrhea.  Pain  in  the  back  is  a 
common  symptom. 

In  many  cases  the  woman  will,  with  rest,  quick- 
ly recover  from  an  attack,  but  the  symptoms  re- 
turn at  intervals,  and  as  adhesions  form  there  will 
be  more  or  less  discomfort  in  the  lower  abdomen. 
The  general  health  also  suffers  to  some  extent. 
If  proper  treatment  is  instituted  early,  the  dis- 
ease may  be  controlled  and  the  necessity  for  oper- 
ation obviated.  This  is  one  of  the  most  common 
causes  of  sterility. 

Treatment. — If  every  woman  could  have  the! 
benefit  of  natural  treatment  when  first  attacked 
with  pelvic  disease,  there  would  be  fewer  pelvic 
organs  sacrificed  upon  the  operating  table. 

Upon  the  first  appearance  of  symptoms  the  pa- 
tient should  go  to  bed  and,  as  in  all  other  illness 

295 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

with  fever,  a  fast  of  a  few  days  is  indicated.  The 
bowels  must  be  moved  daily  by  means  of  a  warm 
enema.  This  will  also  have  a  good  effect  upon 
the  inflammation.  The  hot  sitz  is  indicated  unless 
it  is  impossible  for  the  patient  to  be  out  of  bed, 
in  which  case  hot  compresses  may  be  applied 
over  the  lower  abdomen.  The  thermo-light  is 
also  of  value.  A  good  plan  is  to  apply  the  hot 
compresses,  or  the  light,  for  a  half-hour  and  then 
apply  a  cold  pack  to  be  left  on  until  dry,  when  it 
should  be  renewed.  If  there  is  much  restlessness, 
a  warm  bath,  or  a  light  massage,  omitting  the  ab- 
domenal  and  pelvic  regions,  will  be  found  of 
benefit. 

If  the  condition  does  not  quickly  subside  and 
the  temperature  continues  high,  the  possibility  of 
an  abscess  should  be  kept  in  mind.  Repeated 
fasts  may  be  necessary,  especially  when  the  con- 
dition has  become  chronic.  In  the  early  stages 
while  there  is  free  drainage  through  the  tubes,  re- 
covery should  take  place  quickly.  In  many  cases, 
even  when  abscesses  have  formed,  absorption  has 
occurred  with  full  recovery.  This  is  especially 
true  in  those  cases  which  have  adhered  to  the  fast, 
or  have  taken  a  series  of  short  fasts.  After  the 
fast  care  in  diet  must  be  exercised ;  in  fact  it  will 
be  found  most  beneficial  to  adhere  strictly  to 
the  milk  or  buttermilk  diet  for  a  long  while. 

After  getting  up  from  bed  the  woman  should 
be  careful  not  to  overwork.  She  should  go  to  bed 
early,  get  up  late  and  rest  frequently  during  the 
day.  After  all  signs  of  inflammation  have  dis- 

296 


SPECIAL  DISEASES  OF  WOMEN 

appeared,  mild  exercise  is  allowable.  If  adhe- 
sions have  occurred,  bending  exercises  and  abdo- 
minal massage  will  be  found  valuable  for  stretch- 
ing or  breaking  them  up.  Operations  for  adhe- 
sions are  usually  unnecessary  unless  there  is  in- 
testinal obstruction.  The  adhesions  will  in  most 
cases  stretch  and  cause  no  more  trouble. 

SYPHILIS 

This  ailment  comes  under  the  heading  of  ve- 
nereal diseases.  An  extraordinary  advance  has 
been  made  in  its  treatment  recently  by  the  medi- 
cal profession.  Seek  the  aid  of  a  competent  phy- 
sician as  early  as  possible  when  you  have  any  rea- 
son to  believe  you  have  acquired  the  disease.  Do 
not  assume  the  serious  risk  of  hampering  with 
yourself  in  self -treatment.  The  following  infor- 
mation is  presented  for  the  benefit  of  physicians 
who  are  desirous  of  learning  something  of  the 
drugless  treatment  and  to  assist  those  who  are 
unable  to  secure  the  advice  of  a  competent  phy- 
sician. 

This  terrible  disease  is  perhaps  next  to  tubercu- 
losis the  greatest  scourge  with  which  the  human 
race  has  to  contend. 

The  infecting  agent  is  called  the  Treponema 
pallidum.  It  gains  entrance  through  a  minute 
abrasion,  or  break,  in  the  surface  of  mucous 
membrane  or  skin.  It  is  probably  true  that  it 
can  not  gain  entrance  through  an  unbroken  sur- 
face. As  the  organism  is  microscopic  in  size  it 

297 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

will  be  evident  that  the  site  of  entrance  may  also 
be  microscopic,  so  that  in  the  absence  of  visible 
abrasions  one  may  think  there  is  immunity,  when 
such  is  not  the  case. 

As  to  hereditary  syphilis,  recent  studies  and 
investigations  have  disproved  many  former 
ideas.  That  syphilis  is  transmitted  to  the  off- 
spring through  hereditary  characteristics  resid- 
ing in  the  germ-cells  of  the  individual,  is  no  lon- 
ger believed,  it  being  known  that  the  child  ac- 
quires the  disease  by  direct  infection  from  the 
uterus  or  placenta.  The  idea  also  has  been  dis- 
carded that  the  apparently  healthy  mother  is  im- 
mune to  infection  by  her  syphilitic  child,  begot- 
ten of  a  syphilitic  father.  Also  that  a  healthy 
child  is  immune  to  infection  from  a  syphilitic 
mother. 

The  Wasserman  test,  while  not  absolutely  ac- 
curate in  all  cases,  is  the  best  means  of  diagnosis 
we  have,  in  the  absence  of  clinical  symptoms. 

Symptoms. — The  first  sign  of  the  disease  ap- 
pears about  three  weeks  after  exposure,  as  a 
small  red  pimple  which  increases  in  size  to  that 
of  a  ten-  and  often  a  five-cent  piece.  This  ulcer- 
ates in  the  center.  A  hardened  area  appears 
around  the  ulcer;  hence  the  name  "hard 
chancre."  When  located  in  the  vagina  the  ulcer 
may  be  very  small  and  escape  detection. 

In  about  six  weeks  there  may  be  moderate  fever 
with  headache,  pains  in  the  limbs  and  digestive 
disturbances.  The  throat  becomes  sore.  The 
glands  in  the  neck  and  above  the  elbow  swell  and 

298 


SPECIAL  DISEASES  OFWOMEN 

in  some  cases  there  may  be  enlargement  of  the 
spleen.  Eruptions  appear  on  the  skin.  These 
may  be  reddened  areas,  raised  pimples  or  pus- 
tules, or  copper-colored  spots.  The  so-called  mu- 
cous patches  appear  at  the  angles  of  the  mouth, 
on  the  tongue,  pharynx,  tonsils,  vagina,  anus, 
and  even  between  the  toes  and  fingers.  The  hair, 
eyebrows  and  eyelashes  may  fall  out,  and  the 
finger-nails  become  brittle  or  grow  irregularly. 
This  stage  of  the  disease  lasts  for  two  or  three 
months  and  is  followed  by  apparently  good 
health.  The  second  stage  may  be  very  mild  and 
often  is  absent. 

The  third  stage  appears  months  or  years  after- 
ward. At  this  time  the  gumma  or  syphilitic  tu- 
mors appear.  They  may  appear  in  any  part  of 
the  body  but  especially  in  the  skin,  bones  and 
nervous  system.  They  may  ulcerate,  causing 
great  destruction.  In  some  cases  the  small  bones 
of  the  face  are  entirely  destroyed.  Large  ulcers 
may  appear  in  the  skin.  The  gumma  is  tender 
and  painful  to  pressure.  Fever  in  this  stage  is 
common.  If  pregnant,  the  woman  may  abort. 

What  is  sometimes  called  the  fourth  stage  of 
the  disease  appears  as  constitutional  distur- 
bances years  afterward.  The  most  common  are 
diseases  of  the  nervous  system,  as  locomotor 
ataxia,  paralysis  and  insanity. 

Treatment. — The  person  who  has  contracted 
syphilis  must  make  up  his  or  her  mind  that  for 
at  least  three  to  five  years,  life  must  be  conducted 
according  to  a  very  definite  and  strict  plan,  if 

299 


health  is  to  be  restored.  All  use  of  alcoholic 
drinks,  tobacco,  tea,  coffee,  highly  seasoned 
foods,  drugs  and  other  poisonous  substances 
must  cease. 

When  the  primary  sore  is  first  discovered  it 
must  not  be  cauterized,  nor  must  any  astringent 
remedy  be  applied.  This  prevents  proper  drain- 
age and  seals  up  the  organisms  in  the  ulcer.  The 
best  way  is  to  apply  something  that  will  keep  the 
ulcer  open  and  running.  Never  mind  if  it  does 
not  heal  quickly.  The  best  local  application  is 
the  cold,  wet  pack.  This  is  made  by  dipping  a 
piece  of  absorbent  cotton  in  cold  water,  squeez- 
ing it  out  slightly  and  binding  it  onto  the  sore. 
These  must  be  changed  very  frequently,  and 
burned  after  removal.  Clay  packs  may  also  be 
applied  in  the  same  manner.  If  the  sore  is  in 
such  position  that  it  is  impossible  to  bind  on  the 
packs,  it  may  be  irrigated  at  least  every  two 
hours  for  ten  minutes  with  cold  water,  using  a 
sterile  enema  point  and  douche  can.  The  stream 
must  be  directed  onto  the  sore  and  allowed  to 
drain  away  freely.  This  is  all  the  local  treatment 
necessary. 

The  patient  should  take  a  fast  as  soon  as  pos- 
sible. This  should  last  for  from  seven  to  four- 
teen days,  unless  the  individual  is  under  weight, 
when  a  series  of  two-  or  three-day  fasts  may  be 
taken  instead.  Follow  with  the  milk  or  butter- 
milk diet.  Outside  of  milk  no  other  kind  of  ani- 
mal food  should  be  used  during  the  whole  course 
of  treatment.  If  milk  is  not  used  exclusively,  the 

300 


SPECIAL  DISEASES  OF  WOMEN 

diet  should  consist  of  fruit,  nuts,  cereals  and 
vegetables,  both  raw  and  cooked.  The  bowels 
must  be  kept  free  by  enemas  or  laxative  foods. 
Water  should  be  taken  freely.  Skin  action  must 
be  promoted  in  every  way.  Three  hot  tub  baths 
per  week  and  frequent  cold  sponges  will  help. 
Fresh  air,  exercise  and  sunlight  are  of  course  im- 
portant. 

If  there  are  secondary  symptoms,  the  regime 
must  be  even  more  rigid.  All  of  the  measures 
mentioned  above  should  be  employed,  and,  in  ad- 
dition, the  full  cold-sheet  pack  should  be  used 
every  other  day  and  in  severe  cases  daily.  The 
patient  should  remain  in  the  pack  until  free 
sweating  is  induced.  If  the  patient  has  taken 
mercury  the  induction  of  sweating  will  be  diffi- 
cult, but  the  packs  should  be  continued.  If  it  is 
summer,  sun  baths  will  be  extremely  beneficial. 

In  the  third  stage,  or  in  cases  where  mercury 
or  salvarsan  has  been  used,  the  disease  must  be 
treated  as  a  chronic  one.  Many  of  these  cases 
make  very  little  improvement.  They  are  really 
cases  of  chronic  mercurial  or  arsenical  poisoning, 
and  the  patient  recovers  to  the  extent  that  the 
organs  of  the  body  are  intact.  Periodic  fasts  fol- 
lowed by  the  milk  diet  must  be  taken  over  and 
over  again. 


301 


CHAPTER  XL VI 

Displacements  and  Their  Correction 

BECAUSE  of  the  elasticity  of  the  support- 
ing structures,  the  female  pelvic  organs  are 
quite  mobile,  and  therefore  very  subject  to  dis- 
placement. This  is  true  not  only  of  the  uterus, 
but  of  the  ovaries  as  well,  and  very  often  there 
is  an  accompanying  displacement  of  the  abdo- 
minal viscera  also.  A  very  large  percentage  of 
the  cases  examined  in  gynecological  clinics  show 
some  degree  of  uterine  malposition. 

The  uterus  may  be  displaced  forward  or  back- 
ward, upward  or  downward,  or  to  either  side,  but 
only  two  of  these  are  of  any  great  consequence, 
viz.  backward  displacement,  or  retroversion,  and 
downward  displacement,  or  prolapsus.  You 
probably  know  of  retroversion  as  "tipping  of  the 
womb,"  and  of  prolapsus  as  "falling  of  the 
womb." 

The  normal  position  of  the  uterus  varies  ac- 
cording to  the  center  of  gravity  of  the  body,  and 
the  physiological  state  of  the  neighboring  organs. 
While  lying  on  the  back  the  tendency  is  for  the 
fundus  or  upper  part  of  the  uterus  to  fall  back- 
ward towards  the  sacrum;  if  you  are  lying  face 
downward,  it  tends  to  fall  forwards ;  if  on  either 
side,  towards  the  side  upon  which  you  are  lying; 
in  the  standing  position  it  sinks  slightly  in  the 
pelvis.  It  also  has  an  upward  movement.  The 

302 


DISPLACEMENTS 


V   to   4> 

O-ri  -M 
rt«+j 

w       O 

•2   M 

£•;§ 


O  w  > 

is  .55 


-c 

artT3  rt 
*M  t  C  C 
o  &rt  ba 


-  r 

^•-.S  a 
*«3  -M  w  c 


••->  _, 

to  4>*13 
D  *J  V 
.C  rt  T3 

V3  g 


303 


WOMANHOOD  AXD   MARRIAGE 


304 


DISPLACEMENTS 


305 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

full  bladder  raises  the  body  of  the  uterus  and 
tends  to  throw  it  backward,  while  the  alternate 
filling  and  emptying  of  the  rectum  also  produces 
some  change  in  position.  It  may  be  said,  how- 
ever, that  the  general  position  of  the  uterus  is 
with  its  fundus  tipped  forward  and  the  cervix 
directed  backward,  the  cervical  canal  being  at 
right  angles  to  the  long  axis  of  the  vagina. 

Although  the  uterus  may  be  abnormally  ante- 
verted,  this  is  of  no  very  great  importance  unless 
it  is  flexed,  or  bent  on  itself,  at  the  same  time, 
thus  causing  menstrual  disturbances.  Lateral 
displacements  are  of  no  consequence. 

CAUSES  OF  UTERINE  DISPLACEMENT. — Ac- 
quired malpositions  of  the  uterus  of  whatever 
character  are  all  practically  due  to  the  same 
causes.  Tell  me  that  you  have  "falling*  of  the 
womb"  and  I  can  describe  your  general  condition 
of  health  quite  accurately,  and  also  your  habits 
of  living.  You  have  been  since  girlhood  disin- 
clined to  activity,  and  as  a  consequence  your 
muscles  are  weak  and  flabby,  especially  those  of 
your  abdomen,  which  may  be  in  a  stretched  and 
sagging  condition.  You  have  also  been  a  fairly 
heavy  eater  and  suffer  from  constipation.  You 
are  either  very  lean,  or  inclined  to.  be  very  stout. 
To  keep  your  figure  "trim"  you  wear  corsets 
which  you  put  on  while  standing  up,  thus  forcing 
the  abdominal  contents  downwards. 

Among  other  causes  are  heavy  lifting,  active 
exercise,  such  as  jumping,  dancing,  and  running 
when  in  an  untrained  condition  (these  are  bene- 

306 


DISPLACEMENTS 


•H 


c  ^^ 

O     .M 

^M  n^    ^ 


. 


0*0 


.a -eg 

a|.a 
I 

.2  rt  s 


.52  C 


>  o 


21 


307 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

ficial  when  the  woman  is  in  condition  for  such 
exercise)  ;  relaxation  of  the  pelvic  floor  following 
lacerations  in  childbirth ;  habitual  constipation,  or 
constant  distension  of  the  bladder;  the  presence 
of  pelvic  or  abdominal  tumors. 

One  potent  cause  is  getting  up  too  soon  after 
childbirth.  At  this  time  the  uterus  is  heavy  and 
its  supports  stretched  and  relaxed,  and  if  the 
woman  gets  on  her  feet  and  does  too  much  mov- 
ing about  before  complete  involution,  or  return 
of  the  uterus  to  normal,  has  taken  place,  a  retro- 
displacement,  or  prolapsus,  may  subsequently  oc- 
cur. Although  some  consider  it  a  sign  of  supe- 
rior strength  and  vitality  that  savage  women, 
and  certain  women  of  the  laboring  class,  go  about 
their  work  immediately  after  giving  birth  to  a 
child,  in  reality  this  must  sometimes  be  consid- 
ered their  misfortune,  as  it  is  well  known  that 
displacements  of  the  uterus  are  very  common 
among  these  women,  many  of  whom  are  chroni- 
cally overworked  and  have  a  very  poor  posture 
in  any  case. 

Symptoms  of  Retroversion. — A  certain  de- 
gree of  displacement  is  possible  without  symp- 
toms, but  when  there  is  a  decided  retroversion 
the  patient  may  suffer  considerably. 

You  may  have  been  feeling  in  the  best  of  health, 
but  now  you  notice  that  you  are  not  as  vigorous 
as  formerly.  You  tire  easily — in  fact  feel  tired 
all  the  time.  Your  sleep  and  rest  do  not  refresh 
you.  There  is  a  dragging  feeling  in  the  pelvic 
region  and  at  times  an  intense  pain,  or  an  ache,  in 

308 


DISPLACEMENTS 


-i-§8 

il.81 

°  o'S  2 
££2S 

•Ss-Sl 

*rt* 

«.w  a 
w  3 '«  o 
d 


5  «  .  e  M 

^5  JC   ><—  v 

o-*J'a»j  n 
•o  o.l  S« 
S  E  "21 

•~<  3  O  ..  G 
W  3  -S  £  O 
C  «  O.2T3 

—  t<^3  y^2 

v  aw  rt 

B5*»J 

e  c^.S*' 

°  =  i^i 

gaS.  ,1 

.2  t-     «  « 


S  3 


1-26SS 

r»    J3  ^  rt 


Sc*^ 


Jff 

c    05  —    4)    4) 

<u  "C  o  «r5 


in  C.O  «» 
'" 


to  B  w 


309 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 


310 


DISPLACEMENTS 


311 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

the  sacral  region.  Your  menses  are  unduly  pro- 
tracted and  you  have  pain  at  this  time.  You  are 
constipated  and  have  frequent  urination.  If 
there  is  pregnancy,  a  miscarriage  may  follow. 

Symptoms  of  Prolapsus. —  Prolapse,  or  "fall- 
ing of  the  womb,"  may  be  a  slight  or  pronounced 
descent  into  the  vagina,  or  the  entire  uterus  may 
even  appear  outside  of  the  vulva,  carrying  the 
vaginal  walls  down  with  it.  In  other  cases  it  is 
simply  an  elongation  of  the  cervix.  Prolapsus  is 
practically  a  more  advanced  stage  of  retrover- 
sion.  The  uterus  sinks  gradually  into  the  vagina 
until  the  cervix  appears  at  the  orifice.  If  the 
tissues  here  are  relaxed,  the  entire  uterus  is  soon 
outside  the  vagina.  Up  to  this  time  you  will  suf- 
fer greatly  from  the  continual  dragging  sensa- 
tion incident  to  the  stretching  of  the  ligaments. 
This  discomfort  ceases  when  full  descent  has  oc- 
curred, and  the  only  distress  is  the  sense  of  a 
foreign  body  between  the  thighs.  The  vaginal 
wall  covering  the  uterus  gradually  becomes  dry 
and  hardened,  resembling  skin,  or  it  may  become 
eroded  and  ulcerated. 

Treatment  of  Uterine  Displacements.  —  If 
there  are  no  symptoms  and  the  condition  is  dis- 
covered in  examination,  you  should  not  worry 
about  it,  as  no  treatment  is  necessary,  unless  you 
are  married  and  you  think  the  displacement  is 
preventing  you  from  becoming  pregnant.  If  you 
have  decided  symptoms,  however,  and  the  trou- 
ble is  undermining  your  health,  it  must  be  at- 
tended to  before  a  more  advanced  stage  is 
reached. 

312 


DISPLACEMENTS 


1  o  T!  ts 
ISSg 

;  °£  c 

!    r/>  *J    « 


g^  ..2-M  2  c 
°o  W-:CM-C-  g 

«.2'2   .  >  S  2 


. 
o  S  o 

" 


^-.  X 


rt  "  S  c 

' 


*I3  j-j  2  Q-        O 

^  T!    ^^  HI 


313 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

In  many  cases  the  uterus  must  be  put  back 
into  position  by  manual  means.  This,  however, 
is  not  of  much  use  unless  it  can  be  kept  there. 
For  this  purpose  the  vagina  is  sometimes  packed 
with  gauze  or  pledgets  of  cotton,  but  these  must 
be  removed  in  twenty-four  hours  and  are  there-, 
fore  not  very  effective.  The  pessary  is  often  used 
and  this  is  more  practical,  and  is  useful  tempor- 
arily when  the  woman  is  obliged  to  be  on  her  feet 
continually,  and  some  relief  is  necessary.  The 
pessary  is  often  the  cause  of  inflammation  and 
leucorrhea,  and  ulceration  may  occur  from  pres- 
sure. Therefore  it  should  not  be  worn  contin- 
ually, and  other  treatment  should  be  undertaken 
with  the  idea  of  discarding  the  pessary  as  soon 
as  possible.  Frequent  douches  are  necessary  dur- 
ing the  time  the  pessary  is  used,  and  these,  too, 
are  objectionable.  The  pessary,  therefore,  should 
only  be  used  when  absolutely  necessary 

Before  any  permanent  cure  can  be  expected 
the  tone  of  the  entire  muscular  system  must  be 
improved.  Some  system  of  exercise  which  uses 
every  muscle  should  be  adopted.  The  effect  of 
exercises  is  not  alone  on  the  voluntary  muscles ; 
the  involuntary  muscles  and  the  ligaments  also 
are  nourished  and  toned  up  by  the  increased  cir- 
culation. We  know  of  various  cases  where  noth- 
ing of  a  local  nature  was  done,  and  with  general 
exercise  alone  the  condition  was  corrected.  Of 
course  if  the  uterus  is  bound  down  by  adhesions, 
it  can  not  be  restored  to  position  until  these  are 
broken  up  or  stretched  by  manual  means. 

314 


DISPLACEMENTS 


315 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

In  some  cases,  and  especially  if  there  is  com- 
plete prolapse,  the  services  of  a  physician  are  nec- 
essary in  replacing  the  uterus.  However,  there 
are  certain  positions  which  may  be  assumed  by 
the  patient  herself  that  will  cause  the  uterus  to 
return  to  its  proper  place.  For  instance  the  knee- 
chest  position  may  be  taken.  Kneel  down  on  the 
bed,  or  other  comfortable  soft  surface.  With 
head  forward  and  chin  on  chest  bend  far  forward 
until  the  chest  and  abdomen  bear  heavily  on  the 
legs.  It  will  readily  be  seen  that  in  this  posi- 
tion the  tendency  is  for  the  uterus  to  fall  for- 
ward to  its  normal  position.  You  should  take 
this  position  several  times  daily  for  from  five  to 
ten  minutes  at  a  time.  While  in  this  position 
place  the  fingers  of  both  hands  on  the  "small  of 
the  back,"  and  then  attempt  to  harden  or  flex 
these  muscles.  You  may  secure  a  result  not 
unlike  the  sensation  of  "straining  at  stool," 
which  will  indicate  that  the  exercise  is  taken  cor- 
rectly. Repeat  until  the  muscles  tire. 

The  knee-chest  position  is  hard  for  some 
women  to  assume  and  for  such  the  slanting  table 
is  useful.  This  is  a  table  one  end  of  which  is  at 
least  a  foot  lower  than  the  other.  A  carpenter 
will  make  it  for  you,  or  any  one  in  the  home 
who  is  handy  with  tools  can  easily  do  it.  Or 
you  can  elevate  one  end  of  a  couch  for  the  pur- 
pose. The  ironing  board,  or  any  other  board 
two  feet  wide  and  five  or  six  feet  long,  may  be 
used,  by  placing  one  end  on  a  chair  or  the  win- 
dow sill.  The  patient  lies  on  this,  either  on  the 

316 


DISPLACEMENTS 


317 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 


Exercise  11. — Raising  both  legs  from  the  board  to  a 
vertical  position  is  a  more  vigorous  exercise  than  the  preced- 
ing one.  If  not  strong,  this  exercise  should  not  be  attempted 
at  once,  but  a  little  later  will  give  variety  and  greater  effect- 
iveness to  exercises.  Repeat  five  or  ten  times. 

318 


DISPLACEMENTS 


-*-1 

Hill 

1^ 


319 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

back,  or  face  down,  with  the  head  at  the  lower 
end.  For  retroversion  face  down.  You  may  lie 
quiet  on  this  table  for  ten  minutes  to  an  hour  at 
a  time,  several  times  daily,  or  certain  exercises 
may  also  be  taken  on  it.  For  instance  the  legs 
may  be  raised  alternately  upward.  The  body 
may  be  raised  by  straightening  the  arms,  and 
then  lowered.  The  legs  may  be  alternately 
moved  outward.  After  a  time  exercises  may  be 
taken  while  lying  on  either  side  and  also  upon  the 
back,  such  as  moving  the  legs  to  the  side  and  up- 
ward, alternately  and  together.  All  of  these  ex- 
ercises will  develop  the  muscles  of  the  abdominal 
and  pelvic  region,  which  is  very  important. 

Another  very  valuable  exercise  is  to  contract 
the  muscles  of  the  anus  and  the  constrictor 
muscles  of  the  urinal  canal — in  plainer  terms  the 
muscles  that  are  used  in  urinating  and  in  defecat- 
ing. Make  it  a  point  to  contract  these  muscles 
a  number  of  times  while  on  the  slanting  table. 
They  can  also  be  exercised  advantageously  while 
lying  in  bed. 

After  taking  the  exercises  it  is  well  to  lie  quiet, 
face  downward,  for  a  few  minutes  before  getting 
off  the  table.  This  is  the  most  important  part  of 
the  whole  treatment,  and  we  know  of  many  cases 
which  have  been  benefitted.  Sleeping  chest 
downward  is  also  of  value. 

The  use  of  the  cold  sitz  bath  will  tend  to  bring 
the  blood  to  the  pelvic  region  and  thus  tone  up 
the  muscles  and  ligaments.  This  should  be  taken 
daily,  for  from  one  to  four  minutes,  according  to 

320 


DISPLACEMENTS 


Exercise  13.— This  is  a  variation  of  the  preceding  "scis- 
sors" exercise,  the  action  of  the  legs  in  this  case  being  cross- 
wise instead  of  in  line  with  the  body.  With  the  legs  held 
perpendicularly,  spread  them  apart  one  or  two  feet,  or  as  far 
as  you  can  without  strain,  and  then  cross  them  as  in  the 
illustration,  alternating  by  crossing  the  left  leg  above  and 
below  the  right.  Repeat  ten  or  twenty  times. 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

the  temperature  of  the  water,  being  discontinued 
of  course,  during  the  menses.  If  there  is  inflam- 
mation use  the  hot  sitz. 

In  case  of  complete  prolapse,  or  "falling,"  after 
replacement  of  the  uterus,  the  woman  should  go 
to  bed  for  several  days,  remaining  most  of  the 
time  in  the  prone  position.  Large  pledgets  of 
cotton  attached  to  a  string  may  be  introduced 
into  the  vagina  to  prevent  the  uterus  from  de- 
scending again.  These  must  be  changed  daily. 
If  the  woman  is  not  obliged  to  work,  or  be  on 
her  feet  for  a  considerable  part  of  her  time,  we 
would  advise  the  avoidance  of  pessaries,  or  sup- 
ports of  any  kind,  the  exercises  mentioned  being 
relied  upon  for  the  relief  of  the  trouble.  If  one 
continues  in  bed  for  any  length  of  time,  it  is  espe- 
cially important  to  take  the  reclining  exercises 
mentioned,  including  all  possible  leg  movements 
for  strengthening  the  abdominal  region. 


322 


CHAPTER  XLVII 

Tumors 

MANY  women,  if  asked  to  name  the  disease 
they  fear  most,  would  at  once  mention 
cancer,  and,  indeed,  not  only  cancer,  but  all 
forms  of  tumor  are  the  dread  of  every  woman. 

Correctly  speaking,  any  swelling  is  a  tumor, 
but  pathologically  considered,  a  tumor  is  a  cir- 
cumscribed new  growth  of  tissue,  or  a  neoplasm. 
In  other  words  a  tumor  is  simply  an  overgrowth 
of  the  tissue  in  which  it  originates,  as  it  is  com- 
posed of  the  same  kind  of  cells,  this  fact  being 
made  the  basis  of  a  histological  classification  of 
tumors,  according  to  the  four  fundamental  em- 
bryological  tissues,  viz.,  nervous,  muscular,  epi- 
thelial and  connective. 

For  practical  purposes,  however,  tumors  are 
classified  according  to  their  ultimate  effect  upon 
the  body,  as  benign,  or  those  which  do  not  of 
themselves  disturb  the  general  health  and  well- 
being  of  the  individual,  and  malignant,  or  those 
which  do.  Certain  cysts  and  fibroid  tumors  are 
usually  classed  as  benign,  and  carcinoma  and 
sarcoma  as  malignant.  The  malignant  tumors 
are  commonly  called  cancer.  That  this  classifica- 
tion is  not  a  constant  one  is  seen  by  the  fact  that 
the  most  benign  tumor  may  change  into  a  malig- 
nant one. 

323 


Many  theories  have  been  advanced  as  to  the 
cause  of  tumors,  and  especially  of  cancer,  but 
as  yet  medical  science  has  no  reliable  information 
to  offer  on  the  subject. 

Some  think  the  new  growths  are  due  to  cells 
which  have  been  misplaced  by  Nature  in  the  de- 
velopment of  the  individual,  and  for  some  reason 
have  suddenly  begun  to  multiply;  others,  that 
bacteria  and  protozoa  may  be  the  cause;  others 
again  that  the  mutual  relationship  between  cells 
or  groups  of  cells  is  destroyed  and  the  normal 
restraint  of  growth  removed,  resulting  in  rapid 
proliferation.  Still  others  believe  that  irritation, 
mechanical,  chemical,  or  other,  stimulates  repro- 
duction of  cells. 

It  is  certain  that  tumors  are  dependent  upon 
the  blood  and  lymph  for  their  nutrition,  and  this 
being  so  it  seems  reasonable  to  suppose  that 
toxins  might  be  carried  to  and  retained  in  cells, 
thus  producing  a  continued  irritation,  which  Na- 
ture attempts  to  combat  by  producing  new  cells. 
In  other  words  the  chief  cause  of  tumors,  includ- 
ing cancer,  is  the  retention  of  foreign  substances 
in  the  blood,  and  this  again  is  due  to  faulty  elim- 
ination and  the  ingestion  of  toxic  material,  in 
the  shape  of  too  much  food,  wrong  food,  drugs, 
serums,  and  antitoxins.  Cancer  seems  to  be 
more  prevalent  among  meat-eating  nations,  but 
as  it  is  also  found  among  vegetarians,  we  must 
look  for  a  deeper  cause.  It  is  probable  that  meat 
simply  introduces  a  certain  amount  of  poison 
into  the  system  and  thus  is  a  potent  factor  in  the 

324 


TUMORS 


general  toxicity  of  the  body.  Excesses  in  certain 
foods,  cooked  foods,  lack  of  organic  salts,  alco- 
hol, and  intestinal  fermentation,  have  all  been 
mentioned  as  contributing  agents.  Beneath  it  all 
is  poison. 

Tumors  sometimes  arise  following  a  blow,  as 
in  the  case  of  cancer  of  the  breast,  and  sarcoma 
of  bone.  In  such  cases  cells  are  injured,  and  the 
surrounding  tissues  are  irritated  by  the  sub- 
stances formed  in  the  decomposed  cells.  We  also 
know  that  the  constant  irritation  of  a  broken 
tooth  will  induce  cancer  of  the  mouth  or  tongue, 
as  will  the  continual  irritation  of  a  pipe  or  cigar 
on  the  lip.  Fundamentally  however,  even  in 
these  cases,  there  must  be  the  condition  of  either 
toxic  blood,  or  poor  circulation. 

FIBROIDS. — These  are  the  most  common  tu- 
mors affecting  women,  and,  although  occurring 
in  various  parts  of  the  body,  the  most  common 
site  is  the  uterus.  They  are  more  often  present  in 
early  and  middle  adult  life,  and  have  no  connec- 
tion with  childbearing ; — in  fact  they  are  more 
common  in  the  unmarried  and  in  married  women 
who  have  no  children.  Cancer  is  more  common 
in  women  who  have  had  children. 

The  tumor  may  be  very  small  and  grow  very 
slowly,  or  remain  small,  in  which  case  it  presents 
no  symptoms  and  causes  no  trouble,  and  usually 
needs  no  treatment.  If  not  in  the  inner  layers 
of  the  uterine  wall  it  is  usually  no  bar  to  preg- 
nancy and  normal  childbirth.  In  many  cases, 
however,  it  grows  slowly  and  may  become  very 

325 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

large,  causing  destruction  of  surrounding  tissues 
and  pressure  symptoms  in  other  parts  of  the 
body.  It  may  also  ulcerate  and  cause  hemor- 
rhage, and  undergo  malignant  degeneration,  so 
you  can  readily  see  that  the  name  benign  tumor 
does  not  mean  much.  About  the  first  symptoms 
of  uterine  fibroid  are  disturbances  of  menstrua- 
tion, such  as  painful  and  profuse,  or  continued, 
flow,  and  in  some  cases  diminished  flow.  There 
may  be  sterility  and,  if  pregnancy  does  occur,  oc- 
casionally abortion.  There  may  be  a  persistent 
leucorrhea.  As  the  tumor  increases  in  size  there 
are  symptoms  referable  to  pressure,  as  pain,  vari- 
cose veins  and  edema  of  the  lower  extremities, 
piles,  constipation  and  urinary  difficulty.  Death 
rarely  results  from  the  tumor  itself,  fatality  being 
due  to  complications  and  disturbance  of  func- 
tions of  other  organs  through  pressure. 

CANCER  OF  THE  UTERUS. — The  uterus  and  the 
surrounding  tissues  are  the  most  common  seat  of 
cancer  in  the  human  body.  It  may  be  either  car- 
cinoma or  sarcoma,  and  starting  at  any  one  point 
will  spread  rapidly,  destroying  all  tissues  in  the 
locality.  It  may  begin  in  the  cervix,  the  body 
of  the  uterus,  the  vagina,  the  tubes,  or  the  rectum 
and  bladder. 

The  first  local  sign  is  usually  a  small  abrasion 
or  ulcer  which  bleeds  when  touched.  Gradually 
there  is  a  thickening  and  ulceration  of  the  tissues, 
which  may  become  infected  and  suppurate.  Sec- 
ondary growths  may  appear  elsewhere.  The 
woman  first  notices  a  continual  leucorrhea  with 

326 


TUMORS 


an  occasional  tinge  of  blood.  Cancer  of  the  ute- 
rus is  more  common  in  women  past  the  child- 
bearing  period  of  life;  therefore  any  show  of 
blood  at  this  time  is  a  cause  of  suspicion  and 
warrants  a  careful  examination.  Symptoms  of 
tumor  in  a  woman  past  the  change-of-life  period 
are  more  apt  to  indicate  cancer  than  fibroid. 

As  the  growth  and  destruction  progresses  there 
will  be  occasional  hemorrhages  and  a  watery  leu- 
corrhea,  brownish  in  color,  and  in  carcinoma 
possessing  a  characteristically  foul  odor.  As  the 
disease  progresses  the  general  health  suffers,  the 
patient  gradually  becoming  emaciated,  the  skin 
a  yellowish-brown  color,  and  the  strength  de- 
pleted, all  of  these  constituting  the  so-called  can- 
cer cachexia.  The  usual  duration  of  the  disease 
is  from  one  to  three  years,  depending  upon  the 
rate  of  growth.  When  the  condition  is  localized 
and  there  is  no  absorption  of  toxins  into  the  gen- 
eral system  there  may  be  no  constitutional  symp- 
toms and  the  condition  may  not  be  discovered 
until  great  destruction  has  taken  place.  The 
worry  incident  to  the  condition  often  helps  to 
run  down  the  health.  When  the  body  of  the 
uterus  is  first  attacked  pain  is  one  of  the  earliest 
symptoms.  This  may  be  of  a  burning  charac- 
ter, but  at  times  is  sharp  and  extends  to  the  back 
and  down  the  thigh. 

POLYPI. — These  consist  of  small  tumor-like 
growths  attached  to  the  mucous  membrane  of 
the  uterus.  They  are  soft  in  consistency  and 
bright-red  in  color.  They  are  very  vascular  and 

327 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

bleed  easily.  The  symptoms  are  hemorrhage  and 
a  continued  leucorrhea,  together  with  inflamma- 
tion of  the  uterus,  menstrual  pain,  abortion  or 
sterility. 

CYSTS. — These  are  most  often  found  in  the 
ovaries  and  tubes.  Ninety-five  per  cent  of  the 
tumors  of  the  ovary  are  cystic.  A  cyst  is  a  cir- 
cumscribed area  containing  retained  secretions 
from  a  gland,  or  fluid  from  inflammation  of  sup- 
puration. The  most  common  cyst  of  the  ovary 
is  called  a  proliferating  cyst,  from  its  habit  of 
forming  multiple  cysts  within  itself.  This  is  the 
one  usually  spoken  of  as  ovarian  tumor.  When 
small  there  are  no  symptoms,  and  they  seldom 
give  rise  to  any  serious  trouble.  They  grow 
slowly  and  may  not  be  discovered  until  they 
have  attained  a  very  large  size.  The  first  symp- 
tom noticed  is  a  sense  of  something  heavy  in  the 
lower  abdomen  and  a  feeling  of  pressure.  A 
little  later  a  slight  enlargement  is  noticed,  which 
may  give  rise  to  a  belief  that  pregnancy  has  oc- 
curred. There  are  menstrual  disturbances,  blad- 
der irritability  and  constipation.  The  bowel 
movements  may  be  painful.  The  pressure  of  the 
growing  tumor  may  cause  swelling  of  the  lower 
limbs  and  pain.  Dyspepsia  and  other  gastric 
symptoms  may  be  present,  due  to  pressure  on  the 
stomach  and  intestines.  There  may  be  progres- 
sive weakness  and  emaciation.  Rarely  there  may 
be  a  local  peritonitis,  with  fever  and  severe  ab- 
dominal and  pelvic  pain.  Severe  hemorrhage 
from  the  uterus  has  occurred,  and  rupture  of 

328 


TUMORS 


the  cyst  from  a  fall  or  blow,  followed  by  a  fatal 
peritonitis,  is  possible. 

BREAST  TUMORS. — The  breast  is  really  a  very- 
delicate  organ,  and  especially  subject  to  new 
growths,  particularly  following  injury,  or  gland- 
ular disturbances.  Fibroid  tumors  of  the  breast 
are  fairly  common.  These  grow  slowly,  but  may 
become  quite  large  and  may  finally  ulcerate 
through  the  skin  and  project  from  the  breast  in 
fungoid-like  masses,  which  may  be  mistaken  for 
cancer.  This  tumor  destroys  the  glandular  tis- 
sue of  the  breast  by  pressure. 

The  most  destructive  tumor  of  the  breast,  how- 
ever, is  carcinoma,  which  occurs  most  commonly 
in  women  between  the  ages  of  thirty-five  and 
fifty-five.  It  begins  as  a  small  hard  lump  which 
gradually  enlarges  and  spreads  until  the  entire 
breast  and  the  adjacent  tissues  are  involved.  The 
cancer  may  ulcerate  through  the  skin  or  remain 
deep-seated.  In  many  cases  the  nipple  is  re- 
tracted until  entirely  out  of  sight.  Pain  is  a  most 
constant  symptom,  and  signs  of  inflammation 
may  be  present.  The  glands  under  the  arm  en- 
large and  may  become  tender. 

All  lumps  in  the  breast  are  not  cancer,  but  any 
nodule  should  be  carefully  watched  and  if  it  en- 
larges, cancer  should  be  suspected.  Retained  se- 
cretions in  the  glands  or  milk-ducts  often  pro- 
duce hard  lumps  very  similar  to  tumors. 

Whenever  the  breast  has  been  bruised  in  any 
way  it  should  be  immediately  treated  by  the  ap- 
plication of  hot  and  cold  packs  to  stimulate  circu- 

329 


lation  and  promote  absorption  of  the  transfused 
blood.  Nodules  or  lumps  should  never  be  manip- 
ulated or  massaged  unless  their  true  nature  is 
known,  as  malignant  growths  increase  more  rap- 
idly when  thus  stimulated. 

Treatment  of  Tumors. — We  might  be  criti- 
cized for  taking  up  the  treatment  of  tumors  un- 
der a  general  heading,  for  many  who  have  been 
accustomed  to  think  of  cancer  and  tumor  as  sep- 
arate entities,  and  due  to  different  causes,  will 
imagine  that  a  separate  form  of  treatment  is  nec- 
essary for  each  type  of  tumor.  As  we  have 
shown,  all  tumors  are  due  to  the  same  cause,  and 
only  differ  according  to  the  tissue  in  which  found, 
and  the  intensity  of  the  causative  agent.  Tumor, 
including  cancer,  is  not  a  local  condition,  but  is 
the  local  expression  of  a  constitutional  disease. 

Early  and  complete  removal  by  surgical  opera- 
tion is  the  classical  treatment  for  all  forms  of 
tumor.  Where  the  growth  is  still  localized  this 
may  be  efficient  treatment,  if  accompanied  by 
constitutional  treatment  which  is  designed  to 
purify  the  blood  and  remove  the  cause,  but  with- 
out the  constitutional  treatment,  the  tumor  may 
return  and  more  rapid  decline  follow. 

The  use  of  caustics,  X-Ray,  Finsen  lights,  ra- 
dium and  other  forms  of  treatment  have  all  been 
tried  with  great  hopes  that  at  last  a  cure  had 
been  found,  but  all  have  been  failures.  Indeed 
in  many  cases  the  means  used  for  a  cure  have 
hastened  the  growth  of  the  tumor. 

The  best  of  the  local  applications,  which  is 

330 


TUMORS 


still  in  its  infancy,  but  which  promises  most  as 
far  as  local  treatment  is  concerned,  is  the  appli- 
cation, by  suitable  apparatus,  of  intense  heat, 
which  literally  cooks  and  chars  the  tumor  without 
injuring  the  normal  tissues. 

But  what  is  the  real  cure  for  tumors  and  can- 
cer? If  local  treatments  have  failed,  why  not 
try  what  constitutional  methods  will  do,  and  get 
at  the  seat  of  the  trouble,  by  removing  the  cause. 

First  of  all  we  should  live  in  such  a  way  that 
tumors  are  impossible.  All  women  should  get 
out  of  doors  into  the  fresh  air  and  sunlight  more, 
and  take  active  exercise. 

Next,  the  intestinal  tract  must  be  made  as 
clean  as  possible,  preferably  by  a  diet  of  un- 
cooked food,  or  one  in  which  fruits,  green  salads 
and  other  raw  foods  predominate. 

Hot  applications  may  be  used  for  the  relief 
of  pain,  and  in  cases  of  pelvic  tumors  with  pain, 
the  hot  sitz  bath  is  effective. 


Womanly  Periodicity 

IX  order  to  take  proper  care  of  herself  it  is 
necessary  for  every  woman  to  have  a  more  or 
less  complete  understanding  of  the  special  func- 
tions of  her  reproductive  system.  This  is  of  es- 
pecial importance  for  the  young  wife,  and  we 
will,  therefore,  turn  to  a  consideration  of  the 
part  played  by  the  reproductive  organs  in  the 
life  of  the  woman. 

By  many  people,  sex  is  looked  upon  very  large- 
ly as  though  it  were  not  only  centered  in,  but  en- 
tirely encompassed  by,  the  creative  organs.  In 
reality,  sex  permeates  every  atom  of  the  body. 
Every  molecule  of  the  woman's  organism  ex- 
presses the  characteristic  of  femininity  which  is, 
in  its  essence,  passive,  negative,  constructive. 
The  masculine'  element,  on  the  other  hand,  is 
positive,  active  and  destructive.  This  difference 
between  the  two  principles  is  manifest  even  in  the 
very  lowest  forms  of  life.  A  one-celled  organism 
which  is  feminine  in  its  characteristics  tends  to 
remain  in  one  spot  and  to  accumulate  more  cell 
material  than  is  needed  for  its  immediate  exist- 
ence. As  a  consequence,  this  cell  is  sluggish  in 
its  movement  and  increases  in  size.  A  corre- 
sponding masculine  cell  is  much  smaller  because, 
by  its  ceaseless  activity,  it  consumes  the  greater 

332 


part  of  the  cell  material  which  it  is  able  to  build 
from  its  food  supply. 

The  problem  of  life  is  living,  and  this  problem 
is  the  same  for  every  organism,  whether  unicel- 
lular, or  multicellular.  The  continuance  of  life 
means,  not  alone  maintaining  the  life  of  the  in- 
dividual, but  also  continuing  the  life  of  the  spe- 
cies. 

We  see  this  problem  in  its  simplest  terms  when 
we  consider  the  life  of  some  protozoon,  for  ex- 
ample. Here  we  find  a  one-celled  creature  which 
has  no  organs  set  apart  to  perform  different  func- 
tions, but  simply  exists  by  means  of  the  absorp- 
tion of  food  through  the  cell  wall.  Its  life  de- 
pends upon  the  maintenance  of  a  certain  ratio 
between  the  amount  of  surface  as  compared  with 
the  bulk  of  the  organism.  When  the  bulk  has 
increased  to  such  a  degree  that  it  can  no  longer 
secure  a  sufficient  amount  of  food  through  the 
surface,  the  life  of  the  individual  is  doomed  un- 
less some  means  can  be  fpund  for  increasing  the 
amount  of  surface.  There  is  but  one  way  for 
this  to  take  place,  and  this  is  by  the  division  of 
the  single  cell  into  two  smaller  ones.  It  is  in  this 
way,  therefore,  that  the  stream  of  life  is  con- 
tinued, and  this  is,  fundamentally,  the  reason  for 
the  process  of  reproduction. 

In  the  higher  forms  of  life,  instead  of  one  single 
cell  we  find  many  cells  grouped  together  to  make 
up  the  organism,  and  the  work  which  is  necessary 
to  sustain  the  life  of  this  creature  is  divided  up 
between  different  groups  of  cells,  which  are  called 

333 


WOMANHOOD  AXD    MARRIAGE 

organs.  Some  of  these  organs  are  necessary  for 
carrying  on  the  life  of  the  individual  and  some 
are  essential  only  to  the  continuance  of  the  life 
of  the  species.  In  some  of  the  earlier  forms,  all 
of  the  necessary  elements  for  the  reproduction 
of  life  are  found  within  the  one  organism.  In 
later  forms,  however,  two  different  organisms  are 
essential  to  the  reproductive  process;  one  pro- 
ducing the  feminine  element,  the  other,  the  mas- 
culine element.  These  two  must  unite  in  order 
that  a  new  life  may  come  into  existence. 

This  differentiation  between  two  individuals 
is  an  expression  of  the  law  of  sex,  and  very  evi- 
dently has  for  its  purpose  the  production  of 
greater  possibilities  of  variation  and  ultimate  im- 
provement in  the  species. 

It  gives  us  a  truer  conception  of  the  rightful 
place  of  sex  in  life  when  we  realize  that  the  mani- 
fold varieties  of  different  species  owe  their  origin 
to  this  great  principle  of  sex.  For  example, 
there  was  in  the  first  place  but  one  kind  of  a  rose, 
the  wild  sweetbrier,  and  from  this,  we  are  told,  by 
the  process  of  selection  made  possible  through 
the  law  of  sex,  have  been  developed  the  many 
hundreds  of  varieties  with  which  we  are  famil- 
iar today.  So  we  may  enumerate  the  various 
forms  not  only  of  plant  life,  but  also  of  life  in 
the  animal  kingdom.  We  cannot  begin  to  meas- 
ure the  blessings  that  have  come  to  mankind 
through  this  most  essential  and  invaluable  law 
of  sex. 

It  may  be  of  value  to  us,  in  arriving  at  an  un- 

334 


derstanding  of  the  functions  of  woman's  crea- 
tive organs,  to  contemplate,  for  a  few  moments, 
the  process  which  takes  place  in  the  early  devel- 
opment of  the  embryonic  life.  As  soon  as  the 
sperm  cell,  or  the  masculine  element,  has  united 
with  the  egg  cell,  or  the  feminine  element,  there 
begins  in  the  resultant  single-celled  organism  a 
marvellous  division  and  sub-division  which,  in  a 
remarkably  short  space  of  time,  results  in  a  form 
which  is  composed  of  a  great  number  of  tiny 
cells,  held  together  in  a  spherical  mass  and  having 
the  appearance  of  a  mulberry. 

If  you  were  to  be  told  that  a  human  body  was 
to  develop  from  this  mass  of  cells,  and  were  asked 
to  apportion  the  amount  which  you  thought 
would  be  needed,  in  the  first  place,  for  the  crea- 
tive organs  alone,  and,  in  the  second  place,  for 
the  entire  remaining  portion  of  the  body,  you 
would,  without  doubt,  divide  the  cellular  mass 
into  a  larger  and  smaller  portion  to  correspond 
with  the  size  of  the  body  and  the  creative  or- 
gans. It  may,  therefore,  be  of  interest  to  you 
to  know  that,  when  this  part  of  the  developing 
process  is  reached,  one  single  cell  is  set  aside 
for  the  purpose  of  being  developed  into  the  whole 
complicated  organism  of  the  body,  which  grows 
about  and  surrounds  the  remaining  mass,  des- 
tined to  form  the  creative  organs.  It  becomes 
evident  that  the  body,  therefore,  exists  for  the 
purpose  of  protecting  this  living  germ  plasm, 
which  is  thus  preserved  until  the  time  has  come 
for  it  to  take  up  its  special  work.  This  special 

335 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

work,  in  reality,  is  but  the  resumption  of  the 
process  of  division,  or  of  budding,  which  re- 
sulted after  the  initial  union  of  the  masculine 
and  feminine  elements. 

When  the  infant  is  born,  this  original  germ 
plasm,  with  its  accompanying  organs,  is  enclosed 
within  the  body  of  the  individual.  The  creative 
portion  of  the  organism,  however,  is,  as  it  were, 
asleep,  and  remains  dormant  for  the  first  ten 
years  of  the  life  of  the  individual.  Then,  at  last, 
it  begins  to  show  some  activity. 

The  first  work  of  the  creative  organs  has  to  do 
with  the  making  over  of  the  body  of  the  individ- 
ual to  prepare  it  for  its  later  share  in  the  work 
of  reproducing  the  life  of  the  race.  This  first 
work  consists  of  the  secretion  of  a  fluid,  called 
an  internal  secretion  because  it  is  entirely  re- 
tained within  the  organism.  This  marvellous 
fluid  is  taken  up  by  the  blood  and  carried  to  every 
portion  of  the  body,  which  at  once  begins  to 
undergo  changes. 

This  process  is  begun  at  the  very  center  of  the 
being  and  does  not,  therefore,  make  itself  evident 
for  several  years.  There  comes  a  time,  however, 
when  we  see  the  body  beginning  to  grow  very 
rapidly  and  the  child  becomes,  as  we  say,  all  arms 
and  legs.  In  other  words,  the  bony  framework 
has  felt  the  effect  of  this  wonderful  fluid  and  has 
begun  to  elongate  itself.  Sometimes  the  bones 
grow  more  rapidly  than  do  the  muscles,  result- 
ing in  a  stretching  of  the  latter  that  causes  what 
are  known  as  growing  pains.  Every  organ  of  the 

336 


WOMANLY   PERIODICITY 

body  feels  the  revolutionary  effect  of  this  inter- 
nal secretion,  and  more  evidences  of  its  work 
become  apparent.  We  find  the  little  girl  ad- 
vancing into  womanhood,  taking  on  the  curves 
which  are  natural  to  the  woman's  figure,  and  all 
of  the  other  graces  which  belong  to  femininity. 

In  the  meantime,  the  secretion  has  also  been 
busy  building  up  the  creative  organs  themselves, 
until,  when  the  little  girl  has  reached  twelve,  or 
thirteen,  or  fourteen  years  of  age,  these  organs 
themselves  begin  to  function. 

As  has  been  said,  the  functioning  of  the  cre- 
ative organs  is,  in  reality,  but  a  continuance  of 
the  dividing  process  which  first  took  place  in  the 
germ  plasm;  only  now,  instead  of  the  cells  re- 
maining together,  once  every  twenty-eight  days 
approximately,  one  little  cell  is  budded  off  from 
the  germ  plasm  and  starts  on  its  own  individual 
journey  through  the  bodily  organs. 

In  the  lowest  cavity  of  the  body,  called  the  pel- 
vic cavity,  are  suspended  the  creative  organs, 
these  consist,  in  the  first  place,  of  a  small,  pear- 
shaped  organ  about  three  inches  long,  two  inches 
wide,  and  flattened  a  little  from  front  to  back 
so  that  it  is  only  a  little  more  than  one  inch 
through  at  the  thickest  portion.  This  is  the  ute- 
rus, or  womb,  to  give  it  its  English  name.  This 
organ  is  suspended  with  the  large  end  uppermost 
and  the  small  end  entering  the  canal  called  the 
vagina,  which  leads  to  the  exterior  of  the  body. 
On  either  side  of  the  uterus  lie  two  small  bodies 
about  the  size  and  shape  of  an  almond.  These 

337 


WOMANHOOD     AXD     MARRIAGE 

are  the  ovaries,  and  it  may  be  of  interest  to  know 
that  they  contain  approximately  thirty-two  thou- 
sand ova,  or  egg  cells. 

The  uterus  is  suspended  by  means  of  two  broad 
ligaments  which  are  attached  to  its  sides  and 
pass  from  it  to  be  fastened  to  the  inner  sides 
of  the  hip  bones.  The  ovaries  lie  enclosed  in  a 
fold  of  these  broad  ligaments.  The  uterus  is 
attached  also  by  two  round  ligaments ;  one  com- 
ing from  the  front  of  the  Organ  and  being  at- 
tached to  the  pelvic  bone,  the  other  coming  from 
the  back  and  being  attached  to  the  end  of  the 
spinal  column.  Thus  the  uterus  hangs  suspended 
by  two  broad  bands  and  two  cords.  From  the 
upper  and  larger  end  of  the  organ  extend  on 
either  side,  the  Fallopian  tubes,  which  end  in 
what  are  known  as  the  fimbriated  extremities,  or, 
in  plain  English,  a  fringe,  which  is  like  tiny  fin- 
gers. 

As  has  been  said,  approximately  every  twenty- 
eight  days  an  ovum  which  has  already  risen  to 
the  surface  of  the  ovary,  ripens,  bursts  open  its 
particular  covering,  and  comes  out  into  the  pel- 
vic cavity  where  it  may  be  caught  by  the  moving 
fringe  of  the  Fallopian  tube  and  so  be  passed 
into  this  passageway,  through  which  it  progresses 
slowly  toward  the  uterus.  It  continues  its  proc- 
ess of  development  while  advancing  through  the 
tube  and  if,  on  its  way,  it  encounters  one  of  the 
living  sperm  cells,  which  is  the  masculine  con- 
tribution to  a  new  life,  the  two  unite  and  fertili- 
zation takes  place.  The  impregnated  ovum  there- 

338 


WOMANLY    PERIODICITY 

upon  finds  for  itself  a  resting  place  in  the  soft 
folds  of  the  lining  membrane  of  the  uterus,  where 
it  begins  at  once  the  marvellous  process  of  di- 
vision and  sub-division  which  has  already  been 
briefly  described.  Nourishment  is  needed,  how- 
ever, for  the  continuance  of  this  new  life,  and 
that  is  furnished  by  the  mother's  body.  An  ex- 
tra supply  of  her  blood  is  at  once  sent  to  the 
uterus  and  goes  to  the  upbuilding  of  the  new 
organism. 

If  the  ovum  is  not  impregnated,  however,  it  is 
of  no  further  use  and  passes  on  out  of  the  body. 
In  order  that  no  new  life  shall  start,  however, 
without  its  needed  nourishment,  every  time  this 
process  of  ovulation  is  gone  through  with,  an 
extra  supply  of  blood  is  sent  to  the  uterus  and 
then,  as  it  is  not  needed,  it  also  passes  on  out 
of  the  body.  This  process  is  called  menstrua- 
tion. 

It  will  be  seen  from  this  description  that  men- 
struation is  not  an  illness.  It  is  a  perfectly  nat- 
ural bodily  process,  and,  without  any  doubt,  was 
not  intended  to  be  a  source  of  suffering  to 
women,  nor  to  interfere  in  any  marked  way  with 
their  ordinary  activities.  That  in  many  cases  it 
has  become  a  cause  of  pain  and  a  distinct  handi- 
cap to  woman  in  her  activities  is  due  to  the  un- 
natural conditions  under  which  the  human  race 
has  lived  ever  since  the  begining  of  civilization. 
Without  any  doubt,  primitive  woman  did  not 
suffer  so  great  a  loss  of  blood  each  month  as  does 
the  woman  of  today  and  endured  no  pains  there- 

339 


23 


with,  just  as  childbirth  was,  to  her,  a  mere  tran- 
sient experience  which  caused  her  but  little  in- 
convenience. 

One  of  the  most  widespread  misconceptions 
of  this  function  is  that  the  blood  that  comes 
away  from  the  body  at  this  time  is,  as  it  is  com- 
monly phrased,  bad  blood,  and  that  the  loss  of  it, 
therefore,  is  of  benefit  to  the  body.  This  is  a 
mistaken  notion.  The  blood  which  is  sent  to  the 
uterus  at  this  time  is  of  as  pure  a  quality  as  any 
in  the  body,  and  its  excessive  loss — beyond  a 
certain  natural  limit — must  always  be  a  detri- 
ment to  the  organism. 

It  must  be  understood,  in  the  first  place,  that 
the  uterus  is  lined  with  a  membrane  which  cor- 
responds to  the  lining  membrane  of  the  lips  or 
the  eyelids.  A  moment's  scrutiny  will  show  that 
this  thin,  transparent  membrane  is  filled  full  of 
a  fine  network  of  tiny  arteries  through  which 
the  blood  flows,  giving  to  it  a  rich,  red  color.  So 
also  is  the  lining  membrane  of  the  uterus  filled 
full  of  tiny  arteries.  At  the  menstrual  period 
these  arteries  are  filled  so  full  of  fluid  that  their 
walls  are  stretched  thin,  as  is  a  piece  of  rubber 
when  stretched  taut.  Through  these  thin  walls 
the  blood  slowly  exudes,  gathering  on  the  inner 
surface  of  the  uterus  until  it  has  gained  enough 
volume  to  move  slowly  on  its  way  out  of  the 
body.  Now,  it  will  readily  be  understood  that 
when  the  lining  membrane  is  thus  engorged  with 
blood,  the  organ  is  very  much  heavier  than  at 
any  other  time  during  the  month.  At  the  same 

340 


WOMANLY    PERIODICITY 

time,  the  muscles  are  more  or  less  relaxed  in 
tone,  so  that  the  whole  group  of  pelvic  organs 
tends  to  sag  downward.  To  relieve  this  sagging, 
girls  are  taught  to  spend  as  much  time  as  possible 
in  a  reclining  posture  for  the  first  day  or  two, 
when  the  organ  is  most  heavily  weighted  with 
extra  fluid.  This  care  will  often  prevent  a  per- 
manent sagging  of  the  organs  which  might  ul- 
timately result  in  increasing  the  suffering  at  this 
period. 

It  also  becomes  apparent  why  it  is  so  necessary 
to  avoid  getting  the  feet  wet  at  this  time,  or  run- 
ning any  risk  of  taking  cold.  Sitting  upon  the 
damp  ground,  or  upon  a  cold  stone,  is  particularly 
dangerous,  because  it  may  cause  a  checking  of 
the  flow,  resulting  in  a  congestion  which  may  be- 
come more  or  less  serious. 

There  have  been  cases  in  which  young  girls 
have  rendered  themselves  invalids  for  life  be- 
cause, through  ignorance,  they  attempted  by  cold 
bathing  to  stop  what  seemed  to  them  a  manifesta- 
tion of  some  serious  hemorrhage.  Fortunately, 
mothers  of  today  are  generally  aware  of  the  im- 
portance of  giving  their  daughters  proper  in- 
struction before  this  function  has  begun,  so  that 
such  mistakes  are  much  less  frequent  than  they 
may  have  been  in  years  gone  by. 

Girls  often  resent  the  necessity  for  taking  spe- 
cial care  of  themselves  at  this  time,  and  some- 
times even  seem  to  think  it  an  indication  of  a 
praiseworthy  strength  of  mind  and  will  to  re- 
fuse to  exercise  a  little  common-sense  caution. 

341 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

There  are,  of  course,  many  young  women,  and 
it  may  be  that  the  number  is  increasing,  who 
do  not  find  it  necessary  to  pay  any  especial  at- 
tention to  themselves  at  this  time  of  the  month. 
They  are  able  to  go  on  about  their  ordinary  oc- 
cupations without  suffering  any  pain,  or  any 
other  marked  inconvenience.  There  are  others, 
however,  who,  if  they  persist  in  their  customary 
activities  for  the  first  day  or  two,  either  suffer 
a  great  deal  of  pain,  or  else  find  themselves  flow- 
ing for  an  undue  length  of  time.  It  is  generally 
considered  that  normally  the  flow  should  be 
ended  by  about  the  fourth  or  fifth  day.  If  the 
period  is  extended  over  a  week  it  should  be 
looked  upon  as  abnormal  and  an  effort  made  to 
discover  and  remove  the  cause.  It  will  be  found, 
in  a  good  many  of  these  cases  that  remain- 
ing in  bed  for  the  first  day  or  two  will  bring  the 
function  to  a  close  within  the  proper  period  of 
time.  The  young  woman  who  refuses,  through  a 
false  pride,  or  for  any  other  reason,  to  exercise 
this  care  over  herself,  and  who  finds  herself  as  a 
consequence  flowing  for  two,  or  three,  or  even 
four  weeks  at  a  time,  should  understand  that  she 
is  deliberately  weakening  her  system.  She  can- 
not afford  to  lose  this  amount  of  blood  and  will 
eventually  finds  herself  growing  weaker,  prone 
to  backaches  and  headaches  and  very  readily  fall- 
ing a  victim  to  various  infections.  Instead  of 
foolishly  refusing  to  pay  any  attention  to  what 
she  considers  to  be  a  negligible  weakness,  she 
should  begin  at  once  not  only  to  keep  herself 

342 


WOMANLY    PERIODICITY 

strictly  in  bed  for  the  first  two  or  three  days  of 
the  period,  but  also  to  put  herself  upon  a  severe 
regime  during  the  intervening  time.  She  should 
exercise  regularly,  have  plenty  of  out-door  air 
and,  possibly,  a  cold  spray  in  the  morning. 

It  is  especially  important  that  young  girls 
should  exercise  this  special  care  over  themselves 
during  the  first  year  or  two  of  menstruation. 
When  the  function  is  once  thoroughly  estab- 
lished, it  may  not  be  necessary  to  be  so  careful. 

The  question  of  bathing  at  the  menstrual  pe- 
riod is  one  upon  which  a  diversity  of  opinion 
may  be  heard.  Formerly  it  was  the  custom  to 
warn  women  against  any  bathing  at  this  time. 
More  recently,  however,  physicians  have  begun 
to  agree  that  it  may  be  possible  for  baths  to  be 
taken  at  this  time  without  any  unfortunate  re- 
sults. The  matter  is  one,  probably,  which  will 
have  to  be  decided  more  or  less  in  accordance 
with  the  requirements  of  the  individual.  For  ex- 
ample, the  young  woman  who  is  in  the  habit  of 
taking  a  cold  plunge  every  day  will,  in  all  prob- 
ability, be  able,  at  this  time,  to  take  a  cold  spray 
without  feeling  any  deleterious  effects.  On  the 
other  hand,  a  young  woman  of  a  less  vigorous 
vitality  who,  under  ordinary  circumstances,  has 
difficulty  in  reacting  from  a  cold  spray,  could 
not  possibly  continue  during  the  menstrual 
period. 

Extremely  hot  baths  also  are  not  desirable,  as 
they  induce  a  larger  flow  and  are  more  or  less 
weakening.  What  is  called  a  neutral  bath,  that 

343 


is,  at  about  the  temperature  of  the  body,  is  the 
kind  best  suited  to  the  majority  of  women  dur- 
ing these  periods  and  may,  therefore,  be  recom- 
mended. 

The  hot  sitz  bath  is  often  found  to  relieve  pain, 
especially  in  cases  of  delayed  and  scanty  men- 
struation. In  other  cases  of  painful  menstrua- 
tion resulting  from  an  undue  congestion  in  the 
parts  involved,  a  hot  foot  bath,  which  restores 
the  general  circulation  of  the  blood,  will  be  found 
efficacious. 

The  most  potent  cause  of  painful  menstruation 
is  the.  misplacement  of  the  uterus  for  one  reason 
or  another.  It  may  be  tipped  forward  or  back, 
on  one  side  or  the  other.  When  only  tipped  to 
a  slight  degree  it  may  cause  but  little  discomfort, 
but  when  sharply  turned  upon  itself  it  may  cause 
great  suffering.  It  is  important,  therefore,  to 
consider  possible  causes  for  the  misplacement 
of  this  organ. 

In  the  first  place  it  will  readily  be  seen  that 
a  wrong  standing  or  sitting  posture  will  be  pro- 
ductive of  harmful  results.  The  girl  who  con- 
stantly sits  upon  her  spine  is  tipping  the  uterus 
backard  into  an  unnatural  position.  The  same 
may  be  said  of  the  one  who  stands  incorrectly. 

One  other  very  common  cause  of  displacement 
of  this  organ  is  constipation.  It  must  be  remem- 
bered that  directly  over  the  uterus  is  the  alimen- 
tary tract.  There  are  approximately  thirty  feet 
of  small  and  large  intestines  which  hang  sus- 
pended in  the  abdominal  cavity.  If  tljese  are  al- 

344 


WOMANLY    PERIODICITY 

lowed  to  become  packed  full  of  effete  matter, 
they  become  very  heavy  and  pull  down  upon 
their  supporting  membranes  until  they  may  rest 
upon  the  organs  beneath  in  such  a  way  as  to  push 
them  out  of  place.  For  this  reason  it  is  most 
important  for  young  women  to  learn  how  to 
avoid  getting  the  habit  of  constipation,  for  con- 
stipation, it  must  be  understood,  is  not  an  ill- 
ness. It  is  simply  an  unfortunate  habit. 

While  the  statement  is  made  that  the  process 
of  ovulation  and  menstruation  takes  place  every 
twenty-eight  days,  the  period  is  not  the  same  for 
all  individuals,  although  it  should  normally  be 
the  same  for  each  individual.  For  example,  one 
young  woman,  will  menstruate  every  twenty- 
eight  days,  another  one  every  thirty  days,  and 
another  one  every  twenty-seven  days.  Whatever 
the  period,  it  should  be  regular  with  the  individ- 
ual. If  the  menstrual  period  recurs  more  fre- 
quently than  every  three  weeks  it  would  seem  to 
be  an  indication  of  an  abnormal  condition  which 
should  be  overcome  and  probably  can  be  mas- 
tered by  careful,  healthful  living. 

Frequently  the  statement  is  made  that  be- 
cause a  young  woman  did  not  establish  the  func- 
tion of  menstruation  she  went  into  a  decline;  it 
may  be,  had  consumption  and  passed  away  in 
her  early  youth.  The  truth  of  the  matter  is  she 
did  not  menstruate  because  she  was  already  in  a 
decline,  and  did  not  possess  the  vitality  required 
for  the  establishment  of  this  additional  function. 

It  will  be  found  also  that  a  woman  who  allows 

345 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

herself  to  become  thoroughly  run  down  may  stop 
menstruating  and  think  that  something  serious 
has  happened  to  her.  Restoration  of  her  general 
health  will  re-establish  the  monthly  period. 

Connecting  the  womb  with  the  exterior  of  the 
body  is  a  muscular  tube  called  the  vagina.  The 
external  opening  of  this  tube  may,  in  childhood, 
be  guarded  by  a  thin  fold  or  veil  of  mucous  mem- 
brane. This  stretches  across  the  opening  of  the 
vagina  like  the  head  of  a  drum  and  is  called  the 
hymen.  It  has  been  supposed  by  many  to  be  a 
complete  veil  across  the  entrance  and  its  pres- 
ence, therefore,  to  be  an  indication  of  virginity. 
If  a  man  marries  with  the  old  idea  that  the  hymen 
is  always  present  in  virgins  he  may  do  his  wife 
a  great  injustice  by  assuming  that  she  has  strayed 
from  the  path  of  virtue  because  he  fails  to  find 
this  physical  sign  present  in  her.  It  is,  therefore, 
rather  important  for  young  men  as  well  as  young 
women  to  be  made  acquainted  with  the  real  facts 
in  the  case. 

It  is  true  that  sometimes  the  hymen  completely 
obstructs  the  vaginal  opening.  Occasionally, 
however,  the  membrane  is  perforated  in  several 
places.  More  frequently,  there  is  one  opening 
with  ragged  edges.  Normally,  however,  it  is  per- 
forated at  or  near  the  middle  by  a  round  or  oval 
opening  which  may  be  easily  enlarged  by  stretch- 
ing. Sometimes  the  hymen  is  but  little  more 
than  a  circular  ridge  or  flange  projecting  toward 
the  centre  of  the  vaginal  tube,  or  it  may  be  en- 

346 


WOMANLY    PERIODICITY 

tirely  wanting  along  a  part  of  the  circumference. 
Frequently,  it  is  entirely  absent. 

It  would  seem  that  the  customary  care  of  the 
body  exercised  by  many  women  also  tends  to 
either  prevent  the  development  of  a  distinct  hy- 
men or,  what  is  more  likely,  to  destroy  it  after 
it  has  been  imperfectly  formed.  Without  doubt, 
the  local  douches  which  are  so  frequently  pre- 
scribed and  other  forms  of  local  treatment  may 
have  the  same  effect. 

These  being  the  facts,  it  becomes  evident  that 
the  presence  or  absence  of  the  hymen  has  prac- 
tically nothing  to  do  with  the  question  of  a  young 
woman's  chastity.  If  this  fact  were  thoroughly 
understood,  it  doubtless  might  have  the  effect  of 
removing  a  good  deal  of  the  nervousness  which 
brides  feel  upon  the  advent  of  the  wedding  night. 

There  is  also  another  reason  for  definite  in- 
struction upon  this  point.  If  the  hymen  is  a  com- 
plete membrane  and  difficult  to  penetrate,  the 
husband  may  have  to  exercise  great  considera- 
tion to  avoid  causing  intense  pain  to  his  wife  in 
the  first  approaches  toward  the  consummation  of 
marriage.  Under  such  conditions  the  utmost 
gentleness  on  the  part  of  the  husband  is  called 
for,  and  in  all  probability,  the  wisest  thing  will  be 
to  have  the  wife  examined  by  a  competent  physi- 
cian and  the  necessary  measures  taken  for  reliev- 
ing the  situation.  A  little  local  treatment,  such 
as  stretching  of  the  hymen,  may  be  all  that  is 
necessary.  Upon  occasion,  a  slight  operation 
may  be  needed. 

347 


CHAPTER  XLIX 

Determining  Sex 

A  great  deal  of  attention,  both  scientific  and 
other,  has  been  given  to  the  subject  of  the 
pre-determination  of  sex.  The  majority  of  peo- 
ple feel  that  they  would  like  to  have  the  power  to 
say  to  which  sex  their  child  should  belong.  In 
the  case  of  ruling  families  and  those  with  great 
wealth  to  dispose  of,  it  has  generally  been  consid- 
ered desirable  to  have  the  first  child  a  boy  and, 
if  any  one  had  been  able  to  discover  an  absolutely 
certain  method  for  determining  beforehand  the 
sex  of  the  child  that  was  to  be  born,  that  individ- 
ual would  probably  have  coined  a  fortune  that 
would  be  the  envy  of  even  a  Rockefeller.  A  good 
many  persons  have  thought  that  they  had  a  sure 
way  of  fixing  the  sex  of  the  child  before  it  is  born ; 
but  although  these  methods  seem  sometimes  to 
have  produced  the  desired  result  further  exper- 
imentation has  as  a  rule  proved  them  to  be  unre- 
liable. 

The  law  of  chance  must  be  taken  into  account 
whenever  one  attempts  to  prove  the  trustworth- 
iness of  any  theory.  It  may  be  quite  true  that  a 
certain  couple  followed  a  prescribed  regime  for 
producing  a  child  of  the  male  sex  and  the  infant 
born  to  them  may  have  been  a  boy.  Nevertheless, 
this  does  not  prove  that  the  method  pursued  was 
a  cause  of  the  result.  The  child  might  have  been 

348 


DETERMINING  SEX 

a  boy  in  any  case.  If  the  same  method,  used  upon 
another  occasion  or  by  other  individuals,  should 
fail  once  to  produce  the  desired  result,  the  method 
would  thereby  be  proven  to  be  not  absolutely  in- 
fallible. 

In  the  first  place,  it  is  interesting  to  consider 
the  relative  number  of  the  sexes,  not  only  in  the 
early  years  of  life  but  also  in  the  later  age  periods. 
The  study  made  of  this  subject  seems  to  assure 
us  that  a  few  more  males  are  born  into  the  world 
than  females.  The  average  in  civilized  countries 
during  a  long  series  of  years  is  about  105  boys  to 
100  girls.  The  fundamental  difference  between 
the  sexes  is  clearly  shown  even  at  this  early  pe- 
riod of  life  in  the  relative  vitality  of  the  two  sexes. 
As  the  female  is  the  constructive  half,  tending 
always  to  remain  more  or  less  passive  and,  there- 
fore, able  to  store  up  material  for  future  use,  so 
we  are  not  surprised- to  learn  that  female  infants 
are  more  tenacious  of  life  than  are  male  children. 
They  more  easily  resist  the  diseases  incident  to 
infancy  and  childhood,  so  that  at  the  age  of  pu- 
berty it  is  found  that  there  are  a  few  more  girls 
than  boys.  This  difference  increases  until  the 
years  of  maturity,  when  we  find  that  there  are 
about  105  adult  females  to  about  100  adult 
males. 

This  difference  between  the  vital  resistance  of 
the  boys  and  girls  in  early  childhood  is  known 
practically  to  all  who  have  the  care  of  infants. 
Every  mother  of  a  family  realizes  the  greater 
difficulty  which  she  experiences  in  bringing  her 

349 


boys  to  maturity  than  in  rearing  her  girls.  Of 
course,  it  is  easy  to  be  seen  that  this  added  vital- 
ity is  needed  by  woman  in  order  to  enable  her  to 
pass  through  the  increased  demand  made  upon 
her  system  by  the  process  of  gestation  and  birth. 
In  spite  of  the  dangers  incident  to  maternity, 
the  number  of  women  markedly  increases  in  pro- 
portion to  the  number  of  men  throughout  the 
years  of  life,  these  dangers  being  offset  among 
the  male  population  by  the  effects  of  war,  lust, 
narcotism,  machinery,  exposure  to  inclement 
weather  and  similar  exigencies.  In  an  ideal  state 
of  society  the  number  of  men  and  women  would 
be  aproximately  equal,  thus  insuring  the  possi- 
bility of  a  mate  for  every  human  creature. 

There  have  been  many  superstitious  beliefs  in 
regard  to  sex  determination.  Some  have  thought 
that  the  organs  on  one  side  of  the  body  produced 
female  germs,  the  organs  en  the  other  side  of 
the  body  produced  male  germs.  Some  have 
thought  that  it  depended  upon  the  comparative 
vitality  of  the  germ  cells,  those  of  more  vitality 
resulting  in  males  and  of  less  vitality  in  females. 
This  doctrine,  however,  is  contrary  to  the  proven 
facts  of  sex  differences.  Some  have  thought  it 
depended  upon  whether  the  husband  was  older 
than  the  wife,  or  whether  one  parent  was  more 
vigorous  then  the  other.  Some  have  thought  that 
it  depended  upon  the  age  of  the  mother. 

One  of  the  theories  which  has  seemed  to  have 
more  possibility  of  truth  in  it  than  these  super- 
stitious beliefs  has  pointed  to  the  differences  of 

3SO 


DETERMINING  SEX 

sex  as  being  determined  by  the  abundance  of 
the  food  supply.  For  example,  it  is  known  that 
more  males  in  proportion  to  the  number  of  fe- 
males are  born  immediately  following  a  war  than 
at  other  periods.  Some  have  claimed  that  this 
was  because  of  the  lessening  of  the  food  supply, 
due  to  conditions  resulting  from  the  lessening 
of  the  productivity  of  a  nation  as  a  result  of  the 
great  number  of  workers  that  have  necessarily 
been  called  into  the  war  service.  Those  who 
believe  in  this  theory  also  point  to  the  well-known 
method  by  which  bees  develop  workers  (females) 
by  giving  them  a  larger  food  supply  than  is  given 
to  the  drones  (males) .  The  theory,  however,  has 
never  been  satisfactorily  proven. 

A  much  more  probable  theory  seems  to  be 
that  known  as  Thury's  law,  because  it  was  first 
announced  by  a  veterinary  surgeon  of  that  name 
at  the  Academy  of  Geneva.  He  studied  the  sub- 
ject of  sex  determination  while  engaged  in  rais- 
ing horses,  cattle  and  other  domestic  animals. 
His  conclusion  was  that  sex  is  determined  prac- 
tically at  the  time  at  which  the  ovum  is  impreg- 
nated. He  seemed  to  establish  the  fact  that  if 
fertilization  occurred  early  in  the  fertile  period 
the  resultant  offspring  would  be  female.  An- 
other investigator  put  forth  his  theory  as  fol- 
lows :  "Sex  depends  upon  the  degree  of  ripeness 
of  the  female  ovum  at  the  time  of  its  fecundation. 
If  an  ovum  has  reached  the  highest  degree  of 
ripeness  when  impregnated,  a  male  is  sure  to 
result."  It  is  apparent  that  this  last  conclusion 

351 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

is  based  upon  the  belief  that  the  male,  both  struc- 
turally and  functionally,  is  more  perfect  than 
the  female  and  must  develop,  therefore,  from  the 
more  mature  and  complete  ovum.  According  to 
this,  if  impregnation  occurred  immediately  after 
the  close  of  a  menstrual  flow — when,  as  a  rule, 
the  ovum  is  not  fully  matured — the  result  will  be 
a  girl ;  but  if,  through  a  high  nutritive  condition 
of  the  mother,  the  ovum  be  fully  ripe  at  the  time 
of  fertilization,  the  result  will  be  a  boy. 

It  is  particularly  interesting,  in  view  of  the 
above,  to  turn  to  a  recent  study  conducted  by 
a  German  scientist  which  appeared  in  a  medical 
journal  in  September,  1916.  This  scientist  has 
been  charting  data  obtained  by  comparing  the 
date  of  a  soldier's  brief  furlough  with  the  preg- 
nancy of  his  wife.  These  charts  demonstrate 
that  conception  was  most  likely  to  occur  when 
the  soldier  reached  home  during  the  first,  days 
after  cessation  of  the  menses.  The  probability  of 
conception  then  grew  progressively  less  until  al- 
most constant  sterility  was  the  rule  for  the 
woman  during  the  days  preceding  the  next  men- 
struation. For  the  purpose  of  seeking  to  dis- 
cover the  laws  predetermining  the  sex  of  a  child, 
he  divided  the  inter-menstrual  period  into  three 
phases:  one,  from  the  first  day  of  menstruation 
to  the  ninth  day ;  two,  from  the  tenth  day  to  the 
fourteenth  day;  and,  three,  from  the  fifteenth  to 
the  twenty-second  day.  (The  remaining  six  days 
are  not  considered  as  the  woman  may  be  regarded 
as  sterile  during  this  phase).  He  obtained  data 

352 


DETERMINING  SEX 

along  these  lines  in  eighty  cases ;  the  pregnancies 
dating  from  the  first  period  gave  thirty-seven 
boys  and  seven  girls ;  the  second  period,  four  boys 
and  eight  girls ;  and  the  third  period,  three  boys 
and  twenty  girls.  This  would  tend  to  prove  that 
the  male  resulted  from  the  unripe  ovum  which 
would  accord  with  our  present  understanding 
of  the  law  of  sex  itself. 

My  own  opinion  in  reference  thereto  has  been 
guided  to  a  certain  extent  by  the  laws  of  utility, 
and  in  explaining  this  theory  to  audiences  I  have 
had  various  men  vouch  for  its  accuracy  as  a  re- 
sult of  their  own  experience. 

According  to  this  theory  sex  is  determined  to 
a  large  extent  by  the  force  of  attraction. 

If  the  husband's  affection  for  the  wife  is 
stronger  than  the  wife's  for  the  husband,  then 
the  child  will  be  a  girl.  If  conditions  are  re- 
versed, the  wife  feeling  the  attraction  most 
strongly,  the  child  will  be  a  boy. 

Under  this  theory  you  can,  to  a  certain  extent, 
account  for  the  large  number  of  boy  babies  born 
during  or  following  war.  The  husband's  attrac- 
tion for  the  wife  under  such  circumstances  is 
greatly  enhanced,  not  only  because  of  the  heroic 
character  of  his  soldier  life,  but  to  a  certain  ex- 
tent because  "absence  makes  the  heart  grow 
fonder." 


353 


CHAPTER  L 

THE  MENOPAUSE,  OR  THE  CHANGE 
OF  LIFE. 

THE  establishment  of  menstruation  at  the  be- 
ginning of  the  adolescent  period  is  something 
of  a  physical  crisis  for  the  young  girl ;  so,  also,  is 
the  cessation  of  this  function  for  the  adult 
woman.  The  sex  organs  continue  their  activity 
from  about  thirteen  or  fourteen  years  of  age  to 
somewhere  between  forty-five  and  fifty  years  of 
age.  This  is  called  the  childbearing  period,  be- 
cause it  is  during  this  time  that  the  woman  is 
capable  of  fulfilling  her  function  as  a  mother. 
The  exact  time  for  the  end  of  this  period  cannot 
be  definitely  placed,  because  it  varies  with  dif- 
ferent individuals.  The  change  of  life,  as  it  is 
called,  may  come,  in  some  instances,  as  early  as 
forty  years  of  age;  in  others  it  may  be  delayed 
until  after  fifty,  but  the  average  seems  to  be 
somewhere  between  these  two  limits. 

In  all  probability,  just  as  the  menstrual  func- 
tion itself  was  not  intended  to  be  a  cause  of  phys- 
ical weakness  to  woman,  so  was  its  cessation  not 
intended  to  be  productive  of  physical  ailments. 
If  women  were  able  to  live  an  absolutely  normal, 
healthy  existence,  it  is  most  likely  that  they 
would  experience  but  little  inconvenience  in  the 
readjustment  of  the  body  which  takes  place  at 
this  time. 

354 


THE    CHANGE   OF   LIFE 

There  is  great  variation  in  the  amount  of  in- 
convenience suffered  by  different  individuals. 
The  causes  of  these  differences  are  not  always 
apparent.  It  would  seem,  however,  that  if  the 
physical  condition  has  been  kept  at  the  highest 
point,  the  transition  should  be  made  easily  and 
without  any  marked  physical  disturbance.  There 
are,  however,  physical  and  nervous  adjustments 
to  be  made  which  should  be  expected  and  prop- 
erly provided  for. 

The  process  that  now  begins  is  the  reverse  of 
that  which  took  place  at  the  beginning  of  the 
adolescent  period.  As  at  that  time,  the  ovaries 
were  quickened  into  activity,  so  now  they  begin 
to  lessen  their  functioning  and  slowly  to  atrophy. 
As  the  production  of  ova  gradually  ceases,  so 
also  does  the  functioning  of  menstruation  cease. 
Normally,  the  first  indication  of  the  approaching 
change  should,  in  all  probability,  be  a  gradual 
lengthening  of  the  time  between  menstrual 
periods.  This  is  not  always  the  case,  however. 
Various  forms  of  irregularity  may  make  them- 
selves manifest.  For  example,  at  one  time  the 
flow  may  be  very  profuse;  the  next  month,  the 
menstruation  may  be  suppressed.  The  following 
month  it  may  be  very  scanty,  and  then,  again, 
very  profuse.  The  periods  may  lose  their  regu- 
larity, so  that  it  becomes  very  difficult  for  the 
individual  to  know  when  to  provide  against  the 
contingency.  During  the  profuse  period,  it  is 
very  important  for  the  woman  to  remain  in  bed 
in  order  that  a  serious  flooding  may  not  result. 

24  355 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

Where  this  natural  precaution  is  neglected,  the 
period  of  change  may  be  unnecessarily  pro- 
longed, and  its  nervous  symptoms  may  reappear 
after  the  lapse  of  some  years. 

As  the  ovaries  gradually  atrophy,  so  also  do  the 
uterus  and  the  breasts, — all  organs  of  the  repro- 
ductive system. 

The  process  of  change  is,  as  a  rule,  a  gradual 
one,  taking  sometimes  as  much  as  three  years 
for  its  completion.  As  the  vital  powers  are  now 
relieved  of  the  extra  burden  of  providing  for  this 
reproduction  process,  there  naturally  comes 
about,  in  many  instances,  a  tendency  for  fat  to  be 
distributed  somewhat  generally  throughout  the 
body,  except  about  the  breasts  which  usually  de- 
crease somewhat  in  size  and  become  flattened  in 
form.  The  fact  that  there  is  a  real  increase  in 
vitality  at  this  time  is  shown  by  mortality  tables, 
which  indicate  that  the  death  rate  among  women 
between  the  ages  of  forty  and  fifty  is  lower  than 
at  any  other  period  after  puberty.  It  is  lower 
than  the  death  rate  of  men  between  those  same 
ages.  This  should  go  far  to  relieving  women  of 
the  serious  apprehensions  which  many  of  them 
are  inclined  to  feel  at  this  period.  If  they  will 
exercise  an  ordinary  amount  of  common  sense 
in  the  care  of  themselves,  there  is  nothing  in  this 
experience  which  they  seriously  need  to  dread. 

This  does  not  mean  that  care  is  not  needed  to 
enable  them  to  pass  successfully  through  this 
necessary  adjustment.  There  usually  is  a  variety 
of  nervous  symptoms  which  accompany  this 

356 


THE    CHANGE   OF   LIFE 

change,  such  as  headache,  irritability,  flushing  of 
face  and  body,  capricious  appetite  and  other  dis- 
turbances of  the  digestive  apparatus.  Conges- 
tions and  aberrations  of  the  blood  and  nerves 
cause  the  various  disagreeable  symptoms  from 
which  women  suffer  at  this  time.  Not  only  is 
there  a  tendency  to  flooding,  which  itself  is  a 
usual  phenomenon  of  the  circulatory  system,  but 
there  are  apt  to  be  hemorrhages  from  other  parts. 
Nosebleeding  is  a  common  form  of  hemorrhage, 
and  may  be  a  welcome  relief  unless  unduly  se- 
vere. 

Another  distressing  irregularity  which  may 
take  place  at  this  time  is  palpitation  following 
some  exertion  or  emotion ;  or,  it  may  be,  for  no 
apparent  reason  the  heart  begins  to  throb,  caus- 
ing the  greatest  discomfort.  There  is  a  rush  of 
blood  to  the  head,  which  is  hot,  with  severe  head- 
ache ;  the  cheeks  burn ;  there  is  a  feeling  of  faint- 
ness  or  a  choking  sensation,  a  buzzing  sound  in 
the  ears  and  a  dancing  blackness  before  the  eyes. 
Such  an  experience  may  leave  a  woman  with  the 
dread  that  she  is  going  to  be  visited  by  a  stroke, 
or  she  may  think  that  she  is  about  to  become  a 
victim  of  heart  disease.  She  should  put  aside  all 
such  morbid  fears,  however,  as  the  change  of 
life  never  causes  heart  disease,  although  it  may 
produce  a  sudden  attack  of  palpitation  which 
only  indicates  a  disturbance  of  the  normal  course 
of  her  life. 

When  the  adjustment  of  her  system  is  finally 
made,  she  will  have  no  further  trouble  of  this 

357 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

kind.  She  should,  however,  give  strict  attention 
to  rules  of  simple,  hygienic  living  and  should 
carefully  avoid  all  stimulants. 

The  more  serious  abnormal  conditions  which 
may  develop  are,  in  the  first  place,  excessive  hem- 
orrhages. These  should  not  be  allowed  to  go  on 
under  the  fallacious  notion  that  they  are  the 
natural  accompaniment  of  the  menopause.  If 
they  continue  for  an  undue  length  of  time,  a 
physician  should  be  called  in  that  they  may  be 
carefully  checked.  There  is  the  possibility  of  the 
development  of  tumors.  If  special  pain  is  felt, 
or  nodules  appear  in  the  breast,  or  if  pains  in 
the  pelvis  endure  or  are  persistent,  it  is  wise  to 
consult  a  physician  at  once.  The  probability  is 
that  the  cause  will  not  require  much  treatment, 
but  the  possibility  that  it  may  be  serious  and 
need  attention  makes  it  imperative  to  call  for 
expert  assistance  without  delay.  Should  a  malig- 
nant growth  be  in  the  process  of  development  its 
early  discovery  will  insure  the  adoption  of  treat- 
ment for  its  removal  before  any  serious  conse- 
quences can  follow,  whereas  delay  may  be  most 
dangerous. 

The  nervous  system  at  this  time  becomes  as 
unreliable  as  does  the  circulatory  system. 
Changes  in  the  sensibility  of  the  skin  become  fre- 
quent. Tender  spots  appear  and  vanish.  Back- 
ache, neuralgia,  pain  over  the  heart  and  over  the 
stomach  are  apt  to  be  present,  and  show  the  gen- 
eral instability  of  the  nerves.  Irritability  of 
temper  is  unfortunately  common.  Women  also 

358 


THE   CHANGE   OF   LIFE 

are  apt  to  lose  their  power  of  judgment  and  their 
power  to  think  clearly;  they  become  restless,  hesi- 
tating, indecisive,  moody  and  depressed.  They 
sleep  badly,  are  troubled  with  distressing  dreams 
and  may  evidence  fear  that  they  are  going  insane. 

All  of  this  calls  for  a  sympathetic  understand- 
ing on  the  part  of  those  around  them,  who  should 
help  them  to  have  patience  with  their  own  dis- 
tressing symptoms  and  to  await  with  confidence 
the  day  when  adjustment  will  have  been  com- 
pleted and  they  will  once  more  find  themselves 
competent  to  fill  a  useful  place  in  life. 

The  use  of  hot  water  in  various  forms  at  this 
time  will  be  found  most  efficacious.  Wherever 
there  may  be  pain  in  the  back,  the  bowels,  or  else- 
where, the  heat  will  be  beneficial.  Hot  applica- 
tions throughout  the  entire  length  of  the  spine 
will  be  helpful  in  quieting  the  nerves.  The  hot 
vaginal  douche  will  relieve  tenderness  and  con- 
gestions of  uterus  and  ovaries  and  tend  to  con- 
trol excessive  flow,  but  it  must  be  hot — 110  or 
115  degrees  Fahrenheit.  Warm  sitz  baths  will  re- 
lieve the  head.  For  flushings,  the  affected  parts 
will  be  relieved  by  sponging  with  hot  water. 
For  profuse  sweating,  sponging  with  hot  salt 
water  will  be  found  efficacious. 

As  a  rule,  the  desire  for  sexual  intercourse 
gradually  decreases  and  finally  dies  with  the  ces- 
sation of  ovulation  and  menstruation.  It  some- 
times happens,  at  this  time  of  life,  that  because 
of  local  congestion  and  disturbed  nerves  exces- 
sive sexual  desire  is  felt.  This  is  a  morbid  con- 

359 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

dition  which  is  generally  increased  by  the  effort 
to  gratify  it.  If  it  is  so  recognized  by  the  indi- 
vidual and  the  proper  use  made  of  hot  vaginal 
douches  and  careful  exercising,  the  condition 
may  gradually  be  overcome. 

With  many  women  at  this  period,  there  is  a 
strong  tendency  to  gloomy  forebodings.  Their 
thoughts  center  about  themselves  and  every  pain 
is  aggravated  by  their  apprehensive  imaginings. 
Thus  they  make  their  own  lives  a  much  greater 
burden  than  is  at  all  necessary.  Often  a  com- 
plete change  of  scene  and  occupation  is  the  most 
effective  treatment.  It  is  important  to  establish 
an  absorbing  interest  in  something  outside  of 
self,  thereby  preventing  introspection. 

There  is  no  reason  for  women  to  dread  this 
time  as  so  many  of  them  do,  nor  to  feel  that  it 
is  an  indication  of  the  end  of  their  period  of  use- 
fulness. While  it  is  true  that  they  can  no  longer 
bring  children  into  the  world,  that  does  not  mean 
that  they  cease  to  be  mothers  in  the  truest  and 
most  comprehensive  meaning  of  the  word. 
Motherhood  is  more  than  simply  a  physical  func- 
tion. In  its  essence  it  is  purely  spiritual.  As 
the  physical  mother  nourishes  and  sustains  the 
body  of  her  offspring,  so  does  the  spiritual  mother 
inspire  and  develop  the  highest  and  best  in  all 
with  whom  she  comes  in  contact. 

Instead  of  looking  upon  the  change  of  life  as  a 
lessening  of  her  usefulness  rather  should  the 
woman  consider  it  an  extension  of  her  field  of  ac- 
tivity. 

360 


CHAPTER  LI 

How  to  Build  Vigorous  Womanhood. 

BEFORE  the  great  world  war  took  so  many 
of  the  male  members  of  society  away  from 
their  various  occupations  to  the  struggle  of  the 
battlefield,  most  people  still  had  in  their  heads 
the  time-worn  idea  that  woman  is  the  weaker  sex 
and  should  not  think  of  laying  claim  to  the  pos- 
session of  vigor  or  muscular  strength.  But  now, 
how  this  has  all  changed !  We  find  women  doing 
practically  everything  that  man  ever  did,  and 
we  hear  nothing  said  about  the  work  not  being 
as  efficiently  done  as  formerly,  either.  We  have 
women  farmers,  iron-workers,  blacksmiths, 
street-car  conductors,  chauffeurs  and  ammuni- 
tion workers,  and  in  the  great  conflict  itself,  we 
have  seen  in  the  Russian  "Battalion  of  Death," 
women  soldiers  as  capable  of  holding  their  own 
and  as  brave  as  man  ever  dared  to  be. 

What  does  all  this  mean?  Have  we  been  wrong 
all  these  ages  about  the  weakness  of  women? 
Are  the  supposedly  fabulous  tales  of  the  strength 
and  vigor  of  ancient  women,  then,  really  true? 
It  seems  so,  and  the  facts  indicate  that  modern 
woman  is  awakening,  and  will  soon  be  emanci- 
pated from  her  thralldom  of  weakness  and  disa- 
bility. 

Among  the  lower  animals,  the  female  of  the 
species  is  practically  never  inferior  to,  and  in 

361 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

some  cases  excels,  the  male  in  strength.  In  the 
human  species,  also,  there  are  many  women, 
who,  even  in  these  civilized  times,  are  much 
stronger  than  many  men,  and  more  capable  men- 
tally as  well  as  physically.  It  should  be  forgot- 
ten, therefore,  that  women  were  ever  considered 
inferior. 

It  is,  however,  true  that  woman  has  a  great 
deal  to  overcome,  and  a  great  many  old  tradi- 
tions and  customs  to  discard,  before  she  will  be 
ready  collectively  to  take  her  place  alongside 
the  male  as  a  being  of  equal  vigor.  She  has  the 
effects  of  generations  of  indoor  living  to  over- 
come. Her  muscles  are  weak  and  flabby  be- 
cause of  inactivity.  It  will  take  generations  of 
women  and  years  upon  years  of  proper  living 
and  care  of  the  body  to  bring  forth  a  race  of 
women  such  as  will  satisfy  the  dreams  of  the 
eugenist. 

But  suppose  you  are  weak  and  perhaps  ill — is 
strength  and  health  possible?  Of  course  they 
are,  and  we  are  going  to  tell  you  how  to  secure 
them. 

In  the  first  place  you  may  find  it  necessary 
to  change  somewhat  your  ideas  of  living.  You 
must  forget  that  you  are  a  woman,  for  the  time 
being,  and  simply  remember  that  you  belong  to 
the  human  race  and  are  subject  to  all  of  the  laws 
of  Nature  applying  to  humanity.  Strength  is 
dependent  upon  good  health,  and  you  must  first 
secure  that.  All  of  your  efforts  must  be  in  that 
direction.  If  you  have  any  habits  which  are 

362 


injuring  you,  give  them  up.  Stop  all  drug- 
taking  and  the  use  of  tea,  coffee,  alcoholic  drinks 
and  patent  medicines.  You  must  give  yourself 
every  chance.  Remember  that  everything  en- 
tering your  system  finally  gets  into  the  blood  and 
that  the  blood  carries  this,  whether  food  or 
poison,  to  the  cells.  If  food,  the  cells  are  prop- 
erly nourished  and  health  results — if  poison,  *the 
cells  are  poisoned  and  ill  health  is  produced. 

Would-be  athletes  and  others  desiring  to  be- 
come strong  often  make  the  mistake  of  trying  to 
develop  their  voluntary  muscles  through  exercise 
alone,  forgetting  the  other  factors  necessary  for 
health.  Big  muscles  may  be  produced  in  this 
way,  but  the  vital  organs  are  perhaps  neglected 
and  are  incapable  of  producing  the  blood  neces- 
sary for  keeping  up  the  nutrition  of  the  new- 
formed  tissue,  or  removing  waste  substances. 

Special  attention  should  be  given  to  elimina- 
tion through  all  four  of  the  great  emunctories 
of  the  body,  viz.,  the  lungs,  kidneys,  bowels  and 
skin.  Without  perfect  elimination  there  can  be 
no  health,  and  hence  no  physical  vigor.  Much 
of  the  listlessness,  tired  feeling,  and  headache 
experienced  by  women  from  no  apparent  cause 
is  due  to  faulty  elimination. 

THE  LUNGS. — The  more  fresh  air  inhaled,  the 
more  carbon-dioxide  do  the  lungs  delete  from 
the  system.  Therefore  live  out  of  doors  as  much 
as  possible.  The  next  best  thing  is  to  work  and 
sleep  where  there  is  good  ventilation.  If  you 
are  compelled  to  work  all  day  in  badly  ventilated 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

rooms,  make  it  a  practice  to  sleep  out  of  doors, 
or  with  your  head  near  the  window.  Modern 
apartment  houses  often  have  sleeping  porches, 
but  they  are  seldom  used  for  the  purpose  for 
which  intended,  being  often  occupied  as  dens  or 
smoking  rooms.  Walk  to  your  work  if  you  can. 
Take  an  earlier  start  and  walk  the  two  or  three 
miles,  if  that  be  the  distance.  You  will  then  not 
only  receive  the  benefit  of  the  fresh  air,  but  get 
some  of  the  best  exercise  possible.  Breathe 
deeply  at  all  times.  A  good  plan  is  to  count  the 
number  of  steps  taken  during  each  inhalation 
and  exhalation.  This  will  develop  the  habit  of 
deep  breathing  and  after  a  while  it  will  be  done 
unconsciously. 

THE  KIDNEYS. — To  promote  good  kidney  ac- 
tion, pure  water  must  be  taken  freely.  Two  or 
three  quarts  of  water  per  day  is  not  too  much. 
An  abundance  of  water  never  harms  the  kidneys. 
It  is  not  the  fluid  passing  through  the  kidneys 
which  overworks  and  harms  them,  but  the  sub- 
stances held  in  solution  in  the  urine.  Therefore 
the  more  concentrated  the  urine  the  greater  the 
work  and  irritation  of  the  kidney  structure. 
Those  who  eat  meat,  especially,  should  drink 
large  quantities  of  water.  If  quantities  of  milk, 
or  fruit  juices,  are  taken,  of  course  less  water 
is  needed. 

THE  BOWELS. — Constipation  is  the  bane  of 
most  women's  existence,  and  it  is  usually  due 
to  the  inactivity  of  their  lives  and  lack  of  care 
in  eating.  Another  potent  cause  is  the  taking 

364 


VIGOROUS    WOMANHOOD 

of  laxatives  and  cathartics.  Some  develop  the 
condition  through  neglect  of  regular  habits. 
Nothing  should  be  used  to  regulate  the  bowels 
except  proper  diet,  sufficient  water,  and,  in  emer- 
gencies, the  enema.  If  one  will  take  care  to  use 
regularly  such  foods  as  whole-wheat  bread, 
prunes,  stewed  peaches,  coarsely  ground  cereals 
and  salads  composed  of  tomatoes,  cabbage,  cel- 
ery, onions,  lettuce,  nuts,  and  berries  there  will 
be  little  trouble.  Active  exercise  will  also  assist 
in  overcoming  the  condition.  The  bowels  should 
move  at  least  once  each  day,  though  twice  daily 
is  better. 

THE  SKIN. — About  two  pints  of  perspiration 
are  excreted  by  the  skin  daily,  holding  in  solution 
urea,  uric  acid  and  other  poisons.  The  constant 
wearing  of  clothes  deprives  the  skin  of  the  ben- 
efit of  air  and  sunlight,  so  that  it  is  usually  so 
anemic  and  relaxed  that  it  is  no  longer  a  normal 
organ  of  elimination,  but  simply  a  covering  for 
the  body.  The  skin  must  not  only  be  kept  clean, 
but  it  must  be  exercised.  There  are  tiny  muscles 
controlling  the  sweat-glands  which  need  exercise 
the  same  as  other  muscles.  By  the  constant  wear- 
ing of  thick  clothing  these  muscles  are  kept  re- 
laxed. The  frequent  exposure  of  the  nude  body 
to  air  causes  a  contraction  of  the  muscles  of  the 
skin,  which  tones  them  up.  You  should  take 
frequent  air  and  light  baths  no  matter  how  cold 
the  air.  Of  course  you  will  have  to  go  slowly  at 
first  and  expose  the  body  for  but  a  few  minutes. 
The  best  time  for  this  is  just  after  getting  up 

365 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

in  the  morning,  or  before  going  to  bed.  During 
the  exposure  to  the  air  rub  the  body  vigorously 
with  the  bare  hands,  then  dress  quickly,  or  get 
into  bed.  You  may  have  some  "goose-flesh"  at 
first  and  shiver  somewhat,  but  gradually  you 
will  find  that  the  feeling  of  the  cold  air  is  pleas- 
ant, that  you  no  longer  feel  cold,  and  that 
"colds"  are  a  thing  of  the  past. 

Once  each  week  take  a  full  hot  tub  bath,  re- 
maining in  the  water  for  at  least  ten  minutes, 
then  drying  quickly  and  covering  up  well  in  bed. 
If  you  do  not  go  immediately  to  bed  the  hot 
bath  must  be  finished  with  a  cold  shower  or 
sponge.  The  after  effects  of  a  hot  bath  are  in- 
creased if  the  body  is  covered  warmly,  as  elimi- 
nation continues  for  some  time.  If  soap  is  used 
it  should  be  very  bland.  There  is  good  reason 
to  believe  that  the  excessive  use  of  soap  is  de- 
structive to  the  eliminative  action  of  the  skin. 

Each  day,  preferably  after  your  exercise,  take 
a  cool  shower  or  a  cool  rub.  This  may  be  taken 
very  quickly  and  effectively  by  wetting  a  thick 
Turkish  towel  in  cold  water  and  rubbing  briskly 
every  part  of  the  body,  finishing  by  a  thorough 
rub  with  a  dry  towel.  The  cold  sitz  bath  taken 
for  one  or  two  minutes,  either  daily  or  twice  a 
week,  is  beneficial.  During  the  menstrual  periods 
it  may  be  discontinued.  This  is  very  important 
in  special  conditions  of  congestion  or  inflamma- 
ton,  as  specified  in  preceding  chapters. 

Although  the  corset  has  been  condemned  for 
ages  and  its  ill  effects  separately  pointed  out, 

366 


VIGOROUS    WOMANHOOD 

there  are  still  women  who  are  torturing  and  de- 
forming their  bodies  and  depleting  their  vitality 
by  this  device.  Before  you  can  become  strong 
you  must  discard  this  article  of  apparel.  Indeed, 
you  should  study  the  question  of  clothing  thor- 
oughly, and  however  stylish  you  may  desire  your 
clothes  to  be  they  must  in  no  way  interfere  with 
the  free  action  of  our  limbs,  or  produce  undue 
pressure  at  any  point. 

DIET. — What  is  the  best  diet  for  building  vig- 
orous health?  This  will  depend  in  many  cases 
upon  the  individual  and  the  requirements  of 
her  daily  occupation,  state  of  health,  etc. 

In  general,  it  may  be  said  that  a  diet  consisting 
of  fruits,  nuts,  vegetables,  cereals  and  milk  is 
the  one  best  suited  for  maintaining  health  and 
building  strong  tissues.  Meat  is  not  necessary 
to  health,  but  in  many  instances  where  it  is  im- 
possible to  secure  a  suitable  diet,  one  is  com- 
pelled to  use  it.  At  such  times  plenty  of  green 
vegetables  should  be  consumed  with  it,  and  large 
quantities  of  water  taken  between  meals. 

You  must  take  care  to  eat  only  to  satisfy  the 
needs  of  the  body.  Overeating  is  destructive  to 
digestion  and  health,  and  often  defeats  the  pur- 
poses of  the  whole  regime.  The  best  of  diets, 
no  matter  how  hygienic  and  how  carefully  bal- 
anced, will  become  as  poison  if  too  much  is  eaten. 
Thorough  mastication  and  insalivation  of  all 
food  is  necessary  for  perfect  digestion.  This  ap- 
plies particularly  to  all  starchy  foods.  The  fewer 
condiments  used  the  better.  In  many  instances, 

367 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

proper  combination  of  foods  will  obviate  the  ne- 
cessity for  using  artificial  flavors. 

If  one  is  thirsty  at  meals,  water  is  permissible 
and  will  aid  digestion,  but  fluid  must  not  be  used 
to  "wash  down"  food  improperly  masticated. 
Tea  and  coffee  are  stimulants  and  must  not  be 
used  habitually.  The  three  best  drinks  are  water, 
milk  and  fruit  juices.  Buttermilk  is  also  health- 
ful and  a  really  delicious  beverage  if  used  when 
fresh. 

The  tendency  in  diet  should  be  to  use  foods 
in  as  near  their  natural  state  as  is  consistent  with 
palatability  and  digestibility.  The  comtinued  use 
of  the  ordinary  cooked  diet  tends  to  produce  an 
acid  condition,  because  of  the  lack  of  the  natural 
organic  salts.  If  one  eats  cooked  food,  there 
should  also  be  taken  a  plentiful  amount  of  fruits 
and  raw  green  vegetables. 

EXERCISE. — In  the  next  chapter  will  be  found 
a  system  of  exercises  which  is  especially  suited 
for  building  strength  and  improving  the  phys- 
ical proportions.  We  might  say  at  this  point 
that  the  more  you  get  into  the  habit  of  playing 
athletic  games  and  indulging  in  walking,  rowing, 
canoeing,  horseback  riding,  swimming  and  other 
strenuous  sports,  the  greater  will  be  your  endur- 
ance and  the  purer  your  blood.  Of  course  at 
first  you  will  need  to  be  careful  not  to  overdo, 
and  you  should  stop  the  exercise  short  of  fatigue ; 
but  you  will  find  your  strength  and  endurance 
gradually  increasing  and  the  general  feeling  of 
well-being  will  encourage  you  to  continue. 

368 


VIGOROUS    WOMANHOOD 

If  you  are  one  of  those  women  who  are  con- 
tinually looking  for  symptoms  of  ill  health  and 
are  much  given  to  worry  about  your  condition, 
we  would  say  that  you  must  at  once  change  your 
attitude  of  mind.  Remember  you  are  as  you  are 
because  of  wrong  habits  of  living,  and  the  only 
way  to  remedy  matters  is  to  adopt  normal  hab- 
its. Worry  will  not  help  you  on  your  way  to 
health.  You  must  get  rid  of  the  picture  of  dis- 
ease which  has  become  implanted  in  your  mind 
and  replace  it  with  an  image  of  the  woman  you 
would  like  to  be.  Visit  the  art  museum  and  study 
the  statues  and  sculptured  beauties  there  exhib- 
ited, and  make  up  your  mind  that  you  will  be  as 
nearly  like  them  as  possible.  Then  study  the 
laws  governing  your  own  body  and  lay  the  foun- 
dation of  health,  without  which  no  beauty  of 
form,  or  of  robust  womanhood  is  possible. 


369 


Improving  and  Beautfying  the  Bust. 

IF  there  is  one  feature  in  respect  to  which 
nearly  all  women  are  most  interested  in  im- 
proving and  beautifying  themselves,  it  is  in  the 
matter  of  bust  development.  And  furthermore, 
if  there  is  any  one  particular  in  which  the  major- 
ity of  women  need  improvement  more  than  an- 
other, it  is  in  this  very  respect. 

The  reason  for  this  nearly  universal  desire  for 
a  perfect  bust  is  not  based  purely  upon  the  de- 
sire for  beauty,  although  that  is  a  very  large 
factor.  It  is  also  partly  due  to  an  instinctive  rec- 
ognition that  a  good  bust  is  the  indication  of 
superb  womanhood.  A  normal  bust  develop- 
ment is  regarded  as  implying  the  possession  of 
all  those  qualities  that  make  for  true  womanli- 
ness, not  merely  in  the  physical  sense,  but  in  a 
mental  and  spiritual  way  as  well. 

Femininity  is  not  a  purely  physical  quality,  but 
is  both  mental  and  physical  in  nature.  It  is  man- 
ifested through  the  brain  and  nervous  make-up 
as  well  as  in  such  external  characteristics  as  ab- 
sence of  beard,  refinement  of  features,  greater 
delicacy  of  hands  and  feet  and  the  character- 
istic pelvic  structure.  Femininity  consists  not 
only  in  the  bodily  conformation,  but  in  the  man- 
ner of  thinking  and  manner  of  feeling. 

370 


BEAUTIFYING    THE    BUST 


All  of  these  wo- 
manly qualities  are 
suggested  by  a  per- 
fect and  beautiful 
bust  development. 
It  conveys  the  im- 
pression of  fitness 
for  wifehood  and 
motherhood.  One 
does  not  look  for 
masculine  qualities 
in  such  a  woman. 
The  elements  of 
womanliness  are 
found  to  be  highly 
developed.  In  other 
words,  the  posses- 
sor of  a  good  bust  is 
found  to  be  perfect- 
ly sexed  and  in 
every  way  suited 
for  the  bearing  of 
healthy  and  vigor- 
ous children. 

Starting  with  this 
fundamental  c  o  n- 
ception  of  the  true 
underlying  meaning 
of  the  bust,  the 
reader  will  at  once 
.understand  the  gen- 
^eral  conditions  nec- 

25 


Exercise    1. — Raising    elbows    and 
placing    finger    tips    on    shoulders, 
circle  the  elbows  at  each  side.    Re- 
peat ten  times  and  then  circle  in  re- 
verse direction. 
371 


\VOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 


Exercise  2. — Resisting  with  the 
head,  bring  elbows  first  far  forward 
and  downward,  then  as  far  upward 
and  backward  as  possible.  Repeat 
ten  to  twenty  times. 

372 


essary  to  a  good  de- 
velopment of  this 
part  of  the  body.  It 
will  be  seen  imme- 
diately that  the  wo- 
man who  is  lacking 
in  vitality,  who  is 
poorly  sexed,  who 
has  few  of  the  nat- 
ural instincts  of  wo- 
manhood and  is 
generally  far  from 
fitted  for  maternity, 
would  perhaps  not 
be  expected  to  show 
an  ideal  develop- 
ment of  the  bust. 
You  can,  in  fact, 
take  it  for  granted 
that  the  expecta- 
tions of  deficiency 
aroused  i  11  such 
cases  will  be  realiz- 
ed. 

The  first  require- 
ment for  improving 
the  bust  is  to  build 
constitutional  vigor 
and  those  vital  and 
nervous  forces 
which  are  at  the  ba- 
sis of  a  well-sexed 


BEAUTIFYING    THE    BUST 

condition.  In  other  words,  to  build  a  superior 
quality  of  what  may  be  termed  womanhood,  it 
is  merely  necessary  to  build  vitality  and  con- 
stitutional strength.  And  having  developed 
these  qualities  of  all-around  bodily  and  nerv- 
ous vigor,  you  can  depend  upon  an  improve- 
ment in  the  condition  and  appearance  of  the  bust 
corresponding  to  the  altered  state  of  health. 

In  another  chapter  may  be  found  general  in- 
structions for  accomplishing  these  results. 
Plenty  of  sleep  is  perhaps  the  first  requirement. 
Women  commonly  need  a  little  more  sleep  than 
men.  Often  they  secure  less.  The  wife  who 
sits  up  nights  mending  stockings  after  her  lord 
and  master  has  retired  and  found  oblivion,  and 
who  then  gets  up  first  in  the  morning  in  order 
that  his  breakfast  may  be  hot  and  ready  when 
he  finally  rolls  out,  is  not  likely  to  make  herself 
exceptionally  attractive  to  him  unless  she  finds 
some  plan  for  getting  a  little  sleep  in  the  after- 
noon. In  addition  to  this,  a  diet  of  live  foods— 
that  is  to  say,  a  diet  containing  a  considerable 
quantity  of  uncooked  food,  thus  giving  the  nec- 
essary "vitamines,"  with  plenty  of  outdoor  life 
and  sunshine,  and  sufficient  exercise  to  insure  a 
vigorous  circulation  and  a  good  general  bodily 
development,  will  usually  enable  one  to  acquire 
that  state  of  vitality  that  is  the  basis  of  either 
superb  womanhood  on  the  one  hand,  or  virile 
manhood,  on  the  other. 

There  are  two  radically  different  types  of  re- 
quirements    for    bust      improvement      among 

373 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

women:  On  the  one  hand  there  is  the  need  to 
reduce  the  bust  and  on  the  other  to  develop  or 
build  it  up.  In  the  first  case  the  difficulty  is 
often  largely  a  matter  of  obesity,  and  a  general 
fat-reducing  program  of  food  limitation  and  ex- 
ercise will  be  necessary.  In  some  instances  the 
fatty  tissue  seems  to  have  a  tendency  to  localize 
itself  in  this  region.  In  that  case,  special  exercise 
and  the  general  methods  which  will  be  suggested 
later  will  cover  all  requirements. 

The  more  difficult  case  is  that  of  the  woman 
just  past  the  flush  of  youth  who  is  lacking  in 
bust  development,  or  who  presents  a  too  "flat- 
chested"  appearance.  In  such  a  case  there  is  a 
special  need  for  the  vitality-building  program 
just  mentioned,  together  with  more  or  less  lo- 
cally stimulating  natural  treatment.  It  should 
be  remembered  that  the  breast  is  a  glandular 
structure,  and  when  these  glands  are  either  un- 
developed or  atrophied,  the  breast  will  naturally 
be  undersized.  Now,  increased  vitality  and  the 
development  of  all  womanly  qualities  will  mean 
a  natural  improvement  in  the  quality  and  size 
of  these  glands,  thus  giving  the  bust  the  fullness 
it  requires.  Exercise  alone  will  not  build  up 
the  bust,  because  the  bust  is  not  primarily  a 
muscular  structure,  but  exercise  is  necessary  to 
give  tone  and  firmness  to  this  region  and  to  give 
the  bust  the  capacity  for  supporting  itself  in  the 
normal  position,  without  drooping. 

It  is  not  merely  the  size  of  the  breast  with 
which  women  are  concerned,  but  the  question  of 

374 


BEAUTIFYING    THE     BUST 


Exercise    3. — First    cross    the    arms    as    far    as    possible    in 

front  of  the  body.    Then  raise  the  arms,  still  crossed,  above 

the  head.    Lower,  and  repeat  ten  or  twenty  times. 


375 


<2  o  -•  C 

»**a  g 


.as** 

O  -^73  v  o 
^  «-       6  «. 


*»  fi  * 

*)   _T  a)   4>   O 

C    I-0   *   § 
H  *j       -4-1  O 

-2  rt;u  ^  rt 

.<2x'^  o  tn 

rrl    O    fe       ,   V 
«  C*y 

rt  w  d  ii  w 


o 


"u  ^  ^X  bfl 


H  rn^^ 


376 


BEAUTIFYING     THE     BUST 

its  firmness  and  shapeliness,  or  lack  of  the  same. 
The  tendency  to  sag  or  droop  is  altogether  too 
common,  even  among  many  very  young  women. 
It  is  only  natural  that  this  result  should  follow 
when  the  bust  is  exceptionally  large,  inasmuch 
as  the  larger  the  bust  the  greater  its  weight,  but 
this  flabbiness  is  even  experienced  by  many 
women  with  small  breasts.  It  is  due  entirely  to 
a  condition  of  weakness  and  loss  of  muscular 
tone. 

In  some  cases  the  use  of  bust  supporters  and 
the  wearing  of  tight  brassieres,  or  other  artificial 
means  of  confining  the  breasts,  are  very  largely 
responsible  for  the  weakness  and  laxity  of  these 
tissues.  In  other  cases,  the  use  of  tight  bindings 
following  childbirth  may  have  served  to  destroy 
permanently  the  shape  of  the  breasts.  If  one 
has  suffered  the  results  of  such  influences  it  will 
be  all  the  more  difficult  to  restore  a  normal  con- 
tour. It  may  be  even  impossible.  Exercise  is 
the  one  most  effective  method  by  which  these 
parts  can  be  strengthened  and  improved  in  tone. 
If  only  the  breasts  could  be  given  appropriate 
firmness,  that  would  in  many  cases  be  sufficient 
to  beautify  them.  Exercise  is  the  supreme  means 
to  this  end. 

But  exercise  is  also  essential  to  improve  and 
round  out  the  chest,  which  is  equally  important. 
The  chest  serves  as  a  foundation,  so  to  speak, 
for  the  breasts,  and  the  improvement  in  the  de- 
velopment and  contour  of  the  chest  as  a  whole 
naturally  gives  the  bust  a  better  appearance. 

377 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 


Even  the  normal  bust 
on  a  flat-chested  woman 
would  appear  undevel- 
oped and  would  tend  to 
droop,  whereas  with  the 
chest  well  filled  out  and 
properly  carried,  the 
same  breasts  would  have 
the  appearance  of  beau- 

ty. 

Cold-water  bathing  is 
another  ideal  means  for 
invigorating  and  giving 
firmness  to  these  tissues. 
For  reducing  the  bust, 
cold  water  is  especially 
important.  But  for  the 
woman  lacking  in  bust 
development  it  can  also 
be  highly  recommended, 
since  it  improves  the  cir- 
culation in  a  marked  de- 
gree and  thus  stimulates 
the  activity  and  growth 
of  the  glands.  In  this 
case  also,  bathing  of  the 
parts  with  hot  water,  or 
the  application  of  hot, 

wet  cloths  for  five  min- 

A        £  n          j  T-  •  i      Exercise     4. — Clasping     the 

Utes,  followed  by  a  quick     hands,     stretch     arms     high 

Sponging1  with   Cold   wa-      above  head-   ,For  improving 
•    ,  °V         .        j  .       .          the  chest  and  carnage.     Do 

,er  to  Contract  and  inVlg-  this  many  times  daily. 

378 


BEAUTIFYING    THE     BUST 

orate  the  tissues,  should  form  a  valuable  part  of 
the  treatment. 

Where  reduction  of  the  bust  is  desired,  mas- 
sage is  another  helpful  measure.  It  may  require 
a  great  deal  of  massage  to  bring  about  a  small 
reduction,  but  it  is  one  of  the  helpful  agencies. 
In  applying  massage  for  this  purpose,  it  is  im- 
portant to  avoid  any  downward  strokes,  inas- 
much as  this  would  only  accentuate  the  dragging 
and  drooping  tendency,  which  is  always  marked 
when  the  breasts  are  large. 

For  lack  of  bust  development,  any  influence 
which  improves  the  local  circulation  would  be 
helpful  in  stimulating  the  glands.  On  this  ac- 
count, some  form  of  vacuum  or  suction  treat- 
ment which  does  not  unduly  stretch  the  tissues 
would  be  helpful.  The  old-fashioned  suction 
treatment  applied  by  the  placing  of  a  hot  bowl 
over  the  parts  involved  can  be  suggested.  As 
the  bowl  cools,  the  air  contracts,  forming  a  par- 
tial vacuum  and  thus  drawing  the  blood  to  this 
region.  A  simpler  method  is  found  in  the  use 
of  the  ordinary  breast  pump,  sold  at  drug  stores 
for  the  relief  of  nursing  mothers,  but  which  may 
be  used  for  this  purpose  if  applied  not  only  over 
the  nipple  but  successively  over  other  parts  of 
the  breast  as  well. 

A  great  many  women  of  normal  development 
think  themselves  lacking  in  this  respect  because 
of  a  false  impression  as  to  what  is  the  proper  size 
of  the  bust.  The  normal  and  healthy  breast 
should  not  be  over-large.  It  is  only  during  preg- 

379 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

nancy  and  lactation  that  the  breasts  become  very 
prominent.  Women  with  exceptionally  large 
breasts  very  often  fail  to  nurse  their  children, 
whereas  the  woman  with  a  comparatively  small, 
firm  breast  more  frequently  rises  to  the  occa- 
sion. The  ideal  development  is  that  popular- 
ized in  the  masterpieces  of  sculpture.  It  is  firm- 
ness and  shapeliness  that  is  desired,  more  than 
excessive  size.  And  if  the  chest  is  properly  built 
up,  such  a  bust  gives  one  the  contour  and  out- 
lines of  true  womanly  beauty. 


380 


CHAPTER  LIII 

Exercise  for  Womanly  Strength. 

THERE  are  few  women  who  have  not  cov- 
eted the  beauty  and  development  of  form 
presented  in  famous  works  of  art,  but  very  few 
indeed  who  have  really  tried  to  make  themselves 
the  bodily  equal  of  the  Venus  of  their  admira- 
tion. That  beautiful  bodies  are  the  exception 
rather  than  the  rule  is  due  simply  to  lack  of  in- 
terest in,  and  neglect  of,  physical  training.  All 
women  can  be  well  developed  and  strong. 
Health,  beauty  and  strength  are  synonymous 
and  can  all  be  secured  by  diligent  and  continuous 
efforts.  Of  course  the  younger  one  is,  and  the 
earlier  in  life  exercise  is  begun  for  the  purpose 
of  body  development,  the  greater  will  be  the 
results ;  but  in  practically  all  cases  improvement 
is  possible,  usually  a  surprising  improvement, 
and  the  gain  in  health  will  more  than  pay  for 
the  time  and  attention  given  to  this  interesting 
and  beneficial  field  of  endeavor. 

Girls  should  receive  careful  physical  training 
from  childhood,  together  with  scientific  health 
culture,  if  a  race  of  strong  women  is  to  be  ex- 
pected. They  should  receive  the  same  training 
physically  as  boys,  and  engage  in  practically  all 
sports  and  exercises  that  are  usually  undertaken 
by  the  so-called  stronger  sex. 

381 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

Systematic  exercise  of  the  voluntary  muscles 
will  stimulate  the  functions  of  every  involuntary 
organ  in  the  body.  This  is  because  of  the  in- 
creased circulation  of  blood  and  also  because  it 
relieves  any  contraction  of  tissue  which  may  be' 
interfering  with  nerve  impulses. 

The  use  of  the  muscles  causes  them  to  grow 
larger  and  also  increases  their  firmness.  We 
often  see  women  who  appear  strong  and  well- 
developed,  but  a  close  examination  shows  that 
their  apparent  development  is  chiefly  fatty  tis- 
sue, their  muscles  making  up  but  little  of  their 
bulk.  As  these  women  get  older  some  of  this 
fat  is  lost  and  their  skin  becomes  wrinkled  and 
relaxed,  giving  them  a  prematurely  aged  ap- 
pearance. Of  course  a  thin  layer  of  fat  is  nec- 
essary to  give  the  body  a  well-rounded  appear- 
ance and  to  serve  as  a  protection  to  the  under- 
lying tissues,  but  the  body  bulk  should  consist 
chiefly  of  well-developed  muscles.  Those  women 
who  exercise  regularly  and  systematically,  and 
thus  maintain  the  tone  and  bulk  of  their  muscu- 
lar systems,  often  retain  their  beauty  until  very 
late  in  life. 

A  woman's  back  and  abdomen  are  usually  her 
weakest  parts,  and  we  cannot  too  strongly  em- 
phasize the  importance  of  exercise  for  the  devel- 
opment of  the  muscles  of  these  too  often  neg- 
lected and  abused  parts  of  her  anatomy.  Relaxed 
organs  and  disease  of  the  digestive  tract  are 
often  entirely  due  to  weak  abdominal  muscles. 
There  are  several  systems  of  therapeutics  based 

382 


WOMANLY    STRENGTH 

entirely  on  the  spine,  and  their  principal  method 
of  treatment  is  adjustment  and  correction  of 
defects  and  malpositions  of  the  bones  and  liga- 
ments of  that  region. 

My  experience  has  shown  that  exercise  alone 
will  correct  many  of  the  lesions  that  usually 
take  one  to  a  medical  practitioner;  and,  in  fact, 
if  the  spinal  muscles  are  kept  in  condition,  lesions 
are  impossible,  or  if  they  do  occur  will  quickly 
return  to  normal. 

The  use  of  the  corset  is  nearly  always  respon- 
sible for  weak  abdominal  and  spinal  muscles, 
and  before  any  improvement  is  possible  this 
must  be  discarded. 

Exercise  simply  means  the  use  of  your  mus- 
cles, and  there  is  no  particular  "system"  that  is 
any  better  than  any  other.  Having  decided  that 
you  are  going  to  exercise  for  body  development 
and  strength  let  nothing  deter  you  from  your 
purpose.  It  is  best  to  select  some  time  of  day 
for  your  exercise  that  is  most  convenient  and 
use  that  time  every  day.  Some  prefer  to  exer- 
cise just  after  getting  out  of  bed  in  the  morning 
and  some  just  before  going  to  bed,  but  it  makes 
little  difference,  provided  you  exercise  regularly. 
It  is  well  to  omit  systematized  exercises  on  one 
day  of  the  week  and  reserve  that  day  for  walk- 
ing or  outdoor  games.  This  will  prevent  your 
tiring  and  becoming  "stale." 

In  addition  to  your  regular  exercise  you  should 
walk  several  miles  daily,  and  when  occasion  of- 

383 


WOMANHOOD  AND   MARRIAGE 

fers,  run  for  short  distances.  This  will  help  to 
develop  endurance  and  lung  capacity. 

If  you  are  one  that  tires  easily  of  exercise  and 
find  that  you  cannot  maintain  your  interest,  try 
to  get  some  member  of  the  family,  or  a  friend,  to 
exercise  with  you.  This  will  develop  a  sort  of 
rivalry  which  will  help  in  keeping  both  of  you 
at  it.  Another  way  to  keep  up  interest  is  to 
change  your  form  of  exercise  every  week, 
or  every  month.  Almost  every  issue  of 
PHYSICAL  CULTURE  contains  an  article  on  exer- 
cises which  may  be  followed  until  the  next  ap- 
pears, and  one  can  easily  invent  forms  of  exer- 
cise that  will  vary  the  regime  enough  to  prevent 
its  becoming  tiresome.  Music  is  a  great  stimulus 
to  exercise,  even  if  it  only  takes  the  form  of  a 
phonograph  reproduction.  Try  it. 

We  have  selected  a  few  exercises  which  will 
be  found  effective  in  developing  strength  and 
promoting  health,  and  which  will  form  a  basis 
of  the  health-building  regime.  Each  movement 
should  be  taken  a  sufficient  number  of  times  to 
produce  a  slight  tired  feeling,  but  they  should 
not  be  carried  to  the  point  of  fatigue.  The  gain 
from  exercise  depends  upon  the  amount  of  blood 
which  is  pumped  into  the  muscle,  and  when  a 
muscle  is  used  so  long  that  it  cannot  further 
respond  to  the  nerve  impulse  because  of  fatigue, 
it  means  that  it  is  poisoned  by  the  retained  waste 
substances  produced  by  its  use,  and  rest  is  neces- 
sary to  restore  it  to  normal. 

384 


EXERCISES  FOR  THE  SPINE. 

Stand  erect  on  the  toes;  stretch  the  arms  up 
over  the  head,  putting  as  much  tension  in  the 
spinal  muscles  as  possible.  Try  to  stretch  as 
far  upward  as  possible,  stretching  and  relaxing 
alternately  for  a  number  of  times.  From  the 
position  mentioned,  bend  forward  and  touch 
your  toes,  returning  to  erect  position.  Repeat 
a  number  of  times.  Stand  with  legs  apart— 
bend  downward  and  forward  and  try  to  touch 
the  ground  behind  the  heels.  Repeat  until  tired. 
Stand  with  feet  apart — clasp  hands  behind  head 
and  bend  body  from  side  to  side  as  far  as  pos- 
sible. Standing  in  same  position,  rotate  the  body 
to  the  left  and  to  the  right,  as  far  as  you  can. 
Stand  erect,  depress  your  chin  and  move  your 
head  backward  as  far  as  you  can,  putting  ten- 
sion in  the  muscles  of  the  back  of  your  neck, 
and  the  small  of  the  back.  Lying  on  the  stom- 
ach, raise  the  arms  and  legs  as  high  as  possible. 
This  is  a  hard  exercise  at  first,  but  should  be 
persisted  in,  as  it  is  valuable.  Lying  in  the  same 
position,  make  swimming  movements  until 
tired. 

EXERCISES  FOR  THE  ABDOMEN 
Lying  on  the  back,  raise  first  one  leg  and  then 
the  other.  Raise  both  legs  together.  Lying  in 
same  position,  raise  up  and  touch  the  toes,  re- 
peating until  tired.  Rajse  both  legs  to  the  verti- 
cal, separate  legs  as  far  as  possible,  bring  to- 
gether, and  return  to  position.  Lying  on  the 

385 


WOMANHOOD  AND    MARRIAGE 

side,  raise  the  leg  as  far  as  possible.  Repeat  on 
the  other  side.  Lying  on  the  back  try  to  bring 
the  toes  above  or  back  of  the  head  and  touch 
the  floor.  Many  of  these  exercises  are  of  ben- 
efit in  strengthening  not  only  the  abdominal 
muscles,  but  at  the  same  time  the  pelvic  region 
and  the  organs  of  sex. 

There  is  another  form  of  exercise  for  strength- 
ening the  abdominal  region  that  is  particularly 
important  in  this  connection.  This  is  what  I 
might  term  internal  contraction  exercise,  and 
consists  in  the  contraction  of  the  internal  mus- 
cular  structures  from  the  diaphragm  down. 

As  you  know,  the  interior  of  the  body  is  to  a 
considerable  extent  muscular,  as,  for  instance, 
the  heart.  The  alimentary  canal  is  very  largely 
muscular  in  make  up.  The  diaphragm  likewise 
is  one  of  the  most  important  muscular  struc- 
tures of  the  body,  and  may  be  made  very  pow- 
erful. Female  weaknesses  we  have  seen  to  be 
largely  the  result  of  laxity  of  muscles,  ligaments 
and  other  internal  parts.  Weakness  of  the  back, 
the  entire  pelvic  region  and  the  external  abdomi- 
nal walls,  combine  to  produce  faulty  posture, 
and  in  many  cases  a  prolapsed  condition  of  all 
the  organs  of  the  lower  part  of  the  trunk.  This 
laxity  and  weakness  can  be  corrected,  not  only 
by  external  exercises  which  give  one  better  car- 
riage and  strengthen  the  abdominal  walls,  and 
indirectly  affect  the  internal  structures,  but 
especially  by  internal  contraction  exercises 

386 


WOMANLY    STRENGTH 

which  directly  involve  the  parts  concerned. 

Everyone  knows  the  action  of  the  diaphragm 
in  breathing.  If  your  waist  is  unrestricted  by 
clothing,  and  there  is  complete  freedom  for  ex- 
pansion of  the  body,  you  know  that  by  inhaling 
the  breath  deeply,  through  the  downward  con- 
traction of  the  diaphragm,  the  body  expands  at 
the  waist-line  and  in  the  abdominal  region.  As 
you  exhale,  the  abdomen  is  drawn  in  or  re- 
tracted, and  the  girth  of  the  waist  diminished. 
A  little  practice  in  diaphragmatic  breathing  will 
enable  you  to  get  good  control  of  the  diaphragm. 

Now,  if  in  connection  with  this  breathing  you 
will,  when  inhaling,  increase  the  downward  con- 
traction of  the  diaphragm  and  expand  the  ab- 
dominal region  very  forcibly,  and  then  when 
exhaling  force  the  breath  out  more  vigorously, 
drawing  in  the  abdomen  as  far  as  you  can,  you 
will  find  that  you  have  a  first-class  muscular 
exercise  for  these  internal  parts.  It  will  pay  you 
to  give  a  great  deal  of  attention  to  this  type  of 
exercise. 

For  one  exercise  you  can  merely  expand  and 
contract  the  waist-line  as  energetically  as  pos- 
sible, drawing  the  abdomen  inward  and  press- 
ing outward  as  much  as  you  can.  For  another 
exercise  you  can  give  special  attention  to  a 
merely  downward  pressure  in  the  entire  region, 
alternating  with  a  lifting-up  impulse  in  which 
you  make  the  endeavor  to  draw  the  stomach  and 
other  organs  up  into  the  chest  cavity,  or  as 
nearly  so  as  possible.  Repeat  each  of  these  a 

387 


26 


WOMANHOOD     AND     MARRIAGE 

number  of  times  and  practice  them  at  different 
intervals  during  the  day. 

EXERCISES  FOR  GENERAL  BODY-BUILDING. 

These  consist  of  movements  of  all  of  the  limbs 
and  all  of  the  joints  in  every  possible  direction. 
You  should  start  with  the  fingers  and  flex  and 
extend,  rotate  and  bend  each  joint  in  turn  a  cer- 
tain number  of  times,  until  you  have  gone  over 
the  whole  body.  In  this  way  you  will  have  exer- 
cised all  of  the  larger  groups  of  muscles.  These 
may  be  followed  by  stretching  exercises,  in 
which  you  try  to  extend  each  limb  as  far  as  you 
possibly  can.  We  would  advise  that  you  take 
the  spinal  and  abdominal  exercises  on  one  day 
and  the  general  exercises  on  the  next  and  so  on 
alternately. 

Following  your  exercise  a  dry*  rub  with  a 
rough  towel,  or  a  cold  wet  sponge  bath,  should 
be  taken,  or,  if  facilities  are  at  hand,  a  warm  and 
cool  spray  may  be  taken. 

An  occasional  day  of  resting  should  be  ob- 
served on  which  you  take  no  form  of  voluntary 
exercise  at  all.  This  will  save  nervous  energy 
and  you  will  return  to  your  exercise  with  re- 
newed interest. 

One  should  not  make  a  task  of  exercise.  It 
should  always  be  enjoyed.  If  such  is  not  the 
case  a  period  of  rest  is  advisable,  after  which 
the  exercise  may  be  gradually  resumed. 

[THE  END] 

388 


C3 


HOSE  who  find  this  book  of  value  will  doubt- 
HUfl  less  desire  more  knowledge  of  the  wonders  of 
body  building.  Within  the  pages  of  the  "Mac- 
.fadden  Encyclopedia  of  Physical  Culture"  will 
be  found  literally  a  world  of  practical  informa- 
tion. These  books  can  truly  be  termed  a  library 
of  reference  on  Vitality  Building  in  health  or 
disease.  Five  large  volumes  are  included  in  this 
great  work,  each  about  500  pages  in  size.  Nearly 
fifteen  hundred  illustrations  appear  in  the  five 
volumes.  Literature  giving  detailed  informa- 
tion on  these  valuable  books  sent  on  request  to 
the  Physical  Culture  Corporation,  119  West  40th 
Street,  New  York  City,  New  York. 


IMacfadden'e  encyclopedia 
of  physical  Culture 


ffi 


ACFADDEN'S  ENCYCLO- 
PEDIA  OF  PHYSICAL  CUL- 
TURE is  an  absolute  necessity 
for  the  earnest  student  of  Physical 
Culture  methods.  It  is  used  as  the 
standard  text  book  in  advanced  insti- 
tutes of  Drugless  Healing.  Its  popu- 
larity in  this  respect  is  because  of  its 
completeness  and  because  of  the  exact- 
ness of  the  information  contained. 

Anyone  can  benefit  by  the  study  of 
these  books.  They  are  exhaustively 
illustrated,  have  many  color  charts, 
and  also  a  manikin  which  opens  out 

Continued  on  next  page. 


JMacf  adden'e  encyclopedia 
of  physical  Culture 


showing  all  of  the  muscles  and  organs 
of  the  body. 

This  is  the  most  complete  treatise 
that  has  been  prepared  for  popular 
use  on  Physical  Culture  for  the  de- 
velopment of  health  and  the  cure  of 
disease  by  rational  methods.  At  the 
same  time,  it  is  written  in  an  intensely 
fascinating  style  so  that  one  learns 
without  any  sense  of  effort. 

It  is  hard  to  think  of  any  subject 
which  is  so  near  to  the  heart  as  the 
wonders  of  our  own  bodies.  Of  course, 
you  understand  that  the  blood  circu- 
lates through  the  body,  being  pumped 
by  the  heart  now  here,  now  there,  from 
finger  tips  to  the  end  of  the  feet.  But 
only  three  hundred  years  ago  this 
very  simple  fact  was  not  at  all  under- 
stood. It  was  supposed  that  the  por- 
tion of  blood  that  is  in  the  hand  today 
had  always  been  there,  and  that  it 
would  remain  in  that  very  same  loca- 
tion until  death  and  decay. 

Sounds  foolish  to  us — now.  But, 
doubtless,  there  are  hundreds  of  things 
that  are  firmly  believed  about  the 
body  in  our  own  time  that  are  just  as 
far  from  the  truth.  Some  of  these  are 
already  known  to  science,  but  are  not, 

Continued  on  next  page. 


JVIacf adden's  Encyclopedia 
of  physical  Culture 


as  yet,  general  knowledge.  Certainly, 
there  are  several  points  on  which  you 
yourself  would  like  further  enlighten- 
ment. If  so,  you  will  much  enjoy  the 
ENCYCLOPEDIA  OF  PHYSICAL 
CULTURE.- 

Many  people  like  to  have  a  ' '  Doctor 
Book"  in  the  house  for  ready  refer- 
ence. In  some  homes,  such  an  author- 
ity has  always  been  available  as  long 
as  the  family  can  remember.  Now  that 
faith  in  drugs  is  waning,  such  a  family 
feels  more  or  less  at  sea.  They  want 
some  new,  reliable  authority  to  which 
to  turn  in  time  of  need.  Here  again 
Macfadden's  ENCYCLOPEDIA  filfc 
the  bill. 

Volume  III  explains  fully  the  nat- 
ural methods  for  curing  disease.  It 
covers  the  subjects  of  Fasting,  Hydro- 
therapy,  Mechanical  Curative  Meas- 
ures, First  Aid  in  Emergencies  and 
Accidents;  the  home  treatment  for 
Chronic  and  Acute  Diseases;  and 
Fasting  and  Dietetic  Regimens. 

Volume  IV  lists  every  disease  of 
the  body — 600  or  more — giving  symp- 
toms, causes,  treatments,  etc.  This 
subject  is  entered  into  in  ample  detail. 
A  special  Diagnosis  Chart  makes  it 

Continued  on  next  page. 


]Macfadden'e  encyclopedia 
of  physical  Culture 


possible  to  recognize  disease  in  its  ear- 
lier stages  when  it  is  easier  to  handle, 
and  before  it  has  collected  its  full  toll 
of  suffering. 

Many  a  man  and  woman  would  like 
to  know  all  about  the  popular  athletic 
sports.  The  ENCYCLOPEDIA  ex- 
plains these  in  a  way  that  makes  Vol- 
ume II  worth  the  price  of  the  set  to 
such  people.  Every  form  of  exercise 
and  sport  is  explained.  Courses  are 
outlined  for  home  or  gymnasium,  with 
apparatus  or  without.  It  tells  how  to 
build  your  own  apparatus  if  you  en- 
joy this  kind  of  exercise.  In  this  vol- 
ume are  complete  manuals  on  Wres- 
tling and  Boxing.  There  is  also  a 
specialized  course  for  women.  All  of 
the  books  are  fully  illustrated. 

Then  there  is  the  volume  on  The 
Human  Machine  and  How  to  Run  It. 
It  is  a  complete  Physiology  and 
Anatomy  written  so  the  average  per- 
son can  enjoy  it  and  get  the  truth  out 
of  it.  The  importance  of  air  in  our 
lives  is  explained.  The  science  of 
Diet  is  also  fully  given.  This  vol- 
ume has  very  aptly  been  called  the 
BOOK  OF  HEALTH. 

But  even  this  is  not  all.    There  is  a 

Continued  on  next  page. 


JVIacf adden'e  encyclopedia 
of  physical  Culture 


complete  beauty  course  given  within 
the  covers  of  this  work.  And  what 
is  of  greatest  importance  to  many 
readers  is  the  Book  of  Sex  which  out- 
lines the  principles  of  Eugenics  in  a 
way  that  is  at  once  interesting  and  of 
practical  use.  Reproduction,  He- 
redity, Physiological-  Laws  of  Sex  and 
Marriage  are  fully  explained. 

The  generative  systems  are  de- 
scribed in  their  workings,  and  instruc- 
tions given  for  maintaining  them  in 
perfect  health. 

All  told,  these  five  volumes  run  to 
more  than  3,000  pages  with  over  1,300 
illustrations.  A  new  edition  has  just 
been  issued,  fully  revised,  enlarged, 
and  brought  up  to  date. 

If  you  want  to  make  the  most  of 
yourself — if  you  are  determined  to  en- 
joy life  thoroughly,  if  you  want  a 
happy  home,  and  healthy,  robust 
youngsters,  you  certainly  need  the 
ENCYCLOPEDIA  OF  PHYSICAL 
CULTURE.  It  is  a  safe  and  ample 
guide  to  all  these  things. 

And  the  price  is  easily  within  the 
reach  of  all. 

All  of  this  valuable  information 
which  cost  thousands  of  dollars  and 

Continued  on  next  page. 


]Macf adden'e  encyclopedia 
of  physical  Culture 


to  which  Mr.  Macfadden  has  devoted 
a  lifetime  of  research  are  yours  for 
the  insignificant  sum  of  ten  cents  a 
day.  The  average  person  loses  $4,100 
or  more  in  a  lifetime  through  sickness. 
Most  of  this  lost  time  is  absolutely  un- 
necessary. If  the  teachings  set  forth 
in  this  able  work  saved  you  from  just 
one  painful,  dangerous  illness,  they 
would  be  well  worth  the  price.  But 
remember,  they  are  yours  for  a  life- 
time, and  they  are  there  for  the  use 
of  your  entire  family. 

The  price  for  the  entire  five  vol- 
ume set,  complete  and  delivered  to  you, 
is  only  $35.00  on  the  easy,  deferred 
payment  plan.  Ten  per  cent  discount 
is  allowed  for  cash  with  order,  making 
the  cash  price  $31.50,  but  to  owners  of 
WOMANHOOD  AND  MARRIAGE 
there  is  an  additional  reduction  of 
$1.00  provided  the  order  blanks 
printed  on,  the  last  two  pages  of  this 
book  are  used.  See  them,  and  act  at 
once,  for  this  price  includes  a  year's 
subscription  to  PHYSICAL  CULTURE 
MAGAZINE  which  you  will  want  just  as 
soon  as  you  can  get  it. 

PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION 

Dept.  W.,  119  WEST  40TH  ST.        NEW  YORK  CITY 


physical  Culture  jMagazine 


F  there  is  any  of  the  Neighborly  Feel- 
ing in  your  make-up,  you'll  enjoy  the 
friendly,    heart    to   heart   interest    of 
PHYSICAL  CULTURE.    You  will  find  it  as 
stimulating,  care-chasing,  and  satisfying  as 
a    winter    evening    spent    with    a    favorite 
neighbor  before  the  open  fire. 

Work  is  not  the  whole  of  life.  Nor  is 
story-reading  the  whole  of  recreation.  Peo- 
ple like  something  in  between  work  and 
frivolity — something  that  will  rest,  inspire, 
fascinate,  instruct,  and  at  the  same  time 
give  the  confidence  and  urge  to  go  on. 

PHYSICAL  CULTURE  gives  this  practical 
help  in  meeting  all  kinds  of  personal,  intimate 
human  problems  related  to  health,  strength, 
success,  character,  marriage,  recreation.  It 
is  attractively  illustrated.  It  presents  actual, 
personal  experience  stories  as  well  as  in- 
spirational and  advanced  problem  articles 
by  world-known  authorities. 

And  lest  your  own  particular  problem  be 
otherwise  missed,  the  Editor  conducts  a 
"What-would-you-do-in-this-case  ?"  Depart- 
ment where  the  best  thought  of  PHYSICAL 
CULTURE  readers  is  available  for  your  help 
without,  of  course,  your  name  appearing. 

PHYSICAL  CULTURE  is  the  one  magazine  that 
will  help  you  most  in  self -improvement  and 
self-realization,  both  physically  and  men- 
tally. It  teaches  you  how  to  live,  how  to 
succeed  and  how  to  be  happy.  The  freshness, 
vigor  and  progressive  breadth  of  the  edi- 
torial point  of  view  are  not  to  be  found  in 
any  other  publication.  Bead  just  one  num- 
ber through  and  see  for  yourself. 

25  cents  per  copy,  $3.00  a  year 


PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION 

Dept.  W.,  119  WEST  40TH  ST.  NEW  YORK,  N.  Y. 


Strengthening  the 


IGHT  is  the  most  extensively 
used  of  the  senses.  You  should 
make  it  a  point  to  improve  your 
sight  and  strengthen  the  eyes  from 
day  to  day.  Careless  neglect  will  ruin 
them. 

Through  a  marvelous  discovery, 
Bernarr  Macfadden  has  enabled  hun- 
dreds of  people  to  overcome  eye  head- 
aches; eye  strain;  weak,  watering 
eyes;  far  or  near  sightedness;  astig- 
matism; squint  eyes;  cross  eyes;  and 
other  evidences  of  faulty  refraction. 
Many  of  these  people  have  been  able 
to  lay  aside  their  glasses. 

This  seems  remarkable — almost  un- 
believable— but  the  treatment  is  based 
on  sound,  scientific,  Physical  Culture 
principles.  Don't  lose  time  in  doubt- 
ing. Send  for  this  course — 28  Les- 
sons and  Snellen  Eye  Chart,  Devote 
a  few  weeks '  work  to  proving  the  case 
for  yourself.  Strong,  comfortable 
eyesight  is  worth  that  slight  effort, 
isn't  it? 

Complete  Course  only  $5,  Chart  in- 
cluded. 

Money  back  if  you  wish  to  return 
the  course  after  5  days'  inspection. 


PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION 

Dept.  W.,  119  WEST  40iH  ST.  NEW  YORK,  N.  Y. 


Old  Bodies 


T  is  reported  that  in  one  of  the 
Biological  Research  Laboratories, 
the  body  cells  of  a  piece  of 
chicken  flesh  have  been  kept  alive  and 
growing  over  a  period  of  several 
months  by  chemical  means. 

Old  Age  is  rot  !  You  can  take  that 
statement  both  ways.  It  is  all  rot  to 
think  you  have  to  grow  old.  And 
growing  old  is  actually  the  rotting  of 
the  cells.  If  the  rotting  of  these  cells 
can  be  avoided  even  after  the  experi- 
ence we  call  "life"  terminates,  surely 
there  is  no  excuse  for  such  cell  rotting 
while  physical  existence  persists. 

Old  Age  before  85  is  a  preventable 
disease.  Bernarr  Macfadden's  re- 
markable Course,  MAKING  OLD 
BODIES  YOUNG,  explains  how  to 
avoid  Old  Age,  and  how  to  come  back 
—  strong  —  to  the  vigor  of  earlier 
years  if  you  have  stumbled  prema- 
turely into  Old  Age. 

For  both  men  and  women.  Special, 
patented  Spine  Stretching  Apparatus 
included  with  the  Course.  Price,  $6.50. 

PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION 

Dept.  W.,  119  WEST  40TH  ST.  NEW  YORK,  N.  Y. 


JVIanhood  and  Carriage 

•  By  BERNARR  MACFADDEN 


"MANHOOD  AND  MARRIAGE"  provides  a 
vast  amount  of  plain  and  helpful  instructions  and 
numerous  striking  and  graphic  illustrations  on 
the  exercises,  the  foods,  bathing  and  other  meas- 
ures that  tend  toward  attaining  and  regaining 
manly  powers.  It  presents  full  information 
on  proper  conduct  in  married  life — the  regulating 
of  marital  relations — the  proper  attitude  toward 
the  unborn  child — how  many  children  and  kin- 
dred topics. 

"MANHOOD  AND  MARRIAGE"  sets  forth 
fully  the  source,  the  possibilities  and  the  pur- 
pose of  manly  power.  The  dangers  that  menace 
the  young  man  through  ignorance  of  conse- 
quences— the  precautions  essential  to  avoid  in- 
fection and  loss  of  manhood — how  manhood's 
powers  are  destroyed  and  kindred  subjects  are 
discussed  in  detail  in  its  pages.  "MANHOOD 
AND  MARRIAGE"  fully  decides  such  questions 
as  Am  I  Fit  to  Marry?  At  What  Age  Should 
I  Marry?  How  Shall  I  Select  a  Wife?  Love 
Making  and  Its  Possible  Consequences,  and 
other  problems. 

"MANHOOD  AND  MARRIAGE"  is  a  book,  not 
merely  made  up  of  hackneyed  advice.  The  well- 
established,  important  and  fundamental  truths 
of  sexuality  are  not  ignored  in  this  work,  bat 
they  are  treated  in  a  unique,  practical  and  help- 
ful manner. 

Bound  in  cloth.  Illustrated.  Price,  postpaid, 
$3.90.  It  will  be  sent  prepaid  in  combination 
with  a  yearly  subscription  to  PHYSICAL  CULTURE 
MAGAZINE  for 55.0« 


PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION 
Dept.  W.,  119  WEST  40TH  ST.       NEW  YORK  CITY 


Changes  In  Book  Prices 

THERE  is  a  slight  increase  in  the  price  of  Physical  Culture 
Books  due  to  the  sharply  rising  costs  in  all  departments  of 
publishing  work.     The  revised  price  list  follows.     Please 
remit  in  accordance  with  this  schedule  so  that  we   can  make 
prompt  shipment  of  your  order. 

.  .  .  .Encyclopedia  of  Physical  Culture   (five  volumes)  . .  .$35.00 

....  Physical  Culture  Magazine 3.00 

The  Building  of  Vital  Power 1.50 

The  Crime  of  Silence 2.00 

....  Fasting  for  the  Cure  of  Disease 1.50 

....  Father,  Mother  and  Babe 1.50 

.  .  .  .Herself    1.25 

....  Himself 1.25 

.  . .  .How  to  Develop  Muscular  Power  and  Beauty 1.50 

....Making  Old  Bodies  Young    (with  Spine   Stretching 

Apparatus)    6.50 

....  Manhood  and  Marriage    3.00 

....  New  Hair  Culture 1-00 

....  Physical  Culture  for  Baby 1.00 

....  Physical   Perfection    1-50 

....  Science  of  Muscular  Development 1.00 

....  Strength  From  Eating  1-00 

....  Strengthening  the  Eyes 5.00 

....  Vitality  Supreme    2.00 

....  Womanhood  and  Marriage 3.00 

Old  Age— Its  Cause  and  Prevention  (Out  of  Stock) 

Physical  Culture  Corporation, 
119  West  Fortieth  Street, 

New  York  City,  N.  Y. 
Gentlemen : 

I  enclose  money  order  (check)  f or  $ for  which  please 

send  me  the  book  (books)   which  I  have  checked  in  the  above 
list. 

Name •  • 

Street  Address •: 

City State 


JVIanbood  and  [Marriage 

•  By  BERNARR  MACFADDEN 


"MANHOOD  AND  MARRIAGE"  provides  a 
vast  amount  of  plain  and  helpful  instructions  and 
numerous  striking  and  graphic  illustrations  on 
the  exercises,  the  foods,  bathing  and  other  meas- 
ures that  tend  toward  attaining  and  regaining 
manly  powers.  It  presents  full  information 
on  proper  conduct  in  married  life — the  regulating 
of  marital  relations — the  proper  attitude  toward 
the  unborn  child — how  many  children  and  kin- 
dred topics. 

"MANHOOD  AND  MARRIAGE"  sets  forth 
fully  the  source,  the  possibilities  and  the  pur- 
pose of  manly  power.  The  dangers  that  menace 
the  young  man  through  ignorance  of  conse- 
quences— the  precautions  essential  to  avoid  in- 
fection and  loss  of  manhood — how  manhood's 
powers  are  destroyed  and  kindred  subjects  are 
discussed  in  detail  in  its  pages.  "MANHOOD 
AND  MARRIAGE"  fully  decides  such  questions 
as  Am  I  Fit  to  Marry?  At  What  Age  Should 
I  Marry?  How  Shall  I  Select  a  Wife?  Love 
Making  and  Its  Possible  Consequences,  and 
other  problems. 

"MANHOOD  AND  MARRIAGE"  is  a  book,  not 
merely  made  up  of  hackneyed  advice.  The  well- 
established,  important  and  fundamental  truths 
of  sexuality  are  not  ignored  in  this  work,  bat 
they  are  treated  in  a  unique,  practical  and  help- 
ful manner. 

Bound  in  cloth.  Illustrated.  Price,  postpaid, 
$3.90.  It  will  be  sent  prepaid  in  combination 
with  a  yearly  subscription  to  PHYSICAL  CULTURE 
MAGAZINE  for $5-<* 


PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION 

Dept.  W.,  119  WEST  40rn  ST.       NEW  YORK  CITY 


JVIacf  adden's  Encyclopedia 
of  physical  Culture 


(  1  .00  The  Ho!der  of  This  Voucher  t  I    00 

1  is  Entitled  to  Credit    for       1* 

$1.00  in  the  purchasing  of 

MACFADDEN'S  ENCYCLOPEDIA  OF 
PHYSICAL  CULTURE 

EASY   PAYMENT  PLAN    ORDER   BLANK 


Date. 


PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION, 
119  W.  40th  St.,  New  York  City. 

I  enclose  $1.00  together  with  this  Voucher  for 
$1.00  as  first  payment  on  the  five  volumes  of 
"Macfadden's  Encyclopedia  of  Physical  Culture." 
I  agree  to  pay  $3.00  monthly  for  eleven  months. 
It  is  understood  that  I  am  thus  to  pay  $34.00 
for  the  new  edition  of  "Macfadden's  Encyclopedia 
of  ^Physical  Culture"  regularly  sold  for  $35.00. 
It  is  understood  that  the  price  of  the  Encyclopedia 
includes  a  year's  subscription  to  PHYSICAL 
CULTURE  MAGAZIN*. 

I_  have  always  been  faithful  in  paying  my 
obligations  and  I  give  you  my  pledge  that  you 
may  feel  safe  in  trusting  me  to  pay  as  agreed. 


Sign    here. 
Address 


I   have  lived   here   since 

If    less    than  two    years,    give    former    address 

Please  give  name  of  two  references. 

Name  Address                       Occupation 


PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION 
Dept.  W.,  119  WEST  40rii  ST.       NEW  YORK  CITY 


Only   one  voucher  honored  with   purchase  of 
one  set  of  Encyclopedia 


JMacf adden'e  encyclopedia 
of  physical  Culture 


$1 


The  Holder  of  This  Voucher  $f    QQ 
Is   Entitled  to  Credit    for 
$1.00  in  the  Purchasing  of 


SPECIAL  CASH  ORDER  BLANK 


Date. 


Physical  Culture  Corporation, 

119  West  40th  St.,  New  York  City. 
I  enclose  (Check,  Money  Order  or  Postal 
Order)  for  $30.59.  Please  send  prepaid, 
five  volumes  of  Macfadden's  Encyclopedia 
of  Physical  Culture  (regularly  sold  for 
cash  for  $31.50).  In  addition  to  Macfad- 
den's Encyclopedia  of  Physical  Culture,  I 
am  to  receive  PHYSICAL  CULTURE  MAGAZINE 
for  one  year  from  date. 


Name   . , 
Address 


PHYSICAL  CULTURE  CORPORATION 
Dept.  W.,  119  WEST  40TH  ST.       NEW  YORK  CITY 

Only  one  voucher  honored  •with  purchase  of 
one  set  of  Encyclopedia 


